IS:3 My version of season three
by Jena Rink
Summary: My version of Season Three!FINALLY finished! A sequel is in the works! Tell me what you think!Jena :D
1. Lose Yourself 1 of 2

Don't you know you were all dying for a fanfic based off off that little snippet of video we got the other day. Well inspiration took over today and I wrote 25 pages about it. I don't know why...seeing as my other stories REALLY need to be updated. But regardless. Tell me what you think.  
I don't own Instant Star...it belongs to CTV, The-N, and Epitome...yep...  
**Lose Yourself- 3.01  
**Part One of Two-  
By Jena Rink

_They say every day has its ups and downs. But what if your days are more down than up?  
What exactly do you do when everything around you falls apart? How do you cope? Different  
artists have coped in many different ways. Van Gough cut his freakin' ear off, for crying out  
loud. So what's my defense? All those things I shouldn't be doing. I'm just sitting here, waiting  
for the world to change around me so I can fit back in it again. Because honestly, right now, I  
don't know my place at all. There's so much anger inside of me right now that I think I might  
burst. I'm on the edge of the world, waiting for it to fall. So I can finally fall with it.A facade of  
eutopia can be created to hide a life of utter chaos. Take my life for instance. I'm falling apart to  
half time...as music is the cause._

"And the finalists for this weeks Instant Star competition are Marcy Scott, Karma, Leslie  
Cummings, and Rory Lake...Karma being the favorite on the online polls...The two  
past Instant Stars, Jude Harrison and Mason Fox, are set to crown the newest Instant Star in four  
days time...following their arrival home from their separate tours in the US and Canada...insiders  
wonder if who will produce said star...Tommy Quincy, who disappeared off everyone's radar five months ago, or the up and coming Kwest, a favorite prodige of Darius Mills /R ...we'll keep you  
updated here on CTV, I'm Kiana Mikeals, and..."

My hand slapped over, hitting the alarm clock, and I rolled over, staring at the time, my  
eyes narrowed. I pulled my blonde hair back in a messy bun, and sat up, staring around the mess of  
a tour bus. I'd been up all night on the phone with Speid and Mason, and coughed harshly, annoyed  
at the air conditioning that constantly permeated the bus.

"Sadie"I said groggily, still wiping morning from my eyes, and Sadie poked her head in the  
door.

"You have two hours till we're back...all of you are getting back around the same  
time..." Sadie told me, on her cell phone. Probably with Kwest. Gag me.

"Of course that was Jude stupid...no I haven't..."she said, closing the door, and I leant back  
into the pillows, staring at the ceiling and counting the ceiling tiles. It was something I did often  
while I was thinking. Especially about Tommy. Was it wrong to wish he'd be there today? Waiting for me just like last year when I got off that tour bus?

But things were so different from last year that it made that nearly impossible.Four months  
was a hell of a long tour. I was exhausted. And of course Darius had me jumping right back into the  
bandwagon.

I finally mustered the courage to get up and make myself a cup of coffee, ignoring Sadie and  
Kwest's baby talk over the phone and making my way to the shower, wanting to look at least  
halfway presentable when I arrived in Toronto.

Darius had given me a matter of three weeks off before he'd thrown me into this gigantic tour, along Shay Shay, and I'd done my best to avoid him the entire time.

"Jude, you awake?", I rolled my eyes, and paused outside his door.

"Why do you care?" I said in a sing-song voice, poking my head in Shay's room, meeting his eyes.

"Shorty, why you gotta be so hostile?" he asked, and I rolled my eyes again.

"I could seriously justify dumping my coffee on you right now..I'm taking a shower..."I  
announced, closing myself in the small stall and dropping my towell, letting the warm water wash  
over me, sighing softly and singing my new song under my breath. It had felt great to finally write  
something new for a change.

Speid and the boys had split with me two months in to go on their own tour, and I had been  
using Shay's backup band since then, actually missing the number of pranks that had been pulled  
previous to their departure.

"Jude are you ready? Darius wants to talk to you..."Sadie called an hour later, as I primped  
her appearance in the mirror, pulling my now even longer blonde waves back, securing it with a  
headband, and applying lipgloss.

"Yeah..."I called unenthusiastically, and walked out, grabbing the phone from Sadie.

"Hey, D..."I said tiredly.

"How are you doing? Get enough sleep last night?" he asked me, and I sighed.

"I tried too...I don't have bags under my eyes or anything if that's what you mean..." I stated, stifling a yawn.

"I'll believe that when I see it..."he commented, and I laughed softly.

"How's the album going?"I asked, and he made a noise of approval.

"Number three..."he said simply, and a smile lit up my face.

"That's awesome Darius...after five months I would have thought..."he cut me off.

"That's why I want you back in the studio as soon as you get back...have you written..."I  
cut him off this time, chewing on my fingernail.

"I wrote something on the phone with Mason and Speid last night..." I said, and he smiled,  
tapping a pencil on the desk.

"What's it called?"he asked me, and I shrugged.

"Skips..."

"Great...you'll perform it with them during the Finals...have you been keeping up?"he asked  
me seriously, and I nodded, staring at the papers and magazines I'd purchased over the last few  
weeks.

"Yeah...I should be fine...I'll see you in a few hours D?"I asked, and he nodded.

"In a few hours then..."he hung up, and I leant back into the couch, glancing up as Shay sat  
next to me.

"Morning..."he remarked, and I handed him my extra poptart, scanning the tabloids I had purchased at the last gas station while sipping at her coffee.

"Alright you too...there's going to be a press conference so you have to play nice..." Sadie  
said, and I groaned

"Why did D fail to mention that little detail?" I asked Sadie, and she shrugged.

"But you'll have about an hour before that when you get back...enough to go into makeup  
and get changed..."Sadie informed us, and we glanced at each other, rolling our eyes.We both had an extreme dislike for people doing our hair, makeup, and informing us on what to wear. And just our luck, we got to be dressed up like dolls first.

"Can't I just wear what I'm already wearing?" I pleaded with Portia, and she shook her  
head.

"It's Yves St. Laurent or Betsy Johnson and Lacoste, Jude..end of it..." she said, holding up the outfits, and I sighed, running a hand through my hair.

"I like my jacket..."I groaned, and she smiled at me wryly.

"Look...wear this...and I'll talk to Darius about letting you to go Fashion week with me and picking your own clothes for a change..." my face lit up.

"Oh okay...you win...Betsy Johnson it is..."I said resoundingly, taking it from her and  
disappearing behind a screen, coming out and modeling it for her.

"Did you go down a size?" she asked me, concerned, and I shrugged.

"Tour food...I didn't eat much besides pop tarts and coffee..."I told her, and she nodded. I  
could tell she was still concerned, but she didn't remark on it for the rest of the two hours we spent in  
her office, prepping me for the Press Conference.

"There...see...perfect..."she told me, and I nodded appreciatively, glancing at my reflection  
on the mirror.

I was in a dark grey polo and Juicy Couture Jeans by the time we were done, wearing  
rainbow flip flops and earrings, my hair pulled back, strands of it dangling in my face. My eyes were lined in black and silver, as usual, and I nodded, glancing at her.

"Is everyone else here yet?" I asked her, and she nodded.

"Can I..."she nodded again, her eyes on me as I left the room, spotting Mason and Speid  
across the room, sitting with Jamie and talking about something.

I snuck up behind Jamie, my hands over his eyes, and laughed softly.

"Guess who?"I questioned.

"I don't know...do you have blonde hair, do you not wear glasses? Are you male or female?"  
Jamie joked, jumping up and turning around to hug me tightly.

"I missed you..." I confessed, folded in his arms, and he laughed.

"We've been best friends since we were little I would hope so, Harrison..."

"Don't get too cocky, Andrews..."I shot back, grinning up at him, and turned to face Mason, my eyes lighting up.

"God it's so good to see you..."I threw myself into his arms, squeezing him tightly, and he  
laughed.

"It's good to see you too, gorgeous..." he remarked, and kissed the top of my head.

"Not glad to see me, Dude?"

"It's Jude...and didn't anyone ever tell you that I always save the best for last?" I asked  
Speid, and hugged him against me, breathing him in. He'd been my rock those first few weeks on  
tour, when I wasn't talking to Shay and was still torn up about Tommy.

"I thought so.."he remarked, and pulled away, glancing down at me.

"You lost weight..." he noticed, a little concerned, and I brushed it off, avoiding his eyes.

"It's nothing...too many poptarts not enough real food..."I explained, cracking a smile.

"Well let's go eat then..." he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me away from the group.

"We have the press conference, Speid.."I reminded him, liking the way his hand felt next to  
mine. We hadn't held hands in a while.

"My two favorite rockstars..." Darius commented, and I squeaked, throwing myself at him  
and hugging him tightly.

"D it's so good to see you!" I told him, pulling away.

"Excuse me if I don't have the same response, but it's good to be back dude..." Speid told  
Darius, who laughed softly.

There's food in the kitchen..go stuff yourselves...we'll have a little meeting before the  
conference..." he told us, and we nodded, skipping off to stuff our faces.

"Oh Pizza..."I groaned, and froze when the five people in the room glanced up at me and  
Speid who were holding hands, our faces giddy.

"Kwest!"I said loudly, pulling him into a tight hug, my head on his shoulder. I really was  
glad to be home, more so than anything.

"Jude, girl it's so good to see you again..." he said, and pushed me back a little,"Let me look  
at you..." he noticed the skinniness too, and I smiled at him, glancing at Speid.

"Okay...let me see if I've got this right...Marcy...Lesilie...Rory...and Karma..."I pointed to  
them, and they nodded, all smiling. All but the last one. I sighed, and grinned.

"I'm Jude..and this is Speid...he doesn't like his first name...I said, pushing him forwards  
and letting him introduce himself to the girls, and attacking the pizza.

"That's so unfair Jude!" Speid commented, and grinned sheepishly, picking me up and  
tickling me mercilessly.

"Oh My God! Vincent!" I squealed. He set me down when we saw Liam in the doorway.

"If you don't mind I'm on a conference call..."he said, and we stifled a laugh, watching him  
walk back to his office, our hands over our mouths.

It's funny how a few things can change in just a few days

It was early, and for the forth night in a row, I'd been in the studio, practically pulling my  
hair out as I tried to search for some sort of inspiration. To Darius, 4 months was sufficient time to  
tour, sleep, finish my junior year, and find enough inspiration to start a third album. I just had it in  
my head that he was doing the album to get three records out in three years. My contract expires in 7  
short months. And then I'm free to do what I wanted. Free, in as much as I was thinking, to get the  
hell out of Toronto.

"Jude?" my head snapped up to face Speiderman, who was in the doorway, leaning against it  
casually, his eyes boring holes into mine. I shivered, and glanced down at the empty paper in front of  
me. It seemed that my music would go to my grave with me. The only thing I'd managed to write in  
three months was with the help of Speid and Mason.

"Hi..."I said simply, her voice cracking.He closed the door and locked it.It was early for a  
Friday morning, and Sadie and Kwest were the only other two people in the building. Probably  
making out. Yes. My Sister and my producer. I wanted to tell her, you've already played ths card!  
But she's so freakin' happy that I can't bring myself to do it.

"You were here all night again, weren't you?" he asked me simply, sitting down, and I  
glanced at the door.

"I can't write anything..."I said softly, my voice breaking, and he ran his fingers through my  
hair, hugging me tightly.

"I know it's in you somewhere, okay?" he told me softly, and I glanced up at him.

"You think so? Because I'm doubting everything in my life right now...musically or otherwise..." I responded softly, glancing at my phone when it rang the familiar ten digit number  
with a country code. It was probably mom, calling to complain again, to beg for my forgiveness. I  
picked it up, intending to give whoever the hell it was an extreme talking to, but the voice stopped  
me in my tracks.

"Stop calling me...it's late, I'm tired, and I don't have time to deal with-" every single bit of  
voice I had in me came to a screeching halt when the person on the other line responded.

"I thought you'd be awake..."his voice was tense, and my face turned white. Speid noticed,  
and I grabbed his hand tightly.

"Why are you calling me?"I asked simply, determined to be curt.

"Are you okay?" he asked back, and I snorted, trying to hide the laughter back.

"I'm hanging up now..."I remarked, and slapped Speid's hand away as he reached for the  
phone. This was something I had to do on my own.

"Jude..." he said simply, and I cracked a little.

"You think you can just say my name after all these months and I'll come crawling to you  
with all my problems? I hate to break it to you, but I've found other outlets, you undependable  
asshole..." I said through clenched teeth, glad we were in the studio so no one could hear me.

"I just...I miss..." I cut him off, too annoyed to deal with his stuttering.

"I'm not okay...are you happy?" I said angrily.

"No, I'm not..."he said, defeated.

"Well how sad for you..."I spat sarcastically, "If only you wouldn't have been the  
cause...goodbye Quincy..."I hung up, and turned off my phone, my bottom lip quivering.

"Hey..."Speid said, folding me into his arms, massaging my shoulders gently.

"I'm okay...I...we should work on the song..."I motioned to the only lyrics I had penned, and  
he nodded.

"I'll go get Mason..." he offered, and I watched him leave, my hand instantly turning on my  
cell the second Speid left the room.

A text message popped up, and I read it, my eyes narrowing.

You can't avoid me forever...I read silently, sinking back into the couch as they entered  
the room. I had to get this off my mind. We had work to do.

"You guys, let's go out tonight,"I said to them, and they nodded, knowing it was what I  
needed.

"We can't get too crazy...we have to perform tomorrow night..." Speid reminded me, and I  
nodded.

Time to escape, if only for a night, was all that I needed. Because nothing would prepare me for this:

I was standing, my eyes fixated on him, when he walked into the backstage area. He was  
smiling at me, and I smiled weakly back, until I saw the little girl that was clutching onto his leg run  
away from him and into Portia's arms. I felt my heart fall into my stomach, and had a momentary  
lapse in perception. When I blinked again, it was still going on. And Tommy was still staring at me  
as if nothing had happened.

So? Please Please Please Please tell me what you think!

And next time:

"_I can't believe you..."I pushed past him before I did anything I would regret, and __stormed into my dressing room, taking out my aggression on the fruit baskets and various flowers set on the vanity instead, breaking down in tears halfway through and trying not to hyperventilate. _

_All this time I'd been praying he'd come back into my life again, and now I didn't even __know why I'd wanted him here in the first place. I didn't even hear Jamie come in the door._

_"Jesus..."he said, glancing around him. _

_"I can't go out there and face him..I can't do it..."I was freaking out. Looking back, it's probably a good thing I finally had a nervous breakdown. God knows I needed one, in whatever form available. He sat next to me on the edge of the vanity, and tried to calm me down._

_"Ah...the rage strikes up and destruction takes over..." he noticed, and I bit my lip, trying to __keep from screaming, and finally faced him, my voice quivering. _

_"What the hell did you expect me to do?" I asked him finally,"I believed in him again and he...he..."_

_"And that's the way it always is! Jude, every time Tommy does something remotely stupid you scream, and you cry, and you pout..." he started, and I cut him off, rolling my eyes._

_"I'm sorry I got so close to Tommy, okay? I'm so sorry I'm a freakin' sucker!"_

_"No you always act like a victim!"he paused, "Jude...I love you...but you really need to grow up..."I stared at him incredulously. We glanced up at the interruption._

Reviews are my LIFE!

So PLEASE with a cherry on top tell me what you think?

Jena :)


	2. Lose Yourself 2 of 2

1Lose Yourself 301 Part Two of Two

Jena Rink

I couldn't resist. I love this story way too much to keep you guys waiting!

Tell me what you think tho, pwease!

Jena :)

"I missed you..." By this time, the initial joy of seeing Tommy again, after all these months, had faded, and confusion was left in it's place. Who the hell was that little girl Portia was holding? It had to be there's. It just had to. And any hope I had, however dwindling lately, of being with Tommy vanished from me in an instant. I was angry. I was pissed, I wanted to hit him, yell at him for breaking my heart yet again. Because he didn't even look upset. He missed me? He fucking missed me?.

"My baby..."Portia said, cradling the kid in her arms, and my eyes widened. What the hell?They can't be serious. This is...totally unfathomable.

"You have a kid?"was all I could say, shock setting way to tears pricking me at the back of my eyes. He stared at me, almost annoyed, and that made me want to punch him even more. I was such an idiot for suggesting we go out last night. I had a killer hangover, and Tommy had just crushed my heart, for the third time in three years. I should have learned my lesson. But I guess I'm addicted by now. Addicted to misery.

"Jude, you don't know what you're talking about..."he started, as my eyes darted back and forth between Portia, who had known where Tommy was all along, hugging the little girl, staring at us every so often. I think I might vomit.

"I can't believe you..."I pushed past him before I did anything I would regret, and

stormed into my dressing room, taking out my aggression on the fruit baskets and various flowers set on the vanity instead, breaking down in tears halfway through and trying not to hyperventilate.

All this time I'd been praying he'd come back into my life again, and now I didn't even

know why I'd wanted him here in the first place. I didn't even hear Jamie come in the door.

"Jesus..."he said, glancing around him.

"I can't go out there and face him..I can't do it..."I was freaking out. Looking back, it's probably a good thing I finally had a nervous breakdown. God knows I needed one, in whatever form availible. He sat next to me on the edge of the vanity, and tried to calm me down.

"Ah...the rage strikes up and destruction takes over..." he noticed, and I bit my lip, trying to

keep from screaming, and finally faced him, my voice quivering.

"What the hell did you expect me to do?" I asked him finally,"I believed in him again and he...he..."

"And that's the way it always is! Jude, everytime Tommy does something remotely stupid you scream, and you cry, and you pout..." he started, and I cut him off, rolling my eyes.

"I'm sorry I got so close to Tommy, okay? I'm so sorry I'm a freakin' sucker!" I said and Jamie cut me off.

"No you always act like a victim!"he paused, "Jude...I love you...but you really need to grow up..."I stared at him incredulously. We glanced up at the interruption.

"Can I talk to you?" Tommy asked me. He looked extremely uncomfortable.

"I think you lost that privilege a long ways back, Quincy...get out..."Jamie told him, and I glanced at the curtains, not wanting to see his face.

"I...I need to get ready..the meet and greet..."I said softly, my voice shaking, and wiped at my nose, which was running. Paulo was going to kill me. Two hours on makeup for Tommy Quincy to ruin it in about a minute and a half.

"I need to explain..."he persisted, and before I could open my mouth again Jamie cut in.

"Maybe you should have done that 4 months ago, Tommy..."Jamie said, and Tommy

glanced over at him in outrage.

"I need to talk to Jude alone..."

"Well I don't think that's such a good idea!" Jamie said, and I threw my hands up.

"Jamie, I'm a big girl, okay? I can handle it..."he glanced around the dressing room, and

started laughing. I stared at him in confusion.

"You're a wreck, and it's his fault...just see how talking to him will make it better..."Jamie said sarcastically, and left us alone, the door closing with a slam.

"Are you okay?" He asked me, worried, and I seriously considered picking up the last non-shattered vase on the vanity and chucking it at his head.

"Am I okay?"I asked him, laughing so hard I was about to fall over. Then the nausea from the night before hit me, and I put a hand up, running to the bathroom to empty the contents of my stomach for the third time that day.

"Are you sick?" he asked, worried, and I chugged some mouthwash, swirling it around my mouth before spitting it back in the sink, disgusted with myself. When had things gotten so bad?

"Jude?" Speid asked, poking his head in the door, and we both glanced up. Tommy had his hand on my forehead, and Speid laughed.

"Guess you and Jack Daniel's didn't agree last night Harrison?" Tommy got an angry look on his face, which was probably mirroring mine as I glared daggers at Speid.

"Vincent...Mr. Quincy and I are having a private conversation..."I said, my teeth clenched, and pushed him out the door, turning back to face him.

"You're getting drunk again..."he noticed, and I shrugged, taking a sip of the "water" on my night stand and wincing to myself, before grabbing my dress of a hanger. The truth is, I'd been doing a lot of stupid things lately. Drinking topped the list, seeing as I went out at least three days a week to forget my current troubles. The lack of inspiration since Tommy left, and now Tommy coming back.

"Does it really matter to you?" I asked him seriously, wincing as he grabbed my shoulders.

"You're as thin as a rail..."he said harshly,"Don't you see what you're doing to yourself?"

"You mean what you did to me?" I asked him back, just as harshly, trying to escape his

grasp.

"You were all I thought about..."he said quietly.

"Yeah...sure...like I'd really believe..."my eyes were closed, trying to not look at him.

I opened them to stare at him, my eyes wideneing as he moved closer and closer, until I

could feel the breath from his lips. When he kissed me, I leant into it, startled when I ended up

against a wall, standing in between his legs, his arms running up and down my sides as we kissed

like we hadn't seen eachother in years. This was so wrong. This was so mind numbingly wrong. Why couldn't I stay away from him? Jamie was right! I couldn't be the victim this time.

"Jude...you've got five minutes till the meet and greet..." Liam called through the door, and I broke apart from him, gasping for breath.

"Got it!" I called through the door, and looked at Tommy through panicked eyes. He was

out of breath as well.

"What was that?"I started, and he shook his head, taking a step towards me.

"Jude...just shut up..."he said unsteadily, and locked the door behind us, my eyes wide.

Before I could stop him he was kissing me again.

About a minute later he pulled away, catching the tear that was falling from my cheek with his thumb.

"I'll see you at the after party, okay?" he asked me, and I nodded slowly, letting go of his hand reluctantly. I threw the dress on, checking my appearance in the mirror and checking my

smeared lipstick as he headed towards the door.

"You might want to get out of here before Darius realises you made short work of the

dressing room..."he added, and I nodded, watching him go, my hand running across my lips softly.

"Hey, sis, you...Tommy?" I heard a slap, and winced, watching Sadie storm into the room.

"Jude what was he doing in here?" she asked me, and I shrugged as Speid re-entered,

grabbing my hand.

"You ready? Karma and Mason are waiting..."he made a face, and I laughed softly.

Twenty minutes ago, Mason and I had crowned Karma the next Instant Star. It was a record really. I already disliked her. And it had been less than an hour. I remember when I was about to perform, and she came up to me, her hands on her hips.

"Tommy Quincy's in the audience..."she said simply, and I frowned.

"Thanks for sharing Karma...if you're hoping to get with him I doubt...wait...what?" I said this all in a rush, and Mason grabbed my shoulder. At least we weren't wearing space suits this year.

Man, that was embarrassing. Okay I'm getting off the point.

"You two aren't together or anything, right? Because you're like...a kid..and he's almost

twenty four years old..."she made a face, and I shook my head. Glancing at Mason like a deer

caught in headlights. Jesus. Tommy was here? When in the world did that happen?

"She turns eighteen in a month, Karma..."Mason said, and Karma stuck her nose in the air, both of us watching her walk off with disdain.

"I swear if one of us ends up having to do a duet with her..."Mason said tiredly, and I

laughed softly, momentarily distracted by seeing Tommy on the other side of the curtains, looking for me.

"Oh my God hide me..."I said to Mason, and he pulled me behind him, Speid laughing softly as he spotted us.

"You're on a mission to avoid Quincy?" he asked me bluntly, and I nodded.

"You're going to have to talk to him eventually, you know..."Mason pointed out, and I shrugged, pouting.

"He looks good..."Mason commented, and I fought hard not to look over at him.

"And I'm a toothpick who drinks too much and couldn't write a new song if my life depended on it...yay!" I said under my breath, and Speid gave me a long hug.

"You guys ready for this?"Mason asked, and we both nodded.

"And here's the first Instant Star Jude Harrison on guitar and vocals, Vincent Speiderman of Speiderman Mind Explosion, and Mason Fox, with the premier of her new single, Skips..." the announcer, some cheasy Ryan Seacrest wannabe announced, and I glanced back at Mason and Speid as I walked further onto the stage, sitting down as Mason joined me next to the piano, Spied at my right.

"Sing it to him..."Spied said in my ear, and I nodded, smiling at the audience.

The farmilliar haunting chords Mason, Spied and I had come up with over the phone while we were all on separate tours came on, and I opened my mouth, poised to sing.

"I feel my heart doesn't fit cuz it beats to many times and it skips running races in my

head again..."I sang softly, scanning the crowd, seeing my dad, Yvette (was that her name?),

Sadie, Kwest, Liam, Darius, and many others, including Tommy, whose eyes were boring into mine.

"I feel my hands don't work touch your skin in the dark, I was put here to watch not

meant to get caught up in it...close to your skin..." I continued, strumming away as Mason played

the chords, my eyes drawn to him no matter what I tried to do.

"Up and down on this merry go round pick me up put me back in one piece but let me

feel..." I sang again, and Speid nudged me softly, our eyes locking. It was definitely effecting him. I smiled, and continued to sing, despite the pain this song had initially caused me when I came back from my break.

"So here I am landing myself again, ready to fake it all the way. But let me break him in,

let me break him in..." whispered into the mic, and Speid and I sang the chorus in harmony.

"Made a choice try to make myself invisible make sure I could fit in cuz I /R m sick of feeling miserable...hidden by some lies...sacrifice my friendly ties..." we sang together, "started from scratch won't attack if he walks my way...hear what he has to say..."I sang loudly, my eyes meeting his, and a small smile gracing his face as I continued to play the guitar, improvising along with oohs as my eyes met his.

"I'm sorry..."he mouthed, and I glanced over at Speid, trying my best to ignore him.

"I feel my heart doesn't fit, cuz it beats too many times and it skips running races in my

head again..." we sang again, and I strummed at the guitar harder, tears welling in my eyes.

"I feel my hands don't work touch your skin in the dark, I was put here to watch not

meant to get caught up in it...close to your skin..." we sang in unison, and I glanced at him again.

He looked heartbroken. Well you broke mine, didn't you Quincy.

"Up and down on this merry go round pick me up put me back in one piece but let me feel

it...cuz here I am landing myself again ready to fake it all the way...but let me break him in...let

me break him in..."I sang angrily, my eyes meeting his again.

"I made a choice try to make myself invisible, make sure I could fit in cuz I'm sick of

feeling miserable...hidden by some lies, sacrifice my family ties, started from scratch won't

attack if he walks my way...hear what he has to say..."I took a deep breath, strumming gently and

finished out the song solo.

"I feel my heart doesn't fit cuz it beats too many times, and it skips...running races in my

head again..." I breathed, and accepted the long applause, getting up with Mason and Speid to take our bow, walking off the stage and waiting for the next Instant Star to be crowned.

"That was awesome...we've never performed it that well.."Mason said enthusiastically,

pulling me into a hug, and Speid did the same.

"Dude...I mean Jude...what are you going to say to him?" Speid asked, in typical Speid

fashion, and I failed to notice him across the room.

"I don't know..."I whispered, as Mason and I were whisked off for another costume change. How many dresses can you wear in one night, honestly?

And ten minutes later, we were crowing Karma the newest Instant Star. Oh Goody.

She was waving, some sort of diva wanna be thing, and sang her song, something cheesy and poppy diddy that could honestly rival Eden. They were both fake, and I disliked them both

immensely.

Sadie gave me a long hug when I got offstage, obviously trying to distract me from

Tommy's presence. I pulled away, smiling at her.

"I know he's here..."I said lightly, as I saw him come past security.

"And you're going to? I cut her off, smiling at him slightly. He'd sent me flowers before,

apologizing for the phone conversation we'd had a week ago. No matter how angry he'd made me

we had to sort this out.

"Not attack if he walks my way..."I said, directly quoting the song.

And then the kid came into play.

Now Im standing at the appetizer table at the after party, clicking my heels and whispering

there's no place like home under my breath. The rehearsal space has actually been my home for the past few months, following the emancipation trial that left mom and me more estranged then we already were. I haven't spoken to her in months, the last conversation we had was concerning her losing the case, and I told her not to contact me. She's probably gallivanting around Europe

sometime around now.

"Can I...talk to you?" someone asked, and I turned my head, glancing at Tommy idly.

"Nope..."I said simply, downing my drink and making my way towards the dance floor.

"Jude...we can't go on like this forever.." he said from behind me.

"Watch me..." I said quietly, staring at him venomously,"You think I owe you anything?

Honestly?"

"No...I just..."

"Okay...just so we're clear..."I said, catching Patsy's eye and grabbing my purse.

"Where are you going?"

"Out..."I remarked simply, giving him a sardonic smile, and walking past Karma, who was watching the scene with interest.

"So what was that?" she asked me, and Pasty caught up to us.

"Pirana Barbie...don't you have somewhere else to be?" Patsy asked her, and I stifled a

laugh, watching her stomp off.

"She's infuriating..."I commented, taking the flask Patsy handed me and holding it to my

lips once we were in the bathroom, downing as much of it as possible, trying to forget everything that had been going on.

"Here's to Tom Quincy...the bane of my existence..."I said three hours later, laughing softly as we sat on the old couch in the rehearsal space, watching The True Hollywood story of Boyz Attack.

"Here's to Jamie Andrews..the bane of mine..."Patsy hiccupped, and shot Jamie an indignant look when he hit her on the shoulder, laughing hysterically.

"You know you love me..."he said back, raising an eyebrow, and I giggled, making a

difference face when they started kissing.

"Gross guys..." I remarked, getting up, I'm just going to give you your alone time..." I

backed towards the door, and walked down a floor to the Chrome Cat, sitting at the piano, searching my mind for ideas.

Ideas that forty five minutes later still wouldn't come. I frowned, and sat up, humming a

tune in my head, my eyes locking with Speid's, who was at the door.

"You shouldn't let him get you like this..."

"Okay, Jamie Anderson clone...anything else you'd like to add?" I asked him, laying back

down on the pillows.

"Your dad called..."he held out the phone, and I shrugged.

"He lost touch first, you know?" I asked him, and Speid nodded, letting me lean against him.

"What would I ever do without you?" I asked hm suddenly, leaning over to face him.

"Not constantly jibe someone that your name isn't Dude...not have a kick ass guitarist...lose even more horribly at flag football?" Speid said, cracking a grin, and I laughed softly, leaning my head against his chest.

"I'm serious..."I said, and he sighed, turning to face me.

"Because I don't know...you've been my rock these last couple months...and I find myself

wondering what life would be like right now if we hadn't of decided on the whole Bart and Lisa

Simpson approach..."I said softly, and he glanced away from me.

"Jude you love Tommy..."he said finally.

"Tommy ruined my life...he hurt me and broke my heart...you've never done any of that

which makes you, in a nutshell, ten times better than he'll ever be..."I commented idly, running my fingers up and down his arm.

"So you want to try this again?" he asked finally, and I shrugged.

"Yeah...I guess that's what I'm..." he leant in and kissed me softly, and I leant into it, feeling safe for the first time in months.

"Thank you.."I breathed, leaning closer and kissing him again, letting him lay on top of me, his arms at my sides.

"Hey Jude are you in-Oh my God...I'll just come back later...sorry dudes..."Kyle said, his

eyes wide, and closed the door. Both of us burst out laughing.

"Now, where were we?" he asked me softly, his eyes searching mine, and I kissed him again, forcing all thoughts of Tommy Quincy from my mind. At least until the morning came.

Okay, and next time...

_Oh, so you're upset I haven't talked to you in twenty four hours? Try five months, you jackass..._

_She asked me if there was anything going on between us._

_Is there?_

_Oh my God I am such an idiot..._

_Have you ever heard the expression, being in someone else's shoes? So what if it happens? What if you now understand what it's like but can't do anything about it?_

"_Stuck in a corner, no way to escape, watching my choices wondering if they're mistakes...I know that you can see can tell there's so much beneath the surface...a murky lake that you just can swim...Our eyes will lock and I will find those answers I've been searching...Seeing the otherside I just can't face...did I make the right choice or was this a mistake?"_

_You never needed me..._

_Something died when I drove away from you..._

_There is no US!_

_I hate you._

And you guys probably hate ME for teasin' y'all like this...but...review it, and I'll post more wink

Love you all,

Jena


	3. Like a Virgin 1 of 5

Okay, okay, you win...  
here's the next part-  
or a small portion.  
Not very much. It's EARLY.  
gotta cough it up to those codeine(sp) cough medicine all nighters.  
freaking pnenmonia...

anyways  
Judes writing is in bold italics  
Quincy's is just italics.  
Tell me what you think, eh?

I just stayed up really late watching So Weird on You Tube. Gotta love it.  
haha

Season 3, Episode 2, part one of five-  
Like a Virgin-  
Jena Rink  
Yep-hope you enjoy.  
I do not own.

_You know when you were little and you ate all the cookies out the cookie jar, and knew your parents were going to find out but still said nothing. Yeah. That's what this feels like. Like it's going to bite me in the ass when everyone finds out. And worst even, what the hell do you do when your feelings wont leave you alone? And when they're conflicting?_

"Guys? Okay...ew...you guys we're going to be late..."Jamie said from behind the door, clearly scarred, and I rolled my eyes, rebuttoning the shirt I'd worn the night before, handing Speid his clothes, and pulling him up to face me. He was the epitome of bed head.

"Get ready..."I told him, laughing softly, and he chased me down the hallway, both of us laughing.

"Ugh...Speid you gave me a freakin' hickey..."I told him under my breath as we walked into Gmajor, taking a seat at the conference table along every one else, grabbing the coffee Shay handed me and leaning back in my chair

"Good morning, everyone..."Liam said tersley, and I tried to tune him out.

"With so many people recording their albums...we'll have SME help Jude with her Junior  
album first, and then do their solo album...which they've just signed the contract for..." Darius said, and I nodded tiredly.

"Jude will obviously work with Tommy, as well as Karma and Mason..." I nodded again,  
noticing the looks Karma was giving Tommy. Jesus, could she be anymore obvious? I took another sip of my coffee, and noticed the note in front of me, right about the time Speid grabbed my hand from under the table.

I reached for it with my other hand, scanning the contents, my eyes meeting Tommy's, who looked like he hadn't done a thing. What are we, in forth grade?

_Can we talk?_ I stared at him incredulously.

**_Seriously Tommy? Is this the only way you'll talk to me?_**

He read the note, and scribbled a response, his eyes on Darius.

_ It's the only way you'll talk to me...Jude...You made that perfectly clear last night_

I rolled my eyes, and wrote a response, passing it back to him.

**_ Oh, you're upset I haven't talked to you in twenty four hours? Try five months, you  
jackass..._**

He smirked, and wrote back.

_ How can I make you forgive me, honestly Jude?_

I smiled to myself

**_ Don't screw up for at least six months...it'll be a record. _**

He took a sip of his drink, and raised his hand.

"Yes, Tommy?"Darius asked, and I glanced at Tommy, interested.

"I don't think I can handle Mason, Jude ,and Karma, maybe Kwest can fit Karma into his schedule?" Tommy asked, and I choked on my coffee.

"Well you're right...it seems about time that we gave Kwest a chance to have his own artist from the get go...we'll give it a try T..."Darius said, and I raised my eyebrows.

_I know you don't like her_

I glanced down at the table, my cheeks turning red.

**_ She asked me if there was anything going on between us_**

He frowned.

_ Is there?_

I stared at the paper for a full five minutes, and finally wrote a response.


	4. Like a Virgin 2 of 5

Season Three, Episode Two, part Two of Five-  
Like a virgin  
Jena Rink

I made out with Speid last night...and we're dating.

He didn't write me back for the rest of the meeting.

When we got out, I glanced over at him. He was clenching his teeth, and stormed into Studio One, slamming the door behind him. I flinched.

"What's up, dude?" Speid asked, concerned, and I pointed to Tommy.

"I told him..."I told Speid, watching Tommy nervously.

"That was really good timing..."he commented sarcastically, grabbing my hand and pulling me into Studio One.

"Hey..."we said, uncomfortably, and he barely looked up.

"Get in there..."he said resingingly, and I nodded, glancing over at Speid, joining Mason,  
who was already in the booth.

And four hours later, we had a rough cut of the song.

"That was great you guys..."Tommy said, turning off the recording equipment, and spinning around to face the door. "I'll see you tomorrow...9 o clock..."he told me simply, walking out of the recording studio, and picking up the little girl, who was giggling, running into his arms.

"Addie.."he said softly, cradling her to him.

"Hi Uncle Tommy..."she said sweetly, and he spun her around.

Uncle? Tommy? Oh God.

"Oh my God I am such an idiot..."I breathed, and Speid came up behind me.

"Anything wrong dude?" he asked, and I shook my head, letting him kiss me on the cheek.

I guess Tommy knew what it was like to have a broken heart now. But mine wasn't feeling any better. He caught my eye, and I turned away from him, grabbing Speid's hand.

"Wanna go out tonight?" Speid asked me, and I nodded.

"Okay..."I breathed, following him out the door and flashing a smile to Sadie, who grinned back.

"Good morning sunshine..."Speid remarked, handing me a cup of coffee, and I kissed him  
lightly, bending back over the journal Tommy had given me, scribbling lyrics.

"You /R re quite the Energizer Bunny over there..."Mason noticed, taking a seat next to me, and I shrugged, biting my lip before nodding and jotting down another verse.

"Jude, you ready to try this?" Tommy asked, and I glanced up at him, our eyes locking.

"Yeah..."I whispered, and kissed Speid on the cheek, following him into the recording booth,   
glancing up at him when we sat on the couch.

"What do you have for me?" he asked me, and I held out the journal, his eyes scanning over the lyrics.

"Jude these are great..."he said softly, and I blushed, glancing at my hands.

"Okay, so backbeat?" he questioned, and I strummed my guitar.

"Pick up the strings a little bit more..."he told me, and I nodded, leaning back and  
strumming faster.

"Like that?" I asked, and he grinned.

"Sing it..."he told me, and I nodded, closing my eyes.

"Stuck in a corner,No way to escape,Watching my choices,Wonderin' if they're  
mistakes..you can see" I glanced at him for approval, and he grinned.

"Looking in your eyes their truth makes me weak, I wish I could tell you I wish I could   
speak, how I feel" I continued.

"That's good..."he remarked.

"I know you see that you can tell there's so much beneath the surface...a lake so murky  
that you just can't swim.." I sang, and jotted something else down,"Our eyes will lock and I can  
find the answers I've been searching...you know that it's so true, you know you do..."

"Baby you hurt me, you know that you have, feeling your pain it's just like a stab, through my heart..."

"Seeing the other side I just can't face, did I make the right choice or was this a   
mistake...I can't know..."

"I hope you see that you can tell there's so much beneath the surface...a lake so murky  
that you just can't swim..."I sang again,"Our eyes will lock and I can find the answers I've been   
searching...you know that's so true, you know you do..."

"And then what?" he asked me, and I glanced at the door before continuing.

"Don't know if I know...how far I'll let this go...a mistake that I can't undo...I know that I  
am hurting you too..." I said softly, turning to face him.

"Jude..."he started, and I shook my head.

"I don't know if I can record this song with you..."I said honestly, and he grabbed my hands.

"You never needed me..."he told me quietly, and I shook my head.

"I did...and..." "You guys making a hit in there?" Darius asked, and we jumped apart, turning to face him, fake smiles on our faces. "Yeah. D...it should be ready soon..." Tommy said, and he nodded, closing the door.

I sighed, and turned to face him.

"What's the end?" he asked quietly, and I took a deep breath, continuing to sing.

"And do they know you regret your decision?"

"This is great, Jude..."Darius remarked.

"The first new track for my third album?" I asked him, and he nodded, grinning widely.

"Both of you take the rest of the day off...go have some fun..."he told us , and we glanced at each other, weirded out but a little excited.

"Hey, where are you headed?" Speid asked, and I bent over, giving him a small kiss.

"Out for the day...I have a day off..."I said, grinning, and Tommy glanced at Speid.

"Don't worry, I'll have her back by five..."he told him, and I looked at Speid hopefully,  
guessing he was a little annoyed.

"So our first song done..."I told him, as we sat on a bench at the park, glancing away from  
each other nervously.

"Why can't we talk anymore?" I finally asked him, and he shrugged.

"Something died when I drove away from you..."he admitted softly, and I leant against him, grabbing his hand in mine loosely.

"Sometimes I wish..."

"That things were how they used to be?" he asked, and I leant back, staring at the sky, my   
head in his lap.

"Yeah..."I breathed, reaching up to trace his face lightly, our eyes locked on each others.

"Did I ever tell you how much I missed you?" I asked him quietly, and he shook his head,  
gazing down at me with those eyes that I'd found myself drowning in so many times in the past.

"Did I ever tell you how much I missed you?" he responded, squeezing my hand gently.

"N-no..."I breathed, and he ran his thumb across my cheek.

"I only wrote one song..."I confessed quietly, wondering why I was opening up to him  
finally.

"Jude..."he murmured, and I shook my head.

"It's okay..."I assured him.

"It was my Sister and Brother in law...they...got in an accident..."Tommy said, and I frowned.

"So Addie?" I questioned, and he sighed.

"I have temporary custody of her...Portia just knew her from the short time we were  
married..."he said, his thumb running across my hand gently.

"I'm sorry..."I whispered.

"Jude it's okay..."he started, and I cut him off. What the hell was I doing.

"No that's not it..."I said softly, and he frowned quizzically.

"Then what?"

"I'm sorry I didn't choose you..."I said softly, and sat up, brushing off my clothes, refusing to look at him.

"Jude..."

"It never would have worked...that's what I kept on telling myself...that I'm just a kid...that you're 24 years old...that you've hurt me so many times...but yet I still love you?" I said softly, so that only he could hear me.

"Jude...you..."he said, staring at his hands, his eyes wide.

"And you'll never love me back..."I added to myself, getting up and leaving him on the  
bench, walking off quickly. He didn't follow me.


	5. Like a Virgin 3 of 5

Lose Yourself next Part-  
Jena Rink  
Like a Virgin 3/5  
yep.  
Read and review.  
Let me know.

Why in the world that when things just started to go right things would go wrong again? I  
kept walking, ignoring the tears streaming down my face, and walked straight into Sadie's  
apartment without knocking, ignoring her on the phone with Kwest, and flung myself on the couch, staring forlornly out of her window onto the street below. He was probably still sitting on the bench. My phone rang, and I glanced at it. Speid. I ignored the call, staring in front of me.

"Jude...are you okay?" Sadie asked, rolling me over softly, and hugging me tightly.

"Hey..." she whispered, rubbing my back as I cried,"What's wrong?"

"I hate putting my heart out there only to have it stomped on, Sades..."I whispered, and she stared at me sympathetically, handing me a chocolate cupcake.

"I baked them..."she offered and I sniffled.

"You suck at baking.."I responded, and she laughed softly.

"You're right...don't eat it..."she told me, sitting next to me on her couch, both of us  
glancing up when the door opened. It was Kwest, and he glanced at me.

"He wanted to make sure you got home okay..."Kwest offered, and I nodded, swallowing   
thickly.

How hard was work going to be tomorrow?

"Good morning.."I said morosely, pulling my hair back and sliding onto the couch next to   
Mason, resting my head on his shoulder.

"Good morning?" he questioned, staring down at me, and I glanced up at him, avoiding  
Tommy's eyes when he walked in the door.

"You excited about school tomorrow?" he asked, and I shrugged, playing with the hem of  
my sleeve.

"What the hell is the matter with you, Jude?"he asked, and I met his eyes.

"N-Nothing..."I whispered shakily, and hugged him tightly.

"Jude?"Tommy asked, and I turned to face him, my eyes questioning.  
"You ready?"he asked, and I nodded again, getting up and following him into the studio.

"Hey...about...yesterday..."I said softly, and he glanced over at me.

"I asked Kwest if he wanted to be your producer...I don't think I can..."I cut him off.

"Why?" I asked him softly.

"I can't do this..."he motioned around him,"Not with you..."

"Tommy..."I begged, grabbing his arm,"Please don't leave me again..."

"I have to..."he said, and I shook my head.

"No...you can't do this to me Tommy..."I said, shaking my head,"You can't back out on  
us..."

"There is no us " he said harshly, grabbing my shoulders, and I pried myself away from him.

"I hate you..." I whispered, tears pooling in my eyes, and made my way towards the door.

I didn't hear what he said as I slammed the door shut.

"I love you back..."he said quietly, running a hand through his hair, and kicked the chair in front of him, yelling out.

I found Speid on the back steps, and he glanced at me in shock.

"Dude..." he said, enfolding me in his arms tightly, and let me cry, rubbing my back in   
circles.

"Kiss me..."I told him softly, pulling away to stare at him.

"What's with you?" he asked me softly, running a hand over my cheek.

"N-Nothing..."I breathed, and kissed him harshly, pushing him against the wall.

"Not that I don't like this side of you or anything...but are you sure you're okay?"he asked  
me, slightly out of breath, and I nodded, my breath tickling his ear.

"I'm fine..."I lied, leaning back to kiss him again.

Sometimes the people you think you love are the best destraction.

No one questioned me switching to Kwest, as I'd done before, and no one knew that Tommy was actually the one to request it this time. 

"And that's a wrap, rockstar..."Kwest said, turning off the equiment as I yawned softly, amazed I was in the studio till one am on a Friday night.

"You like the song?" I asked him, unsure, and he smiled.

"It's awesome...it's gonna kill..."he gave me a long hug, and glanced down at him.

"You wanna go out?" he asked me suddenly,"Sadie and I are going to some clubs...if you..."

"No. It's okay...I was just going to crash with Speid...watch some movies or something..."I said softly, and blindly grabbed my keys, ending up at at the rehearsal space, half asleep.

When I heard moaning, I assumed it was Jamie and Patsy, as they'd been getting pretty frisky lately, and opened the door without looking. When I saw Speid and some random girl, bile started to rise in the back of my throat.

"Jude...oh god...baby come back..."Speid said, pushing the girl off of him and following me outside.

"No...I don't think I will..."I said shakily, my voice shaking.

"Jude...it's not what it looks like..."

"So what is it? Can no one love me? Is that it, Vincent? Am I just that fucking forgettable?" I screamed at him, opening my car door and slamming it with a bang, letting out a soft cry before glancing down at my purse.

I pulled out the small tin box I kept hidden at the bottom of it, and searched for something, pausing for a moment before pulling the blade across my wrists, wincing as the blood started to peek out from the small cuts I was making. 

When my phone rang, I ignored it, and when it rang again, I picked it up without looking.

"What?" I snapped, my voice borderline hysterical.

"Jude?" Jamie asked, and I shook my head.

"Leave me alone, Jamie...please...I just need to be alone..."I said softly, staring at the cuts, which had long since stopped bleeding.

"Don't you need a place to stay?" he questioned, and I bit back a sarcastic remark.

"I'll be fine...I'll see you at work tomorrow..."I hung up on him, switching off my phone, and turned the car around, heading for Gmajor.

When I got there, the lights were still on, and I frowned.

"Hello?" I asked, still sniffling, after I'd punched in the security code.

"Jude what are you doin-Jesus.."he breathed, taking in my appearance.

"Stay away from me, okay?" I said, trying to push past him, and he grabbed my shoulders.

"Are you okay?" he asked, and I lost it.

"No Tommy, I'm not OKAY " I screamed at him, and his eyes widened.

"Whoa...girl just calm down a little..."

"Oh so we're talking again? I thought there wasn't an us...Tom..."I said snidely, trying to step past him again.

"You look like crap..."he said quietly, and I laughed.

"You look how you feel..."I told him honestly, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Jude...what happened?" he pressed.

"Speid is cheating on me..."I admitted quietly,"He's fucking cheating on me and I chose him over you..why did I do that..."I moaned, giving way to tears again, sinking onto one of the couches in the lobby, Tommy knealing next to me.

"Hey..."he said gently, and lifted my chin,"It's okay..."he breathed.

"No it's not..."I whispered, our eyes locking, and I did something so impulsive that I knew I'd regret later. I just didn't expect for him to kiss me back.

He pushed me against the wall of studio one, and I groaned when he pinned my wrists above me, kissing down my throat, my hands in his hair.

He came back up to my lips, and we stumbled into Studio One, closing the door behind us as I discarded my jacket, pulling his shirt open. 

This was such a mistake. We were at Gmajor. Anyone could catch us. And for some reason I didn't care. I didn't care at all.  
"Girl, are you sure you..."I cut him off, pulling my shirt over my head.

"Just kiss me..."I told him, pulling him close to me again, claiming his lips with mine.

"But what if someone..."I shook my head.

"Shut up..."I breathed, pressing against him, my arms around his neck, nibbling on his earlobe.

"Do you want me?" I asked him quietly, and he sighed.

"That's an unfair question..."he said in between kisses, placing me on the couch before discarding his shirt, crawling on top of me.

"Answer it..."I challenged, and moaned as he kissed across my collarbone.

"I want you..."he managed softly, and I grabbed his neck, our eyes meeting

"Then take me.."I whispered, and he didn't hesitate.

Neither one of us heard the door to the studio open, too engrossed in each other.

"It just figures you'd go running to him.."Speid said softly, and I jumped, holding Tommy to me to cover my front, my eyes wide.

_That cookie jar thing I mentioned earlier? I think I'm living it._


	6. Like a Virgin 4 and 5 of 5

_**Like A Virgin-**_

_The rest of the episode-_

_So I believe parts 4 and 5/5_

_I don't own Instant Star_

_Sorry it's been so long!_

_Reviews equals love!_

_Jena _

_Oh shit. _

My hands were shaking as I held Tommy close to me, his eyes scanning mine before he grabbed my shirt off of the floor, handing it to me and shielding me as I got dressed, turning to face Speid, a look in his eyes that frightened me.

"It's nothing I haven't seen before..."Speid commented, and my eyes widened.

Before I could even say anything Tommy had punched him square in the jaw.

"Tom..."I said softly, my hand touching his arm, and he turned back to face me, our eyes locking in silent understanding as Speid rubbed his jaw.

"What are you doing here, Vincent?" I asked him, and he winced as he tried to talk.

"Jude...I'm sorry..."I he started, and I rolled my eyes.

"Sorry doesn't work this time...okay? We're done...finished...there is nothing you can say that'll make this better..."I told him, feeling the security of Tom's hand on my back, rubbing it softly.

"Jude..."

"I won't kick SME off as my band...but it's just work, okay?Nothing else..."I told him.

"Okay..."he finally remarked, defeated, and paused at the door.

"I hope you two are very happy together..."he said sarcastically, and I held Tommy back as he left GMajor.

"Just let him leave, okay?" I asked him, wringing my hands, and he nodded silently, glaring in Speid's direction until he had left the building.

"Okay..."he finally said, and glanced down at me.

"You okay?" he asked softly, and I nodded, glancing down at my feet for a moment.

"Commere..."he sat down, and pulled me down next to him, my head on his shoulder. 

"What are we gonna do now?"I asked him finally, and he shrugged, pulling me closer.

"Relax..."he whispered, and kissed my forehead,"I think we both need sleep..." he grabbed a throw from the edge of the couch, and draped it over us, before flicking off the light.

It was easy to forget that morning would eventually come, with his arms wrapped tightly around me.  
I finally succumbed to sleep, and buried my head in the crook of his neck, groaning softly as I closed my eyes.

I was so warm. I groaned softly, and felt someone shift beneath me, my eyes opening slowly to meet Tommy's blue ones.

"Hi..."I breathed softly, and he smiled, grabbing my hand that was on my chest in his, squeezing it softly.

"Hi..."he whispered back, both of us in darkness, seeing as it was probably six in the morning or so.

I was so content just to lay there and revel in this. We weren't fighting, nothing was going wrong actually, which was quite a change from the usual...this never happened and I'm going to ignore you scenario that had been played out constantly since my sixteenth birthday.

But I couldn't fight away the fleeting thought that something was bound to go wrong at any second, seeing as I was so used to it. It was almost as if I was trying to sabotage my own happiness or something by creating some form of this being wrong. I was so used to being unhappy that I'd come to rely on it since he'd left. And we never really had talked about it, minus the awkward conversation in the park which ended with me running off on him after confessing my feelings.

I certainly wasn't blunt enough to ask him if he loved me back. He made me feel wanted. Something I'd never gotten the chance to experience in my entire life. I was always just the castaway. Whether it be to Sadie's horseback riding trophies, debate medals, mom and dad's failing marriage, Speid's other girlfriend, Shay's fling with Eden, and Darius' wishes to change who I was. I always got thrown around. And as much as I told everyone I'd never change, I'd become numb and weak to it. I was so used to being number two.

"What are you thinking about?" Tommy asked softly, staring at me, concerned.

"Everything..."I managed, my brain muddled, still half asleep.

"Try not to...let's not make this too complicated..."he said, and I frowned.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked him softly, and he shrugged.

"I like you...and you like me..."he said back, pulling me closer, and I closed my eyes in relief, sighing softly against him,"You're so tense..."he remarked lightly, and I moaned against his chest again when he started massaging my back in small circles.

"Don't stop..."I managed breathily, and he kissed the top of my head.

"I won't..."he said softly, reaching his arms down and sliding me up until we were face to face, our noses touching.

Before I knew it we were kissing, his hands threading through my hair, pulling our faces closer as I somehow ended up beneath him again, our legs tangled together as we lost ourselves in the kiss, not wanting to pull away no matter how breathless we became.

I didn't want it to end because I didn't want to face what would happen afterwords. It was six o'clock in the morning on a Monday. And I was sure reality would catch up with us at any second. I just didn't want it to. When we pulled away, gasping for breath, he placed gentle kisses down the column on my throat, a soft moan escaping my lips.

"You're beautiful, you know that?" he said softly, and I shivered, pulling him up to kiss me again, my hands running over his back and under his dress shirt, feeling the smooth skin underneath.

He tensed softly when I did this, and I smiled into the kisses I was receiving, continuing my onslaught, skimming my nails lightly across his back, which caused him to pull away and groan softly. I was so damn happy. And yet pessimistic me was just waiting for someone to pop our bubble.

Little did I know the popping wouldn't be caused by Tommy. At least not directly. I was so happy, just sitting there, staring at Tommy as he recorded one of my back beats for my new song, when Darius showed up in the doorway.

"Jude...my office...now..."he said simply, and Tommy frowned.

"We're trying to record...D...time is money..."he said, annoyed, and Darius rolled his eyes.

"Well why don't you take a break and come explain to me why I should keep her on the label after what she's done..."he said harshly, and I paled, confused.

What had I done? The only thing that seemed remotely out of place was...

I stopped dead in my tracks when I entered the office, Tommy bumping into me when I halted, my eyes narrowed.

"Hey, rockstar..." Chris said gauntily, leaning back in one of Darius' chairs, a manilla envelope in his hand.

I just about fainted on the spot.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him softly, my voice shaking, and he opened the envelope, glossy pictures spilling out onto Darius' desk.

And they were all of me. I felt the sudden urge to vomit, and Tommy clenched my shoulder harshly, his eyes scanning the photographs.

"You feel like paying before I ruin your career, Jude?" Chris finally remarked, and I dimly felt myself sinking into a chair across from him, scanning the pictures.

"You-...I told you all of it...and you knew I was upset...you knew what was going on and you took advantage of that?" I asked him shakily, tears pricking at the back of my eyes.

"Don't give me that, girl..."I winced when he touched my hand,"You're the one that invited me back up to the room...because you didn't want to be alone..."he countered, and I stared at the photos more, watching them become more and more blurry as I was moved to tears.

"Mr. Banks is willing to compromise...it seems he wants fifty thousand dollars...or these photos will go to the press..."Darius said mildly, and I felt my heart drop into my stomach.

I got up before they could stop me and ran out of the office, straight into the girls bathroom, and right into the first stall, emptying the contents of my stomach as sobs wracked my body.


	7. Start Me upwhole episode

1_303-Start Me Up_

_Jena Rink_

_They say when your life comes to a complete standstill, you can hear a pin drop. Everything is silent, and everyone's judging you...saying you were wrong for thinking or doing something. I've sold my soul into this business and I know that now. Jude Harrison, Alcoholic. That's going to look amazing in the papers. Darius was right...I should have waited to have my nervous breakdown...but somethings can't be helped. And some decisions thrust you back into the lime light much quicker than you'd like them to._

I swallowed thickly, bracing myself on either side of the toilet, and felt a hand on my hair, holding it back as I dry heaved, my whole body shaking from the sobs.

"Shhh..."Sadie said softly, letting me lean back against her as tears fell down my cheeks.

"How'd you get in?"I asked her hoarsely, as she handed me a bottled water, which I chugged quickly, wincing at the raw feeling in my throat.

"Master key..."she remarked lightly, and I nodded.

"Tommy knocked him out..."Sadie said softly, as so I didn't freak out, and my eyes widened.

"What?" I asked, my eyes wide, and heard banging on the door, putting a hand to my head.

"Just go away!" Sadie yelled,"I'm busy being a sister! Someone else can answer the freakin' phone!" she added, and I laughed under my breath, glancing at my reflection in the mirror. I looked like death.  
My mascara was all over my face, and my clothes were rumpled, my face pale.

"Are you okay?" she asked me finally, and I sighed.

That was a loaded question.

Someone else banged on the door, and I sighed.

"Go away! Girl crisis!" Sadie said, and I could almost tell it was him.

"I need to talk to Jude..."he called, and I tensed.

"Sadie...it's okay...just..."

"Jude?" he asked, his voice some intricate combination of confused, upset, concerned, and dissappointed.  
I sighed, and opened the door, our eyes locking.

We had to talk.

"I'll just...hide the key or something..."she remarked lightly, and left us alone, the door closing with a click.

I gulped, and sat down on one of the large ottomans, my head in my hands.

"What were you thinking?" he asked softly, and my head shot up.

"I wasn't...were you thinking when you left me here when I needed you the most?" he was speechless.  
For once.

The silence was tangible. Filled with unanswered questions, accusations, and answers neither of us wanted to give but knew we had to. I just wish this could have happened after hours or something...not in the middle of a busy day at GMajor, not with the guy that had violated me so badly just two rooms away. I wanted to scream. But I knew I couldn't. I wanted to tell Tommy how I felt. But I was so scared too. The fear of rejection is a lot more harsh than you think. It can eat away with you...and poison your feelings until you close up. I'd gotten so used to rejection that I didn't want to reveal anything at all.

"Jude..."I put a hand up, feeling the nausea return full force as I thought about how I looked in those pictures.

"Hold on a minute...okay?" I told him, and he sunk down next to me on the ottoman, his hand rubbing my back gently.

"We'll fix it...okay?"he said reassuringly, and I didn't respond, still bent over, my eyes screwed shut.

"You're dissapointed in me, aren't you?" I finally said softly, and he shrugged.

"You were upset...people do stupid things all the time...and you're not perfect...no one is..."he finally responded, and I raised my eyebrows, suprised at his maturity.

"Don't be so shocked...I am twenty four..."he said lightly, and I sighed.

"Yeah I get reminded of that little fact every day, Tommy..."I said bitterly, and he tensed.

"What exactly happened? The whole story Jude..."he pressed,"I'm not going to judge you...I promise..."

Not going to judge me. that was funny, especially coming from him. I'd heard his voice. The anger, the disbelief, the resentment. He already had.

"You already did...I saw your face when you saw those photos..."I whispered, a bitter taste in my mouth.  
"I jumped to conclusions...I'm sorry..."he said helplessly, slipping an arm around my shoulders. And I winced. Hours ago we were kissing and now I couldn't even touch him?

"I couldn't sing...I couldn't do anything...it was like I was hitchhiking on the back of that stupid Porsche all the way to Montana...my inspiration left with you...and I had nothing...I sat backstage for two hours...Sadie trying to console me...Liam screaming at me that you obviously didn't give a shit since you chose to leave me..." Tommy winced, but I continued,"he told me I had ten minutes...and when he left the room...I left too..."I took a deep breath before continuing.

"I drove to Barry, to Mason's concert, because I felt he was the only one who could understand it...any of it...Speid and the band were distant...and I knew Speid didn't want to hear about my unrequited feelings for my producer...especially since I'd just dumped him...Liam and Darius couldn't hear about it...Kwest was too busy having feelings for my sister...my mom was off galavanting in Europe...and dad didn't even show up for my release party..."I said this all in a rush, and he stared at me in concern.

"Jude..."

"Just let me finish...okay?"I said quickly, just wanting to get it out, and he nodded silently.

"So I was sitting at the bar...leaving you god knows how many messages...and watching Mason perform..when Chris recognised me...he bought me a shot of tequila..and he actually seemed interested in why I was upset...so I took the shot...went onstage...sang 'There's Us'...and...before I knew it I was really drunk. And the best part of all of it was that while this was happening I wasn't forgetting...as much as I wanted to..." tears were pooling in my eyes and I couldn't stop them.

"So Mason finished singing...and I got the keys to his room and had Chris help me upstairs...he asked if he should leave..and I told him he should stay because I was sick of being alone..."my voice broke, and I turned away from Tommy, afraid to see the look on his face.

"The last thing I remember was him taking pictures...then I passed out..."I finished in a whisper, my hands shaking.

"Everything was happening so fast...I got back here...and My Sweet Time was number one...and Darius was giving me another chance just because of it...he told me to go home and think about why I wanted to be at GMajor...what it meant to me...and all I could think about was you...how I wanted to call you and tell you...but you wouldn't answer...you didn't answer...so I stopped calling...and I tried to get over you..I really did...I tried so hard and it only got worse and worse...because more than anything I missed you just being here...you know? I didn't have anyone to talk to...I couldn't write a single thing all tour...until the last night..."

"The song you sang at the finals?" he asked softly, and I nodded slowly, glancing up at him when he grabbed my hand.

"I used to spend hours staring at the phone wishing you'd call...I'm just so set up for disappointment with you Tommy...I'm so used to you screwing up that I can't handle it anymore...everytime you do something right I'm just expecting for you to turn around and do something wrong..."I said honestly, and he sighed.

"I wish it wasn't like that..."he said quietly, squeezing my hand softly.

"But it is...we should really get out of here...people might think..."I got up, pulling my hand from his lightly and walking to the door.

"I don't care what they think.."he said from the ottoman, and i turned to face him.

"No matter how many times you say that to me I'll know it's not true...we need to get back to work..."I said, suprised at today's turn of events.

"Don't you think we need the day off or something? After all of this?"

"All of what? I still don't know the whole story on why you left me, Tommy...you've heard mine...now it's your turn..."I told him softly, and rolled my eyes when he didn't respond.

"When you decide you want to talk to me...let me know..."I said finally, getting up and leaving him alone in the bathroom, opening the door to find half the GMajor staff staring at the door, suprised I'd opened it.

I made my way to Studio B, and sunk onto the couch again, staring up at the ceiling, a headache pounding in the back of my skull. This could obviously only get worse before it got better.

_There are certain things that get to me. I mean, really.  
Just because I say I don't want something. Doesn't mean, I don't want it.  
Take Tommy for instance.  
I've already played this whole...fight over Tommy game with my sister.  
And ultimately, I lost.  
Which makes me nervous enough already, right?  
Tommy hadn't decided to talk to me.  
It's been two days.  
And he's talking to Karma more and more.  
And I find myself getting more and more jealous.  
I cannot break and talk to him. I just can't do it.  
_

"Tommy you are so funny!" Karma said, in a high, giggly voice, and I rolled my eyes, glancing up at Sadie. We were going over covers for my new single, being that it was a Saturday and hardly anyone was in the office.

Hardly anyone except me, Sadie, Bitch Barbie, and her soon to be Ken. Or so it seemed.

"Trouble in paradise?" Sadie asked sarcastically, and I snorted, flipping through the photos from the photo shoot last month.  
"You could say that..."I said under my breath, as Tommy and Karma sat together. Far too close together, for my liking, by the way, and went over lyrics.

"These are great, girl..." Wasn't he only supposed to call me girl?

She totally thought this was some sort of game.

"Hey, Tommy?" I waved a hand in front of his face, and he glanced up at me, annoyed.

"Yes, Jude?" he mocked, and Karma stifled a laugh.

"You wanna go over this single cover and mix before I send it to Liam?" I asked, and Karma rolled her eyes.

"Can't you see we're working on a song, here?" Karma questioned, and I was strongly reminded of Eden for a moment, and fought the urge to punch her in the face as I'd wanted to since she'd joined the GMajor staff.

"You can do it yourself, Jude..."Tommy said dismissively, and I stared at him incredulously. If he was going to play that game, I could play it right back.

"Okay...that's fine...thats just fine..." I said, stomping over to Darius' office and opening the door without knocking. Which I'm pretty sure he'd become accustomed to in the last few months.

"D, can I ask you something?" I said, leaning against the doorframe, and Darius glanced up.

"Of course, superstar..."he said, holding up the Billboard Charts from his desk.

_Holy Shit._

"I'm number two...in the states?" I asked, my voice squeaky, and he smiled broadly.

"Congratulations, Jude..."he got up and gave me a hug,"Now what was it that you wanted to talk to me about..."

"Well...let's just say...Tommy's not so interested in producing the album anymore...he seems to be more...into Karma and her loads of Karma..."I said softly, and Darius nodded in understanding.

"I'll put you back in with Kwest if that's what you want.."Darius said simply, and I smiled broadly.

"That's exactly what I want..."I told him, walking back out the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" Tommy asked suddenly, as I grabbed my guitar and backpack, barely giving him a second glance.

"To ask my producer about which mix I should use on my single...and then I'm taking the rest of the day off..."I said sweetly, and his face paled.

"Jude...what do you mean?"

"I mean I've fired you off my album...you obviously don't care enough..."I said simply, and he grabbed my arm.

"Don't do this.."

"Oh, wait..lemme think...too late..."I said, and pushed past him, feeling him standing behind me.

(scene change)

"Not that I don't appreciate what you're doing for my carreer, Jude...but I know what you're trying to do here..." Kwest said, as we set up on Monday morning, turning on the boards and sipping at lattes we had grabbed earlier.

"I don't know what you're talking about...you're a good producer..."I told him honestly, as Tommy stalked past, sulking.

"She's going to drive him round the bend, isn't she?" Kwest asked, and I snorted.

"It's already in progress..."I told him, grinning evasively, and pulled out my journal, in which I'd jotted down fresh lyrics in a bout of insomnia the night before.

"You're insane..."Kwest commented, and I laughed softly.

"So, you and my sister?" he choaked on his coffee, and I raised my eyebrows.

"Sadie and I are just friends..."he said calmly, and I rolled my eyes.

"Friends who make out for twenty minutes on my front pourch last night?" I asked him, and he shrugged.

"Just, don't..tell Tommy..."I nodded.

"Not too hard, considering he won't look at me at the moment..."I reminded him, sitting down.

"Okay, let's see what you got, girl..."Kwest said, and I nodded, grabbing my guitar.

I didn't even get to the song.

Because as soon as I opened my mouth to sing, someone came in the door, and my breath caught in my throat.

"Shay?" I said, non-plussed, and he grinned idly, leaning against the doorframe.

"Jude it's been way too long..."he said simply, and I nodded dumbly, my mind spinning.  
_What the hell was HE doing here?_

"Um...should I give you a moment alone or something?" Kwest asked, clearly uncomfortable, and Shay nodded.

"Uncle D wants us to re-write the lyrics..."he told me, and I glanced at the door, confused at the entire situation. What was he doing here?

"You going to act like nothing happened?" I questioned a second later, and he met my eyes.

"It's been a couple of years, shorty...I figured we both were over it..."he said simply, and I nodded, sitting down next to him on the couch.

"You over Darius folding your jammies for you?" I said snidely, and he raised an eyebrow.

"You look good in blonde..."he said back, clearly knowing Darius had suggested it.

"How about we call a truce...I can't take any more drama..."I said honestly, and he laughed softly, scanning my face with his eyes.

"You look like the music industry has thrown you for a loop..."he said suddenly, and I snorted.

"Appearances are not decieiving..."I said wryly, picking up my journal about the time Karma poked her head in the door.

"Tommy wants to know if you're done wasting my time in the studio..."she said simply, a perfectly manicured hand on her hip, and I fought the urge to strangle her.

"You can tell Tommy that I'm done when I say I'm done...Karma..."I said sweetly, and she rolled her eyes, stomping from the room.

"She could so be a-"

"Don't even say it, Shay..."I warned him, and he laughed.

"Fine, girl..."he said, holding his hands up in defense.

"Okay...here it goes..." I started the farmilliar guitar beat, and noticed Darius at the door, along with Tommy. Perfect timing.

"I walked out and Now you've got me in this bind..."I sang mournfully, and Shay smiled at me,"But I've got a hold on you...baby that's true too..."

"You act like you don't give a damn that's fine...why are you too blind...to make up your own mind..."I changed the chord, and grinned,"Cuz when I'm with you everything's alright...all I know is how I feel...when you're with me..."'

"Waste my time...waste my time...not so sure if I'll be yours but baby you could be mine...no spark without...the truth comes out...but you know how to waste my time...you know how to waste...my time..." I winked at Darius.

"The world wants you You think that you're all shine...well I got news for you...I don't think you do..."I said, still strumming the chords,"You hide behind the lights and shining smiles...need someone to lead the way...don't think that's okay..."

"Cuz when you're with me you don't really care...who the world wants you to be...I just want you beside me..."

"Waste my time...waste my time...not so sure if I'll be yours but baby you could be mine...no spark without...the truth comes out...but you know how to waste my time...you know how to waste my time..."  
I cut off, and Shay mock clapped, which caused me to roll my eyes. Tommy was fuming on the otherside of the glass, and I knew it.

Four hours later we had a new set of lyrics, one that i was suprisingly still happy with.

"We can practice tomorrow then..."I told him, leaning against the door frame of studio one.

"See you then, girl..."he winked at me, brushing past Tommy, who was standing in the doorway.

"Did Kwest give you permission to use my studio all day?" He asked, clearly annoyed, and I smiled.

"No, but Darius did..."I said sweetly, stepping past him. If he wanted a fight he was going to get one.

"Music helps, with Shay Shay?" he added, and I stopped dead in my tracks.

"I really don't remember taking advice from my former producer ever being a good thing...but Get in the studio and close the door...I'll be there in a minute..."I told him, and he rolled his eyes, walking in and closing the door behind him.

"You wanna get over this whole jealous boyfriend thing? I'm not yours, Tommy, I never was yours...never will be..."I said, knowing I was pissing him off.

"Well Maybe I want to tell you why I left..."he challenged, and I stopped speaking.

"Well maybe I don't want to hear it anymore, Quincy..."I said, and tried to get past him.

"Jude..."he trailed off, and I rolled my eyes.

"It's backwards to have you come crawling to me, Quincy...I like it..."I said snarkily, as Portia opened the door, a determined look on her face.

"Jude...just the girl I was looking for..."  
"What?" we asked together, turning to face her, and she rolled her eyes.

"Darius has an early Christmas present for you...you get the rest of the day off..."I nodded, confused, and followed her, leaving Tommy alone by the soundboard.

He let out a string of curses as the door swung shut, and I fought back a smile, taking a seat in one of Darius' large overstuffed chairs, tucking my legs underneath me.

"What's up, D?" I asked him, tilting my head to the side, and he smiled.

"You're turning 18 in a month and a half, correct?" I nodded, still confused.

"Portia...take Jude and the credit card...don't go overboard and change too much..."Darius said simply, and my eyes widened.

"What's this for?" I asked him, non-plussed.

"Well first, you and Portia are going to plan you're 18th birthday party...and second...you need a more grown up look...I thought you should have a say in it this time..." I stared at him in wonder, and winced when Portia grabbed my arm.

"There are only so many hours in the day, Jude...now come on..."she said hurriedly, and I shot a helpless look Sadie's way as she dragged me through the lobby. People were staring.

"Portia..it's only noon..."I pointed out, and she rolled her eyes.

"Correction..it's already noon...I know the perfect place for your party...you wanna see it?" I nodded, dumbstruck, as she opened her bright red Porsche, oh the irony, and I got in the passenger side.

"What do you want to do first?" she asked me excitedly, and I shrugged, to overwhelmed to say anything at all.

Some changes would definetly be taking place in the next few hours.

Some very exciting changes.

**Okay. There's the end of that Episode.**

**I don't own Waste my time.**

**And I don't own Instant Star :)**

**Im way sorry its been so long.**

**But theres a TON more pages where that came from.**


	8. Helter Skelter whole episode

_Helter Skelter-304_

_This "episode" is an hour long._

_So it's LONG._

_And drama filled._

_Please review it it's my favorite so far!_

_Jena_

_You ever feel like you're life is heading in a million different directions and there's no one that can stop it from collapsing? There's a certain awkwardness to trying to figure out which way to go. And determining if you made mistakes along the way. But of course, just when you think things have settled down, the heavens frown apon you and something has to go wrong._

"Ooooh...Jude it looks amazing..." I examined my now light brown hair anxiously in the mirror, a weird expression on my face.

I'd chosen it. But stupid me, was second guessing. As per usual. I'd been second guessing everything lately. I'd stopped taking chances, and this was truly the first chance I'd taken since making out with Tommy. Since breaking up with Speid.

"Are you sure?" I asked her, and she smiled.

"He's not going to know what hit him.."she said. I knew she was talking about Tommy, and I sighed, running a hand through my hair, tousling it a little.

"Are you sure?" I asked again, my hands shaking a little.

"You look fantastic..."Portia said, grabbing my shoulders,"And the makeup's awesome too...now come on...let's go get you some amazing clothes before we hit the town..."I gave her an insane look, but followed anyways.

_Never underestimate the power of a Mills with a credit card._

I swear we hit every hi end and vintage store there was to be found in Toronto. She was a woman on a mission. And she let me help chose. Which was someting I was so not accustomed to.

When I got home at seven, I didn't want to do anything but curl into a perfectly manicured and styled ball, and go to sleep for twenty minutes before I had to get ready. Moving home again had been a blessing in disguise. Because I'd missed my bed, and my sister. And dad, to a certain extent.

But someone just had to spoil that. My arms hurt from carrying the zillion bags, dresses, and shoe boxes that Portia had somehow fit into her Porsche, and I dropped them by the door before turning to head up the stairs. Dad was on the couch, and next to him was someone I thought I'd never see again.

And that someone, was my mother. Sitting on the couch. Sitting on our couch. Sitting on my couch. It wasn't her house anymore. Blind anger overcame any other emotion at that moment. At dad, for letting her in, at her, for not even contacting me in the last six or seven months.

I just stood there, staring at her. She was tan. And glowing. And I wanted to hit her for her happiness.

"Um...Jude? Wow...your hair..."dad said, clearly uncomfortable with the situation,"You look amazing..."

"Thanks..."I said lamely, my eyes focused on my mother.

"Jude...I heard your album...it's great, honey..."she started, and I felt the familiar tears at the back of my eyelids. She couldn't pretend

"Mom, could you just not? I have to get ready..." I asked quietly, turning to grab my things before heading upstairs, my mind trying to focus on other things. I wasn't in the mood to fight. Enough things had been going wrong lately.

_I found my something wrong._

Sadie was waiting at the top of the landing.

"Jesus, Jude...you raid a Christian Dior?" she asked, and I shrugged silently, trying to make my way to my room.

"Did you talk to her?" she asked bluntly, and I shook my head, motioning to her to help me with my door.

"Your hair looks great..."she commented softly, and I shrugged, starting to put everything away.

"Jesus, you go on a shopping spree or something?"she said, her eyes lighting up as she stared at the dresses Portia had gotten.

"Darius...for my birthday...gave Portia the credit card..."I said dramatically, and motioned around me, trying to forget about my mother, who was sitting downstairs.

"You pick out a gown for the party yet?" she asked me, and I shook my head.

"I couldn't find anything...I got some other dresses though...and Portia and I found a place for it..."I told her.

Having creative control over something was not what I was used to. I was used to the party being dictated for me. I guess certain privileges come when you hit number one, but whatever. Needless to say, I was blatantly obsessing over the jewelry, clothing, and shoes, and the new makeup with Sadie, when Mom knocked on the door.

"Do you really have the money for this?"she asked, leaning in the doorway, and I glanced at Sadie.  
"Darius got it for me..."I said back softly, glancing around at the mountain of boxes around me.

"I'm not so sure you deserve to be spoiled..."she commented, and I got up.

"I'm not so sure if you have a say in that anymore..."Sadie interjected, and I glanced over at her in suprise.

"Sadie..."she started, and she shook her head.

"You left us here, mom...you just said you were going to Europe, and you left You didn't call, you didn't write...you didn't say you were coming back..."I winced, and disappeared into my closet, changing into going out clothes. Portia was picking me up in an hour. And we were going to some birthday party for one of the new sound technicians.

"What are you doing?" she asked me bluntly, as I grabbed a jewelry box off the counter and slipped on the royal blue slipdress Portia had insisted we get, fastening a necklace with a diamond pendant around my neck and grabbing my purse.

"Going out...it's Gmajor Stuff..."I told Sadie, more than mom, and she paused for a moment.

"Can I borrow that red dress you just got?" she asked bluntly, and I nodded.

"There's shoes to go with..."I said, putting on my coat, and completely ignoring my mother.

"We have to talk about this..."

"You don't get to dictate our lives anymore, mom..."Sadie called from inside the closet, and came out, fully dressed, pulling her hair halfway back.

"I'm gonna grab my coat...I'll meet you downstairs in five minutes.."she told me, and left mom and I alone in the room.

"You're so grown up..."she noticed, and I sighed.

"Yeah...well...I was forced to grow up pretty fast, mom..."I spat, and she winced.

"Jude can't you just...realize I had to have a life too? You're 17...you're not a child..."

"I haven't been a child since around the time I won the contest..." I said, applying lipgloss in the mirror and grabbing my digital camera, fighting to keep my hands from shaking,"But just because I wasn't a child, doesn't mean I didn't need a mother..."

"Stop avoiding this..."she was standing in the doorway, blocking me.

"You avoided the problem by flying to Europe with Don...mom...I think I can go out..."I told her, and she grabbed my shoulder when I moved past her.  
"You listen to me Jude I am your mother..."she said harshly, and I realized the truth. I hadn't had a mother in a damn long time.

"I don't have a mother...not anymore..."I whispered, and left her alone in the room, walking down the stairs quickly when I heard Portia honking.

"Sadie are you ready?" I managed, fighting back tears, and she glanced at me sympathetically.

"Dad, we're going to a Gmajor thing...we're staying at Portia's..."Sadie called, and he nodded.

"Just don't do anything too crazy...I love you both..."he said, staring at me more than Sadie, and I smiled at him tearfully, moving for the door when I heard her coming down the stairs after us.

"Hi ladies...Nice dress...Sadie..."Portia said wryly, and I sniffled, sliding into the front seat while Sadie got in the back.

"Are you okay?" she asked me, and I nodded shakily.

"Mom's home..."Sadie said simply, and Portia sighed in understanding.

Nate, the sound tech. Was actually kind of cute. Take it to Patsy and her flask to make me think so. Alcohol, and me, were not the best mix. But seeing as we were at a private restaurant, there was no press, and I was angry, hurt, and messed up, alcohol seemed to be the best medicine.

"We're not going to have another cute camera boy incident are we?" Speid asked seriously, and I glanced at him in suprise.

"Hey.."I said softly, and he sighed, glancing around him,"You gonna call me a whore again?"I said under my breath.

"I'm...sorry...we both wanted other people...I think I'd been chasing you for too long...and it just hit me..."he said quietly, and I glanced up in surprise.

"I think you're right..."I mumbled, and reached for my shot glass. He stopped me mid-way.

"Easy there, speed racer..."he said softly, his hand covering mine,"I want you to remember this conversation..."he added, and I nodded quietly.

"Jude...I love you, and you know that..."he started, and I felt tears blur my eyes.

"But you don't love me...you love Tommy...I have no idea why...but you do...and as long as that was going on...there was no way we could ever be truly happy..."God, he really was grown up.

"Tommy and I never...I didn't cheat on you...I could never..."he cut me off.

"I know, Dude..."he said simply, and I glanced out at the dance floor, my gaze pained.  
"My mom came back tonight..."I mentioned softly, and he put a hand on my shoulder.

"Is that why you're drinking?" he asked, and I nodded simply, flinching when he lifted my chin.

"You know, in the morning...you're gonna regret this..."he said, handing me a flask from his own pocket.

"Vincent...you dog..."I said, in mock surprise, and he shrugged.

"Just don't over do it...okay?"he said, his eyes boring into mine, and I nodded.

"So we're cool...brownie? I like the hair, by the way..."he added, and I smiled, leaning in and hugging him tightly.

"Yeah Dude...we're cool..."I said softly, and watched him walk off, a sad smile on my face, before making my way to the bathroom.

"Ugh.."I groaned, taking a sip of the schnapps.

"Who is that?" Sadie asked, completely intoxicated, and I laughed softly.

"Your little sister drowning her sorrows..."I answered, and she appeared in the stall a second later.

"Whatis it?" she asked sluggishly, and I groaned.

"Peppermint Schnapps..."I made a face, and she laughed.

"Gross..."she muttered, and took a swig of it herself, wincing.

It felt good. I hated to admit that. And two hours later, I was acting like a complete idiot.

"I've seen you act like this before...your hair looks great...but you look..."Mason said in my ear, and I jumped, before turning to laugh at him hysterically.

"Just send me home with someone with which there is no possible way I will hook up with...someone I hate..."I told him sluggishly, and he sighed.

"Jude...hun...we've been over this..."he said gently, and i held a finger up.

"All drinking rules go out the window when mommy-dearest shows up on my fucking couch..."I said bluntly, and he steadied me.

"You okay?" he asked gently, and I shook my head, tears pooling at the back of my eyes again as he hugged me.

"Jude...none of us are sober enough to drive...you're gonna have to call someone..." I made a face, opening my phone book on my cell tiredly and sniffling a bit.  
"Speid...is here...Jamie...is here...Patsy...is here...Sadie..is wasted...Kwest is mixing..."I laughed a little,"Mason, is standing right in front of me...Dad would kill me...so that leaves...ugh..."

"You're going to have to call him if you want a ride home..."Mason pointed out, and I glanced around me before dialing the all too familiar number.

"Hello, I have a child to take care of and it's two in the morning...can I help you?" Tommy said, annoyed, and I tried to steady my voice.

"Quincy?" I asked blurrily. I could feel him snapping to attention.

"Jude, what's wrong with your voice?"he asked, confused, and I sighed.

"I did something stupid..."I slurred, completely aware I was still in the middle of saying something stupid.

"Are you alright?"he asked, and I paused, wincing at the headache that was coming on.

"I don't know...everything's so blurry..." Okay, maybe I was coming onto him. A little. But through the phone so doesn't count.

"Where are you?" he asked, now sounding worried, and I smirked.

"A Street and 29th...it's called Starkys..."I mumbled, and he made a noise in the back of his throat.

"I'll be there in five minutes, okay?" I groaned in response.

"Just keep your eyes open..."he told me, obviously concerned.

"Mmmkay Quincy..."I snapped my phone shut, and turned to Mason.

"He's coming to get me..."I stage whispered, and he sighed.

"Good..."he said in response, and steered me to a chair, sitting me down.

And the next thing I felt were familiar strong arms around my middle, hoisting me up.

"Hey...girl... where's Sadie?"he whispered softly in my ear, carrying me bridal style, and I moaned in response, cuddling closer to him.

"I don't know..."I responded in his ear, and felt him stiffen.

"You gonna be okay in the car while I go find her?" he asked me, and I nodded, groaning as he sat me down in the front seat of his Hummer, squeezing my hands softly.

"Don't go to sleep, okay?" I nodded, my head lolling from side to side, and he left.  
What felt like seconds later, I felt the back door being opened and Sadie getting in, Tommy getting in the drivers side and buckling me in.

"You two..."he muttered, and I leant further into him, groaning softly.

"We what?"I asked him softly, our eyes locking for a moment as he turned on the car, my thoughts steering towards

"Are you gonna be okay?" he asked me gently, completely aware that Sadie was totally passed out in the backseat.

"I'll live..."I managed, my speech still slurred, and he laughed softly, stroking my cheek with his thumb.

"I like your hair...and your dress..."I smiled up at him weakly as we pulled up to a stoplight and turned left.

"Thanks, Quincy..."I mumbled, my head in the crook of his shoulder.

"Can you go home?" he asked me, and I shook my head.

"Mom'll get mad..."I got out, and he stared at me in a blurry confusion.

"Jude, you're mom's in Europe, isn't she?" I shook my head, and started to feel sick about the same time.

"She...she's back..."I managed, and he sighed.

"I can't believe I'm doing this..."he muttered.

Had I been sober enough, I'm sure I would have been thrilled to finally be taken to Tommy's apartment, whether it was out of pity or not.

It was huge. The penthouse, I assumed. I felt so sick to my stomach that I'd stopped counting floors in the elevator, closing my eyes tightly.

"Sadie can you take the couch?" she nodded sleepily, and went to his linen closet to grab a blanket, obviously having been here before. I winced, and he noticed.

"You alright?"he asked, using his arms to steady me, and Sadie shot me a jealous look as she laid out blankets on the couch, walking further back into the apartment towards a room I could assume to be Tommy's, and coming back 2 minutes later in sweats, raising her eyebrow as she made herself comfortable. I felt like an outsider. And I felt sick. Really, really sick.

"You feeling sick?" he asked me, and I nodded, trying as hard as I could to hold back the thoughts of Sadie sleeping over at Tommy's apartment. That was probably part of the reason I felt like my stomach was going to come out of my mouth any second.

We barely got to the bathroom in time, and I emptied the contents of my stomach as Tommy rubbed my back soothingly.

I'd started to cry somewhere along the way. Why I was being so vulnerable, I have no idea. He hugged me from behind, pulling my hair back as I threw up, whispering in my ear and trying to get me to calm down. When it had subsided to dry heaving, he helped me stand, steadying me when I fell over.

"I'm gonna have to carry you...you've really out drunk yourself this time..."he whispered, handing me a wrapped toothbrush and toothpaste once we'd gotten to what I assumed was his bathroom.

"Just...brush your teeth...okay?" I nodded weakly, sitting in the stool in front of his vanity and brushing my teeth furiously. Or as well as I could while intoxicated. Four minutes later I rinsed my mouth, and made my way towards the bedroom, where sweats were laid out on the bed.

"You okay?" he asked, and I jumped, almost falling over. He was holding a warm washcloth, and I glanced up at him, wiping off my makeup until my mascara tracks were long gone.

"Jesus Quincy you gave me a heart attack..."I said softly, as an afterthought, and he laughed, our eyes locking again. I looked away quickly. I could not, and would not, let him in again. I tried to move away from him, and almost fell, unsteady on my feet. And he caught me. For once.

"Whoa there..."he said softly, and walked over quickly, helping to keep me steady.

"You need me to help you change?" he asked me, genuinely concerned, and I nodded, letting out a breath when he unzipped me, his hands skimming over my back lightly, handing me the shirt to change into, turning away. He was such a gentlemen. I really wanted to hate him.

And then I saw the frame on his bedside table, with multiple photos. From the night my first album wrapped, our arms around each other, flutes of champagne in our hands, on my sixteenth birthday, and other random shots Kwest had snapped with his digital camera over the last few years. I smiled to myself, Sadie didn't have any pictures in his bedroom. But I did. .I pulled the shirt on, and grabbed the sweat pants, pulling them on as well. Somewhere along the way I'd lost my shoes, and found myself laying back on Tommy's bed, curled up in a ball from the pain in my stomach, with all kinds of emotional pain on my mind.

I closed my eyes tightly, and relaxed when I felt Tommy's weight relax onto the bed next to me.

"Does your stomach hurt?" he asked, and I moaned in response, burying my face into the pillow. It smelled like Quincy. I was in heaven. Though I'd never admit it to anyone. Let alone myself.

He sat me up, pulling me close to him, and rubbing my shoulders gently.

"Can you drink any water, girl? You've gotta take these otherwise you're going to hate me in the morning..."I shot him an annoyed look, and he laughed softly.

"You're gonna need to eat some bread too...can you do that for me?" he asked, and I nodded, forcing the bread down with a large gulp of water, a sour look on my face.  
"Now take these..."he handed me two Tylenol and a Multivitamin, and I swallowed them quickly, holding out the glass, my eyes screwed shut.

"You're never going to let me live this down, are you?"I managed, and he smirked, I could feel it.

"Nope..."he whispered in my ear, and I tensed.

.He switched off the bedside lamp, and covered me with a blanket gently, his arms lingering on my shoulders. A second later I felt him lift my head gently and put a pillow under it. At this point, I was all but dead to the world.

"God, you're beautiful...and you don't even see it...I wish I could help you right now...but you're keeping me at such a distance that I can't...I know you don't believe it...but I love you..."he whispered, stroking my cheek with his thumb, and leant forwards, kissing my lips softly.

_Oh My God. Oh. My God Oh My God Oh My GOD. What was that?_

"Goodnight, girl..."he whispered, grabbing my hand for a moment, and tucking the blanket around me, before turning away.

I didn't want him to turn away. I didn't want him to _ever _turn away. But who was I to admit that? I shivered slightly, and fought my sigh of contentment when he wrapped his arms around me, his head resting on my shoulder.

I didn't see Sadie in the doorway. And apparently, neither did Tommy.

**((((Commerical Break))))**

_My head hurt._

_Ok, maybe that was a bit of an understatement._

_I moved tiredly, and felt arms securely around my middle, holding me close._

_Tommy. Oh shit._

He groaned, and I rolled over to face him.

"Hi..."I whispered, my voice cracking, and winced.

Cue the lemon tea with honey. Darius was going to kill me.

"You cried a lot last night...are you okay..."he said to me quietly, leaning back and handing me a glass of water, our hands brushing against each other.  
"I'm fine..."I said quickly, and he sighed, running a hand through his hair. I took a long drink of the water, and glanced at him apprehensively. Did he even know I was awake when he said what he said?

"Jude..I..." Oh I had to save this before it got awkward.

"What exactly happened last night...I remember us getting here...and then..." I trailed off, shooting a questioning look his way to make it believable. I'd been thinking about what he said to me for almost the whole night. And despite my tiredness, I could barely sleep.

"You blacked out?" he supplied, and I nodded, hating what I was doing. He had such a crushed look on his face. Like I'd killed his dog or something.

"Sorry...I...thanks for taking care of me..."I said hoarsely, wincing again.

"You can't go into work today...Darius will have you killed..."Tommy said, and I yawned, leaning back into the covers.

"But we were supposed to work on the album..."I said, mid-yawn, not wanting to move, ever again.

"Well then I guess you got a cold and gave it to me then..."he said in response, winking, and I nodded.

"See, that's more like it...you have any movies?" I asked him, and he rolled his eyes.

"I'm sure I can find something..."he commented, as my stomach growled loudly.

"Sounds like you need some food..."he added over his shoulder, as I got to my feet weakly.

"Uhhh..."I whispered, a hand to my head.

"Sadie's already at work...she left an hour ago..I had her take Addie to school..."he added, and I nodded, making my way to his bathroom tiredly.

"I have to meet Shay at six...to work on the song..."I realized a second later, coming out of the bathroom, and he shot me a look.

"I think you can take a day off...Music Helps isn't until Friday, and from what I hear you already have the new lyrics..."he said, a sour look on his face.

"What do you have to eat?" I asked him, opening the fridge to a lot of boxed meals.

"Jesus Quincy, you on the Zone or something?" I asked, and he laughed.

"Something like that...just check the pantry, there's all kinds of junk food for Addie in there..."he said, and I nodded, opening it and grabbing fruit snacks, a soda, and chips.

"So healthy..."he commented, and I snorted, walking past him and into his bedroom again, settling myself on his bed and waiting anxiously.  
"What do you want to watch?"he asked, and I snorted, holding up a DVD I'd found by his tv.

"You have Degrassi on DVD?" I asked him, and his face paled.

"The babysitter likes it..."he attempted, and I shook my head.

"No, you do..."I remarked,"Degrassi's like an institution, Tommy...you don't have to lie..."I added, and he rolled his eyes.

"Is that what you want to watch?"he asked, annoyed, and I nodded gleefully, leaning against him when he sat on the bed, our eyes locking.  
scene change

"Ms. Harrison, you're late, again..."Liam announced, and she shot him a sour look, sliding behind the desk to start answering calls.

"I'm sorry, Liam..."she apologized, and he sighed.

"It's quite alright...I have a lunch interview with James Davenport...an up and comer who is considering signing to Gmajor...just come and bring a notebook..."he said, and she sighed, running a hand through her tousled hair, nodding at him.

"I'm glad we've come to an agreement..."he said, and left her alone at the desk, walking back to his.

"Hey, where's Tommy and Jude?"she asked Kwest. She'd gone home early, borrowing Tommy's car and taking Addie to school for him, before arriving at Gmajor.

"Something about a cold, I think..."Kwest said, leaning against the desk, and she met his eyes, smiling softly.

"A cold my ass..."she muttered, annoyed, remembering what she had heard last night.

"Tommy and Jude are like peanut butter and jelly, Sadie...they go together..."Speid announced, coming up to the desk,"Kwest my man, you ready to get to work?" Kwest pulled out a flower from behind his back, and handed it to Sadie, who raised her eyebrows in suprise.

"Now I am...see you later Sades..."he reached over and squeezed her hand lightly, their eyes locking, and she smiled softly.

"Thanks..."she said, really meaning it.  
scene change

"God...I can't believe she expelled Spinner...it was hardly even his fault...it was more Jay's than anything..."I said, wiping tears from my eyes, and he glanced down at me.

"Is Degrassi making you cry?" he asked, and I shrugged.  
"Just...don't tell Aubrey the next time we're at People's Picks, okay?"I asked, and he faked zipping up his lips, raising his eyebrows.

"Your secret's safe with me, girl..."he said, flipping off the tv.

I knew he wanted to talk.

So when he turned to stare at me, I glanced at my hands. Anywhere but at his face.

"Are you really okay?"he asked me, and I glanced up at the ceiling.

"Is it okay to say no?" I questioned, and let him hug me, my head resting comfortably on his shoulder.

"She was trying to control me from the second she got in the door..."I said softly, and he pulled back to stare at me, concerned.

"You obviously didn't let her..."he said quietly, and I laughed softly.

"Yeah, I just took Speid's flask and drank the whole thing...like I've done on other occasions..."I said under my breath, and he lifted my chin. My lip was quivering.

"Everybody's weak, Jude...Everyone makes mistakes..."he whispered, and I blinked back tears.

"Why do I always make the worst ones?" I asked him softly, our eyes locking.

"I think I win in that department..."he responded, and grabbed my hands.

"So what was your biggest mistake...Quincy?" I asked, dreading the answer.

"Leaving you..."he said softly, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Tommy..."I whispered, our eyes closed and foreheads touching.

"I let you down..."he reminded me softly, and I glanced up, running my hand across his cheek.

"As much as I hated you, as much as I watched the phone...as many times as I called you...I knew there was a reason...I didn't stop believing in you...I told you that already.."I murmured, and he squeezed my hands gently in his, a questioning look in his eyes.

"Jude...can I ki-"I leant forwards, catching his lips softly with mine, pulling away hesitantly a moment later.

"Can you kiss me?"I whispered back, and hugged him tightly, closing my eyes and breathing him in

He leant back, and pulled me over to him, his hands running up and down my sides gently.  
"God you're intoxicating..."he muttered, and I blushed, pulling away to stare at him.

"With going out hair from last night and in your sweats..."I whispered, a smirk on my face, and he brushed a strand of hair out of my eyes.

"You've never been more beautiful then you are right now..."he told me, and I glanced away from him, my expression pained. He pulled me closer, dropping a kiss on my forehead, and I smiled, my eyes closed.

"Mmmm..."I groaned, and pulled his lips down, capturing his lips with mine again, pulling his head closer with one hand, my other hand around his waist.

_What the hell was I doing?_

I threw the chips and fruit snacks off the side of the bed, and he flipped me over, his arms on either side of me, balancing his weight, our eyes locking again.

"Hi..."I breathed, panting softly, and he brought up a hand, tracing my face with a couple of fingers, my eyes closing as my breath got quicker.

"Hi..."he whispered back, his gaze tender.

A small smile was on his face, something I'd never seen him reserve for me. Something that had always been reserved for Sadie or his model of the week. Oh God. Was I just another model of the week? Was I just another Sadie? The look in his eyes said otherwise, but was it enough to trust.

His hand was on the small of my back, and I let him go beneath my shirt as he kissed me again, sweeping his tongue across my lip gently, asking for entrance. I did as he requested, and tangled our legs together, pulling him close, my hands running up and down his back.

We broke apart when the phone rang, panting softly, and I grabbed the phone, opening it.

"Hello?" I asked breathlessly, as Tommy kissed my neck softly.

"Jude where the hell have you been? I wanted to talk to you..."it was my mom. I could just lie to her. It didn't really matter what her opinion was, though. I'd turn 18 in a month. I tensed, and Tommy pulled away, glancing at me, confused..

"Oooh...let me think about that...no mom!" I said back, and he sat up, pulling me up with him, letting him sit in my lap, grabbing my left hand as I talked on the phone.

"Jude you owe me this..."

"I don't owe you anything, mom!" I said, back, frustrated, and closed my eyes tightly.

"Jude..." Tommy whispered, and motioned to his guitars in the corner. I could always say I was at work.  
"I have to get back to work... and you have to get back to Don, don't you?"I added, annoyed, as an excuse to get her off the phone.

"You didn't go into work today...I already got that news from Sadie, Jude...where are you?" God she was like Sherlock or something.

"Tommy and I are working on a song...mom..."I said, squeezing his hand softly.

"Can I come get you? I thought we could have lunch or something..."I snorted.

"Jude? Are you coming back to work?" Tommy said, loud enough for the phone to pick it up, and I rolled my eyes.

"Mom...we'll talk...when I'm ready...right now...I'm NOT ready...and I have a lot to do this week, okay?" I told her, and she made a noise of disagreement.

"Okay..."she finally consented,"I love you...Jude..."I hung up, and closed my eyes tightly.

"It's okay to cry, you know? It'll help..."he said softly, his breath on my ear, and I shivered slightly.

I turned towards him, and buried my head in his chest, my arms around his middle, crying again.

"It's gonna be okay, girl...I promise..."he soothed, stroking my hair, and kissed the top of my head.

Twenty minutes later, I'd all but exhausted my tear ducts, and he handed me a box of kleenex.

"Tom?" I asked quietly, and he glanced at me.

"We've gotta keep this..thing..whatever it is... a secret..."I motioned to us, and he nodded, looking around the room for my dress, which he'd laid on a chair the night before.

"Until my birthday, okay? It's only a month..."I breathed, walking over to him, and he nodded, glancing down at me.

"Okay..."he responded softly, grazing my cheek with his thumb.

"You ready to go?" he asked, and I nodded tiredly, grabbing my dress from his hands and my purse from next to it, sliding my phone inside.

When we pulled up at my house it seemed empty, and I sighed.

"So I'll see you in the morning? Nine?" I asked him, and he nodded, reaching over to me and pulling me close, our noses touching.

"Nine..."he confirmed softly, and leant forwards, kissing me gently, leaving me breathless.

"I'll see you tomorrow.."he whispered, holding onto my hand, and I pulled away slightly, padding up to the front door in his sweats and tee-shirt and unlocking it, glancing back at him before he drove away and smiling widely.

When I closed the door, I leant against it, my eyes shut tightly and a wide smile spread across my face.

Sadie clearing her throat distracted me.

I jumped, and glanced over at her.

"Hey, Sades...you get off work early?"I asked, and she snorted.

"Jude it's six o'clock..."she remarked, pointing to the clock, and I winced.

"I should go take a shower..."I said softly, and she snorted.

"That's some cold you've got there..."she said sarcastically, and I winced.

"Sadie, if you have something to say, just say it..."I said, dreading her answer.

"Tommy loved you all along, didn't he?" she said, and I sighed,"It was never about me, it was always about you...I was always second best..."

I cut her off.

"What makes you say that?"I asked her, and she caught me off guard with her answer.

"God, you're beautiful...I know you don't believe it but I love you..."my eyes widened, and I quickly tried to change my reaction to confused.

"Who said that?" I asked her, nonplused, and she shook her head.

"I'm not stupid, Jude...it's illegal...I was eighteen when we dated..."

"And I turn eighteen in a month, Sadie!"I said back, glancing at the door every so often.

"Dad's on a business trip, and you're not calling Tommy...I don't want you seeing him...you don't deserve him..."she said, and I closed my eyes tightly.

"You have Kwest, Sadie! Why the hell does it matter?"I finally said, and she shrugged.

"Guess I'll just tell Dad you spent the night at Tommy's in his bed then..."she said snidely, and my eyes widened.

"Who are you?" I asked her, tears pooling in my eyes,"Are you trying to take away the only thing that's made me happy in the last year?"

"Just...go upstairs.."she said, clearly absorbed in her own troubles, and she stopped.  
"Give me your phone..."she said, and I glanced at her incredulously.

"No! Sadie...God!" I tried to get to the stairs and I beat her to it.

"Darius' private line is on my speed dial too...how would you like him to know?"I threw my phone towards the living room and stomped upstairs, my head throbbing from the fight, and fresh tears at the back of my eyes.

I couldn't believe her. I absolutely could not believe her. I didn't know she was still capable of things like this. I buried my face in my pillow, and glanced up when I heard the house phone ring. I beat Sadie to it.

"Hello?" I asked, and heard a pause on the other end.

"Miss Harrison, this is detective Michaels from the Toronto Police Department...Mr. Banks has just escaped from custody..." my heart dropped into my stomach, and I frowned.

"I...I haven't been home all day..nothing seems out of the ordinary..."I told him softly, and spied the letter on my bed, my hands starting to shake.

"Um..."

"Miss Harrison, what's wrong?" he asked, and I sighed softly.

"There's an envelope on my bed..."I said quietly, as Sadie appeared in the doorway, confused.

"Don't open it...I'll send a squad car out to your house...Just lock yourself in the room with whoever else is in the house..." I nodded.

"Okay..."I hung up, and Sadie stared at me.

"What's wrong?" I didn't respond, pulling her further into the room and closing the door, locking it.

"Jude, seriously?" she asked, and moved towards the envelope.

"Who's that from?" she asked, confused.

"You remember the guy that took those pictures of me? Well, he escaped today..."I said quietly, wringing my hands, and Sadie glanced at the door.

"So we're stuck in this room?" she asked, and I rolled my eyes.

"There's a cop car coming...and..."we both jumped at the bang on my bedroom door, backing towards the wall.

"Jude, are you in there?" it was him, and my eyes widened, before instinct took over and I grabbed my desk chair, sticking it under the door knob. And then he knocked the door down. My eyes widened, and I backed into Sadie, grabbing her hand tightly. Despite the fact that I wanted to murder her right now, she was still my sister.

"What do you want?"I asked him shakily, and he smiled softly.

"You, Jude..."he said pulling out a gun, and my eyes widened.

"Just don't hurt Sadie,okay?" I told him, acting much braver than I felt, and he nodded.

"An honorable request..." I shielded myself in front of her, and he fired at the ceiling, both of us screaming.

"Come over here, Jude..."he motioned, and I bit back the bile rising in my throat, noticing Sadie slipping my phone back in my pocket. I squeezed her hand tightly before letting it go, and he noticed.

"Let go of her..."he fired at Sadie's thigh, and I screamed when it hit her.

"Sadie the police'll be here soon...you'll be okay, okay?" I said, tears streaming down my face, and she nodded weakly, her eyes closed from the pain. He hit me with the gun, and I winced, reaching up to my forehead to feel blood there.

"You give this to Darius Mills..."he told Sadie, throwing an envelope at her, and she caught it, her eyes boring into mine as he dragged me out of the house, the gun pressed at my temple.

"Now get in the car..."he said hoarsely, motioning to my Mustang and giving me the keys. I glanced at him strangely, and he slid in next to me, pointing the gun at me from beneath the dash.

"You go exactly where I say, or I kill you, understand?" I nodded, a fresh wave of tears coming up, and followed his directions blurrily, finally stopping two hours later at a large estate in Northern Ontario, my eyes confused.

"Just pull in..."he instructed me, poking the gun at my side, and I nodded shakily, driving into the garage, just hoping that Sadie was alright.

"Go inside..."he ordered me, and I nodded, pushing open the door in the garage and walking forwards, directed by the gun pointed at my back, my steps shaky. I just hoped Sadie was okay.  
I just hoped she was alright.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked him hesitantly, hours later, once I was tied to a chair, facing a large window overlooking the estate.

"I don't like being made a fool of, Jude...I think you'll come to see that sooner or later..."he paused,"Now what's Darius' private line?"

I bit my lip, staring at him defiantly, and yelled out when he shot the gun near my foot, starting to sob.

"Next time I'll actually hit you..."he said, and I gasped out the number between sobs.  
He called it quickly after gagging me so I couldn't say a word.

"This is Darius..."he said calmly, and Chris smiled a manic smile.

"Darius Mills this is Chris Banks...I believe I have something you want?"I tried to yell out, but it came out muffled, and he took off the gag, his eyebrow raised.

"Darius?" I asked hoarsely, and I heard his breath catch in his throat on the other end of the line.

And then my cell phone started to ring. My eyes widened, staring at Chris in fear more than anything.

"Did I tell you to bring your cell phone, Brownie?" he asked, and I started crying so hard I could barely respond.

"It was in my pocket! I'm sorry..."I apologized, and he yanked my head up by the hair, making me cry out in pain again.

"Did I tell you to talk, Harrison?" he hit me with the butt of the gun again, and I cried out, closing my eyes at the pain streaming down my skull.

"If I don't pick up my phone...he'll worry..."I recognized Tommy's ring tone.

"Jude, I'll get you out of there, okay?"Darius promised, and I managed a squeak in response when he grabbed the phone out of my pocket, holding it up to my ear.

"I didn't get my money last time, Mr. Mills...I'll expect a hundred thousand dollars delivered by tomorrow night to this address if you want to see your number one artist alive again..."

"I'll have your money..."Darius said.

"You say hi to him. Right now..."Chris pressed, and I swallowed thickly.

"Tommy?" I asked, trying to make my voice sound remotely normal, considering there was a gun pointed straight at my face. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to pretend that this was all a dream.

Hoping that I'd wake up.

But nothing was working.

Having a gun pointed at your head certainly throws your life into perspective, seriously. Have you ever HAD a gun pointed at your head?

"Hey, girl...you want me to pick you up to go to the studio tomorrow? I thought we could grab coffee, talk..." God he was so blissfully unaware. He had no idea.  
"Tell him that's fine..."Chris said ,and I nodded.

"That sounds fine..."I said softly.

"I called the house and it said your line was disconnected...are you okay?"he asked, worried, and I sighed.

"I'll be okay..."I told him, and Chris nodded,"Just...Tommy...about what happened earlier..."

"It's okay we can talk about it in the morning..."he said softly in response. Did he know?

"Tommy I..."Chris cocked the gun, and I winced.

"Just, whatever happens...it'll be okay...everything will be fine...ok?"he said gently, and I knew he knew. Just by the tone of his voice. It had changed.

The call counter was nearing close to a minute, and I sighed. They could find me. They'd be able to find me. This would all be over soon.

"I'll see you in the morning, girl...get some sleep..."he said, and I nodded.

"Bye, Tom..." I whispered, hanging up the phone.

"Good job, Rockstar..."he held up a syringe, and my eyes widened.

"What...are you putting in me?"I asked worriedly, and he shrugged.

"Sedative...we don't want my hostage running away, now do we?"he inserted it into my arm, and I winced as I started to feel sleep overcome me, slumping forwards in my chair. Guess I had no control over the situation at all.

**scene change**

"Did she say anything?" the detective asked, as they paced outside of Sadie's hospital room.

"No..."Tommy responded quietly, running a hand through his hair. He'd been the one they'd called first, going down a list of contacts that started with her home phone number, and ended with him. And now she was in ICU, and Jude was MIA. That was too many abbreviations for him.

"Man...is Sadie..."Kwest ran up the hallway, and Tommy gestured wordlessly to the door, indicating he could peek in.

"Jesus..."he whispered, his hand on the doorknob.

"We can't go in...she's still sleeping...and they have to run some tests...but she should be okay..."Tommy said softly, his mind elsewhere.

"And Jude?"Kwest ventured, obviously almost as concerned as Tommy.  
Tommy shook his head.

"They tracked the GPS on her phone. Now all we have to do, is wait..."he said, sinking down outside of Sadie's hospital room, his head in his hands.

They both glanced up when the doctor appeared.

"Mr. Quincy..she's asking for you..."he said, and Tommy nodded, getting up.

"I'll tell her you're here, okay man?" he asked, and Kwest nodded, getting up.

"I'll go get us some coffee..."he said quietly, trooping off towards the cafeteria, while Tommy stood anxiously at the door.

"Hey, Sades..."he said, and she frowned, staring out the window, where it had started to snow.

"She didn't want him to hurt me...I deserved it...you know?"she said, playing with the blanket, and he sighed.

"Sadie don't say something like that..."

"I told her not to date you..."she said quietly, almost meekly,"Tommy I'm an idiot..I may never see her again and all I could think about was how jealous I was that you both were finally happy...that you loved her...you love her, don't' you?" he nodded, grabbing her hand.

"More than anything.."he confessed quietly, watching her face for a reaction.

"And I was going to use it against her...make her stop talking to you...I'm so stupid...she begged him not to hurt me...she loves me...she's my sister..."she started crying, and he hugged her, rubbing her back in small circles.

"It's okay, Sadie...you'll be okay...she'll be fine..."he soothed,"You can apologize after, okay?"

"She heard you, you know?" Sadie finally said, and Tommy pulled back.

"What?" he asked, nonplused, and she smiled.

"She heard you...that night in your room...I heard it too...just take care of her, okay? She deserves it.."he kissed her forehead, and moved aside.

"Kwest's here to see you..."he mentioned, and she managed a weak smile.

"You wanna send him in?"she asked him, as he paused at the door.

"Yeah, I will..."  
"And Tom?" Sadie asked quietly.

"Yeah?" he questioned.

"Thank you..."she muttered, and he nodded, seeing Kwest.

"Go on in...thanks..."he took the cup of coffee, strong, and black. Jude didn't like her coffee black. She liked to load it up with as many creams and sugars and syrups as possible. He sighed to himself, and leant back into the chair.

"So who's that in there, young man, your girlfriend?" An old man asked, who was sitting next to him, and Tommy shook his head.

"Girlfriend's sister..."he whispered, almost wishing it was Jude in there because then he'd know that she'd be alright.

-scene change

"So, you wanna tell me, Detective Marks...why we are dealing with this?" Darius asked angrily, pounding his fist on the conference room table. Everyone winced.

"I don't get quite what you mean, Sir..."he responded, visibly shaken.

"I mean, how in the world is Chris out there with my number one artist when I delivered him to you with incriminating evidence?"Darius thundered, and Liam sighed, massaging his temples.

"Darius...let's just concentrate on getting Jude back unharmed..."Liam pointed out, with finality, and Darius sighed.

"You better have a damn good plan...if he hurts her..."Darius warned

**Scene Change**

And seven hours later, Darius was standing outside of the front door of the large estate, tapping his foot impatiently, Liam by his side, both of them with wires attached, and a briefcase in Liam's hand, filled with the money.

"Gentlemen, so glad you could join us.."he pointed the gun at both of them, motioning them inside.

I'd been watching from the living room, tied up, a gag over my mouth.

I had no idea what time it was. Time was a distinct memory, and I was still dulled down by the sedatives, my eyes widened, and I stared at them from the couch, panicked.

"Jude...just relax, okay? We're gonna get you out of here..."Darius told me, and I closed my eyes tightly.

"Where's the money..."Chris asked simply, and Liam held it out, pulling it back when he moved for it.  
"Untie her, and pass her over to Darius..."Liam said quietly, and he nodded.

"A fair trade...it's been fun, blondie..."he picked me up, and I fought to keep from gagging, closing my eyes tightly, tears behind them.

He put me down, and pushed me towards Darius, who caught me, our eyes locking. He untied my gag as Liam handed over the money.

"So we'll just be going now..."Liam said simply, and he held up the gun as Darius took off my gag.

"Are you okay?" he asked, actually concerned, and my eyes widened.

"Darius..duck!"I said shakily, and pulled him down towards the ground, wincing as the bullet dug into my shoulder.

At about the same time, Liam pulled out a gun from his pocket and shot Chris in the chest.

"Ow..."I moaned softly, and fell back, hitting my head on the hardwood floor.

Consciousness was a dim memory as I tried to keep my eyes open.

"Jude...Jude just try to keep your eyes open..."I heard, and groaned, realizing my hands were now unbound and reaching up to feel blood on my shoulder.

"Oh...god..."I moaned, my breath quickening. He shot me. That ass actually shot me. And my sister!

"Jude you're gonna be okay..."

"Liam, what are you?"he was bending over me, working on my wound, pouring something on it.

"Oowwwwww..."I groaned, and Liam made a face.

"I've got to cover your wound, Jude...Just relax your shoulder...the helicopter is on it's way..."he said, and I realized I was shirtless. Ew.

"We had to take off your shirt to get to the wound...relax..."Darius told me, and I nodded, swallowing thickly. I'd obviously made a face.

"Somebody call Tommy..."I muttered, and Darius grabbed something off his shirt. It was a mic.. He handed it to me, and took something out of his ear, shoving it in mine.

"D-What's this for?" I said, my voice slurred.

"Hey...girl..."his voice came over the earpiece, and I sighed in relief.

"Go on, superstar...he can hear you..."Darius urged, and I sighed in relief.  
"Hi..."I whispered, wishing he was right in front of me.

"Just stay awake, okay?" he asked me, and I coughed in response.

"I'll try...Tom.."I said weakly, and he sighed.

"Your sister told me what she said, girl..."he said, and my eyes widened.

"Is she okay?"I asked, not able to say anything else.

"Are you?"he asked softly, and I laughed, wincing.

"Try not to move, Jude..."Darius said again, as they lifted me onto the stretcher.

"Sorry, D..."I whispered, fading in and out of consciousness.

"Meet us at the hospital, okay?"I moaned softly, and heard his response in the back of my head.

"Time of death 8:23 pm..."I heard dimly behind me, and felt tears sting my eyes.

_It was over. Chris was dead. It was finally over._

_But I was a mess._

I awoke several hours later to the feeling of a warm hand clasped in mine, and moaned softly.

"Tom?" I moaned, and turned to face him, my face splitting into a smile.

"Hey, girl..."he breathed, and I smiled.

"Hi..."I whispered, and closed my eyes when he kissed my forehead.

"Tom...what day is it?" I asked him, and he smiled.

"It's only Wednesday...you still get to do Music Helps..."he said, and I smiled again, reaching up with my good arm to pull his head down and kiss him.

Things were already looking up. And it was only Wednesday.

"Jude! Thank God!" Speid and Mason said from the doorway, and I grinned at them, accepting their flowers and Speid's blow up guitar.

"Nice, Vincent..."I commented, and Tommy kissed my temple.

"I'm gonna go get some coffee girl..."I nodded, reluctant to let go of his hand, and glanced up again when Jamie entered.  
"Awww...all the favorite boys in my life..."I said, and ate my words when Shay entered as well.

"Damn...three exes in one room..."Mason said under his breath, and I shot him a look.

"Hi...guys.."I said, totally blown away at the number of gifts they had brought me.

"I should probably sleep..."I said, not faking my yawn at all.

"I'll see you at rehearsal on Thursday, blondie..."Shay told me, and I nodded, wincing at the pain in my head.

"We'll see you later..."they told me, leaving me alone, and I glanced up in shock when Sadie wheeled herself in the room.

"Hi, sis.."she whispered, and I smiled.

"Hey..."I said quietly, staring at her and waiting for her to speak.

"He really loves you..."she said quietly,"I'm sorry...about what I said...okay?"I nodded.

"I know, Sadie...And I think Kwest might love you..."I whispered to her, and she turned her head to see him in the doorway.

"Wanna go eat in the cafeteria?"he asked her, and she blushed. I just rolled my eyes.

**scene change**

The next day, I was carried by Tommy to his Porsche, who put me in the passenger side and fastened my seatbelt, our eyes locking.

"So where do we go from here?" he asked me, his hand snaking across the armrest to grab mine.

"Wendys..."I said honestly, a grin playing at my lips,"I've never craved a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger..."

"No pickle..."he mocked, and I hit him on the arm lightly as we drove out o the hospital parking lot, a wide smile on my face.

Life was certainly throwing me for a loop these days. But I had a feeling, that with Tommy by my side, we could get through ANY of it. Together.

Yeaaaaah! Twenty five pages of love.

I hope you guys liked it.

Really. I do.

Actually the next episode is rather interesting too...

I only have the first part of it done tho.

So I'll wait on posting it.


	9. Let it Be 1 of 2

Let It Be by Jena Rink It's like a web exclusive or something.  
Lol.  
Enjoy.  
I'll write the rest later.  
Jena :) 

Something I've learned over the last few weeks is just to let it be. I've been so concerned lately with everything going wrong that I failed to see what was going right. Well. Somethings going right, finally, and you've gotta be crazy if you think I'm going to give this up.

"Mmmmm...we have to get back to work..."I whispered, pulling away from Tommy's lips and glancing around me, making sure no one was looking.

We'd been in my Mustang for at least an hour, passing our lunch break much too quickly.

"No..."he whispered, pulling me back towards him, kissing me again, his arms winding through my hair.

"Tommy Darius is gonna start looking for us it's been an hour..."I whispered, kissing across his cheekbone, our eyes locking.

"So what?" he whispered, and I sighed, resting my forehead against his.

"One month, Quincy...just one month..."I murmured, grabbing his hands, and he glanced down.

"It's worth it..."he assured me softly, and I nodded, not so sure anymore. He looked unsure.  
Did that mean I could be unsure?

"Wait five minutes...okay?" I asked him, and he sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Jude...wait...your..."he made a motion to my neck, looking uncomfortable, and I glanced down.

"Tommy! Gross!"I whispered, pulling the collar of my polo upwards, and he laughed softly.

"I'll see you in the studio, girl..."he grabbed my hand, and kissed it, and I melted, a blush creeping onto my cheeks as I waltzed into Gmajor, on top of the world.

And yet, part of me still wonders if he isn't worried...

"Does Tommy still chew Double Mint Gum?" Sadie asked, and I answered without thinking.

"Yep..."realization hit my face, and I clapped a hand to my forehead,"Sadie!"I said in a low voice, and she raised her eyebrows.

"You two have the afternoon off...Darius' orders, Shay's recording with Kwest,"she said,  
and I nodded.

"Tell Tommy I'm in Studio C...okay?" I asked, and she smiled.

"Will do, sis..."she remarked, and I walked back into the empty studio, laying back on the couch and massaging my temples.

Shay and I had been rehearsing for only a day. My shoulder hurt like hell, my head hurt, and to top it off, I was confused. What was going to happen when I turned eighteen. I wasn't even sure if I was Tommy's...anything.

Okay that was stupid. I know we're something. But...what are we? Really?

I was snapped out of my thoughts when Shay appeared with Kix and Soy Milk. Typical.

I swallowed, and took the bowl from him, nodding at him silently, before devouring it whole.

"You were never one for soy milk, shorty...what's up..."he started, and I shrugged.

"I missed lunch..."I said simply, and he noticed my shirt collar.

"Trying to bring back the eighties...because they really are long..."he reached to pull it down, and saw the hickey, his eyes widening.

"Shay..."I said harshly yet softly, slapping his hand away and putting my shirt back where it was as the door opened.

"Jude?" Tommy peaked his head around the door, catching my eye, and I sighed. He was jealous, again.

"Shay, you and Jude already rehearsed today...we have to work on a new song..."he told Shay simply, and he nodded, brushing past him.

"No problem...I'll see you tomorrow...get some rest, you look beat..."Shay told me, and I nodded at him gratefully, sharing a smile. Tommy made a noise in the back of his throat, and I rolled my eyes.

He locked the door, and sat next to me on the couch, staring at me.

"You okay?" he asked suddenly, and I shrugged, finishing up my cereal.

"I don't know...are you? We were just talking..."I told him, putting the bowl on the coffee table in front of the couch and grabbing his hands.

"It's just the way he looks at you..."Tommy supplied, grabbing my right hand and rubbing circles into it with his fingers. It felt good.

"Tommy, don't try and distract me..." I told him, crossing my arms, pulling his hand with me. He sat on the floor in front of me, his other hand on my knee, and I tensed, glancing down at him.

"I love your hair..."he said in a Texan accent, a dreamy look in his eyes, and I laughed softly.

"Shut up...it's not...working...dammit...Tommy..."I said, annoyed, and he rubbed my palm a little more vigorously. I sucked in a breath, closing my eyes.

"Mmm...don't stop that..."I told him softly, and he smiled evilly.

"What...this?" he asked quietly, leaning up and kissing my neck softly, continuing to rub my hand, while his other hand came up to rest at the back of my head.

We'd maneuvered ourselves at that point so that he was on top of me on the couch, my legs around his waist.

"You have a song?" he asked, after kissing me, pulling away to stare down at me.

"Yeah...but we can work on it tomorrow...D gave us the afternoon off..."Tommy made a face.

"As addicted as you are to work...Addie's with the babysitter...at Portia's...and my parents don't think I'm getting home till ten tonight..."I grabbed his hands, our eyes locking.

"Dinner and a movie at my place it is then..."he said, and I smiled at him, sitting up when he did and leaning against him.

Five hours later, I awoke, asleep on his couch with a blanket tucked around me.

"Tom?"I questioned, sitting up, and put a hand to my head, moaning softly. It was hot. I was definitely sick still.

"Go back to sleep, Jude...you're running a fever..."he called from the kitchen, and I made out his form blearily, before turning back into the couch and closing my eyes tightly. When I opened them again, he was staring down at me.

"The doctor said it's probably from your concussion...I re-bandaged your wound..."I looked down to realize I was in his sweats again.

"Did you call my sister?" I asked him hoarsely, and he nodded.

"She's gonna cover for you...don't worry..."he lifted me onto his lap, and I noticed the bowl of soup in front of me.

"Did you make that?"I asked him quietly, glancing back up at him.

"It'll help..."he promised, and I nodded tiredly.

"Okay..."I breathed softly, and he kissed my forehead.

"You wanna watch more movies?" he asked me, pulling my hair back into an elastic, as I was sweating.

"Yeah...sure..."I whispered tiredly.

"Okay girl...I'm gonna go grab you some tea, okay? And some sprite?" I groaned when he left, leaning back against the couch, and he rolled his eyes.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" he asked, and I smiled to myself, despite how awful I felt.

"Yep..."I said simply, closing my eyes, and he shook his head, walking towards the kitchen.

When I woke up again, he was stroking my hair softly, and I moaned, trying to move so I could stare up at him.

"You feeling better? Your fever went down..."he said quietly, and I nodded, surprised when he picked me up and carried me upstairs to his room again, laying me down on his bed and going to the bathroom, leaving me staring after him.

"Hi..."I breathed, when he came back in a t-shirt and boxers, sliding into bed next to me.

"Hi..."he said back softly, stroking my cheek with his thumb.

"You better not get sick on me again..."he warned me, and I flashed him an exhausted smile.

"Sorry..."I breathed, resting my head on his chest.

"It's okay, girl..."he whispered, and I sighed happily.

"Can Sadie cover for me every night?" I asked, a second later, and he snorted.  
"I'm sure we can work something out..."he said quietly, our eyes meeting.

"How?"I questioned, propping myself up on my elbows.

"I'm sure we can figure something out..."he said evasively, and I rolled my eyes. He was keeping something from me. I knew it. And it probably

"Twenty six days..."I muttered, annoyed, and rolled over, facing the window, wrapping my arms around myself.  
"Don't you have an english test in the morning?" he asked, trying to distract me, and I rolled my eyes.

"It's next Friday, not this Friday..."I responded tiredly.

"Are you going to study?" he asked, and I shrugged.

"Can I study you?"I asked suddenly, running my hands across his chest gently, winking at him.

"You'd get an A..."he said huskily, and I laughed softly, kissing the underside of his chin softly.

"You think so?" I asked quietly, and he grabbed my hands, pulling me up until we were face to face.

"I know so, girl..."he whispered, and kissed me softly, pulling away to stare at me a second later.

"What are you keeping a secret..."I asked him, and he shrugged.

"Tommy..."I pleaded, and he shook his head.

"It's a suprise..."he mocked, raising his eyebrows, and I hit him on the arm, snuggling up next to him on the bed. I really, really could get used to waking up next to him. Falling asleep next to him, living with him...eating with him. Wait..did I just say...living with him?

I freaked out, and rolled over, facing the window again.

"Commere..."he said sleepily, and pulled me closer, resting his head on my shoulder.

"Wake me up in the morning..."

"Well we can't sleep forever..."he whispered in my ear, and kissed my shoulder gently,  
reaching above us to turn off the light. 

The next morning I was not cheerful at all. I dimly felt Tommy shove a cup of Starbucks into my hand, and made my way almost drunkenly to his Porsche, climbing in the passenger seat.

It was five in the morning, and there was a photo shoot before Music Helps.

Why was I doing this again? Oh yeah. Because I got to take pictures with my boyfriend.  
That was why.

"Lord Squinty Frown, Ms. Harrison, good to see you this morning..."Speid said, in an overly accentuated British accent. I rolled my eyes, leaning further into Tommy, my eyes half shut. 

"Girl you have to have your hair done..wake up..."he whispered in my ear, and squeezed my hand.

"Okay..."I breathed, yawning, and winked at him as I walked off towards hair and makeup,  
grabbing another coffee on the way.

"Ms. Harrison, have a seat...you're running late..."the hairdresser said, and immediately began barrel curling my hair. They always did that...couldn't they just ask me my opinion?,"Love the New Color, by the way, it really suits you..."

"Quincy gave me a ride...blame him..."I said tiredly, a little behind in the conversation.

"I heard that..."he said from the other end of the trailer, and I rolled my eyes.

"Good for you..."I said back, rolling my eyes.

An hour later, and I was in halter top style gold ball gown, Quincy in a tux, along with the rest of SME, Shay, and Mason, and Karma, in a bronze colored ball gown that matched mine.

I think I looked better.

She was like...all over Tommy, pretending to be tired. That was my job. If smoke could be coming out of my ears, it would. Trust me.

"Tommy you're so funny..."he made a face, and Mason grabbed my arm as I made to go over there.

"Just let it be, Jude..."he said uncomfortably, and I shot him a murderous look.

"Psycho bitch has her arms all over my..."I cut myself up abruptly, and walked over to hospitality, nodding at other artists along the way. Mason followed me.

"Your what?" he asked, interested, and I stuffed a piece of fruit in my mouth, ignoring him.

"Forget it..."I whispered, a little unsure, as he started laughing with her.

I made a small noise in the back of my throat, and grabbed another piece of fruit, shoving it in and practically swallowing it whole.

"I don't think that piece of apple did anything to you..."he said, concerned, and I frowned.

"Yeah, I can help you with your song when we get back to the studio later..."I made a noise of outrage, but only quiet enough for Mason to hear, and turned to him.

"I changed my mind...I'd rather be photographed with you..."I told him bluntly, my cheeks burning.

"Okay, Jude, what's going on?"Mason said, steering me over to two fold out chairs and sitting down.

"I can't really...say it here..."I said, and he nodded.

"But I should be able to get the picture?" he ventured, and I laid my head on his shoulder.

"Yeah..."I said, closing my eyes tightly and massaging my temples.

"Are you feeling okay?"he asked, and I nodded sleepily.

"Yeah..."I whispered, actually feeling a little woozy. Damn concussion. If only Chris hadn't of shot me.

"Tommy's got my anti-nausea stuff, and it's not like he cares.."I added under my breath,  
and Mason made a face. 

"You've been checking on the..."he made a motion to my shoulder, and I cringed.

"Tommy changed the bandages last night before we went to sleep..."my eyes widened a little, embarrassed at my slip.

"Before the two of you went to sleep?"he asked, confused, and I rolled my eyes.

"My boyfriend, is flirting with Pirana Barbie over there..."I said through clenched teeth,  
wincing as he lifted the small dressing they'd set on my wound.

"I don't think he realizes he's doing it...whoa...this is really red..."he said, uncomfortable,  
and I winced.

"Let's just get through this morning...and then you can take me to the hospital...obviously Tommy's too preoccupied..."I said bitterly, and Spied came up behind us.

"How're you feeling?" he asked me seriously, and I shrugged, wincing.

"Apparently I shouldn't be moving...but I promised Chaz I'd do this and I'm not really the type to back out on this sort of thing..."

They were still talking. God, what was he thinking? Because he was only serving to make me seem more insecure.

Of course, I had my little base camp. I never realized how many of the guys truly cared for me. Because here all of SME and Mason were, gathered around me, and Kwest was on his way. He was the only one that really knew what was going on.  
"Hey, where's Tommy...Jude you look really clammy..."he said, concerned, and I rolled my eyes.

"Flirting with Karma...and thanks Kwest..."I said, wincing again.

"Are you sure we shouldn't take you to the hospital now?"

"Um...yeah...that'd be a great headline...half of Gmajor camp troops with Jude Harrison off to the hospital and ditches out on music helps due to a gunshot wound that the media doesn't know about!" I said under my breath, and Mason grabbed my hand, squeezing it tightly.

"Do you want me to call Darius?"he asked, and I shook my head.  
"Mason, don't..."I grabbed his phone with my good arm, and he sighed.

"You're so stubborn..."he said, and I met his eyes, fighting back tears.

"I really wanna get out of here, but I can't..."I said, as Tommy and Karma continued to talk.

What happened to the guy that made me soup and brought me tea yesterday? He obviously didn't exist anymore.

He looked a little confused when the photographer started taking pictures of me and Mason,  
me and Shay, me and SME, but no me and him.

The real show stopper happened later in the day.

I'd just finished a great performance with Shay, who was helping me to sit down, when Karma came bursting into the dressing room, all aglow from her own performance.

"Do either of you need a ride to the studio?" she asked brightly, and I wanted to sock her in the face. Shay shot me a look, and I bit my tounge.

"No, we're fine...thanks Karma..."I said tiredly, and she sighed.

"Can I ask you something?" she questioned, and I looked over at Shay.

"Ask away..."I muttered, and she grinned.

"You think if I asked Tom Quincy out he would say yes?" she asked, and I put my head in my hands.

"Go for it..."I muttered from between my hands.

What the hell was I supposed to say? Get your hands off of my boyfriend...you copper skinned, black haired wanna-be diva? Well it's what I wanted to say. When she flounced out of the room, Shay put a hand on my shoulder.

"You okay?" he asked gently, and I snorted.

"Oh I'm fine..."I said sarcastically, fighting back tears.

"You love him, don't you?" Shay realized, and I shook my head quickly.

"It's obviously one sided, Shay..."I said quietly, and he raised an eyebrow.

"Girl, are you coming to the...Jesus...are you okay?" Tommy asked, appearing in the doorway,"I'm giving Karma a ride to the studio...if you want you can-" my head shot up.

"I bet you are...go have fun..."I said sharply, and he closed the door.

"What is going on with you?"he asked, and Shay sighed.

"Do you two want to talk in private?"Shay asked, uncomfortable, and I shook my head.

"No, we're fine..."I said sourly, and grabbed my purse.

"I'm going with Mason and Speid..."I told him, brushing past him with my good shoulder.

"Jude?" he asked, completely unaware of what was going on.

"Leave me alone, Tommy..."I muttered angrily, and spotted Mason across the room. He noticed what was going on, and Speid did as well.

"Come on, Jude..."Mason said, putting his arm around my shoulders, and guiding me towards the exit.

I didn't hear what Speid say to Tommy, but it must have been mean.

Because Tommy let out a string of curses I'd never heard him use. Whatever.

And two hours later, I was sitting in yet another hospital bed.

"Anyone we need to call while we dis-infect this?"

"My boyfriend for screwing up the bandaging?" I asked, annoyed.

"Her sister...she meant her sister..."Mason said, and I glanced at him in gratitude.  
"You should be fine..."the doctor said,"But bed rest...I talked to Darius...you get a week off...and just resting...okay Miss Harrison? Are we clear?" I nodded tiredly.

"Hey, Mason, Darius needs you back at Gmajor as soon as possible...he sent me with a car to get Jude..."Someone said, poking their head in the door. '

He was gorgeous. I felt my breath catch in my throat, and glanced at Mason worriedly.

"Jude, this is Hunter Davies...he just got a contract...he opened for me this summer...on the second leg of my tour..."Mason introduced, and I nodded.

"Hi...I'm..." "I know who you are..."Hunter said in response, and I raised an eyebrow,"Jude Harrison..it's nice to meet you..."he shook my good hand, and I nodded. He had nice hands. He played guitar.

"It's nice to meet you too?" I ventured, and Mason kissed my forehead.

"Don't tell Tom what's going on, okay?" I asked, and he nodded.

"I'll come visit you tonight when I get off work...go home, and go to sleep, we clear?"he said sternly, and I giggled.

"Yes Dr. Fox.."I said, and mock saluted with my good arm.

"Ha ha..."he hugged me gently, and left Hunter and I alone in the room.

He was really cute. By the time we got to my dad's, we'd really hit it off. He carried me upstairs, both of us laughing hysterically, and deposited me on my bed, our eyes locking.

"But don't you think Green Day's earlier stuff is way better?" he questioned, and I nodded.

"Way better..."I agreed finally, glad he'd consented to get me coffee.

If he was flirting with Karma, I could sure as hell flirt with Hunter. Hunter was sweet.  
Hunter was recently single, having just broken up with his girlfriend of two years a few months ago.  
Hunter hadn't taken his eyes off of me, even in too much makeup from the photo shoot, and a gunshot wound in my shoulder. Case and point being...Hunter was stable. Hunter was NOT Tommy, and that right there guaranteed his appeal.

"Hey, listen..."he said ,glancing at his watch,"I've gotta get back to the studio...your sister threatened to kill me if I didn't take you home and make sure you got to bed alright...but...you wanna grab lunch or something this week?" he quickly backtracked,"I mean, if you don't want to,  
that's fine..I was just wondering...if I could get to know you a little better..."

I blushed, and leant up, kissing him on the cheek.

"I'd like that..."I told him, and he smiled.

"Great...just...feel better, okay?"he said, obviously giddy.

"You can come visit me later with Mason if you want to...we'll probably just watch movies?" I asked, praying he said yes.

"I'd like that..."he said back, and I rolled my eyes.

"Go..."I said, grinning slightly, and watched him leave, butterflies in my stomach.

He was hot. "Lady Harrison, on bed rest?" Speid asked, carrying a large box into my room, and I moaned, putting a hand over my eyes.

"Speid what are you doing?"

"Setting up your new tv so you can be completely and totally lazy as long as humanly possible..."Speid said, bowing graciously, and I rolled my eyes.

"What did you bring?" I asked him, and he held up another bag, handing it to me.

"Pop tarts? Awww..."I said, grinning, and glanced up when Mason, Wally, Kyle, and Hunter came in the room, followed by Shay, who looked extremely out of place.

"Are you all here to watch movies with me?" Speid and Mason immedietly sat on either side of me, while Wally and Kyle grabbed the floor and Shay sat on the large chair in my room.

"You guys this is so nice of you..."I said honestly, and noticed Hunter was still standing awkwardly. I patted the space next to me on the bed, seeing as Speid and Mason were leaning against the wall, and he nodded, sitting next to me, letting me lean my head on his shoulder.

When I woke up five hours later, I was partially asleep on Hunter, who had his arm around my waist. Actually, every one was asleep but me. And it was already ten o clock.

"I'd forgotten Wally snored so loud..."Speid said, annoyed, and I made a face, turning over to face him, detaching myself from Hunter.

I was happy they were all here. But the one person I still needed to talk to wasn't.

"Where's Tommy?" I asked Speid, and he frowned.

"At dinner with Karma...something about distributors for her album...Liam couldn't go..."I rolled my eyes, fighting back tears.

"He didn't even call to see if I was okay..."I muttered, and Speid put an arm around my shoulders.

"Hey...it was for work..."he offered gently, and I sniffled, buring my head in the crook of his shoulder.

"He always makes you cry..."Speid noticed, and I sighed.

"Yeah..."I whispered.

"Maybe he makes you cry too much.."he ventured, and I nodded.

"You wanna wake the guys up and get out of here?" I asked him, laying back down, and he nodded.  
"You want me to stay?" he asked, and I nodded.

"Yeah, could you?" I asked him, our eyes locking. He nodded, and slowly woke up everyone in the room while I pretended to be asleep.

In the end, it was only Mason, me, and Speid laying together on my bed.

"Speid I'm gonna head out..I have an interview in the morning..."he said, and kissed my forehead.

"I'll see you in a few days, okay?" I managed to moan a response, and he smiled.

"Okay..."he breathed, and left, closing the door with a soft click.

I don't know when I started crying. I sat up, not facing Speid, and I was bawling.

I haven't cried so hard since I broke my arm in fourth grade.

"Hey...shh..."he turned me around, and hugged me tightly.

My phone rang, and I glanced at it.

"It's him.."I muttered softly.

"I think you need to talk to him..."

"I'll just check my voice mail..."I ignored the call, and rolled back over, resting my head on Speid's chest.

"Okay..."he confirmed, stroking my hair, and Sadie opened the door, Tommy right behind her.

"Hey, are you..."her eyes widened, and Spied got up.

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"he told me, and I nodded.

"Thanks for keeping me company..."I said quietly, not looking at Tommy. It was easier to look at the window.

"Hi..."he said, still in a tux, presumably from dinner.

"You look nice...did you and Karma have a good time?"I said softly, my voice shaking, and he sat on the edge of the bed.

"Jude..."he said softly, and reached out to touch my shoulder.

I flinched.

"You wanna do a better job fixing the bandage next time? I had to go to the hospital...again..."I said quietly, and he sighed.

"I'm sorry..."he ventured, and I started crying.

"All you do is make me cry, and apologize...how am I supposed to trust when I turn 18 that this is all going to go away? That you're not gonna be insecure anymore?"I breathed, still not facing him.

"I won't be...you've gotta trust your heart..."he said softly.

"My heart is on the verge of breaking...you've been cracking it since I met you..."I said, a little louder, and he glanced at the door.

"Girl I'm sorry...I really don't know what else to say..."he said quietly.

"I don't think this is gonna work..."I said softly, and he reached over and grabbed my hand.

"Why?" he asked, and I sighed.

"Because you won't wait..."I breathed, curling up into a ball.

He tucked the blanket around me, and sighed.

"Karma thought there was something going on, Jude..."he said, and I sighed.

"She would think that...it was pretty easy for you to distract her..."I said, a little harsher than I intended.

"She asked me out..."he said, and I sighed.

"That was my idea..."I said, a little more venomously than I intended, and he sucked into a breath,"Did you say yes?" I added quickly.

"Jude...I don't want Karma, I want you.."

"You prove that to me by my 18th birthday, and maybe I'll give you another chance...I'm not..going to get fooled by you again..."I said softly, tears streaming down my face.

"Jude...please...don't do this..."he said, and I shook my head, scooting away from him.

"I think you should go..."I whispered, and he put a hand on the small of my back, making me tense.

"I'll prove it to you..."he said in my ear, and kissed the side of my head.

"I'll see you in a week..."he breathed, and left me alone in the room, crying softly to myself.

I wouldn't let him stay. It was my fault.

I wasn't sure if I'd made the right decision or the wrong one.

I guess I'd find out.

Before long I'd started bawling again, and there was no one there to help me. I heard the door open, and felt Sadie lay down behind me, wrapping her arms around me.

"Shhh..."she soothed, and let me cry.

"Thanks..."I sniffled, a second later, and she pulled away.

"Did you break up?" she asked, and I frowned.

"I dumped him..."I muttered, wringing my hands.

"Oh, sis..."she kissed my forehead, and grabbed my hands,"Try and get better, okay? Things will seem better by the time you come back to Gmajor..."

I wasn't sure if things would ever get better.

Okay, I know. I suck. You're all mad that they broke up, aren't you?  
Sorry! I'm sorry, really I am,  
I'll have the next part of the episode out asap. But it's not going to have anything to do with Jommy...so sorry. Lol.  
This is a later resolved issue. 


	10. Let it be 2 of 2

Let it Be  
Part Two of Two  
Jena Rink  
This contains mention of cutting. Btw. So be forewarned.  
And I think it may have some cusswords. It's a little depressing.  
Eep.  
Mucho thanks to Undiscovered!!! Beta of the CENTURY!  
And enjoy!

I cried for an hour. God I was a mess. It was my freakin' idea in the first place. I don't see why I was regretting it now. It was for the best. He obviously couldn't wait. But maybe his flirting with Karma could be him throwing her off of the fact that Tommy and I...were something. What had we been? What had I stopped?

I didn't even know anymore.

I heard Sadie come in, and ignored her, staring at the rain falling outside my window.

"You know he's sitting downstairs..."she said, and I shrugged, wrapping my arms around myself.

"It's for the best...he was just going to hurt me again..."I said, not turning around.

"Did you ever think that you might be hurting him this time?"she shot back, and closed the door, aggravated.

I could hear her talking to Tommy downstairs.

"I don't know what to say about it..."she said, her voice muffled, and I crept to the end of the landing, listening silently. 

"I'll tell you what to say about it...she's scared...she's being irrational..."Tommy said, effectively reading me like a book. I was scared. I was scared shitless. What do you do when the person you've always wanted finally wants you back? You freak. You freak out, and you get scared, and you do and say different things.

"She won't listen she's so damn stubborn..."Sadie said, and Tommy made a noise in the back of his throat.

"That's what I love about her..."he said quietly, and I closed my eyes tightly, leaning against the banister.

It was for the best. It was for the best. Was it for the best? God I was analyzing this too much.

"Tommy, it's good to see you..."dad said simply, leaning against the banister. 

"You too Mr. Harrison..."he said, getting up,"Sadie she's not gonna budge..."he said tiredly,"I should just go..this isn't...it's two in the morning..."

"She will...Tommy...she needs you..."Sadie pressed,"More than you know..."

" Which obviously isn't enough anymore...I've hurt her too much..."he whispered.

"And now she's hurting you...why don't you guys just get over yourselves..."Sadie said quietly, when Stuart went into the kitchen.

"I'm not going to push her, Sadie...she's in a lot of pain right now..."Tommy re-iterated. Its' the last thing she needs right now "

"Well maybe if you weren't flirting with Karma all day..."he threw his hands up.

"She knows something...I don't know what...I'm not...getting either of us in trouble..."Tommy said under his breath.

"Tom there's something else..."Sadie said quickly, and I frowned, scooting closer to the edge of the landing.

"Something else..what do you..."she cut him off, her voice barely a whisper. 

"Tommy she's been..."I didn't hear the rest of the sentence, and didn't realize my dad was coming up the stairs.

"Playing spy?" he asked softly, and I nodded, leaning against the wall.

"What's going on with you and Tommy?" he asked, and I sighed.

"I...really don't know if you want to hear this..."I told him softly, and he nodded.

"Whenever you want to tell me, I won't judge you, Jude..."he said, squeezing my shoulder, and left me alone in the hallway, still listening.

"Sadie...I don't know how I didn't..."she sighed.

"Well you didn't, okay? And whether she'll admit it or not, she needs you..."Sadie said softly, and he sighed. "She won't let me in..."Tommy said softly,"You don't understand how I've been trying to get her to let me in "

"She's fragile..." Okay...seriously? I'm not a piece of glass

"I'm giving her time..."he breathed, and paused at the door. I backed up into the hallway, and walked to my room quickly when he paused at the stairs.

"I'm gonna go say goodnight..."he breathed, and Sadie nodded.

"Good luck..."she whispered, and I dove onto my bed, facing the window again.

"Girl you awake in here?"he whispered, and I made a small movement on the bed, not turning to face him.  
I'm like...the worst liar in the world. And I mean that. One look in my eyes, and he'd know. 

"Just...feel better, okay?"he said softly, and leant over, kissing my temple softly, and I clenched my eyes shut.

He sat on the edge of the bed, and grabbed my hand.

"I'll see you on Wednesday..."he finally said, and squeezed my hand slightly.

And it just had to hit the news that next Monday. I couldn't help thinking that pushing Tommy away had been a mistake. He still wasn't my producer, so I didn't have to see him as much anymore. But I still had to see him. I missed him.. Come Wednesday, when I was going to return to work and give a press conference concerning the pictures, which Chris had managed to leak before his death, and Chris' death.

I'd been rehearsing my lines since Sunday. It's not like I had anything better to do. And when I got to Gmajor at four in the morning so Portia could make me look presentable, he was sitting in hospitality, nursing a cup of coffee, his expression unreadable.

I almost wanted to avoid him. But seeing him there, looking so depressed, just made me want to open him up more.

"Hi..."I whispered, and his head shot up. Our eyes locked for a second, and he glanced down as I searched his face for what he was feeling.

"Uhm...Portia's looking for you..."he said finally, and I sighed.

"I'm sorry I blew up at you..."I offered quietly, and he shrugged, staring at his mug of coffee like it was his only escape. He'd been so passionate when I broke up with him. Asking me why, telling me he didn't want to. What was going on?

"Tom..."I reached out a hand to touch his forearm, and he brought it back quickly.

"You really need to get to wardrobe..."he said softly, and I glanced up at the ceiling, tears filling my eyes. I'd really screwed up this time. He could barely look at me.

"Tommy I..."

"Hey, Tom, you coming?" it was Karma, and my eyes locked with his a moment before I shook my head, stepping past him and trying to stop the onslaught of tears. I guess a lot could go wrong while you were on bed rest.

"Jude..."he said, glancing after me. But he didn't follow. He never followed me. And that would always be our problem.

I stood outside the door, and was about to walk away when I heard Karma.

"What the hell is her problem?"Karma asked rudely, and Tommy sighed.

"She got shot last week, and kidnaped, Karma...I don't think you realize how serious that is...she could have died..."Tommy responded, much harsher than I thought he would.

"You seem to really care about that..."she shot back, and he rolled his eyes. I could practically see him doing it.

"I care about her...she's the first artist I produced here, Karma..."he said, and I could see her pouting through the window.

"But not any more than you care about me?"she asked, touching his arm lightly, and he grabbed her hands, taking them off his arm.

Oh, rejection. Score one for me.

"There's an office policy against dating your co-workers..."he said, trying to keep his cool. Which was kind of hard for him to do these days. 

"Somebody should of told you that about Jude...she's 17..."Karma said, and my eyes widened.

"And she's more grown up than you'll ever be..."his eyes caught mine through the glass, and he frowned, staring between us.

I turned and walked away, shaking my head.

And four hours later, I was standing at a podium in the theater where I'd originally won Instant Star nervously, Speid and Mason by my side.

"You can do this..."Mason told me quietly, and I nodded, smiling softly at Jamie when he came up behind me and gave me a long hug.

"Hi..."he said, and I squeezed his hand.

"I'll get through it..."I promised him, and he nodded.

"I know...I'm just here for moral support..."he said back quietly.

"Thanks"I responded,, and Portia held a hand up, indicating she was going to talk first. I nodded silently, my hand grasped tightly in Mason's. Everyone else had sat down.

"I'd just like to say that Jude will only be answering a few questions today...we have a statement prepared, and that will be the bulk of her appearance here..."Portia said, and motioned to me. I gave Mason a long hug, and sighed, walking up to the podium.

"I guess you're all wondering why you woke up on Monday to pictures of me drinking underage and in a hotel room half asleep on a bed..."I said quietly, throwing caution to the winds. Portia's eyes widened. She'd told me I hardly had to say anything, but could reveal more if I wanted to.

"Because I have so many younger fans, I feel the need to explain myself...a little more fully then I intended..."I added, and took a deep breath,"That night...when those pictures were taken...I think life had finally caught up to me...I was upset, and I got in an argument backstage at my release party, so I went to Mason's concert in Barry...and...well...you obviously saw the rest...I was upset...but it doesn't excuse what I did...and trust me I have more than paid the price lately for my mistake...Chris blackmailed me...and when we turned him in...he escaped, and kidnaped me...if it weren't for Liam and Darius I wouldn't be alive right now..."I said softly, glancing down at my hands.

"Okay...questions..."Portia said, pointing out a familiar reporter.

"Miss Harrison...can I question if Mr. Quincy's disappearance had anything to do with your emotional state?"God...reporters always know just what to ask.

"Something to do with it...but it wasn't all of it...Tommy and I are just friends...nothing more..."I lied,"I had some family problems, and I think I was just stressed in general..."I said softly crossing my fingers where they wouldn't see.

What they didn't know couldn't hurt them.

"In the past the tabloids have commented on your so called relationship..."

"I didn't come here to get grilled on my relationship with my ex...producer..."I caught myself. Thankfully none of them noticed.

"Okay...that's a wrap people...no more questions..."Portia said, and guided me offstage and back to the dressing room I had torn apart months before.

"Dammit..."I breathed, tears pricking at the back of my eyelids, and fought the urge to destroy the dressing room, again.

Seems just yesterday I was making out with Tommy against that wall.

They really couldn't lay off the Tommy questions. I was getting killed. But trying to fall gracefully.

It was pouring rain outside the theater, and I put on my ipod, pulling my hood over my head and starting to walk, not caring how soaked I got in the process.

First it was just my sweatshirt. And then it was my t-shirt, and then my socks and shoes, and then my jeans, and then it got dark. And I kept on walking.

I had no idea what I was doing.

Where I was going.

Who I even was anymore.

People were avoiding me on the street. I probably looked like a bum.

But I just felt broken. Empty. 

And somehow I ended up back at home around ten that night, shivering. 

My parents and Sadie were sitting at the kitchen island, looking completely distraught, when I opened the door.

"Oh My God..." my mother said, and got up, walking towards me. I side stepped her when she tried to hug me, and numbly made my way upstairs, drawing a warm bath before shedding my clothes and sliding into it, sighing softly.

Sadie burst in the door a second later.

"Where the hell were you? Kwest and I just spent the entire day searching downtown for you You didn't answer your phone " she said, and I shrugged, closing my eyes tightly.

"Sadie I'm trying to relax..."I said softly.

"Stop relaxing..you're miserable "she screeched, and I winced,"And every one can see it Everyone's trying to find out ways to save you from what you're becoming Look at you Jude! You're a twig, you're not eating! You cry all the time! And you wont let anyone in! Pretty soon people are going to stop trying to save you!"I cut her off.

"Well maybe I don't want to be saved..."I said back, just as harsh, and she grabbed my wrist, pulling it out of the water.

"Really? Because I think we should save you before you do something else like this " she yelled, pointing out my scars. I winced.

"Oh, really? Well why don't you tell me how to fix it, Sadie? Why don't you dictate my life a little more than you already are Or better yet, why don't you go mack on Kwest...I think it'll help you out right now " I said bitterly.

"Who are you and what have you done with my sister? You're heartless! Do you even care that we're worried about you?!" Sadie asked, and I shrugged, grabbing a towel and drying myself off.

"I'm going to the rehearsal space...I don't want to be here..."I told her, and she followed me in my room, closing the door behind us. 

"Well I don't want you here either " she said, and I sighed, grabbing my backpack and guitar and stepping past her, my hands shaking lightly as I made my way downstairs.

"Jude, where are you going? We need to talk about this..."my mom said, and I turned to face her, my expression unreadable.

"I'm going to the rehearsal space...I don't want to be here..."I told my dad, and he nodded.

"Just...call us when you get there...okay?"

"Stuart she can't just up and leave again "she grabbed my wrist, and I wrenched my arm free.  
"Why You did it " she backhanded me. Oh my God. My mom actually hit me. I felt a little trickle of blood on my cheek, from the stone in her new wedding ring. And yet again, her new life had scarred my old one. 

"Jude..."she said, shocked she'd actually done it,"Jude I didn't mean..."I took a step back, my shoulders hitting the wall, and grabbed my coat, fighting back tears. I couldn't believe her. I couldn't fucking believe her. She'd hit me?

"Stay the hell away from me..."I said shakily, and walked out of the house, making a split second decision. It was either the rehearsal space, or taking a chance. Jamie was out with Patsy at the chain, Speid and the boys had a gig, and Mason..well I could call Mason. But as great as he was, I needed a friend. A friend that was a girl.

I knocked on the door timidly, and glanced up when her mom opened the door.

"Jude?"

"Hey...Mrs. Benton..I...is Kat here?" I asked softly, and she noticed my cheek.

"Jude you're bleeding...I'll get you a band aid...Kat's in her room..."she said, and I swallowed thickly, carrying myself and my guitar upstairs and pausing outside her door.

This was insane. Why was I doing this? She barely talked to me anymore. I hadn't seen her in months. And I was standing at her door. I needed her. I didn't need Jamie, Mason, Speid, anybody. Just Kat, and her sarcasm and bluntness all rolled into one. I missed my friend.

I knocked on the door hesitantly, and when Kat opened it, I glanced up at her, our eyes locking.

"Hi..."I whispered softly, and she frowned.

"Jude...wow...it's been a long time..."she said, and I nodded.

"Yeah...I..."I couldn't help it. I started crying again. Why couldn't I stop crying?

"Whoa...are you okay?" she asked, and I shrugged, before breaking down completely when she grabbed my guitar, helping me inside her room and motioning for me to sit on her bed.

"You're bleeding..."I made a face, and put a hand over it, not saying a word in response.

"Jude you're starting to scare me...say something..."she said quietly, and I glanced up at her.

"My mom hit me..."I muttered,"And...I..."

"What? Your mom did this?" Kat asked, and I nodded slowly staring ahead of me, unblinking.

"Just...relax, okay?" her mom opened the door, and we both glanced over.

"I brought a band aid..."she said, and Kat nodded, putting the small circular shaped band aid over the cut.

"You wanna tell me what's going on?" she asked me, a questioning look in her eyes.

And I told her everything. From when we'd stopped talking, to Speiderman, to breaking up with him and kissing Tommy, to Tommy leaving, to the pictures, and to my shoulder, which wasn't healing as fast as I wanted it to, and my heart, which I'd broken by breaking up with Tommy...and my fight with Sadie and my mom hitting me, which had only happened minutes ago.

"So let me get this straight...you had him...and you dumped him?" I nodded, my head in my hands, and she rubbed my back gently.

"You're insane..."she muttered, and I sniffled.

"I know..."I said back hoarsely, and grabbed my phone when it started to ring.

"Hi, Dad...no I'm at Kat's...don't tell mom..."I nodded, touching my cheek and wincing. I could feel the bruise forming.

"Dad she hit me...you saw it...I'll be home tomorrow night, okay? I love you too..."I hung up, and turned to face her.

"I'll cover it with makeup in the morning...you have to go and sing?"I nodded, and pulled out my notebook, scanning over the lyrics I'd written.

It was a good thing Kwest was my producer now, because I could never sing these in front of Tommy. It was way too personal.

When someone knocked on the door, we both glanced up.

"Hey..."Jamie said, clearly uncomfortable with the situation,"I heard yelling at your house and saw you walk over...you okay?"I shook my head, and he knelt in front of me.

"What happened to your face?"he asked, and I shook my head.

"Her mom hit her..."Kat supplied softly, and Jamie glanced up,"Hi...by the way..."she added under her breath, and he nodded.

"Just...stay with her for a minute, okay?"she said, and Jamie nodded, grabbing my hands.

"Are you okay?" he asked, and I shrugged, biting my lip.

"You're right...I'm always the fucking victim..."I whispered.

"What happened to that girl I hugged this morning? Is she still in there somewhere?" he asked, and I shrugged.

"A little, since you actually came over to your ex-girlfriend's house to check on me..."I said quietly, and he sat next to me on the bed, letting me lean my head on his shoulder.

"Everything's going to be okay, you know that..."I nodded against him.

"You're one of the strongest people I know..."he added, and I rolled my eyes, smiling softly.

"You're just trying to boost my ego, Andrews..."I said lightly, punching him on the arm, and he smiled.

"See, there you are...I knew you were in there..."he remarked lightly, and I shrugged.

"Chunky Monkey Ice Cream, and Labirynth...we are going to get our minds off of this right now..."Kat proclaimed, Jamie sitting in the middle of Kat's bed while we both leant on him.

"You guys...I know we don't hang out anymore...but thank you..."I breathed softly, and they nodded.

"Anytime..."They said together, staring at each other more than me. It was only a matter of time. I just wondered what Patsy would think about this.

When Kat dropped me off at Gmajor the next morning, I fingered my bruise, and walked past Sadie, who was staring at it, perplexed.

"What the hell happened to you?" she questioned, and I didn't even glance in her direction, walking into Studio A, where Tommy was sitting.

"What are you doing in here? I'm supposed to be recording..."I told him softly, and his head shot up.

"Kwest has the day off...Darius thought you wouldn't mind..."Tommy trailed off, staring at my cheek.

"Who-"I shook my head.

"It's not important.."I said softly, and handed him the backup tracks to the song that were on the tabletop.

"What's it called?"he asked.

"Goodbye to You..."I muttered, wincing at the pain in my jaw.

"Are you sure you should sing?" he asked, worried, and I sighed.

"I'll be fine..."I pressed, avoiding his eyes.

"Of all the things I believed in..."I sang softly, strumming the guitar,"I just wanna get it over with...tears form behind my eyes...but I do not cry...counting the days that pass me by..." I could feel him staring at me through the glass,"I've been searching deep down in my soul..."I sang, closing my eyes so I wouldn't have to see him,"Words that I'm hearing, are starting to get old...feels like I'm starting...all over again...the last three years were just pretend...and I say..."

I took a deep breath,"Goodbye to you...goodbye to everything that I knew...you were the one I loved...the one thing that I tried to hold on to..."

"Ooooh..."I whispered,"I can still get lost in your eyes..."I whispered, glancing down at my shoes,"And it seems that I can't live a day without you...closing my eyes...I'm gonna chase the past away...to a place where I am blinded by the light...but it's not right..." I sang out, afraid to look at his face.

"Goodbye to you...goodbye to everything that I knew...you were the one I loved...the one thing that I tried to hold on to...Goodbye to you...goodbye to everything, that I knew...you were the one I loved...the one thing that I tried to hold on to..."I sighed, and blinked back a tear,"Oh oh oh oh..."

"And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time...I want what's yours and I...want what's mine...and I want you...but I'm not giving in this time...goodbye to you...goodbye to you...goodbye to everything that I knew you were the one I loved...the one thing that I tried to hold on too...the one thing that I tried to hold on too..." I could barely keep it together. Why did Kwest have to have today off?

"And when the stars fall I will, lie awake..."I whispered,"You're my shooting star..."I strummed the last chord, and got up, turning off the mic.  
"That...was amazing..."he whispered, in awe, and I closed my eyes tightly.

"It didn't feel that way..."I whispered, my voice shaking, and stepped through the door into the mixing room.

"Who hit you..."he said, blocking the door, and I shook my head.

"You don't want to make that your business anymore..."I mumbled under my breath, and he lifted my chin.

"If someone's hurting you...it's my business..."he said, and I started crying. Why was I so...water-worky lately? He wrapped his arms around me, hugging me close as I continued to sob.

"Hey...shh...it's gonna be okay..."he whispered into my hair, rubbing my lower back with his hands gently.

"You were really brave yesterday...saying all that..."he offered, and I sniffled, not letting go of him.

"Thanks..."I whispered, and glanced up, our eyes locking again.

"Tommy...I..." a tear slipped down my cheek, and he wiped it off.

"I know...it's okay..."he whispered, and hugged me again, knowing it was what I needed.

"I missed this..."I realized, and he laughed softly.

"I gave Kwest the day off..."he told me, and I shook my head, a small smile on my face.

"You're sneaky..."I whispered, my eyes shut tight, holding me close to him like a lifeline.

"Well I figured this was the best way for us to talk..."he ventured, running his hands through my hair softly, and I glanced up at him.

"Yeah..."I murmured, and he glanced at the door. "It was my mom..."I finally whispered, and he held me closer, if that was even possible.

"Are you okay?"

"Just keep hugging me..."I mumbled into his chest, and he nodded, kissing the top of my head.

"Hey...Darius...we finished the track..."he said into his cell phone a few hours later, with me curled up on his lap, my eyes shut as I tried to sleep. GMajor was closed, and I'd been asleep on his lap since Sadie had left for the day, not sparing a glance in my direction.

"You want me to take you home?" he asked, and I shook my head, snuggling further into him.

"No..."I whispered, our eyes locking.

"I'm gonna take you back to my place...Portia has Addie so it should be quiet..."he said gently, and I nodded, letting him carry me to his car and slide me into the seat. Much like the time I was drunk about two weeks ago, except this time I was much more alert, and noticed every touch and look he gave me on the way to his apartment.

"Come on, girl..."he whispered, and helped me to my feet, guiding me towards the elevator.

"Carry me?" I asked sleepily, holding out my arms, and he rolled his eyes.

"Okay..."he consented, and picked me up, letting me rest my head aginst his shoulder, staring up at him.

When we got to his room, he set me down on the bed, our eyes locking.

He appeared in his boxers and tee shirt a few minutes later, and handed me sweats wordlessly.

"Goodnight, Jude..."he said quietly, when I reappeared in his sweats.

"Thank you.."I whispered in response, and he laughed softly, rolling over to face him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked me, and I shrugged, laying my head on his chest, a leg draped over his.

"Thank you, for being you..."I said softly, closing my eyes, emotionally exhausted.

"You need anything?" he ventured, and I shook my head.

"Just hold me..."I whispered, and he nodded, lacing our fingers together.

"Goodnight, girl..."he breathed, and I smiled.

"Goodnight, Tommy..."

He was trying to prove himself to me and he didn't even have to.

18 days till my 18th birthday. And all I can think about is what'll happen after.

The next day I sat at a small french restaurant, tapping my hands nervously on the tablecloth. In the morning he'd given me a ride home after my parents had left, and I'd agreed to meet him at the studio later that afternoon.

And now I was meeting Hunter for lunch. Someone was about to spoil my plans.

"Hey girl, what are you doing here?" he asked, and I shrugged. Of all the restaurants in Toronto...why this one?

He looked just as uncomfortable as I was.

"Uhm...meeting a friend..."he lied, scratching the back of his neck. He always did that when he lied.

"Tommy!" I winced at the sound of Karma's voice, and my eyes wideened for a moment. 

I didn't have any stake or claim on him. As much as I wanted to.

"Hi...Karma..."I said, flashing her a smile, and she flounced up to the table, placing her hand in Tommy's. I raised my eyebrows but said nothing.

"Good, Jude...you're here...Kwest kept me late, and..."he trailed off, staring at Tommy and Karma.

"Hey guys..."he said, waving, and sat down next to me, smiling at me warmly.

"So I guess I'll see you after your lunch date?"Tommy said, clenching his teeth, and I shrugged, turning to Hunter.

"Don't you mean yours?" I shot back, and Hunter made a face.

"Jude..."

"So how was your morning?" I asked him suddenly, and he launched into a detailed story about his chord progression, effectively keeping my attention the entire time Karma and Tommy were kanoodling across the restaurant. I was going to KILL him.

I was so going to kill him.

"Let's walk back..."Hunter offered, and I nodded, leaning against him as we walked down the crowded streets, arriving back at Gmajor about ten minutes later.

"You want to do this again sometime?" he asked me, and I nodded, leaning up to kiss him lightly on the cheek.

"Thanks for lunch, Hunter..."I breathed, and he smiled at me, practically running into a table on his way back to Studio B.

I however, had to meet Tommy in Studio A. This was sure going to be a ball and a half.

Obviously, I don't own instant star, or goodbye to you.  
14 pages of goodness for your pleasure! Yay!


	11. Heart of Gold whole episode

My eyes hurt, writing this took about eight hours...four on sunday and four yesterday.  
thanks to unsicovered, my amazing beta.  
I think I may have outdone myself this time.  
Twenty six, scratch that, twenty eight pages of fun   
Actually its REALLY depressing.

hokay.  
hereitgoes.  
Heart of Gold  
Jena Rink Brille015  
December 5, 2006  
I don't own Instant Star.  
Thoughts are in Bold Italics.  
Songs, voice overs, and flashbacks are also in Italics.  
I don't own Something Corporate's song "Konstantine", though I made some changes to the lyrics to fit this episode.  
I don't own "Never leave your heart Alone"  
And I don't own "Like a Star"  
I'm really really REALLY proud of this.  
I just spent way too long on it.  
SO please tell me you enjoy.

_  
You ever pulled a rubber band so taught that it just lost it's elastic and snapped, hitting you in the hand and leaving you a bruise? Or...gotten your hair stuck in your brush to the point where it was going to hurt no matter how you got it out? Thats what I feel like right now. Like no matter what I choose, it's gonna hurt like hell._

Things were tense. It seemed as if everything was tense lately. And despite Tommy's frequent lunch dates (God knows what else they were doing), he kept giving me things. The only problem was, Hunter was making twice as much of an effort.

He took me out on dates, which Tommy had never done, he cooked for me, which Tommy had never done. And yet Tommy left me more personal things. Ice cream when we'd had a long day at the studio, brought me cheeseburgers back from lunch when I was stuck in meetings with Darius or at physical therapy for my shoulder.

No one could hold a candle to either of them. They were working their asses off. And making it increasingly difficult for me to make a decision.

I rushed in the door, five minutes late, as usual, and was greeted by the usual ringing telephones and hustle and bustle of Gmajor Records. Which was lately, the only think I took solace in.

"Good morning"Hunter said, winking at me from across the room, and I blushed, our hands brushing lightly as I made my way into Studio A. He'd passed me a note.  
"Meet me in the lobby at seven...dress casual..."I read, smiling softly, and opened the door to the studio, my eyes lighting up when I saw Tommy at the mixing table.

I slid into my chair next to Tommy as he continued to mix. He reached across me to fiddle with the volume, and kept glancing over at me.

"Morning.."he said finally, and reached out, grabbing my hand softly in his, squeezing it.

"Hi..."I said back, running my fingers over his knuckles gently, our eyes locked.

"You have a good night last night?"he asked, leaning on his other arm to stare at me, raising an eyebrow.

"Thanks for the ice cream..."I responded, and he shrugged.

"You looked like you could have used it...had Sadie already eaten it by the time we finished mixing?"he asked, a smirk on his face, and I rolled my eyes.

"About half of it...but it was worth it...Tommy I never told you that Peppermint Chocolate was my favorite ice cream..."I said, and he winked at me.

"I have my sources..."he said softly, leaning towards me and brushing a melting snowflake off my eyelash.

"I love your eyes..."he added under his breath, and I made a face.

"You're so...cheesy Quincy..."I said back in a whisper, and he shrugged.

"What can I say...you squeeze out the cheese in me..."he said sarcastically, and I bit back a laugh, recognizing the look in his eyes.

"Oh no...Tommy...don't...you know I..."he reached over, tickling me mercilessly, and I burst out laughing, trying to get his hands off my stomach, both of us ending up on the floor, in a huge tickling battle.

"Ahhh "I yelled, both of us falling out of our chairs, ending up under the mixing table, our foreheads touching.

"We should probably get to work..."I said, breathless, and he nodded, getting up first and offering me a hand.

"Do you wanna...hang out tonight or something?"he asked, and I frowned. Dammit.

"I...yeah...but late...I kinda already have plans..."I said quietly, and he smiled, holding out my chair for me as I slid into it again.

"I don't care what time we hang out as long as I can see you..."he said back, batting his eyelashes, and I rolled my eyes, laughing under my breath.

_Every once in a while it felt good to laugh. To laugh so hard my stomach hurt and I had tears streaming down my face. But whether I was happy enough to keep laughing, or was on the edge of crying again, was anyone's guess. And I was in like with two different people. I couldn't decide. And I knew I had to. Every one portrays love as this perfect thing. But it's not perfect. It's far from it._

And I'm turning 18 in...22 hours. 22 hours until I'm an adult. Until I have to face up to my adult self and make an adult decision. They've obviously both realized this.

Which means I had to look hot. Really, really hot.

Besides making my choice.

scene change

"Andrews...move..."Patsy complained, and Jamie glanced at her, annoyed.

"Since when to you care if we lay together in the morning?" he asked her, getting up and pulling a shirt on.

"I just don't want a fistful of Nana, James..."Patsy said tiredly, not moving from the bed.

"You have to be at the studio in an hour..."he reminded her, and she rolled her eyes, getting up.

"If you got any more corporate you'd be Liam..."she said under her breath, and he glanced over at her, confused.

"I'll see yo tomorrow at Jude's party...meet me at Gmajor at six..."he sighed finally, and she bit back a witty retort, before saying it anyways.

"Yes Drill Sergeant Sir..." she mocked, saluting, and he made a noise in the back of his throat.

It was only when he left that she ran to the bathroom, emptying the contents of her stomach, her gaze pained.  
_  
Scene Change_

"Good morning, sunshine..."Jamie remarked, sitting down across the table from Kat, raising an eyebrow.

"Jamie...hi..."she said, clearly uncomfortable,"Where's Jude?"

"Recording..."he made a face, and she nodded.  
"You going to her party tomorrow?" he asked, pulling out a ticket, and she frowned.

"Jude's party has tickets?" she questioned, raising an eyebrow, as Speid came over and sat down next to them.

"The Fairmont Royal...damn.."Kat whispered, and he sighed.

"You can bring..a date...if you want..."Jamie said, and Kat nodded.

"You bringing Patsy?"she asked, and he shrugged.

"I think...she's been acting strange.."Kat made a face,"Stranger than normal...I mean..."he added under his breath.

"Katerina Benton...going to the party..."Speid commented, and Kat turned to stare at him.

"Wanna go with me?" she asked bluntly, and Jamie choked on his latte.

"Why not, tiny..."Speid said, and Jamie found himself feeling oddly jealous.

"Sweet..."she said, and glanced over at Jamie, their eyes locking for a moment.

"Still have the shaggin' wagon?" she asked, referring to Speid's Good Times Van that probably only cost him a couple thousand dollars.

"We're going in a limo...but I'll pick you up at six...we can go to Gmajor from there..."Speid responded, and Kat nodded.

"Have you seen Jude? I have some lyrics we were working on..."he added, and Jamie shook his head.

"Apparently she's recording.."Kat commented.

"Well, Benton, Andrews...it's been fun..but I have a music theory test...see you tomorrow night...six..."he left them alone at the table, staring at each other.

"I'm worried about her..."Kat blurted out, and Jamie glanced at her questioningly.

"We all are...she doesn't realize what she's doing..."Jamie said, and Kat frowned.

"Kat...do you..."

"My parents are out of town...do you want to hang out tonight?"Kat asked, and he smiled softly.

"I wouldn't miss it..."he responded, and she got up.

"I'll see you in math, Andrews..." she left him alone, staring after her.

Did he _like_ her again?

_scene change_

"Girl, you alive in there?"he asked me gently, tilting his head to the side.

"I..um..yes...yes I am..."I said unconvincingly, and glanced up when Jamie opened the door.

"Um...can I talk to Jude for a second? Portia needs her for dress fittings again...and...Addie's here Tommy...Karma got her from daycare..."Sadie said, clearly uncomfortable.

_Karma got Addie from daycare?_

"JUUUUUUDE " the little girl squealed, and I picked her up.

"Hey there, you..."I said quietly, and Addie made a face.

"Hi..."she said, hiding her face in my sleeve, and I laughed softly.

"Why don't you go talk to Tommy, okay?" I asked her, and she nodded, hopping down from my lap and flouncing off to hug him.

"I'll be back in a while..."I said quietly, brushing past Addie, who promptly hopped into Tommy's lap.

Karma shot me a dirty look, and I rolled my eyes.

I knocked on Portia's office door tiredly, and she opened it.

"Are you okay?" she asked, and I shrugged, sitting down wordlessly in the vacant chair.

"Let's just find something for me to wear..."I told her quietly, and she sighed.

"Jude, if you need to talk..."

"I'm fine..."I managed, running a hand through my hair, not daring to look back at Tommy, Karma, and Addie.

"Okay..."she grabbed her purse.

"Where are we going?"I asked her curiously, smiling over at Hunter before we got in her car again.

"What are you doing, double dating or something?" she asked me bluntly, and I stared at her incredulously.  
"Tommy doesn't know what he wants..so I'm exploring my options..."I told her softly, playing with the star ring on my finger.

"He's more grown up than you think...you're going to hurt someone..."she said quietly, and I shot her a look.

**_She was defending Tommy?_**

Scene Change/i  
"You free for lunch, Miss Harrison?" a voice said in her ear, and Sadie smiled softly.

"Kwest...hey..."she said, grinning lopsidedly, and got up.

"Maddie, can you cover my lunch hour?" she asked one of the interns, who nodded, smiling slightly.

"Where to?"she asked Kwest, when they walked out into the cold Toronto air, heading towards his car.

"What do you feel like?" he asked, turning to face her, and she wrinkled her forehead, thinking.

"You..."she said finally, and he laughed.

"Ha ha...is Chinese okay?" he asked, sliding an arm around her shoulders, and she leant into him.

"Chinese sounds great..."she responded lightly, grabbing his empty hand and glancing up at him.

"How was your night last night?"he asked, as they slid into a booth, grabbing menus.

"Tommy brought Jude ice cream and I ate it all...nothing too exciting.."she responded, and he glanced over at the window for a moment.

"What's on your mind?"she asked finally, concerned.

"Sadie...Jude's party's tomorrow...you want to go together?"he asked her finally, and she grinned.

"Yes..."she said immediately, and he nodded.

"Good...because if you said no I was going to have to ask Portia...and..."she whacked him on the arm.

"Kevin "she said, annoyed, and he rolled his eyes.

"I hate that name..."he muttered, and she shook her head, glancing at the menu again, looking up every so often to stare at him, her cheeks flushed.

_Scene Change_

"No, try this one..."Speid said, playing a chord progression on his guitar, glancing at the other two for the opinion.

"That sounds good..."Kyle commented, trying it out.

They'd been working on songs for hours after they'd gotten out of class.

"So, you and Katerina Benton.."Wally commented, and Spied made a face.

"She used to date Jamie...apparently I have a bad track record in this department.."he commented. "Who you gonna date next, Patsy?" Kyle joked, and Speid thought for a moment. "She came back with us...where is she?" he realized, and Kyle motioned towards the bathroom.

"She shut herself in there twenty minutes ago and hasn't come out..."Kyle explained, and Speid frowned, walking over to the door.

Before he got there, he heard a mirror shatter.

"Son of a bitch " Patsy yelled, and Speid flinched.

"You okay in there?"he asked her tentatively, and she opened the door, pulling him in and pointing to a little white stick on the ground. With a blue plus sign on it.

"What the hell is that?" Speid asked, and Patsy made a face.

"It's a pregnancy test, you jackass " she said, annoyed, and his eyes widened.

"What?" he asked, still staring at it, slightly frightened.

"I'm pregnant.."she said, not believing it herself.

"Wait...Jamie? Oh my God..."he said, and she shook her head.

"Whose do you think it is, Speiderman? " she screeched, and he grabbed her shoulders.

"Patsy, calm down...he'll understand..."Speid tried, and she shook her head.

"He'll freak..."Patsy realized further, her face turning white, before she turned towards the toilet and threw up again, Speid making a face.

"What are you doing to do?"Speid asked, and Patsy shrugged.

"Not tell him.."she said simply, and Speid's eyes widened.

"Patsy...you have to tell him..."Speid said, and she sunk down onto the toilet, her head in her hands.

"No I don't..."she breathed, and got up, pushing Speid into the corner.

"And if you tell anyone..."she warned, and he nodded.

"Your secret's safe with me..."he said, his eyes wide, and she nodded finally, wiping her eyes and disappearing from the bathroom, leaving the test still sitting there.

"Damn..."Speid whispered to himself, before rejoining the others.

_Scene Change _

Okay, this one..."she said softly, and I stared at it, tilting my head to the side.

"It's beautiful...but I don't...know if can pull it off..."I whispered, and she laughed softly.

"You're more grown up than you know..."she told me, pushing it in my direction, and I slipped it on over my head in the fitting room, where we'd tried on too many dresses already.

"I think you're right..."I said, twirling around in it.

"Good, because you look great..."she said, and I smiled softly.

"Thanks..."I whispered, twirling around in the aqua colored dress, forgetting about my troubles for once brief moment.

As I walked upstairs to my room, I thought about the situation. All I had to do was think of all the times that made me like both of them. Tommy had always outnumbered everyone else at least two to one. But not lately...because Hunter...I needed help.

But lately all I could think about was Tommy. He was all I could think about. This fluttery, make my nerves stand on air, butterflies in my stomach, dry mouth, exciting sort of queasiness that entered my brain and heart whenever he was around.

It was as if all of it melted away. All the times he hurt me, the times he said he cared. All of it. None of it mattered. Not when he smiled at me. Not when he looked at me.

But Hunter...had never hurt me. Hunter had never made me cry. Hunter understood me without having me say a word.  
I laid back on my bed, and closing my eyes, making a mental checklist, going back over everything over the past few years.

Everything concerning _him._

_Scene Change_

It was loud, and hot, and Speid was looking for Patsy, a worried look of his face.

"What are you so worried about? She's been fine without us before..."Wally asked him, and Speid made a face.

"I thought I saw her over by the bar..."Kyle noted, and Speid's eyes widened.

"What?" he asked, and walked over quickly, where he saw her slumped over in the corner.

"Patsy, you shouldn't be..."she slumped forwards, hitting her head on the counter top, and he realized she was incoherent.

"Oh my God..."he breathed, and checked her pulse.

"Kyle Call an ambulance.."he said quietly, and she moaned softly.

"He wouldn't answer his phone.."was all she got out, her voice hazy.

"Wally, go find Jamie..."he said to Wally over the loud music, handing him the keys,"I'll go with her when the ambulance comes...just go "

Wally nodded, his face white, and Speid lifted her up, carrying her out of the club and setting her on the pavement.

"Come on..Pats..."he said quietly, grabbing her hand, rubbing her knuckles gently.

"How old is she?"the paramedic asked, and Speid sighed.

"Nineteen...She..."he trailed off.

"If you know anything you need to tell me..."the paramedic said, and Speid sighed.

"She drank...too much..."he said weakly, hitting himself on the forehead inwardly.

"You can come with us...both of you..get inside..."the paramedic said, and Speid and Kyle climbed into the ambulance as they loaded Patsy on a stretcher.

_here are the flashbacks-btw...scene change lol_

"Jude?" my head snapped up, and I glanced at him, my eyes lighting up.  
"You're back..."I breathed, and launched myself into his arms, my red hair covering his face.

"And you need to brush your hair..."he commented, pulling away to stare at me.

"Hey now..."I responded, mock hurt, and he shrugged.

"Come with me...I have to show you something," he said, his eyes mischevious, and I frowned.

"Lemme grab a sweatshirt..." I came back downstairs, and fell into step beside him as we got in his Hummer and drove.

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise..."he said, and finally pulled up to the docks.

It was like they were on fire. They were lit but a ton of little white lights and candles, and my breath caught in my throat.

"Tommy.."I breathed, my eyes lighting up, and he smiled softly.

"Come dance with me..."he told me, and I laughed.

"Tommy I can't dance..."I said, and he pulled me up against him, his arms at my waist, our eyes locked.

"Just let me lead you..."he said in my ear, and I shivered, holding him closer.

"Okay..."I said against his neck, and closed my eyes tightly.

"The album will hit number one...you know that, right?"he asked, and I pulled away to glance up at him.

"I don't know anything right now..."I mumbled, and he lifted my chin.

"You're gonna do great on Saturday...and you'll have an amazing tour..and then we'll write your second album..."he assured me, and I nodded, letting him hug me again, content to just be in his arms.

"Are you sure?" I asked uncertainly, and he nodded.

"I'm positive..."he breathed, leaning down, our foreheads touching.

"Thank you for this..."I muttered, and he shrugged.

"I thought I owed you at least something..."he breathed, spinning me around and pulling me back to him.

"Why isn't there any music..." I asked, and he cut me off.

"Because the music, is inside of us..."he said lightly, tapping his heart,"Right here, and as long as we have that...we don't need anything else..." I closed my eyes, pulling him closer.

"Are you ever going to finish frozen?" I asked him suddenly, and he shrugged.

"If I do...I have a feeling you'll be right there with me..."he told me, brushing a raindrop off my cheek.

"Tommy it's raining.."

"Does it really matter?" he asked back, and I laughed softly.

"No...I guess it doesn't..."I said, leaning further into him.

"Sit down...sit down " I pulled him down next to me in the garage, and he shivered slightly.

"You do realize it's the middle of the night, don't you?" he asked, and I shrugged, pulling out my journal.

"I need to play this for you..."I told him, and he nodded.

"I'm all ears..."he said, and I grinned.

"Good...you should be..."I said, and he rolled his eyes.

"I'll be the judge of that when I hear what you came up with with three boys filling your bunks with jello every other night..."he said, and my eyes widened.

"That was your idea?"I asked him, nonplused, and he grinned wickedly. "Tommy "I hit him lightly, and he winced.

"You're talking to the guy that put a firecracker in Darius' toilet in Tokyo when I was sixteen..."he said, and I burst out laughing.

"You're serious?" I asked him, and he smiled.

"You know, I really think I actually missed you..."he said finally, and a blush crept onto my cheeks.

"Awww...such a softy.."I joked, and he leant back on the hood of my car.  
"Show me what you got, rockstar..."he said, raising his eyebrows. 

And I did.

"Let's just try and get this over with..."he said, clearly exhausted, and I sighed.

"Tommy...I'm sorry about Sadie..."I told him, and he shrugged.

"It was bound to happen...she doesn't trust me..."he said quietly, fiddling with the soundboard.

"I could talk to her..."

"I think the best thing is to let her calm down...eat her breakfast..."

"She didn't have any left...she threw all the donuts at your face..."he smiled quietly, and grinned.

"I got you to smile..."I pointed out, and he shrugged.

"Sometimes when one door closes, another opens..."he said softly, our eyes locking,and I shook my head, going into the booth.

"You wish.."I muttered, and stuck my tongue out at him.

I waltzed into the studio, and sat down next to him, tapping him on the shoulder.

"Hey..."he said, taking off his headphones.

"Hi..."he said, clearly surprised.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked him, a little uncomfortable, and he nodded, concerned.

"Mason, take five...okay?" he told him over the mic, and Mason winked at me, leaving us alone in the booth.

"Ask away..."he told me, and I shrugged.

"I was wondering...if maybe you could squeeze me back into your production schedule?" I asked, and watched his eyes light up.

"Are you sure?" he asked, and I nodded.

"I cleared it with Darius..."I told him, and he reached out, hugging me tightly.  
"Thank you..."he said softly, both of us pulling away slightly to stare at each other.

"Your welcome...I need to get to school...but...here..."I tossed him a pack of licorice, and he laughed softly.

"I'll see you tomorrow..."I told him, winking as I left him alone in the studio, a smile spread across my face.

I'd walked to the studio. I didn't need to drive. I was afraid if I drove I would crash. It was about seven, and I knew he was finishing mixing for my album. I made my way past the front, swiping my key and entering the studios tiredly, the letter clutched in my hand so tight I thought it would crumble.

I opened the door wordlessly, and saw him deep in concentration, mixing the beats for 'Anyone But you'.

I sat down next to him silently, shivering, and dimly felt him turn off the soundboard, turning to stare at me.

"Are you okay?" he asked, concerned, and I didn't answer, I just held out the letter, leaning against him, feeling the tears welling behind my eyes.

I hadn't cried yet.

"Jude? Say something, girl..."he said quietly, rubbing my arms, "You're freezing..."

"I walked here..."I realized, and his eyes widened.

"That's a long walk..."he said, continuing to rub my arms, and I glanced up.

"Yeah..."I breathed.

"What's that?" he asked, and I held it out, letting him scan through it.

"Oh..girl...commere..." I started crying softly, letting him hold me as I tried to cry out my frustrations.

"Shhhh..."he breathed, rubbing my shoulders, trying to warm me up.

"She just left...and she told me I was never there..and that I was grown up...what if I don't want to be grown up?" I asked him breathlessly.

"Then you shouldn't have to. Not yet..."he said into my hair.

"I got you all wet..."I noticed, sniffling, and he shrugged.  
"You want some tea?" he asked me, and I nodded, watching him walk towards the kitchenette, my mind muddled.

He came back with two cups, and handed one to me, our hands touching shakily.

"I don't get along with my family either..."he mentioned, and I sighed, leaning further against him once we had moved to the couch in the lobby.

"You're not just saying that?" I asked him, and he shook his head.

"My brother and I constantly fought...my parents didn't want me doing music...my sister and I had a falling out...I haven't talked to them in four or five years..."he said quietly, and I glanced up at him.

"So what's easier? A family that doesn't get you or a family that's not there at all?" I asked him finally. My voice small.

"Any family..."he breathed, grabbing my cup and setting it down, meeting my eyes,"Because sometimes, your family isn't blood related...it's your best friends...your mentors...that see you at your worst and best and still manage to love you..."he said tenderly, and I glanced away from him.

He was right. I had a whole family right here.

The only question was what Tommy saw me as.

"You want to sing?" he asked me, and I sighed, glancing up at him.

"You still have my acoustic?" I asked him, and he grinned.

"Come on..."he grabbed my hand, and pulled me into the studio. And an hour later I had a song.

"Just like a star across sky Just like an angel off the page, you have appeared to my life,Feel like I'll never be the same..."

**Was it that hard to picture my life without him in it? It felt empty without the memories we'd shared in the past few years. He smiled at me to continue, his eyes sparkling.**

"Just like a song in my heart, just like oil on my hands, Oh I do love you..."

**As long as he didn't understand I was singing about him. But something told me he did.**

"Still I wonder why it is...I don't argue like this...with anyone but you..."

"We do it all the time...blowing up my mind..."  
"You got this look I can't describe...you make me feel I'm alive, when everything else is a fade, without a doubt you're on my side, heaven has been away too long, can't find the words to write this song...oh, your love..."

**I'd never spilled my feelings into words this easily before.**

"Still I wonder why it is...I don't argue like this...with anyone but you..."

"We do it all the time...blowing up my mind.."

"I have come to understand the way it is...It's not a secret anymore...'cause we've been through that before...from tonight I know you're the only one...I've been confused in the dark, and now I understand..."

He tilted his head to the side, leaning back on the chair, closing his eyes and listening.

"I wonder what it is..I don't argue like this...with anyone but you..."

"I wonder why it is...I don't let my guard down, for anyone but you..."

"We do it all the time...blowing out my mind..."

"Just like a star across the sky...you're like an angel off the page...you have appeared into my life..feels like I'll never be the same...Just like a song in my heart...just like oil on my hands..." I set down the guitar, glancing over at him for approval. He was sleeping. I sighed softly, and shook my head, tucking my feet underneath me and laying against him.

"Everything's going to be okay..."he whispered, and I shifted, turning to face him, our faces centimeters apart.

I kissed his cheek softly, and leant back into him, feeling completely secure with his arms around me, protecting me from the things I wasn't able to face at the present moment. He'd always been there to protect me. And I'd hoped he'd always would be.

But then he'd left.

And then there was Hunter.

"What's your favorite comedy?" he asked me, tossing me a bag of peach rings, and I stared at him incredulously, laughing softly.

"What are you, 'Sixteen Candles Magazine'?" I joked, and he sighed. "I want to know more about you.."he told me, and blushed.

"Finding Nemo.."I responded, and he laughed softly. "What's yours?" I asked him, and he grinned.

"Sandlot..."he said, and I nodded. "Good choice..."I remarked,"Drama?"I asked him, and he sighed.

"Donnie Darko..."he shot back, and I smiled.

"Because of the A-sexual smurf part?" I asked him, handing him the bag of M and Ms. 

"Because if makes you think..."he told me, and I nodded.

"Mine's Garden State..."I remarked, and he sighed.

"You remind me of the girl...Natalie Portman..."he told me, and I made a face.

"Because I'm spastic?" I asked him, and he smiled.

"Because you have a light about you..."he said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Favorite band?"

"Ataris..."he said,"But before they sold out..."

"You?" he asked back, and I smiled.

"Anything in my dad's vinyl collection..."I told him, and kissed him on the cheek, grabbing his hands.

"Oooh..." I glanced out the window, and he frowned.

"What's up?"

"Snow " I pulled him down the stairs, and out the door, ignoring my dad's weird look, both of us plopping down in the snow.

"I've never made a snow angel..."he commented, and I laughed hysterically.

"Are you serious, Hunter? Never?" I asked, and he shrugged.

"I grew up in California, Jude..."he reminded me, and I raised an eyebrow.

"Another unknown fact about Hunter Davies..."I said, and leant forwards, grabbing a handful of snow and throwing it at him, getting up and running down the street, Hunter catching up to me quickly.  
"You're gonna get it, Harrison..."

"Am I?" I asked him, smirking mischievously, and my phone rang.

"It's Tommy..." I said, recognizing the ring, and he sighed.

"You have to go record tonight?"

"Sucks to spoil a snow day over stupid Gmajor...doesn't it...I'll call you after work..."I told him, and he nodded.

"Okay..."he said, tromping back with me in the house.

"Hey..."I breathed, leaning against a pillar.

"You sound flustered..."

"Snow ball fight..." I said quietly, and heard him smile over the phone.

"Sometimes you can be so seventeen..."he mocked, and I snorted.

"Sometimes you can be so twenty-five..."I told him, and he laughed softly. "I'll be there soon, gramps..."I joked, and hung up, my eyes meeting Hunter's.

"I'll talk to you later..."I told him, walking into the studio ten minutes later, shivering softly.

"Is Darius out of his mind? It's freezing " I told Tommy, and he looked me over.

"That's because you're soaking wet..."he pointed out, and I glanced own.

"Whoa..."I breathed, and he laughed.

"We have extra clothes..."

By the time I was warm again I was in a pair of jeans I'd worn for a previous performance, a striped sweater, and Uggs, trying my best to sing my newest song without looking at Tommy.

"And it's open for distraction, you found all the words you need..."I sang softly, glancing down"Well I found nothing...I just grumble...'cause I don't know what I feel..."

What did I feel? Glancing at Tommy for a moment in between verses, I had no idea.

"And the moral to the story goes...never leave your heart...never leave your heart...alone..."I sang out, closing my eyes.

"Run for shelter, an umbrella...fights the rain but not the wind...And I'd be silly to start preaching cuz I don't know what point to make..."I put everything I had into that verse.

"The moral to the story goes...never leave your heart locked up in a box with a cold cold ice...never leave your heart...never leave your heart...alone..."

**I was so damn confused. So hung up over Tommy that I needed to make a choice about it.**

"I'm so frozen, but it's summer...is that rain or is it me...yes I'm melting please be happy one day soon we might just swim..." I sang, and glanced at the ceiling for a moment.

"The moral to the story goes...never leave your heart locked up in a box with a cold cold ice...never leave your heart..."

I had to choose.

"Never leave your heart...never leave your heart alone..."I breathed, and took a long breath.

Scene change  
I showed up in a dark coral sweater and jeans, scanning the lobby for him, when I saw him asleep on the couch. It was dark, and I thought we were alone.

But I was wrong.

"Hey, sleepyhead..."I breathed, stroking his hair gently, and he opened his eyes.

"You're late..."he murmured, and I shrugged, shooting him an apologetic look.

"We'd better get going then...Portia kept me out all afternoon..."I told him softly, and he sat up, glancing around him. It was dark in the lobby, almost pitch black.

"What are we doing?" he asked me softly, and I shrugged, our eyes meeting.

"Getting to know each other...better..."I said in response, and he leant up, kissing my cheek, our eyes locking.

"And how's that working out for you?" he breathed, and I got so close to his lips that we could be kissing. But we didn't. I closed my eyes, resting my forehead against his, and laid there on top of him for almost ten minutes.

"Wonderfully..."I whispered, and allowed him to kiss me softly, his hands coming up to run through my hair lightly.

**_He was a good kisser._**

But something felt wrong.

Something I didn't see.

Tommy watching from his office, seemingly frozen in place. Had he of moved a muscle I would have noticed.

I pulled away, panting softly, and he nuzzled my nose with his.

"That was nice.."I breathed, and he grinned.

"It was..."he agreed, and we laid there in a comfortable silence for a few moments.

"Let's go..."I whispered finally, pulling him up to a standing position, and grabbing his hand loosely in mine.

**_And Tommy made a stupid decision. _**

"Where are we going, by the way?" I asked him, as he opened his car door for me.

"It's a surprise..."he said quietly, and grabbed my hand from across the dash.

"Someone told me this was your favorite burger place..."he said, and my eyes widened.

"But it's closed..."I said, and he grinned. "Not for us..."he said, and I stared at him, puzzled.

There was only one booth set up in the restaurant, and a server came out.

"Ms. Harrison, Mr. Davies..glad you could make it..."she said, and I stared over at him.

"You bought out the whole restaurant?" I asked, grinning stupidly, and he nodded, handing me a handful of quarters.

"Go crazy with the Jukebox..."he said, raising an eyebrow, and I rolled my eyes.

He was amazing. He was absolutely amazing, and I'd only known him a month.

_Scene Change_

"Where's Jamie?" Speid asked Patsy, and she rolled her eyes.

"Lover boy is with Katerina..."she muttered, and grabbed his hand.

"Can we go out?" she asked him,"I need to sing..."he nodded, and glanced over at Wally and Kyle.

"Change of plans...we're going to the Chain..."he told them, and Patsy nodded.  
"Thanks..."she said, pulling a sweatshirt on, and followed them out the door, climbing in Speid's van.

_Scene Change_

"So I brought M and M's...Popcorn..Sweet Tarts..." Jamie held up the candy, and Kat laughed softly.

"Trying to get us on a forth grade sugar high?" she asked him, as he switched his phone off.

"Something like that..."he joked, and she grinned, popping an M and M into her mouth, raising her eyebrows.

"I missed this..."he remarked, and she smiled.

"Me too..."she said lightly, and they stared at each other in an awkward silence.

"Listen...Kat..."he started, reaching out and grabbing her hand.

"Jamie..I know...it's okay..."she said back, and before either of them were thinking they touched lips hesitantly.

"Wow..."he breathed softly, putting a finger over his lips.

"Movies?" she asked him, holding them up, and he smiled.

"Movies..."he breathed, and pulled her closer to him, forgetting how distant Patsy was acting for one brief moment and glancing down at Kat.

_Scene Change_

Three hours and a burger, fries, and two milkshakes later, I was completely stuffed, and leaning against him in the large booth, my feet curled up beneath me.

"You're so hard to read, you know that?" he asked me suddenly, and I nodded, glancing up at him.

"Yeah..."I whispered, and made a split second decision, pulling his head down and kissing him gently, leaning up into it, making the kiss more passionate, my hands running up and down his back.

**_I was trying. God I was trying._**

"Less blurry?" I asked him softly, a smile lighting my face, and he smiled.

"Yeah...I think so...you need to get home? You have a long day tomorrow..."he said, and I nodded, getting up and grabbing my shoes, following him out to the car and sliding in, shivering slightly.

"Yeah...hold on...lemme call Tommy I think he might need me at the studio for recording..."I said to him, and he nodded.

"Of course..."he said, looping an arm around me, grabbing my free hand.

He didn't pick up. I frowned. Because when I got to Gmajor, his car was there.

"I think I'm gonna go in..."he caught me off guard, kissing me again, and I pulled away, leaning my forehead against his.

"I'll see you at your party..."he whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, and I nodded.

"Goodnight..."I breathed, and got out of the car, holding my high heels in my free hand.

**_That spark, was faint. But hardly there with Hunter. With Tommy...it was like I could catch on fire when he held my hand._**

I really liked Hunter. But I loved Tommy. I loved him.

I love him. Oh god. I actually love him.

And I had to tell him. 

**_What had I been doing? Pushing him further away when all he wanted was to finally be let in? I was fueled by my desire to fix the situation. _** When I got inside, there was light coming from the studio. I crept towards it, not wanting to disturb it, and stopped dead in my tracks at what I saw, my heart falling into my stomach.

They were kissing, his arms around her, pulling her closer. He wasn't pulling away. He wasn't making any move to stop her.

Thoughts escaped me. Tommy and I weren't together...but he'd said he didn't like her. He said he didn't feel anything for her. I felt my dinner coming up, and did the first thing that came to my mind. I threw my shoes at the sliding door into Studio One, and took off running towards the front door, not even stopping to see his reaction. Not like he could hear it.

I barely made it to my car before I threw up, leaning over the pavement, realizing it was about twenty degrees outside and I didn't have any shoes.

**_What a way to start my eighteenth birthday._**

At some point I'd started crying and I couldn't stop.

It started as one tear, and then the floodgates let loose.

Because he wasn't pushing her off.

So I just stood there, like an idiot. Holding my shoes in one hand and my heart in the other.

I'd spent all this time trying to not get with Hunter, and given him two tiny kisses...maybe three, and Karma was picking Addie up from daycare. She had him. And I was going to choose him. Apparently I'd taken too long.

I'd lost him.

I didn't even hear the knocking on the window.

When I finally did, I glanced up, our eyes locking. 

He held up my shoes, his expression unreadable, and I shrugged, sniffling.

We didn't say a word.

I was sure he was freezing his ass off, but I didn't care.

I was done.

I finally rolled down the window about ten minutes later.

"You're ruining my shoes..."I got out, my voice shaky.

"You broke the heel when you threw them at the door..."he commented softly, and I said my response before I could think, grabbing my shoes, our fingers brushing lightly. I didn't feel a spark. Not anymore.

"Well you just broke my heart..."I whispered, my voice cracking, and rolled up the window before he could respond, driving home as fast as I could without getting pulled over.

**_I felt like I'd been run over by a truck._**

Worse than the press conference, worse than my 16th birthday, worse than my parents divorce...worse than anything in my life.

I'd started crying again.

Never again was I going to love anyone.

Never. No matter what they promised me. No matter what they said.

Because he couldn't wait.  
And he meant everything. 

I'd tried to move on and I couldn't. Because everything came back to Tommy.

And I thought I'd made the right choice.

Nothing made sense.

I wanted to curl up under a rock and wake up three years in the past.

More so, than anytime.

I just wanted to erase all of this.

It was like I'd gotten stuck at a red light and he'd been given the green a long time ago.

I pulled onto the street, and saw lights on at Kat's.

Her parents were out of town, and she'd given me a key so I wouldn't run into my mom. But when I opened the door, it was to Jamie and Kat making out on her couch, completely oblivious to my presence. 

What was this going to do to Patsy? The thought barely registered in my head. Because she loved Jamie. **_Beneath that hard as rock exterior and rocker chick persona, everyone has a heart._**

Everyone can get broken. 

"Uh...I'll come back later..."I said softly, when they glanced up, my voice shaking.

"Jude...are you..."Jamie started, and I shook my head quickly, turning towards the door, my hand back on the handle.

"I'm fine...okay?" I said, my voice cracking again, and closed the door behind me, walking down the street, sinking onto my front steps, staring blankly ahead of me.

And for some reason, I grabbed my pen, and started to write.

_I can't imagine all the people that you know  
And the places that you'll go  
When the lights are turned down low  
And I don't understand  
All the things you've seen  
But I'm slipping in between  
You what you've seen  
it's always me and what you've seen_**_I couldn't hold a candle up to all he had experienced. I didn't know half as much about him as I had thought. I'd fallen through the cracks, almost, being lost to everything he'd been through in his life. _**

_And you show me  
That it's over  
But i can't stand here in a patch of four leaf clover  
And your restless  
And I'm naked  
You've got to get out  
You can't stand to see me shaking  
no, could you let me go_

and you don't want to be here in the future  
So you say  
the present's just a pleasant  
Interruption to the past  
And you don't want to look much closer  
'Cause you're afraid to find out all this hope  
That you had sent into the sky by now had... crashed  
and it did because of you 

**_He'd crushed my heart. I'd never been so hurt in my life. I'd chosen him. And what for? For him to throw it in my face._**

_And then you bring me home  
Afraid to find out that you're alone, no  
And I'm sleeping in your self doubt  
But we don't have much room  
To live_

And I had dreams that i would take my dreams and my guitar  
Maybe cross the country  
Become a rock star  
And there was hope in me  
That I could take you there  
But dammit you're so over sung  
But I don't think I careand if I hurt you then i'm sorry  
It's just this doubt has got the best of me 

**Being in this business had erased the naivety in my life. I was too open now.**

And then you bring me home  
'Cause we both know what its like to be alone, no  
And I'm dreaming for the doubt to fade away  
But we don't have much room  
To live  
**I'd ruined it. I'd finally seen what every one else had seen all along. That I was pushing him away to the point that I never wanted him back.**

And Konstantine came walking down the stairs  
_Doesn't she look good  
Your mouth drops open and you stare  
And i've been thinking, and i've thinking, no  
But you've been sinking  
And it doesn't get me anywhere_

Your Konstantine came walking down the stairs  
And all that I could do  
Was stop and watch you stare  
And I was thinking  
That these dark nights you spent sinking  
They never got me anywhere

**So Karma was his new distraction. And Hunter was mine. And we'd keep spinning around in circles. When had things gotten so backwards?**

Here's to twisting things around inside of my head  
It's hard to like it  
It's to dying in another's arms  
and why i had to try it  
Its too all those late nights  
And those nights playing my guitar  
But this time i'm alone, and i don't see those stars  
I'm not your star?  
Isn't that what you said  
It was stuck in your head  
ust stuck on what we'd already said

**I can't be alone. I can't do it because this will begin to sink in. That we didn't have a chance.**And if this is what it takesjust to lie in my mistakes  
and live with what I did to you  
And all the things i put you through  
I always catch the clock it's 12:01  
And now you want to talk  
it's not hard to dream  
I wish I was your Konstantine

** He'd given up, and he'd hurt me, but I'd hurt him just as badly along the way. We didn't deserve each other. I didn't deserve Hunter. But for some reason, he wanted me.**/b

_He'll never hurt me like you did.This is to a boy who got into my head  
with all those amazing things you said  
Hey Baby, You know that you keep me up in bed  
It's to a boy who got into my head  
with all the fucked up things we said  
Hey maybe baby, you could keep me up in bed  
My Konstantine_

Spin around me like a dream  
We played out on this movie screen  
And I said,  
Did you know I'll miss you  
Did you know I'll miss you  
Did you know I'll miss you  
Did you know I'll miss you  
Did you know I'll miss you  
Did you know I'll miss you  
Did you know I miss you  
I'll miss you

God, I miss you

**Things could never go back. You can't place rewind on life. You just can't. I can't place rewind on Jamie cheating on Patsy, I can't press rewind on my parents divorce, and I'll never be able to erase their kiss from my memory. It's an emotional scar I'll probably carry for the rest of my life.**

And then you bring her home  
And we'll go to sleep but this time not alone, no no,  
And you'll miss me and the doubt so very soon  
And you see, no, thats what Im missing cuz it's all so true  
Cause this is what i miss, what i miss  
We don't have much to lose  
I said, does anybody need that broken tune?Because we all need a little more soon.  
To live'

**Had I really been so convinced that things had hit rock bottom? Because now, things were much worse. Almost unfixable.**/b   
My phone kept vibrating, and as I ignored another text, I saw the time.

And sometime during this, the clock struck 12:01.

I rested my head on my knees, staring straight a head of me.

**_Turning 18 was supposed to give you a clean slate._**  
When I heard his car roaring towards the house, I got up, unlocking the door with shaking hands and closing it behind me with a loud kick.

She was sitting at the desk, her head in her hands.

"Mom?" I asked, my voice shaking, and she glanced up.

"I wanted to talk to you..."she started, and noticed the tears in my eyes.

"Mom..."I leant against the railing, holding back tears as the pounding started on the door.

"What's wrong..."she said, and I just held out my arms, hugging her close to me, sobbing loudly into her chest.

"Shhh...honey..."she breathed, and I held her tighter, if it was even possible, my legs shaking.

"I'm sorry..."I whispered, and she pulled back.

"I'm sorry too..."she whispered, stroking my hair and letting me cry.

**_It was a silent understanding._**

Because I understood.

And she understood too.

She could see it in my eyes.

As Tommy continued to pound on the door, and closed my eyes tightly, trying to block out the noise, hiccuping as I cried, barely able to breathe.

Happy Birthday to me. 

Yeekers. Thats deep, isnt it?  
Tell me what you think.


	12. 18 parts 1 2 & 3

18- Part One, Part Two, and Part Three

Jena Rink  
WARNING- This chapter contains matur( er) subject matter, including sexual references, curse words, and all the great things that happen when a story (let me quote Degrassi here) "Goes There". I'm warning you in advance. So if you're not old enough, or not comfortable enough to read what's coming up,don't. Thanks. And it also deals with some hefty issues.  
Jena.

_What has made the most out of your life so far? Better yet, what's made the most out of mine. I'm 18. I've had almost 20 years of experience and I still have no idea what's going on. I still make mistakes. And I keep making them._

I'm an adult. Everyone says turning 18 is the bridge to adulthood. But what if I don't wanna face all the things going on around me yet? What if I'm not ready. What if I fall? 

I'd be wrapped up in my mom's arms for what seemed like hours, but was only minutes in reality. Tommy was still pounding on the door, and I was still crying. And my phone was still ringing.

"Maybe you should answer the phone…"she said, pointing to my cell, which was lighting up again.

I glanced at it curiously. It was an unknown number. I grabbed the phone, picking it up tiredly.

"Ugh…what?" I asked, my voice hoarse from sobbing. The person on the other line surprised me. 

"Jude, do you know where Jamie is?" it was Speid, and I sighed, running a hand through my hair. Boy, did I.

"He's at Kat's…."Kissing Kat…but I'd keep that to myself. At least for now.

"Are you kidding me?" he asked, and I frowned. He seemed as mad as I was. There was something he wasn't telling me.

"Speid, what's…"he cut me off, his voice strained.

"When you get the chance could you tell him that his girlfriend is in critical condition at Mercy West?"he asked, and my eyes widened.

"Oh my God…is she…"

"They don't know…"Speid responded lightly, the tremor in his voice audible.

"I…I'll go get him…just…stay there..he'll be there soon…"I hung up, and got up.

"What's going on?" mom asked, and I turned to face her. I couldn't really tell her everything, but the cliff's note version would help a little.

"Jamie's girlfriend's in the hospital.."I muttered, grabbing my keys, and realized Tommy was still on the other side of the door.

"Is she going to be-"I cut her off, glancing up at her.

"I…have to go…but when I get back…we can talk…I promise.."I told her quickly, my mind spinning. Patsy was in the hospital while Kat and Jamie were making out on Kat's parent's couch.

"When did you get so grown up?" she asked me, and I shrugged.

"It comes with the territory…"I hugged her tightly, grabbing a pair of flip flops as I made my way to the door, slipping them on.

"I love you, honey….Happy Birthday…"she whispered, and I scoffed. 

"Happy…"I muttered, making a face, and she sighed. 

"See you in the morning…"she said, and I opened the door, coming face to face with Tommy, his eyes boring into mine. 

"Thank God you opened the door…"he said, obviously relieved, and I pushed past him. He moved to block me.

"Get outta my way, Quincy…"I said, anger fueling me more than anything.

As long as I was angry, I wasn't sad. I just had to keep my game face on.

"Jude, will you just listen to me for one…"He reached out and tried to touch my arm, and I yanked it back.

"Don't you touch me.."I whispered, and he took a step back,"Don't you ever get near me again…I trusted you.."I whispered harshly, fighting back tears. Don't think about it, Jude…just walk past him.

Ugh, why wouldn't he give up!? I could barely look at him right now!

"Jude…I…"I shook my head.

"I really don't have time for this right now…"I said quickly, and he ran a hand through his hair.

"Where are you going?" he asked, confused, as I walked down the street. 

"Away from you, apparently, imagine that…"I spat, and he winced.

"Jude I saw-"I cut him off.

"Patsy's in the hospital…I couldn't care less what you saw right now…"I told him, pounding on the door.

"Jude?" Kat asked, confused.

"Where's Jamie?" I asked her, a little harsher than I intended, and she winced.

I was on a rampage. I hated men. I hated them. They were such pigs!

"Asleep on the couch…" I walked over, and Tommy stood in the doorway awkwardly.

"Jamie!" I yelled, and he snapped awake, staring at me, confused.

"Jude?"he asked blearily, and I rolled my eyes.

"Get up, right now…"I told him, pulling him to his feet.

"Why? It's four in the morning…"he complained, and I shot Tommy a look.

"While you were here playing kiss and make up with Kat, your girlfriend drank so much that she ended up in the hospital…"I ground out, and his eyes widened. 

I hated cheaters. I absolutely hated cheaters.

"What? Is she okay?"he asked, panic setting in, and I hit him on the arm, he winced.

"I don't know, Jamie…come on…"I dragged him by the elbow out the door, ignoring Kat for the time being. I'd yell at her later.

"Get in the car…"I said, my voice dangerously low, and Tommy sighed from behind us as Jamie climbed into the car.

"Should I…"

"Fine…just get in…"I said, not looking at his face.

As soon as we started driving I let off on him.

"How could you do this to her? She loves you, Jamie! I can't believe after what you saw when my parents got divorced that you could even think of doing that to someone!" I said harshly, and Tommy frowned.

"Am I missing something?" he asked, and I rolled my eyes.

"She's been so distant, Jude! She won't talk to me anyways…"he said, leaning back in the seat and putting a hand over his eyes,"She's a shell! She wont even let me touch her!"

"So instead of working on it you decided to make out with Kat?"I asked him, my voice shaking.

"You're jealous…"he stated, and my eyes widened.

"I realized dating you was a bad idea a long time ago, Jamie!"I yelled, and he closed his eyes tightly.

"She's going to murder me…"he mumbled, and I scoffed.

"Well maybe you should have tried a little harder before cheating on her!" I said, my voice shaking, as we pulled into the hospital, and got out, leaving them in the car.

"What did you do to get on her black list?" Jamie asked Tommy, and he glanced down.

"I kissed Karma.."he muttered under his breath, and Jamie's eyes widened.

"We should go inside…"he said softly, and Tommy nodded, locking the door behind him and following Jamie inside. 

I'd texted Hunter on the way, and he was waiting when we got to the emergency room.

"Hey…"I said quietly, enfolding myself into his arms, and Tommy walked towards Kwest, ignoring the situation,"Any news?" I asked him lightly, glancing up, and he bent down, kissing my forehead.

"No, no news…"he said, grabbing my hand lightly in his, and I sat next to him, my head on his shoulder.

Spied interrupted us a second later. 

"She's awake…"we all glanced up, and Speid locked eyes with me. We'd mastered the art of silent communication since we'd dated.

"I'll be right back…" I told Hunter softly, leaning down and kissing him lightly on the lips, our forehead's touching.

"Okay…"he breathed, and I let go of his hand, following Speid down the hallway.

"Jude…there's something…"her voice was really angry, and I winced.

"How many times do I have to tell you I had no idea?" she asked, her voice rising, and I frowned.

"What's.."Speid put a hand in front of me, holding me back for a moment.

"If you call my parents about this I'm going to take that syringe you're holding and stab it into your neck…"she said fiercely, and I frowned.

"Patsy has…"he cut me off.

"Um…Patsy…"he poked his head in the door, and the doctor and Patsy both glanced up. 

"We're going to put you on morphine for the pain…you should be okay in a day or two…I'll be back in a few hours…"the doctor told her, and she nodded, crossing her arms when he left. 

"That was really…really stupid of you to do…"Speid said, and I frowned. What the hell was he talking about.

"But it worked…"she said back, her voice as cold as ice, wincing as she tried to sit up.

"Patsy…"Speid breathed, and she shrugged.

"Now he never has to know…and you're not going to tell him…"she said, her eyes meeting Speid's. 

"Patsy…you have to tell him…"Speid started, and she lost it.

"I don't have to do a fucking thing…"she spat back, and my eyes widened.

"You guys..what's going on…"I asked quietly, and Spied turned to me,"She was pregnant, Jude…She was pregnant and she drank to miscarry and it worked…"he said in a harsh whisper, and my eyes widened. I was starting to feel sick.

"Patsy?" Jamie asked from the doorway, and we all glanced up.

Apparently he hadn't heard a word of it. 

"Thanks for answering your phone…"she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Jamie I really don't think you should be in here…"Speid started, and I shook my head.

"You're right…get out…"I told him, our eyes locking.

"Jude…"he started, a pleading look in his eyes.

"Don't look at me like that…"I told him quietly, and Patsy frowned.

"What's going on?" she asked, somewhat confused, and I shook my head. 

"Jude…don't…please…"he begged, and I shook my head.

"He cheated on you, okay? It's why his phone was off…"I whispered, feeling sick to my stomach, "The next time you want to put me in the middle, Jamie, let me know so I can prepare myself for it…"I told him offhandedly, my voice shaking, and walked straight out of the room, tears pooling in my eyes.

I had to get out of there. I dimly felt Hunter following me, and turned around, sobbing into his chest, my arms wrapped around his middle. 

"Are you okay?" he asked softly, and I glanced up. 

"Let's go to the rehearsal space…"I breathed, and he nodded, walking me to his car, both of us forgetting my purse was still in the waiting room.

"Are you alright?" he asked me, when we'd gotten inside, and I glanced up at him, leaning up and kissing him harshly, my arms winding around his neck.

Before I knew it, I was laying on the couch, my legs wrapped around his waist.

I just needed to feel something. Anything. I felt so numb.

"Jude…are you sure.."I leant up, kissing him again, pushing his jacket off his shoulders.

"I'm sure…"I whispered, reaching down to pull my sweater over my head, our eyes locking.

This was wrong.

It wasn't supposed to be like this, on a possibly condemnable couch, not like this. Not with him. With someone else.

But somehow I didn't care.

I didn't care at all.

All I could think about was how much this would hurt him.

I needed to hurt him.

It was like an out of body experience or something.

What was I thinking?

I had no idea.

I winced, and he brushed a stray tear off of my cheek, leaning down to kiss me softly.

"I don't want to hurt you…"he said softly, and I closed my eyes tightly.

I was hurting myself.

"I'm okay…"I whispered, my voice soft, and closed my eyes tightly when he started to move, grabbing his hand tightly in mine and squeezing it.

He was so damn gentle.

Which was a good thing, because lately I was feeling as if I was made out of glass and going to break at any second.

Scene Change

"You son of a bitch…"Spied murmured, and Jamie ran a hand through his hair.

"I don't know what to say.."he breathed, and Patsy glanced over at him. 

"Say you'll leave and won't come back…"Patsy said under her breath, and Jamie took a tentative step towards her.

"Get OUT!" she screamed, and Speid winced.

"Okay…"he whispered, his head down, and walked out of the room.

Speid had never seen her cry before. But she started, and she couldn't stop.

"Patsy…"

"I…I need to get some rest…the doctor said…"she said, somewhat normally, and her voice broke.

"I'm not leaving you in here alone.."he said, standing over her, and she glanced over at the door. 

"Fine…stay…"she finally consented, rolling over and facing the windows, tensing when he rubbed her back softly.

"You don't have to be so cold, you know.."Speid told her, and she turned her head to face him.

"Sometimes shutting everyone out is the best way to get by…"she said honestly, turning back over.

Ugh. Couch bed. I groaned, rolling over, and faced...nothing. Oh this was a fantastic idea. He was probably repulsed by the very thought of me. I put a hand to my head, and sat up, squinting, pulling the sheets with me, wrapping them around me. And then I saw the note next to me. I picked it up, scanning it quickly.

Hey,

I had to go to into the studio, and I didn't want to wake you. I left you some coffee filters on the counter. I'll be back with lunch and give you a ride to get ready for your party around one. Happy 18th, Jude. You were wonderful last night. I'll see you in a few hours.

Hunter

I smiled to myself, and sat the note down, walking back towards the kitchen, shivering slightly at the cold. How anyone could live in this building on a regular basis was beyond me.  
I winced, shuffling onto the tile, which was freezing, and maneuvered myself onto a stool, closing my eyes tightly and groaning. I was sore. But not a bad sore. A good sore.

I needed coffee. I yawned, and sat down at the table, pressing a button once I had filled the filter, thankful for the coffee maker my dad had purchased for me earlier that year.

Thank God Hunter had set out the grounds for me. He was so sweet. I ran a hand through my incredibly sexed out hair (I could feel the tangles in the back, Portia was gonna kill me), and met my reflection in the mirror. I looked, different. Glowing, almost. The coffee started brewing, and inhaled the scent, closing my eyes.

I didn't hear the door open, too wrapped up in the fragrance of the coffee to notice him creeping up behind me.

"Jude, are you in here?" I winced, realizing I was only in a sheet. And nothing else. And it wasn't like I wanted to talk to Tommy in the first place.

I turned around slowly, clutching the sheet to me, and our eyes locked. He couldn't tell I was in a sheet yet. When he did, his jaw dropped to the floor.

"Wha-"he trailed off, holding my purse in his hand, his arm falling slack. He set it on the counter, and I motioned to the coffee silently, leaning on my elbow and staring at him, my head tilted to the side.

In all that wishing I could hurt him, I'd never wanted to see that look on his face.

I poured him a cup of coffee, and he took the cup hesitantly, taking a long sip.

We sat there in silence for what seemed like minutes before I opened my mouth.

"Thanks for bringing my purse...I forgot I'd left it..."I said softly, and he glanced off to the side, not meeting my eyes.

"I bet you did..."he responded, scanning the space, his gaze landing on the couch bed.

"What's that supposed to mean?"I asked, an edge to my voice.

"Hunter told me you were here..." he seethed, a tone to his voice I never thought I'd hear. He was jealous.

"You don't get to do this..."I said quietly, and walked towards the bathroom, trying to find a way to get away from him. He followed me.

"Do what? You obviously..."I threw my hands up, glad I had tied the sheet around me, and tried to keep my composure. 

"So what if I did! You don't get to rule this part of my life anymore! I'm sick of waiting for you Tommy!"I said, spinning around, and he glanced over my shoulder, his eyes wide.

"What the hell is that?" he asked, his voice strangled, and I glanced at the pregnancy test, my breath catching in my throat. Dammit Patsy. How was I supposed to explain that?

"That's not mine..." I said. She'd taken it here?

"Yeah well it's your apartment Jude!"he said, his voice rising, and I spun around to face him.

"Oh, the hypocrite won't believe in me when all he ever wanted was for me to believe in him?" I challenged, tilting my head to the side, pulling back and leaning against the doorway, his eyes scanning me. 

"Well whose is it then?"he asked, crossing his arms, "Speids? Jamies'?" my mouth opened in shock.

"That's not your business...just like who I'm dating...it's NOT your business!" I told him. My voice quivering. 

"Dating, that's funny...because..." I lost it.

"So what if I slept with him?" I screamed finally, and clapped a hand over my mouth, my eyes wide. Oh my God.

I'd done it. I'd hurt him.

But he was going to turn around and hurt him right back.

"And who are you going to sleep with next, huh?" he asked me,"I can't believe you're doing this! You've know the guy for less than a month!"

"Like you were so reliable! You're acting like you were a saint in all of this!"I screamed at him, and he grabbed my arms harshly. I winced.

"Do you think I like watching you whore yourself around?!" he yelled, flustered, and my eyes widened,"It's unforgivable!" he yelled, and I winced, his words sinking in. Did he just call me...

"What did you just say?" I asked, my voice shaking.

"Jude, I didn't..."I cut him off.

"You...you chose her! Tommy I watched you kiss her! When I met you...I thought that was it, Tommy! And no matter who I was dating, or kissing, or, anything! They didn't hold a candle to you! Jamie, Speid, Shay! None of them! Because I had this small part of me still holding out that you'd realize I wasn't some spazzy teenager, but something more than that! And I fell in love with you, and you started screwing my sister! And then you chose her over me! And yet I still picked the tour that you wanted, because it was for the best in your eyes, and you meant everything to me!" I said, my voice harsh.

He opened his mouth to respond, and I cut him off.

"You dated my sister! God, Tommy! You...asked me out and left me standing in the middle of the road while you took my heart with you to Montana! And you didn't even call!  
And then you come back with a niece and a half assed explanation and expect me to jump back in your arms?" I continued.

We were frozen in place, both of us staring each other down. He was glaring at me.

"And you know what's ridiculous? That I was mad at myself for pushing you away! I tore myself up inside for doing that to you! But you deserved it! You deserved every single second of it! You deserve to not get what you want! And don't you dare call me a whore! You chose her! You kissed, her, remember? You started dating, her! And it's always gonna be that way! I'm always going to be second best with you!"

"And I tried so hard to distance myself from you because I knew you'd hurt me! But I was gonna choose you! Dammit I'd chosen you! I was gonna tell you that I'd chosen you! Despite all of it! Because you made it all worthwhile. Because you were worth it to me! But it's become blatantly obvious that I wasn't worth anything to you! So don't you stand there and call me a whore...don't judge me! I'm not apologizing! I'm not gonna apologize for trying to get out of my head what you broke!" I said, my voice breaking, and he took a step towards me. I held a hand up.

"Get out...okay? Just get out..."I whispered, my voice shaking.

"I saw you kiss him..."he whispered, and my head shot up.

"Tommy..."I said simply, and he shook his head.

"You don't get to judge me either..."he said back, his voice low, and turned, walking towards the door.

"Tommy wait...I..."he paused, his hand on the door.

"This...whatever it is...it's done...I can't handle it..."he said, not turning to face me, and my blood ran cold.

"Fine..." I whispered, and he turned back to face me.

"Jude..."

"Go away..."I breathed, my arms wrapped around myself,"Go back to her..."I added softly,"It's what you'll end up doing anyways..."

"I'll see you tonight..."he managed, and left me alone, staring at my reflection in the mirror, my eyes wide. 

"Sure..."I breathed, on the verge of yet another breakdown.

As soon as he left I made a beeline for the shower, turning it on full blast and anxiously waiting for the spray to get hot enough. I dropped the towel, and stepped in, grabbing the soap and starting to wash myself off. I washed my hair, conditioned it, washed my face, and then got the soap again, scrubbing at myself vigorously.

I could barely stop. It seemed I'd been in there for at least twenty minutes when I snapped, throwing the soap at the wall and bursting into very noisy tears, sliding down to sit as the spray rained down on me.

I felt dirty. I felt like I was finally coming down to earth and being forced to face the music. 

I heard a soft knock on the door, and glanced up, Jamie staring at me, his expression pained.

"You need a towel?" he questioned softly, and I laid my head on my knees, staring ahead of me. I shivered softly when he wrapped me in a towel, and glanced up at him.

"I'm sorry...I couldn't do it to her...I just couldn't..."I breathed, and he nodded, his eyes straying downwards.

"Is that yours?" he asked, and I glanced up again, shrugging.

"I can't keep her secrets either..."I whispered, wringing my hands, and his eyes widened.

"Jude...Hunter sent me to get you...you wanna grab some clothes?" he asked me, his mind clearly elsewhere, and I nodded, wrapping the towel further around myself as I stood up, shivering as I stepped onto the bath mat.

"I'll wait in the kitchen, okay?" he asked, and I nodded, walking towards the hall closet, searching for some of my clothes, which I'd stashed in here.

I settled for an old black shirt with white lace, and jeans, both of which I hadn't worn in ages. Since the last time I sang White Lines.

I scrunched my hair in the mirror tiredly, and walked out, glancing over at Jamie, our eyes locking.

"Happy Birthday..."he murmered, and I leant against him.

"Is it really?" I asked back, and he made a face.

"You're gonna be okay...you'll pull through this...you always do..."

"Are you going to go talk to her?"I asked him, and he sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"She...checked out this morning...I haven't seen her or Speiderman since then..."he said quietly, and I nodded.

"Jamie...you and Kat..."he sighed.

"I don't know..."he moaned.

"You can't get caught between people...you end up hurting somebody..."I told him, as we pulled into GMajor.

"I've gotta find her..."he said finally, and I nodded.

"Okay...you do..."I patted him on the shoulder softly, and he nodded, walking off down the street, his hands stuck in his pockets.

"Penny for your thoughts..."Someone said from my life, and I turned to face Hunter, a small smile on my face.

"Hi..."I whispered, and leant up, hugging him tightly, my face nestled between his shoulder and neck.

"Hey..."he pulled back a little, and leant down, capturing my lips in a soft kiss,"Happy 18th Birthday..."he whispered in my ear afterwords, and grabbed my hand lightly in his, walking with him into GMajor, where Portia promptly pulled us away from eachother.

"You should be recording, Mr. Davies..."

"Sorry.."he apologized, and leant forwards, grabbing my hands.

"I'll see you tonight..."I nodded, a faint blush on my cheeks, and followed Portia past hospitality and into wardrobe, leaning back in my chair and closing my eyes.

"So apparently you chose..."she commented softly, and I glanced over at her.

"He chose for me..."I whispered, twiddling my thumbs as she held different pairs of earrings up to my ears.

"karma?" she questioned, and I scoffed.

"Can I be honest with you Portia? Because honestly- I freakin' ha-"

"Karma! Coming in for your fitting..."

Oh, what a way to eat my words.

"Can we just get this over with...I can't find Tom..."

"He'll be at the docks..."Portia and I said together, and Karma frowned.

"What are you, the bobsy twins?"she asked, annoyed, and I sighed, running a hand through my hair.

"Nope, we're just the girls that have been in his life for more than a couple of months..."Portia responded, and Karma shot her a look.

"How dare-"

"You know...I really wouldn't talk to either of us like that...Jude's Darius' protige, and I'm his baby sister.."she said, and Karma scoffed.

"Just pin me and get it over with..."she said, disappearing behind a screen and coming out in her dress.

"Ouch!"she complained, and I turned to the mirror, smiling softly.

"Sorry..."Portia apologized, not really sorry at all.

Scene Change

"Are you in here?" he opened the door to studio c, and she glanced up before looking back at the soundboard, almost catatonic.

"So what if I am...aren't you looking for Katerina?" Patsy asked, and Jamie winced.

"You could have told me..."he breathed, and she sighed.

"You didn't need it...you couldn't handle it..."she said, to herself more than him.

"You don't know that!" he said, an edge to his voice,"You could have said something! You could have died!"

"And you'd be at Kat's house...your phone off and forgetting I existed...that really throws things into perspective...I think we've outgrown this whole relationship thing..."his face paled.

"Patsy..."

"Just stop..."she said, holding a hand up,"Get your stuff and go before I make you go..."

"Tonight..."he trailed off.

"Speiderman is taking me...Kat should be ready for you at six...after all, its what you wanted..."she said, and he closed his eyes tightly.

"Patsy, please just listen for one minute..."

"No...Jamie...I'm not going to listen...I'm finished listening..."she said, and walked past him, leaving him alone in studio C.

"Hunter...a word?" Darius asked, and Hunter frowned, smiling at Jude in the studio before entering his office, taking a seat. Darius closed the door behind him.

"Yeah, Darius..."he said, distracted, and Darius sighed.

"She's not good for your image, Hunter..."Darius said, and Hunter stared at him incredulously.

"Says who?"he challenged, and Darius sighed, as Liam walked into the room. 

"I'm sending you to New York, for publicity...for the month..."Liam said, folding his hands, and sighed,"It's for publicity as well...you'll be doing a number of public appearances..and as you are 22 and Ms. Harrison is only 18...I believe what we're doing is in our very best interest. 

"Darius...it's her birthday tomorrow...you can't expect me..."Hunter started, and Liam sighed.

"If you expect to keep your contract..I expect you to do as I say..."he said, and Hunter rolled his eyes.

"Your plane leaves in an hour..."Darius said, with finality, handing him a ticket, and Hunter shot him a disgusted look, getting up and storming from the office.

"Hold on a sec..."I said softly, watching him walk from the room, and walked up.

"Jude I have to go...I'll call you in a while and tell you what's going on..."he said, not meeting my eyes, and I sighed. 

"Hunter, what..."

"I'll call you...okay?" he said, glancing back at Darius and Liam, who were in the hallway, and I nodded, aprehensive. Something was going on. And I was going to find out what.

"Hey, birthday girl...the big one eight..."Jamie said, wrapping his arms around me from behind, and I turned around.

"Jamie...did you talk to Patsy?" I asked him softly, and he frowned, an uncomfortable look on his face.

"Wow Jude...you look..." I spun around, glancing at my reflection in the mirror.

"You think?" I asked Mason softly, and he sighed.

"I know...stop being so worried...you're glowing..."he assured me, and I closed my eyes tightly.

"Yeah, I would be...wouldn't I...Patsy?" I caught wind of her reflection in the mirror, and spun around, my mouth dropping.

"Whoa..."I breathed, and she sighed, fidgeting in her dress.

She looked...hot. I'd never been able to say that about her before. She'd always been so grunge, but I supposed tonight's 40's and 50's theme had something to do with her black dress, classy hi-heels, and hair that was actually hanging smoothly and not frizzy down her back. She was like a different person. Portia had toned down her makeup, and she did a slight turn.

"Well you shine up like a new penny..."Speid commented, taking her arm, and she rolled her eyes, practically prying him off. I sniggered. 

"Yeah, well...if I'm going to crash the party I might as well do it in style..."she said wryly, and I noticed tear tracks on her eyes.

"God...Jamie found you, didn't he?"I questioned, and she shrugged.

"Your doll of an ex is taking me..."she told me, and I nodded, sharing a silent communication with Speid.

"Well we should get to the limo..."Speid said, and I frowned. Hunter wasn't there.

"He'll be at the hotel..."Mason told me, and I sighed, nodding, letting him guide me towards the limo, my coat wrapped tightly around me.

"Okay..."I whispered, leaning my head on his shoulder.

My phone rang on the way to the hotel, and I sighed, glancing down to get the text.

"Darius scheduled publicity in New York for him last minute for the motnh..."I muttered angrily, closing the lid of my phone and glancing at Mason, tears filling my eyes.

"Just try and enjoy this..."he told me, and Karma slid into the limo, a frown on her face.

"What's up her-"I cut Patsy off.

"Just leave it...this is for the kids..."I muttered, and Mason made a face.

"It just figures that Darius would schedule a charity benefit on the night of your birthday..." Speid said, straightening his tie, clearly uncomfortable, and I sniggered.

"Sorry..."I apologized, raising an eyebrow, and leant back into the leather seat, closing my eyes and sighing.

What in the world was Darius thinking sending my boyfriend to New York on my birthday? I could have shot him. He didn't seem to notice, giving me a hug and a kiss on each cheek.

"Happy Birthday, superstar..."he said, and I smiled at him, walking into some local club he'd decked out 40's style for the silent auction/benefit.

They'd done a good job. And there was the bane of my existence, leaning against the bar, and drinking. Imagine that. I made a face, and turned before we could lock eyes, glancing at Patsy, who's eyes were locked on Jamie and Kat, also leaning against the bar.

That was unfair. I motioned to the bathroom, and she nodded, following me, both of us feeling eyes on our backs.

"You really do look great..." I told her, and she shrugged.

"Apparently I clean up well..."she said, making air quotes, and I giggled, reaching for her flask, and taking a long sip, wincing.

"Should you really be drinking?" I asked her, and she shrugged.

"Don't let the doctors get ya down..."she made a face, and took another sip, passing it back to me.

"Do I even have to remind you both that you're underage?" came a snobby voice from the door, as I started to feel the haze from the alcohol, realizing I really hadn't eaten much that day. And I'd gotten enough liquid courage to give Karma a nice talking to.

Listen, you over processed Pussy Cat Doll impersonating Jessica Simpson wanna be man stealer...I'm done...you win I have a guy...you have Tommy and whatever sexually transmitted diseases he chooses to give you..it's fine... I told her, wiping my hands on the towell and turning towards the door, where Patsy was leaning against the wall, sipping from the flask.

Yeah, whatever you gave him... she shot back, and I snorted, stopping dead in my tracks.

Oh, so you're admitting you knew something was going on and you went after him anyways? That's real mature... I told her, crossing my arms.  
Mature? I'm 22 years old...at least what I wanted from him was legal... she downed the rest of her cosmo, setting the cup down on the counter.  
The door opened, and the three of us glanced at it, our gazes heated.

This is a private party...members only... Patsy said, and closed the door, leaning against it and staring at both of us, Okay...I think it's about time the two of us teach Karma here a lesson... she took a step towards her, and Karma's eyes widened.

Patsy...just...she's not... she kept walking towards her, backing Karma into a corner, glaring at her, and Karma rolled her eyes.

Get your dirty hands away from me, Morticia... I pulled Patsy away, and glanced over at her.

You really don't want to piss her off right now...she just...okay...nevermind...we should really get back out there...it's not going to look good if we...

Are you really that concerned with appearances? I couldn't have done a worse dye job on your hair if you'd paid me I clenched my teeth, and turned around, remembering what Kwest told me. I just had to get along with her.

I really hope Dogma bites you in the ass...but I need to get back out there, I have to sing... I said, and turned to Patsy.  
You call it singing? I've always considered it weeping... If steam could be coming out of my ears, it would be. I spun around again, staring her down.

Wheras you're so nasal that it sounds like someone shoved something up your ass, permanetly... I said sweetly. She was quick to retort. 

And Jude, the next time you wear a dress so tight...keep in mind that it exposes your every curve...we don't want to see your bony ass...

Well the next time your at the salon, why don't you ask the waxer what a unibrow is, Karma Because I can see it. We all can...we're just not saying anything And while we're at it...would you eat? It looks like I could snap you in half.

Why don't you have the dentist fix your ugly teeth Or a plastic surgeon fix those cutting scars on your arms I slapped her, and she grinned.

Dammit. that was exactly what she wanted. Oh well.

Why don't you hire a plastic surgeon to fix your hideous face...I may have broken something... I said heatedly, and Patsy made a noise under her breath.

Please, I'm flawless...you on the other hand... I cut her off.  
Why don't you stop making Tommy write songs for you about buying designer clothes when you're clearly too fat to wear them I burst out.

At least I don't look like I walked out of a salvation army she said back, and I scoffed.  
At least I can write music I yelled at her. Patsy stepped between us, holding her hands out to keep us apart, and Karma made a face.

Don't let the man get you down...but if the woman gets you down...you kick her ass, don't you think, Harrison? Patsy questioned, and I glanced around the bathroom as she turned to face Karma.

Uhm...I... I stuttered, and karma was quick to retort.

All talk and no show? Must of been why Tommy chose me in the first place... Oh, she did not.

Oh, it's on... I whispered, pulling my fist back to punch her, just as Sadie had taught me when I was five and at the playground.

The only difference was, this was SO not the playground. But Karma defiantly was a bully. And her dogma was about to catch up with her.

I'd punched her before I realized what was happening, and she flew back against the counter, holding a hand over her nose. I grinned to myself.

"I need a shot..."I told Pasty, grabbing her flask and taking another sip, wincing softly as it slid down my throat.

"Take it easy there, tiger..."she said, and winced as Karma ran from the room.

"You do realize the impending repercussions of doom that will stem from your fist attacking Barbie's face, don't you?"I shrugged, and winced when Jamie walked into the bathroom, his eyes going back and forth between me and Patsy. After a moment he turned to Patsy.

"Did you seriously just punch Karma? She has to perform and Tommy thinks she has a broken nose " he told Patsy, and I got in his face before he could respond.

"Actually, it was me, thanks..."I said, raising an eyebrow, and his eyes widened.

"She wouldn't say who did it..."

"Oh...screw her...I'll fucking tell Tommy I punched his whore in the nose..."I slurred, and he sighed.

"Jude..."he said, and I shook my head.

"I need some water..."I whispered, and pushed past him, ending up at the bar a moment later. My parents interjected before I could even order water. 

"We're going home, ok?" dad told me, and I stared at him incredulously. I had to talk to Tommy. I just had to. I wanted to...I felt sick. I needed to lay down. But I so didn't care.

"You're going to have to stop hanging out with this Patsy girl..."he added, and I groaned, rubbing my hand. It felt like it was made of glass and I'd cracked it straight down the middle.

"Why?" I asked, my voice slightly slurred," she gave me the courage to punch uber bitch in the..." Mom cut me off.

"Language "she scolded, and I shot them a murderous look..

"I'm 18..."I reminded them, and dad snorted. I think he found the situation a little humorous.

"You're drunk..."he commented, and I rolled my eyes.

"Nah, really? I had no idea..."I said softly, and Kat rolled her eyes. I stared at her. How dare she?

"Jude, sweetie..."I turned to stare at Kat fully, my dad holding me up by the arms.

"Did Jamie tell you why he's with you now and not you and Patsy?" I blurted out, and Jamie made a face.

"That's not your business..."Jamie reminded me, and I sighed.

"When she leaves the pregnancy test in the bathroom at my rehearsal space and Tommy accuses me of being a whore...it becomes everyone's business..."I said, and Patsy clapped a hand over my mouth, staring at me in outrage.

"Oops..."I muttered, as Patsy glared at Jamie and stomped off, Speid, Kat and Jamie following her.

"We're going home..."mom announced, and dragged me off towards the door, stopping briefly for a verbal lashing from Liam, who told me he was angry, I was barred from Gmajor for the week, but that I still had to attend my birthday party the following night. Oh joy.

"How many times do I have to tell you I'm sorry?" Jamie asked, and Kat frowned, backing away as Patsy stared at her, hate in her eyes.

"Jamie if you don't get your pet out of this I'm going to kick her ass..."Patsy said, pushing up her sleeves, and Kat winced, backing into the wall.

"You scared?" Patsy snarled, and Kat rolled her eyes.

"What were you talking about earlier?" she asked,"About Jamie...the pregnancy test...you two couldn't possibly..."Patsy cut her off, a glint in her eyes.

"Yeah, that's right...Kitty Kat...your boyfriend got me pregnant and I couldn't tell him because I couldn't trust him How do you think that's going to play over in your relationship?" Patsy said, her voice shaking, and Speid grabbed her hand.

"Patsy...you need to go lie...you shouldn't be..."she shook him off.

"Speiderman "she said, annoyed, and turned to face him, her eyes wide, and he stared right back at her.

"Patsy...come on.."he touched her arm lightly, and she turned back to stare at Jamie for a moment, tears gathering in her eyes. Her wall was breaking down, but she didn't want anyone but Speid to see it.

"We'll talk about this later..."she said, in finality, and stopped dead in her tracks at his next works.

"Wow, that's almost three for three..."Jamie said under his breath, and before Speiderman could stop himself he'd punched Jamie in the face.

"Speid " Kat said, and he glanced over at her.

"I had every right..."he told her, and turned to Patsy, grabbing her hand again.

"Patsy let's go..."he said, pulling her along, and she groaned.

"Vincent "she said, annoyed, and he turned to face her.

"I don't like seeing you like this..."he started, and she surprised both of them by leaning forwards and pulling him towards her, kissing him soflty.

"Pats-"she cut him off again.

"Let's blow this joint..."she told him quietly, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards her car. There was so much drama going on that they certainly wouldn't be missed.

"Where did Jude go?"Patsy suddenly said.

"Her dad dragged her out of the party...smashed..."Speiderman commented wryly, and Patsy snorted.

"Guess I gave her too much, then..."she said, smiling to herself.

"And Karma?"she asked, and Speid raised his eyebrows.

"She started it Tommy...do you really think I'd start a fight with poor old innocent Jude Harrison?"Karma questioned, twirling her hair around her finger. He was examining her nose, their faces inches apart.

"It's broken..."he muttered, and she squealed.

"Free nose job, Tommy..."she said, at his look of annoyance.

"And they say I'm petty..."he said under his breath. "She seriously started it "Karma persisted.

"Regardless of your broken nose I know she had a reason, Karma...I know her..."he said angrily, downing his drink, and she sighed.

"I'm sure you two know each other very well..."she hinted, and he frowned.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"he asked her harshly, and she flinched.

"I saw you two making out in the Mustang when I started at Gmajor..it's no big deal..."he cut her off.

"We're done..."he said simply, and she stared at him, raising an eyebrow.

"No one dumps me..."she commented, and he snorted.

"Well it looks like I'll be the first then..."he said back, leaving her with a bloody nose, sulking in the lobby of the hotel. He had a present to give Jude. Whether she liked it or not.

I groaned, staring out my window, a hand over my eyes. I'd been banned from Gmajor for the next week. I was mad, Tommy was mad, I was just...mad. You know when you're so angry that your soberness outweighs your drunkenness?

"Jude What the hell were you thinking? You're eighteen Karma can press char-"

"You think I care?" I asked sardonically, leaning against my bedpost. I needed to get out of this house. I needed to get out of this house.

"I'm going out..."

"You're drunk..."

"Oohhh...dear...heaven forbid I follow in the steps of dear old mom..."I spat, and she shook her head.

"We'll talk about this in the morning, young lady..."she told me, closing the door, and I groaned, sinking down onto the edge of my bed, my head in my hands.

"I'm not a young lady any more " I screamed through the door, and put a hand over my eyes again.

I was going to sneak out. Screw this. I was busy shedding my party dress and slipping on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt, shivering slightly from the cold, as it was snowing, when I heard a tapping against the window.

"Aaaahhhh "I screamed, and turned, clutching my sweatshirt to my chest and staring at Quincy, who had a pained look on his face.

"Hi..."he mouthed, waving slightly. And I glanced back at the door, before pulling on a coat, slipping on my Uggs, and making a split second decision. Being with Quincy was way better than being at home. At least for now. 

"Hi..."I said shakily, sliding out onto the roof and grabbing his hand lightly in mine.

"Can you slide over? I have a ladder..."he said, motioning to it, and I raised an eyebrow.

"You come prepared..."

"I borrowed it from Andrews..."he mentioned, climbing down first and holding it steady for me. I started down it slowly, and shrieked as I fell backwards into Tommy, both of us landing in the snow. He was laughing hysterically, tears running down his cheeks, and I couldn't help but join him, our laughter echoing softly on the silent street.

"Jude? Jesus Where are..."I got up, a panicked look on my face.

"Go Quincy...GO..."I urged him, and he pulled me along as we slid into his Hummer, giggling silently.

"Hurry..."I breathed, choking on my own breath as I laughed, buckling my seatbelt.

"Where are we going?" I asked him, and he shrugged.

"I thought...that since I've been an ass..."I made a noise under my breath.

"So have I..."I breathed, shivering slightly as the car warmed up. It was almost deserted as we drove down the streets of Toronto, except for the falling snow and the Christmas Carols softly murmuring over Tommy's speakers.

"Where's A-"

"With Portia...she owed me a favor..."he said, glancing over at me a moment, our eyes locking.

"You gonna tell me where we're going?" I asked him quietly, and he shook his head, a small smile on his face.

"It's a surprise..."he winked over at me, turning up the heat, and I sighed, leaning my head back against the headrest, closing my eyes.

"Jude..."he whispered in my ear, and I snapped awake, my eyes meeting his.

I realized I must look pretty intense with all the makeup I'd been wearing still on.  
"Hi..."I breathed, and let him lead me out of the car and into the building, up the stairs, and into a long hallway.

"What..."

"Happy Birthday..."he said quietly, inserting a key in a lock, and handing me the key, before pushing open the door.

I felt like I might faint. It was completely lit by candles, and he came up behind me, his arms around my waist.

"Forgive me..."he whispered in my ear, and I leant into him.

"Tommy..."I said, realizing I was still a little fuzzy from the alcohol I'd consumed earlier.

"Mmmmm..."he said, turning me around to face him, shutting the door behind us with a soft clock.

"I want to..."I said honestly, much like I had before, at the Chrome Cat.

"Then give this a try..."he breathed, kissing me softly on the lips.

I had a dim thought of Hunter before I attacked his mouth with mine, pulling him closer to me.

Didn't he think we might go to fast?

"Tommy...this isn't..."he leant forwards, leaning against me, pressing me into the wall. Was I really going to say no to this? This is what I'd wanted, and who I'd wanted it with. Who in the world was going to stop me? Certainly not myself, that was for sure. I moaned softly, and he smiled cockily, pushing against me and leaning up to whisper in my ear.

"You want this...don't you?"he asked, his breath warm against my neck, and I  
groaned, jumping up, my legs around his waist, our eyes locking. Of course I wanted this, was he  
blind? This was all I'd ever wanted. 

He pushed against me again, and I felt the evidence of his arousal, moaning loudly.

"Yes...yes I want you..."I muttered, pulling back and lifting my shirt over my head,  
crashing my lips onto his, trusting him to lead me to wherever my new bedroom was, groaning when he cupped my ass, pulling me closer to him. It was huge. Okay, huge was an understatement. It was at least four times the size of my room at home, with a huge canopy bed.

"Tommy..."I breathed, and he smiled against my lips, pulling away slightly.

"You like it?" he whispered, and I nodded, pulling him back into another kiss.

"You're so beautiful..."he breathed, reaching behind me to unclasp my bra as we fell  
back onto the bed. God it was like...temperpedic or something. It was amazing. I groaned softly,  
laying back as he stood at the edge of the bed.

"And you're overdressed, Quincy...off..."I said quickly, my breath labored, pulling  
at his button up, my legs hanging over the edge of the bed.

"Easy now..." he said, unbuttoning it quickly, staring down at me in adoration. I  
melted.

"Mmmm..."I whispered, leaning up and pulling him on top of me, my legs still   
around his waist, " I love the bed..." I added softly, and he let out an innaudible curse, reaching down to unbutton my pants, his hands fumbling.

"I love you..." he said back, nuzzling my nose with his, my face splitting into a large   
smile. I was so damned happy. Nothing could knock me off this high. "I love you too..." I breathed, kissing him softly. He pulled away, a hesitant look on  
his face, and I frowned.

"Jude are you sure you wanna do this? Because if we don't stop now..." I leant  
fowards, kissing him harshly, working on his belt buckle my only response. I slid his pants down, and gulped as I felt the impressive bulge in his pants, my eyes wide.

"It's okay..." he breathed softly, and leant fowards, cupping me with his hand, a gasp  
stuck in my throat. I felt as if I couldn't breathe.

"Oh...God..." I whispered, as he kissed down my body, pausing for a moment at my  
breasts before kissing down to my stomach, twirling his tongue in my belly button.

"Tommy..."I moaned, and he smiled against my stomach, reaching out tentatively as  
I lifted my hips, letting him slide my jeans and underwear down my legs, lifting my feet as he took off my socks, before crawling back on top of me, our eyes locking.

"You're perfect..." he said gently, and tears came to my eyes. "Nobody's perfect, Quincy..." I whispered, and he brushed a stray tear off my cheek.

"You're perfect to me..." he told me quietly, and I closed my eyes tightly when I felt  
him enter me, wincing slightly.

"You're okay..." he whispered, kissing my closed eyelids.

"I'm okay..." I said, my voice strangled,"You can move.." I added, my voice a hoarse  
whisper.

I tensed, and groaned softly as he started to move against me slowly, using every   
ounce of her self control he had.

"You...can go faster..." I finally said, and he kissed me softly, speeding up, the only  
sounds in the room our heavy breathing and skin slapping together.

"Don't stop..."I whispered, when he trailed kisses down my collarbone, our eyes  
locking.

"I won't..." he didn't.

When I opened my eyes, it was to stare into Tommy's chest. I realized I was sprawled out across him, and moaned softly, rubbing my face against him, successfully waking him up.

"Mmm...five more minutes..."he breathed, and I leant up, leaning over him, my hair  
creating a curtain around our faces.

"Tommy..."I said quietly, placing kisses across his jawline, and he moaned, opening  
his eyes to face me as I pulled away, a small smile on his face. I was straddling him, and became  
aware quickly that I was completely naked. As was he.

"Hi..." he breathed, and I leant my forehead against him.

"Hi..."I whispered back, our noses touching.

"You sleep okay?" he asked, and I nodded, yawning, rolling off of him and wincingslightly.

"Are you sore?" he asked, and I moaned, leaning against him again.

"It's a good sore..." I assured him, kissing the underside of his jaw. 

"Mmmm...good..." he said, kissing the top of my head, as my phone rang.

"Tommy?" I asked him, reaching for my phone, and he grabbed my hand lightly.  
"What's up?" he asked, concerned, as I let Hunter's call go to voicemail.

"This, can just...be our place, can't it?" I asked him softly, trailing my hand across his arm, and he nodded.

"I'd like that..." he said, and grabbed my sides, tickling me mercilessly.

"Quincy Stop it " I laughed, and shrieked when he ended up on top of me. "I've gotta get used to this whole...naked wrestling thing..." I said breathlessly, and he smiled evilly, leaning down and capturing my lips with his.

"Okay...gotta get dressed..."I breathed, realizing I had absolutely nothing at the  
apartment.

"I had Sadie give me some of your clothes...they're in the closet..." He breathed, and I nodded.

"Have I told you how amazing you are lately?" I asked him, pulling a long tee shirt over my head, and leaning against the doorway of my closet, posing for him.

" I think I could stand to here it again..." he said in response, and grabbed the front of my tee-shirt, pulling me towards him. 

"Could you now...get dressed..." I said, pushing him towards his side of the closet, where there were already clothes. " Cocky bastard..."I said under my breath, and he came up behind me with pajama pants on.

"Cocky? Mm..." he said, kissing my neck, and I moaned softly, shoving him off.

"Gross, Tommy "I said, in mock outrage, and he picked me up over his shoudler.

"The lady doth protest too much? he joked, and I shrieked as he carried me down   
the hallway, setting me down on the kitchen counter,"You want breakfast?" I smiled.

"I'm not gonna protest to that..."I said cheekily, closing my eyes and grinning when he leant up to kiss my cheek.

"Pancakes?"

"J and T shaped ones?" I asked him, and he smiled.

"Is there any other kind?" he questioned, and I laughed softly.

Two hours, and a full stomach later, I was laying across his lap and staring out at the snow from the living room, a blanket over us.

"This is perfect..." I told him quietly, and he grinned.

"I know..."he whispered, as my phone rang again.

"Ignore it..."he told me, and I shrugged.

"It's Hunter, again..." I breathed, shutting my phone and turning to face him.

"How quiet are we going to have to keep this?"I asked him finally, and he shrugged.

"Well, to everyone else...I'm dating Karma and you're dating Hunter..."he said  
softly, my eyes narrowing.

"I thought you broke up with Karma..."

"I did...and I'll stay broken up with her if you want..."he said softly, and I nodded.

"Did she really get a broken nose?" I laughed softly, and he stared at me disapprovingly.

"She is a person, ya know?"he commented, and I rolled my eyes. 

"And what does that make me?"I asked him, expecting the correct answer. "A goddess..."he said, leaning down to kiss my forehead.

"Mmm...I thought so..."I said, and leant back up, pulling him down for a kiss, "Thanks..." I breathed quietly, and he rubbed his thumb across the top of my hand.

"You gonna stay with Hunter?" he asked me softly, and I shrugged, looking up at  
him.

"I think I have to...appearances and all..."I breathed, and he nodded, resting his head on top of mine.

"We'll get through it..." he breathed, and I couldn't help but feel the same way.

We'd get through it. We had to.

"Corporate Irony...a word?" Patsy asked, sticking her head in the door. It was  
early Saturday morning. Very early, and she was in sweats, her face clean of makeup and her hair tucked back into a ponytail.

Liam glanced up, and did a double take.

"Patsy...what brings you in on your weekend off..."he commented, and she  
glanced around her, rolling her eyes and closing the door behind her.

"I may have done something...stupid..."she said softly, wringing her hands.

Liam motioned to an empty chair, and Patsy nodded, sinking into it gracefully.

When she walked out twenty minutes, Liam was following her.

"I'll have a car sent for you, four hours Ms. Sewer..."she made a face, and  
nodded, glancing over at him.

"Thanks..."she said under her breath, and he shook her hand.

"I'll see you in a few months..."he said, with finality, and she nodded.

"A few months..."she muttered under her breath, and sighed. 

"Okay..."she said, and walked towards the door, going out side and sliding into  
her car, resting her head on the steering wheel.

"And we're twelve feet away from pure and utter hell..."I whispered softly,  
staring over at the door to my house.

"You so sure about that?" Tommy questioned, and I shrugged, turning to stare at  
him.

"Remind me why I shouldn't be worried..."I whispered, a smile tugging at the  
corners of my mouth, and he grabbed my hand lightly.

"You've got your own place now, girl...if you can't stay..."

"You wanna help me pack?" I asked quietly, glancing down at our hands."Hey...look at me..."he whispered, and I glanced over at him, tears filling my  
eyes. 

"They're going to eat me alive..."I realized,"They didn't even call...that's a  
really bad sign, Tommy...a really bad sign...and...I just...I don't..."he cut me off, pulling me close and kissing me quickly, making me close my eyes and momentarily forget about what was about to happen.

"What were you saying?" he asked breathlessly, nuzzling my nose with his, and I   
sighed, staring at him from beneath my lashes.

"Do you want me to go in with you?"he asked, and I ran a hand through my hair."Could you?" I asked him finally, knowing how uncomfortable it would be for  
him.

"Okay..."he said, and kissed my nose.

"Okay..."I whispered, his hand loosely in mine, and we got up, walking towards  
the door.

When I opened it, my parents were sitting on the couch.

"Um...hi..."I breathed, and Tommy squeezed my hand tightly. I glanced over at  
him, smiling softly, and looked back at my parents.

"Have a seat, Jude, Mr. Quincy...you can leave..."Mom said, and I nodded, moving towards the couch.

Tommy followed me anyways. And I needed him. So that was okay. I looked over at him gratefully, and he nodded.

"You really don't need to be here for this..."Victoria started, and he  
opened his mouth before he could stop himself.

"And you do?"he asked back, and I closed my eyes tightly, leaning over to  
whisper in his ear.

"Keep it under control, okay?" I whispered, and he nodded.

"Okay..."he said softly, our eyes locking.

"What the hell is going on between the two of you?"Victoria started, and Stuart  
laughed nervously.

"Vic...she's his producer, I don't think..."That I was moaning his name last night with him on top of me? Then boy, you are so wrong..

God I was sick of this.

"Tommy's my best friend..."I said quietly, and Victoria snorted.

"I think he wants to be more than just your best friend, Jude..."she said heatedly,  
and I scoffed.

"Awww...mom, you already drunk? It's two in the afternoon that's gotta be a  
record "I said softly, and she opened her mouth to respond.

"Leave me out of this you were drunk last night "

"I was having problems..."

"And I'm very sure your producer helped you with that..."

"Can you just leave me out of this?" Tommy asked, and I closed my eyes tightly,  
taking a deep breath,"I'm pretty sure I've never left a handprint on Jude's cheek, so I'm pretty sure I know what's best for her right now..."

"What's she talking about...did you tell her?" Mom got up and took a step  
towards us.

"Tommy..." I warned softly, and he shook his head.

"We'll be out of here in an hour..."he told them, pulling me with him towards the stairs.

"Tommy..."Dad followed us, and he put his hand on the small of my back.

"Jude...just pack what you need, okay?" he said quietly, and I nodded slowly, turning to face him. "Thank you..."I said, my voice shaking.

"Tommy can I talk to you for a moment..."I winced, and glanced at him. "You can say what you need to say in front of me..."I said quietly, and Tommy shot me a look.

"Is there something going on between the two of you? And don't lie, Jude...I can tell when you're lying...I'm your father..."Stuart said, glancing towards the stairs.

"What would you do if there was..."Tommy said finally, and my eyes widened as I stuffed clothes and picture frames into one of the duffels I had laid out on my bed.

"Ask you if you love my daughter..."I froze.

"Dad..."I breathed, turning around, and he closed the door.

"Because if you love her, I know you'll take care of her...and I'm more than happy to keep your secret..."he said finally, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.  
"Mr. Harrison..."Tommy said softly.

"Call me Stuart..."he said finally, and my eyes lit up.

"Dad..."I said again, not able to say much else, and walked up, hugging him tightly.

"Girl, you're starting to sound like a broken record..."Tommy said, opening one of my drawers and closing it quickly, his face pink.

"Awww...Quincy did you find my underwear drawer?" I teased, and dad cleared his throat. I pulled away, and winked at him.

"I think you can empty that one on your own..."he said softly, his face not bright red.

"The bottom drawers my pajamas you wanna get that one?" I said teasingly, and realized dad was still in the room.

"Nope, I think I'm okay...I'll just grab...your guitars..."he said lamely, and I stifled a lap when he grabbed two of my guitar cases, making his way down the stairs.

"He makes you happy..."Dad realized, and I nodded, staring after him, a small smile on my face.

"He bought me an apartment...for my birthday..."I whispered, and he smiled.

"I wasn't keen on the idea of my youngest daughter living in condemnable rehearsal space..."he said, and Tommy came back upstairs, glancing at us. "Take care of her, Jude I'll see you at your party...I'm going to go and keep your mother out of the way while you move-and I want to see that apartment once you're settled in..."Dad said, a soft smile on his face, and left us alone.

"Surprise of the day?" I asked him quietly, coming up and looping my hands around his neck, my head tilted to the side.

"You actually woke up without coffee?"Tommy questioned, raising his eyebrows.

"Shut up...you..."I said playfully, hitting him in the chest, and he grabbed my hands, pulling me up and kissing me softly, my arms falling around his neck. 

"Mmmm...okay..."he breathed, our foreheads leaning together.

"Come on we have to finish..."I told him, handing him a box, and stuffing shoes in it.

"God you have more shoes than Sadie..."

"When Portia's your personal shopper you have enough shoes..."  
"Speaking of which...Addie's with her grandparents for the next two months..its going to get difficult once she's old enough for grade school..but for now..."he said softly, kissing the side of my neck.

"Mmm...two whole months of freedom..."I breathed, turning around and pressing him against my bed, our kisses getting more heated. "Packing...Jude...Party?"he got out in between kisses.

"I know..."I breathed, and pulled away,"Let's finish so we can go back, to my place..."I added, peppering kisses across his jawline.

"Well that's certainly something I won't say no to..."he said, his eyes sparkling, opening the underwear drawer and starting to pile them into a box.

"I thought you said you wouldn't touch those..."

"And you said your pajama drawer was in the bottom?"he asked, an eyebrow raised,"Your dad isn't in the room anymore, girl..."he added, when my face turned bright red.

"Tommy..."I said softly, rolling my eyes, and grabbed a bunch of dresses out of my closet, putting them in another box.

"I'll grab your sheets and stuff and bring them down to the Hummer, okay?" he said, lightly kissing my lips, and I smiled against him.

"Okay..."I breathed, pulling away and grinning up at him.  
"I love you..."he whispered, and I grinned.

"I love you too..."I responded, leaning my head on his chest.

"I'll be down in a second..."I said, as he left with my sheets, and glanced around my now bare room. It hadn't taken a lot of time to empty.

"And you're sure this guy loves you?" Dad asked again, leaning in the doorway, and I sighed.

"I love him..."I said quietly, turning to stare at him, and hugged him tightly.

"Your mother...has a problem...I've talked to Don about it...we're gonna get her help..."he said quietly, and I nodded.

"I know...it's okay..."I added softly.

"I'll see you at seven..."

"Fairmont Royal..."I said back to him, raising an eyebrow.

"I'll be there..."he promised.

"I love you, dad..."I hugged him tightly.

"You ready, girl?" Tommy asked, leaning against the doorway, and we broke apart.

"Yeah..."I said, handing him the last box, and he rolled his eyes, running down the stairs and out the front door to put it in the car.

"Dad...no one can..."I whispered, glad Sadie was at work so she couldn't see what was going on.

"I know, Jude...now go...he's waiting..."he opened the door, and I gave him one last hug before darting out to the Hummer.

"Hi..."I said softly, sliding in and staring back at the house as we drove away.

"You alright?"he asked, genuinely concerned, as we turned the corner, and tears started rolling down my cheeks.

"I just never thought I wouldn't be able to live there anymore...you know? Even last year I was so convinced it was the right thing to do..."

"You're going to be just fine, you know that?"he said, sliding his hand across the console and grabbing mine lightly.

"Now that I have you again I think I'm game for anything..."I said, yawning slightly.

"Still tired?" he said, raising an eyebrow, and I groaned.

"Pervert..."I whispered under my breath, and he laughed under his breath.

"But you love me..."

"There are a few things in this world that I'm sure of, and that's one of them..."I said softly, as we pulled up to the complex.

"Sunglasses on, here's a hat.."he said, grabbing one and handing it to me, before kissing me softly.

"Mmmm...thank you..."I whispered, and grabbed one myself.

An hour later everything was put away, and he was staring at me.

"Your party starts at nine...I'll wake you up at seven so that we can run to Gmajor for esthetics...okay?" he breathed, and I smiled.

"My hero..."I mumbled into him, watching him set the alarm.

"See you in a few hours..."he kissed the top of my head, and watched me shut my eyes.

Four hours later I was nervous, staring at my reflection in the mirror, Portia glancing at me, a sad smile on her face.

"You're all grown up..."she said, and I smiled, unsure, fingering my hair, which was in soft waves, as per usual.

"Whoa..." Tommy stopped in the doorway, and Portia smiled.

"I'll leave you guys alone for a bit...I'm glad you're speaking again..."she said, squeezing my shoulder and closing the door.

"Do you like it?" "You're beautiful..."he whispered, picking me up and spinning me around.

"Oh, Mr. Quincy..."I said in a fake texan accent, fanning myself, and our eyes met.  
"Girl, I have another-" we broke apart when the door opened.

"Oh look at you..." Mason said, eyebrows waggling, and Tommy dropped his hand from my waist quickly, backing up.

"Uhm...hi..Mason...Jude I'll see you at the hotel..."he said quickly, his eyes meeting mine for a brief moment before leaving the room, my eyes on the floor.

"Jude?" Mason asked, and I shook my head.

"It's nothing Mason..."I said quietly,"Ready to be the best date I'll ever have?" I asked, faking a smile.

"You're fake smiling, what's going on?" he questioned, as Karma poked her head in the door.

"Jude, Mason, have you seen Tommy?" 

"No..."I said, rather rudely, and she scoffed.

"You know, Jude...I'd really keep my mouth shut if you didn't want me to press charges..."she said, and I glanced at Mason. 

"Karma...why don't the two of you just call a truce..."Mason suggested, and I glanced at him, a weird look on my face.

"Oh, fine..."she said, rather boredly, and stuck her hand out, shaking mine,"It'll make Darius happy..."

"All of you, the limo's waiting..." Portia said quickly, peaking her head in the door.

We were quickly ushered out to the car, and I glanced around me at the people in the limo. Speid, Kyle, Wally, Karma, Jamie, Mason, me...of course, but no Patsy.

"Where's..." Speid cut me off.

"I'll tell you later...she couldn't make it..." Speid responded, and Jamie glanced at him, a weird expression on his face, as we pulled up to the hotel. "Well at least we know you won't be intoxicated tonight, right superstar?" Portia questioned, opening the door of the limo, and I nodded, completely aware of everyone's eyes on me.

"Mason, put your arm around her shoulders...and remember to smile, all of you...take some pictures and remember the press workshop we had last week..."

"Get ready to be blinded..."I said under my breath, and Mason laughed under his breath.

"Mason Jude Karma A picture " Mason got in between us, and we smiled, leaning against him.

"Now Mason and Jude " another photographer said, and I put my arms around his neck, leaning against his chest, a wide grin on my face.

"Tommy A photo with Jude " I turned quickly, our eyes locking, and he pulled me in quickly, both of us smiling awkwardly.

Ten minutes later I was waiting to be announced, Mason by my side.

"Jude..."

"Hmmm?" I asked, distracted, checking my appearance in a pocket mirror. 

"Is there something going on between Tommy and..." my head spun around to face him, before Portia peeked her head in again.

"We're ready for you..."she told us, and I swallowed.

"Jude?" "I'll tell you later, okay?"I told him softly, and he nodded.

"Okay..."he whispered, and grabbed my hand, pulling me towards the curtain.

"And here's Tornoto's own...our newly 18 first Instant Star, Jude Harrison " I walked down the steps, smiling, and gave Mason a long hung when we reached the bottom.

"Thanks..."I whispered into his hair, and he grinned.

"Save a dance for me later and go find Quincy..."he said back, and I nodded, my eyes meeting with Tommy's from across the room.

"Go have fun..."he mouthed to me, pointing to the dance floor, his eyebrow raised, and I rolled my eyes, squeaking when Jamie came up behind me, his arms around my waist.

"Care to dance?" he asked, faking a British accent, and pulled me to the dance floor, smiling.

"Jamie..."I said quietly, and he smiled down at me, a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

"I miss her..."He muttered, hugging me closer, and I rubbed his back.

"You messed up, Jame...but she did too..."I said, my head on his shoulder,"You'll work it out...I promise...it just takes time..."

"Did she come with someone else?" he questioned, and I sighed.

"Speid said he'd tell me later..."I said, leaning against his chest, and glanced up at him.

"I have to go mingle...wanna be my mingle buddy?" I said quietly, tugging at his arm.

"Okay, best friend...plaster on a fake smile and let's wow the corporates.."He said, and I sighed softly, leaning against his shoulder, grasping his hand in mine.

An hour later, we'd gotten through the bulk of the men in suits, and were up at Darius' table.

"Hey, D..."I said quietly, and he glanced up, a sour expression on his face.

"Any alcohol in your system, Harrison..."

"Not a smidge...D I'm sorry..."I said quietly, and Jamie squeezed my hand tightly,"I honestly am...I was just really upset with Hunter..."

"He's not coming back for another two months...you cool with that? And you're gonna have to be nice to Karma...You've still got a lot to learn..."he told me, and I glanced down.

"I know, Darius..."I said softly,"And Karma and I made a truce...okay? We're not going to fight...not anymore..."

"That's good to hear...Just enjoy your week off...and write me something...something great...a hit...Happy Birthday..."

"Thanks, D..."I said, and gave him a long hug.

"You're welcome...now go enjoy your party..."he said, pushing Jamie and I back towards the dance floor.

"Mr. Andrews...a word?" Liam said, and he turned.

"Jude, I'll find you later, okay?" he said, kissing my cheek, and left me alone, walking back over to Liam. I dimly heard their conversation as I scanned the dance floor.

"Mr. Andrews...I'm wondering if there's any new talent you've found over the last few months...we have a sudden opening in the production schedule..."he said, and Jamie frowned.

"Who-"

"Ms. Sewer has transfered to Vancouver to finish the remainder of her album...seeing as I think her leaving had something to do with you, I expect you to find an artist worthy of filling the spot..."he frowned.

"Wait...Patsy..."

"Said she didn't want to be around you, Mr. Andrews..."Liam said, not meeting his eyes, and Jamie blinked.

"Can you excuse me for a moment?"he asked Liam, and walked towards me.

"I need alcohol..."he murmured, and my head shot up.

"Jamie...no...that's not a good idea..."I said softly, steering him to a chair and kneeling in front of him,"You've gotta get her out of your mind..."

"Did I miss the cake? I hate it when I miss the cake..."Kat said, running up, and we both glanced up, tears in Jamie's eyes.

"You want to talk?"she asked me,"For a minute...I mean...Jamie I promise I won't steal her away for too long..."he nodded forlornly, staring out at the dance floor, and Kat pulled me away.

"Look, he's hurting..."I said quietly,"And I think he might actually let you in to help him...k?" she nodded, looking aprehensive.

"She went to Vancouver...he really wanted to apologize to her..."I said quietly,"He needs someone...and I...need to mingle...which sounds bad..."I backtracked,"Really, really bad...but you've been his friend just as long as I have...and..."

"I got it...Jude...we'll see you later..."she said, pointing behind her, and I turned to stare at Tommy, who was leaning against the wall, staring at me, a small smile on his face.

He winked at me before motioning to a door, going in it and closing the door. I glanced both ways, weaved my way through the party for a few minutes, and opened the door tenatively, seeing Tommy leaning against the wall.

"Hey..."I whispered, and he smiled, pulling me into a kiss, my arms winding around his neck. "Hi..."I breathed, resting my head against his chest.

"You look so beautiful..."he murmured, and I smiled.

"You don't look so bad yourself..."I breathed, grabbing his hands.

"I have something for you..."he said, leading me over to a couch in the room, sitting both of us down.

"Mmm...a present...por moi?" I trailed off, staring at the farmilliar blue Tiffany's box.

"Tommy..."I whispered, and opened it with shaking fingers.

It was a ring. A small platinum band with a simple red ruby as the stone.

"It's a promise ring.."he said quietly, and my head shot up.

"A promise ring?" I said back, and he smiled.

"I promise...I won't leave you..."he said quietly, and I felt tears gathering at the back of my eyes, "And I promise, I won't hurt you..."he said, kissing my cheek, "And I promise...that nothing could ever make me stop loving you..."

"Tommy it's beautiful..."

"So are you..."he said back softly, and I held out my hand, staring at the ring.

"You're amazing..."I told him, turning and kissing him softly.

"Mmm...we've gotta stop..."he breathed, and heard commotion from the next room over.

"What's that?" I asked, and he turned the corner, the smile on his face disappaearing.

And then I did the math in my head. Tommy didn't know about Sadie and Kwest. I hardly knew about Sadie and Kwest. Id only seen them making out once.

"Oh God...Tom..maybe we should..." They were about to kiss when we turned the corner.

"You're hooking up with my ex-girlfriend..."he said, and I grabbed his hand lightly.

"Tommy...'I whispered, tugging at his sleeve.

"Well you certainly didn't treat her right...and I'm giving it a try..."I winced. There was truth to that.

"Kwest..."Sadie said helplessly, and I moved to stand by her, both of us not sure of what to do.

"If you two fight eachother you're going ot be in the doghouse with both of us..."Sadie interjected, and Kwest pushed Tommy into the wall.

"Don't try and be angry for me showing Sadie what you couldn't.."Kwest said, before he could stop himself, and Tommy punched him.

I put a hand over my mouth, and grabbed Tommy's hand.

"Jude..."he said, realizing what he was doing.

"Yeah?" I asked, my voice shaking, and he hugged me tightly.

"I'm sorry..."he breathed, and I glanced up at him.

"Hey, it's okay...you didn't know...I didn't know..."I said softly, and grabbed his hands.

"Just get me some ice so I can talk to Tommy about this..."Kwest said, rubbing his jaw.

"Hey, boyfriend...calm the fists of fury and talk to Kwest, okay?" I said quietly, and he winced, rubbing his hand.

"I think I can do that..."he said, glancing at me again, and I nodded, leaning forwards to kiss him on the mouth, not realizing Kwest was in the room.

"What You two " he said, jumping up, shocked, and I broke away, stroking his cheek with mine.

"I'll see you at home later..or maybe on the dance floor if Kwest doesn't murder me..."I said, kissing the sore spot on his knuckle, and he nodded.

"You're very understanding..."he said softly, and I shrugged.

"It's in my nature..."I said softly, leaning forwards and kissing him softly.

"Dude!" Kwest said, covering his eyes, and I winced.

"I'll explain it to Kwest, girl..."he said, and I nodded, staring at the ring.

"You promise?" I asked softly, now sitting on his lap, and Kwest sighed. 

"I promise I love you..."he said back, and I smiled softly.

"Awww...I promise I love you back...I have to go..."I kissed him again, and turned to walk out the door, back towards the party.

"And now Jude Harrison and Speiderman Mind Explosion, performing her latest hit, Stay..."

Speid struck up the chords, but my mind was somewhere else as I watched the doors at the back of the room, hoping Tommy was doing something to make sure Kwest wouldn't blab.

"She's with Hunter, man, what were you thinking?" Kwest said, and Tommy rolled his eyes.

"Hunter's a kid..."he said, and Kwest put his head in his hands.

"So is Jude " he pointed out, and Tommy snorted.

"She's eighteen, man...do you know how long I've been waiting for her to turn eighteen?" Tommy asked, and Kwest sighed.

"You didn't wait, man..."he said under his breath, and Tommy rolled his eyes.

"No one knew then..I want to go out there, and grab her, and kiss her...so badly...but I can't...she's not ready for that yet...I don't think Darius is ready for that..."he said softly, and Kwest put a hand on his shoulder.

"Let's just put this into perspective...okay?" Tommy nodded.

"I love Sadie...and for you...you've always loved Jude, T..."Kwest said, and Tommy nodded.

"And we make them happy..."Tommy consented.

"So we'll keep your secret, and you'll keep ours..."Tommy said, as Sadie peeked her head in the door with a bag of ice.

"Hey...um...I'm glad this was in a closed room..." she said, uncomfortable,"And I'm glad you're back with her, Tom..."

"I...I overreacted Sadie...sorry.."Tommy said, and she nodded.

"It's okay..."she said,"You love my sister...I know you do..."

"And I'm not going to leave her..."Tommy supplied.

"Leave who?" I asked, walking into the room and locking the door behind me.

"Sadie and Kwest alone, to do whatever they are doing, girl..."he said, a smile on his face, grabbing my hand and kissing it softly.

"Wanna dance?" I asked him, and he smiled.

"Ten minutes...the ice sculpture...meet you there..."he said in a low voice, kissing my forehead.

"Okay..."I said, floating on a cloud, and walked back out into the party a second later, meeting up wtih Speid, Wally, and Kyle in the center of the dance floor.

"Where's Jamie?" I asked, and Speid made a face.   
"Um...Jude...about Patsy..." 

"I heard Liam tell him..he's a mess..."

"Him and Katerina are talking..."Wally said, making air quotes, and I laughed. "Oh, you're pulling the air quotes...what's cause for this?" I questioned, dancing in the center of them.

"Lady Harrison, she doth protest dancing with SME?" Wally joked, all of them moving closer, and I rolled my eyes.

"Sorry guys, but I'm taken..."I said, smiling at all of them, and noticed Tommy standing by the ice sculpture, looking a little perturbed.

"Oops..." I slipped, and grabbed Speid's hand, and he noticed the ring.

"Oh, who gave you that snazzy bling..."

"I'll tell you later...rehearsal space...tomorrow night...movies...popcorn...liquor...just like last summer.."I said, grinning at him, and he nodded.

"Go get your prince.."he said, motioning to Quincy, and I gave him a long hug.

"I love you..."I whispered, and he smiled.

"I love you too..."he breathed, watching me walk towards Tommy.

"Saving the last dance for me?" I questioned, tilting my head to the side, and he pulled me closer as a slow song came on.

"Commere..."He breathed in my ear, his hands on the small of my back.

"Do you have any idea how lucky I am to have you?" he added, and I blushed.

"Quincy don't make me blush..."I breathed, my eyes sparkling, and he smiled, pulling back to stare at me.

"People are staring..."I noticed, as he spun me out, pulling me back in.

"I don't care..."he reminded me, our hands clasped together.

"I know..."I grinned, and he dipped me, pulling me up, our faces inches apart.

"So, later...I was thinking..."he started, spinning me around, his breath close to my ear,"Champagne, you, me...the bathtub we haven't used yet..."I hit him on the arm.

"Quincy!"I breathed, and he laughed.

"I think your dad wants to dance?"he asked, turning to Dad, who was standing, his hands in his pockets.

"Hi..."I launched myself out of Tommy's arms, hugging my dad tightly.

"No alcohol?" he asked, and I made a face of mock outrage,"Dad...I'm high on life..."I told him softly, letting him spin me around. 

"I can certainly see that...Don and I checked your mother into a facility today..."he said, and I nodded, tiredly, leaning my head against his chest.

"I'm sorry..."I offered lightly, and he shook his head.

"Jude...she hit you...I'm sorry I let it go so far..."he said, and both of us glanced up when Sadie walked over.

"Dad...hey...I didn't know you were coming..."she said, and I broke away.

"Have a dance with Sadie, okay?" I told him, as Tommy walked back over.

"Can I steal you for a minute..."he said, and I grinned.

"You can steal me away anytime..."I told him softly, letting him lead me back out to the dance floor, my head resting on his chest as the music slowed.

"I can see the Papparazzi in the morning...Tommy and Jude in secret love affair..."he said, making air quotes, and I laughed quietly.

"Awww...air quotes...everyone's been doing that tonight..."I said, grabbing his hands and putting them on the small of my back.

"Next year, on this dance floor...I'm gonna kiss you...in front of everyone..."he said quietly, and I leant up, kissing him on the cheek.

"You promise?" I asked, and he glanced down at the ring, smiling softly.

"I promise..."he whispered, our noses touching.

"And the award for ballroom dancing goes to the two of you..."Kwest said, "Can I cut in..."

"Yeah...of course...Tommy go dance with Sadie..." I told him, pushing him in her direction.

"Hi...you..."I smiled at Kwest, and looped my arms around his neck.

"You're all grown up...I never thought I'd see the day..."he said jokingly, and I smiled.

"Awww...Kevin West " I said, and his face paled.

"Who told you my real name?"he asked, and I laughed. 

"It was on a plaque at Tommy's, I couldn't help myself..."I said, giggling, and we both glanced up as Darius concluded the festivities.

"I wanna thank you all for coming to Jude's 18th...be safe and have a wonderful holiday season " he raised a glass, and I grinned widely, my eyes meeting Tommy's from across the floor.

"Ahh...home..."I breathed, closing my door and looking at my phone, which was beeping. I hadn't seen Tommy since the party was concluded, and had been whisked off to an autograph signing. I was exhausted. I dropped my heels and keys by the door.

"Crap..."I whispered, opening it and dialing quickly.

"Hey, baby...it's me...I'm so sorry I haven't called you back sooner...things got a little crazy...but thanks for the flowers...I'll see you when you get back and call you soon...bye..."I hung up, and felt arms around my waist.

"Hello, lover boy..."I turned around, and smiled up at Tommy, pulling him inside and closing the door.

He kissed me softly, sliding my shrug off my shoulders, and picked me up, carrying me past the kitchen and down the hallway, depositing me on my bed, pushing off his jacket and kissing me softly.

"Tommy, easy there...it's been a long night..." I said sleepily, fighting back a yawn.

"Oh don't worry...tonight is all about you, girl..."he said, a strange glint in his eyes, and I felt butterflies in my stomach, swallowing thickly.

"Tommy?" I questioned, and he smiled softly.

"You're beautiful...and I'm going to show you that until the sun comes up...if necessary..." he said into my hair, and I trembled slightly.

"O...ok..."I stuttered, my words falling way to sighs as he worked his way down my collarbone with kisses and small bites.

"Oh...my God.."I breathed, as he unclasped my bra delicately, reaching up to kiss me again before sliding down.

"Just relax..."he whispered, reaching up to cup my breasts, and I moaned softly. "Shhh..."he kissed one, sucking the nipple softly, his other hand tweaking my other one.

"Oh my God..."I breathed, my body warmer than I ever thought possible.

"And you like that?" he questioned softly, pulling away to take a breath.

"Yeah.."I whispered, pushing his head forwards again. He laughed quietly, and started in on the other breast, repeating the process until I was moaning beneath him.

"Tommy..."I moaned softly, and he smiled against me.

"We're just getting started, girl..."he said, trailing kisses down my stomach, and I moaned when he lapped up the sweat from my belly button.

"Oh.."I whispered, when he nibbled at my hipbone.

I spread my legs, and felt him settle between them, planting small kisses on my thighs and pulling my dress off completely.

I was soaked, and he ran his fingers up and down me, making me groan.

"Tommy...please..."I whispered, and he reached forwards, sliding my panties off, our eyes locking. "Put your legs over my shoulders..." I closed my eyes in anticipation, and cried out softly when he kissed me, down there, much as he would when he was kissing me normally. "Oh God..."I moaned, as he lapped at me, sticking his tounge in as far as it would go before pulling it out and sucking on my clit lightly.

He repeated the process until I was screaming, and then started sucking on my clit, plunging his fingers in and out at a rapid speed.

"Tommy...baby...I'm gonna...ugh..." he didn't stop, lapping up everything I secreted until my breathing had slowed.

"And how was that..."he said softly, tracing patterns on my stomach, as I came down from my high.

"A-Amazing..."I said softly, and kissed his free hand, which I'd been holding the entire time.

"You're amazing..."he responded, and leant up over me, kissing me softly.

"Why hello...you..."I said quietly, a loopy grin on my face.

"Hi..."he said breathlessly, his arms on either side of me.

"That...was...wow..."I murmured, and leant up, kissing him softly.

"Just wow?" he asked.

"Fantastic, amazing, superb..."I named off adjectives on my fingers, and he smiled.

"Oh really?" he said, and I sighed.

"Don't get too cocky, Quincy...get your clothes off..."I told him, motioning to his pants, and he laughed softly.

"Getting frisky, are we?"he asked teasingly, and I grabbed hold on his collar, pulling him close to me.

"I like that word...frisky.."I whispered, pulling him into another kiss, working on his shirt buttons.

The rest of the night was a blur, and when I woke up, my phone was ringing. I ignored it, and rolled over to face Quincy, who was holding a cup of coffee for me.

"December 19, six days till Christmas..."he said softly, handing me the cup.

"Oh Joy..."I whispered quietly, taking a long sip before setting the mug down.

"What's on your mind, girl?" he asked, kissing me quickly, and I smiled.

"Mmmmm...you...what to get the man who has everything..and my sister...and my dad...and Darius...and Liam...and Jamie...and the boys...and my mom..."I named them off of my fingers, and he grinned.

"You wanna go shopping?" he asked, and I turned to stare at him.

"Us, in a mall...together?" I questioned, a little weirded out,"You're first gig was in the food court...Tommy...girls would notice..."I said teasingly, and he kissed me.

"Have you ever had sex in an elevator?" he asked huskily, and my eyes widened.

"Tommy We're not in the movie Mallratz " I admonished, and stretched, wincing softly.

"Ooh..still sore?" he asked lightly, and I rolled my eyes.

"Get up and make me breakfast while I take a shower...pervert.."I said under my breath, and he laughed under his breath, his laugher stopping abruptly when I dropped the sheet, closing the bathroom door behind me and leaning against it.

"Three, two..." there was a soft knock, and I opened it, my expression inquisitive.

"Any chance there's room for two in there?" he asked softly, and I pulled him in by the hand, kissing him softly, reaching behind me as we walked towards the shower, switching on the spray to hi and stepping back into it, pulling Tommy with me.

We were both Prunes when we finally got out.

"I think I need a nap..."I said quietly, and he laughed, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, before handing me a towel.

"Here...I'll make us breakfast..."he said, slipping a towel around his waist and walking off towards the kitchen.

I dried my hair quickly, staring at my flushed face in the mirror, before grabbing a pair of sweats and slipping them on, padding into the kitchen.

"Hey..."I breathed, as he handed me a plate of pancakes.

"Mmmm...yum..."I whispered, carrying them to the couch and setting them on the coffee table, grabbing the syrup from him while he put down to glasses of milk and handed me two forks.

"You're perfect..."I said to him, leaning my head against his bare chest and grabbing a bite of pancake, shoving it into my mouth.

"Hey...it's my turn, you..."he said, and grabbed the plate, taking a bite quickly and handing the plate back to me.

"What time is it?" I asked him, as the phone rang again.

"Um...nine thirty..."he said, checking his watch, and I sighed, leaning against him, setting the plate down on the coffee table and leaning up to kiss him softly.

"You really up for the shopping at the mall thing?" I asked him, and he smiled.

"Well why don't we go to...Montreal...and shop there? Where no one is watching..."he suggested, raising an eyebrow, and my eyes lit up.

"For a few days?" I asked, grinning, and he nodded.

"Tommy, you're the best boyfriend ever..."I whispered, leaning against him, and he smiled.

"I know...now get packing...I'll take care of the rest..."he said, and I nodded, watching him walk off towards the bedroom.

Did I have the perfect boyfriend or what?

And then my phone rang.

"Hey!" he sounded flustered, and I frowned.

"Hey, you.."I said quietly, leaning back on the couch.

"Hi! How was your birthday?" he asked.

"You sound hurried or something..."I said tiredly, and Tomy came up behidn me.

"Yeah, rushing from studio to lunch...to studio..."he said, and I grinned.

"Darius told me...you could have said something..."I said, and I could feel him getting aggravated over the phone.

"We'll make it work...he's not going to let me fly up...but we'll talk when I get back in February...okay?" I nodded.

"We'll talk..."I said quietly.

"Just talk?" he questioned, and I sighed.

"Hunter...you're in New York...I'm in Toronto...this isn't going to work..."I said quietly.

"Oh so I see...I just take off and two days later you're calling it quits? Is that it?" he said, and I flinched, tears in my eyes.

"Hunter...you didn't tell me what was going on...I found out through my voicemail on my birthday...right after..."

"Okay...okay...we'll talk...when I get back..."he consented finally, and I felt the knot of guilt loosen in my chest. "Alright...just...try and have a good Christmas...okay?" I asked, and he smiled.

"Okay...bye Jude..."he hung up, and I sighed, running my hands through my hair.

"You alright?" Tommy asked, and I nodded.

"I should pack..."I told him quietly, and he grabbed my arm lightly. 

"Hey..."he whispered, and hugged me tightly, rubbing my back,"I'm here...okay?" I nodded, and grabbed his hand.

"You find something?"I asked him, and he dropped a kiss on the top of my head. 

"The only thing open was the Suite at The Fairmont..."he said, a sly grin on his face.

"Mmmm...really?"I asked him, and pulled him along to the bedroom,"We need to get packing..."

An hour later, we were on the road, me leaning against Tommy as we dropped by Gmajor. "I just have to grab my laptop...some recording stuff...get your Gibson..and...your journal..they're in..."

"Studio B..."I said, winking at him, and waltzed past Sadie.

"I thought you were on quarantine..."she said, and I rolled my eyes.

"I came for my guitar...journal...things of that nature...I'll be back on Christmas...dad's house, right?"I asked her, and she nodded.

"You're going..."

"To Montreal...to write...with Quincy..." I said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Yeah, sure...to write..."she said, raising her eyebrows, and I walked into Studio B, grinning.

"Good morning..."I said casually, a large smile on my face, and reached past Kwest to grab my journal, spotting my guitar in the corner.

"Did you have sex last night?" Speid asked, and Kwest choaked on his coffee.

"No..."I said, a weird look on my face, and he shook his head.

"You're a bad liar..."

"Am not...I have to go...Vincent...have you seen Jamie?" I asked, and he pointed to Jamie's self appointed office.

"I'll see you guys after Christmas..."I told them, and put my stuff down, frowning.

"Jamie..."I said quietly, and his head shot up.

"I'm just working on this report..."

"Jamie you can't let her turn you into a shell...okay?" I said softly, and he shook his head.

"I hurt her too..."he said under his breath, and my cellphone rang.

"This is Jude..."I said quickly, and my face paled.

"Patsy?" I asked, confused, hardly able to distinguish her voice through her tears.

"She's there, on the phone?"he asked, and I sighed.

"Patsy...just...calm down..."I said quietly, leaning against the wall, Jamie staring at me, an almost manic glint in his eyes.

"I need to talk to someone who doesn't look at me like I'm a piece of trash, okay? If you were here you'd understand why I want to say screw this and stop recording..."she said quickly, once she had dried her tears, and I frowned. I'd never heard her talk like this before.

"Don't...stop singing...it's the only thing that belongs to us...I seemingly remember you saying that I couldn't let the man stick it to me...and you can't let them stick it to you..."

"I'm never getting involved with men again...because all they leave us girls with is a fucking ba...nevermind..."she said, her voice slightly slurred.

"Patsy, are you drunk?" I asked, and she laughed.

"I can't drink...anymore..."she said dismisively, and I frowned,"I need someone here...soon...within the next couple of months...ask Speid to come too..." I frowned.

"Wait...you...yeah...I'll come...I don't know if I can get out of here until I release my next single...but I'll come and see you...I'll ask Speid too, okay?"I said, and Jamie sighed.

"Patsy...what about Jamie?" I asked her, and she snorted.

"He's the one that got me in this fucking situation!" she roared, and I winced.

"Girl, you ready to go?" Tommy asked, appearing in the doorway, and I sighed.

"Patsy..I'll get to Vancouver as soon as I can...I'll convince Darius to have me and SME do a charity concert...something...okay?" I told her, and sighed,"Have you talked to your parents?" 

"I haven't talked to my parents in four years...I'm not going to start now..."she said, and I frowned.

"Four years?" I said numbly, and she sighed.

"Look...just...have fun with lover boy...enjoy your Christmas...and I'll see you in January.."she said wryly.

"There...that's a hint of the old you...I have to go..."

"Hang in there...rockstar..."

"Same to you..."I told her, and she sighed.

"Bye..."she hung up, and I closed my eyes tightly.

"I have never heard her that hysterical...ever...Jamie...something's wrong..."I told him, and Tommy frowned.

"Did I miss something..."he started, and I shook my head.

"I'll see you and Nana at Christmas dinner, okay?" I told him, and he got up, hugging me tightly.

"Tell Mason I'll fill him in when I get back...he's at that signing isn't he?" Jamie nodded.

"I got it...have fun you two..." I glanced at Tommy and smiled slightly.

If anyone could get my mind off of this horrible mess, it was Tommy.


	13. Teasers

you know...Im working on something a little more down the line. that DOES have to do with this story..but its been really hard for me to write...I have the rest of the season mapped out...actually this would PROBABLY be a good time to tell you when the rest of it's coming out...this overrides all other updates because we have a release date for season 3 now.  
And I'm really working on the second to last episode of the season the most.  
Undiscovered, you agree? It's a doozy and a half.  
Like really.  
So...yep.

Here's a line from it. Or a few. Scrambled up so you wont know what's going on.  
And this is from the episode "Sympathy for the Devil", which in my timeframe is an hour long. You'll understand why when you see it. Better yet, here's a BUNCH of lines from the last part of 18, Nowhere to Run, Watch Yourself, Sympathy for the Devil, AND all I want is you. yep. So its like...

On the rest of my FAKE season of Instant Star-

On 18 part four-

"Merry Christmas..."

"You're gonna get better..."

"I know you think I don't like you very much right now...but I love you for doing this..."

"And say what? That I'm in love with you?"

"I love her, okay? I'm in love with her...that's right...I...LOVE...HER! I messed up, and I need to fix it!"

"Stop with the verbal gymnastics and let me get this straight here..."

"Maybe you should tell him..."

"Maybe I should take your guitar and shove it up your..."

And on NoWhere to Run-

"Patsy...Jesus..."

"Well noone's ever called me THAT before...I like it...Jesus...maybe I should name the baby that..."

"God this is so embarrasing..."

"What's next...a playboy centerfold..."

"Speid! God! You're so gross!"

"Hold on...wait...I'm getting a visual..."

"Oh haha...very funny..."

"Nobody's perfect, Jude...you of all people should know that..."

"And no one's relationship is perfect either..."

"Stop relating this to us..."

"I never gave him a reason!"

"Look, I have a proposition for you..."

"This is crazy...you're like twice my age!"

"And what's been the most obvious difference betweeen the two of you, Karma?"

"I'm a virgin..."

"And Jude, you're not?"

"I don't care..."

"You do realise how this is gonna make you look?"

"To hell with dignity...this...is war..."

"Jude Harrison, knocking down anything that stands in her way...hmm...more like sleeping with any guy that stands in her way, don't you think? You know...you may have fooled Darius and liam..but everyone else just thinks you're a whore..."

"And anyone with a brain knows the truth...that YOU are..."

And on Watch Yourself-

"Holy crap you're huge!"

"You're right...Lady Sewer you looked like a beached whale..."

"Can you numbskulls see that that's NOT what I need to hear right now?"

"See...if you're Liam Jr...then this in here...is Liam the Third..."

"How could you keep this from me? Jesus...you..."

"No...she was here before, and now she's gone! And her cars here...has anybody seen her in the past couple of hours? At all?"

"You're just a kid..."

"Not for long...I have to go...I can't handle this..."

"Jude I didn't mean..."

"Sure you didn't...you know what? Maybe I should just replace you as my producer again...since I'm too childish for you..."

"You're blowing this out of proportion..."

"We've been dating for three months! And even before that we were on and off!"

And On BOTH parts of Sympathy for the Devil:

"No one is here to save you..."

I closed my eyes tightly, listening to the news channel from the next room.

I had been the first person to see him. He reminded me of that daily.

I'd rather he hurt me instead.

I closed my eyes in disgust, wincing.

I was saying a silent prayer in my head the whole time.

"Oh, heaven forbid you get caught acting on your feelings, while I'm stuck CONSTANTLY hiding mine..."

"And it's the parentals...tell me...how excited are you that I've finally shown up after all these years? And you're gonna be grandparents! That must really top the cake for you..."

"He shouldn't have her...and now I'm killing the thing he loves the most from the inside out..."

I was running on pure adrenaline at this point. It rang three times before someone picked up.

"Please don't leave me down here..."

"Do you have a daughter..."I asked them quietly. I was desperate for distraction at this point.

I could hardly form words anymore. I was rapidly becoming a shell.

"You went into shock, you weren't breathing on your own..."

And now that I was 18, they had to obey that rule.

I whimpered, and he smiled.

"I love you..."

"Get out."

"You want me to tell him what we did?"

"No..."

"Then come with me, right now..."

"Jude what the hell are you doing? Just..."

"I'm sorry I can't..."

"You were pretty willing the other night..."

"Get the hell away from her!"

"Jamers...we need to talk..."

"Thank you..."

"Your welcome?"

All I want is you-Part one-

These lyrics are MY version of I dont know if I should stay, k?  
dont use them. I'm proud of them.

Standing on a precipice  
Don't know which way to turn  
I thought that I was through with this  
This game of crash and burn

You throw two things in front of me  
A path that I must take  
You dangle hopes and dreams for me  
Don't know what choice to make  
But

A familiar Voice  
Makes it hard to make a choice  
I don't know if I should stay  
And I'll stand up on the ocean  
Look at all those things I've broken  
Say those words I was meant to say

An up a down I cannot choose  
I can't find the right words to say  
That ones to win And ones to lose  
I'm lost I can't find my way

I don't know what I should feel  
Here's my heart it's yours to steal  
Either way I've sealed the deal  
Locked it away, Tossed out the key  
Sent it back out to Sailing Seas  
But

A familiar voice  
Makes it hard to make a choice  
I don't know if I should stay  
And I'll stand up on the ocean  
Look at all those things I've broken  
Say those words I was meant to say

Hurt the ones I love  
It's become a game  
No matter what decision  
Things will never be the same

A familiar voice  
Makes it hard to make a choice  
I don't know if I should stay  
And I'll stand up on the ocean

"You're making this too hard on yourself..."

"You wanna make it easier and tell me something?"

"I don't know what you want to here..."

"Why don't I show you?"

"Ms. Harrison, if you sign that contract...Mr. Quincy will have NOTHING to do with your production process..."

"He's produced both my albums! How am I supposed to work without him around?"

"I'm not going to sign...not if you do this..."

"Well, isn't this a step down. You didn't even tell me this time...no goodbyes? Is that the way we operate now? Because Darius and Liam..."

"I think it's perfectly clear to me where your loyalties lie..."

"No, that's not...you must have heard wrong because what I said..."

"Save it...I'm out..."

"No you see we need to get in a car, and go to the hospital, now..."

"Why?"

"Well when someone's water breaks, Jamers..."

"Oh my God...Oh God..."

"What do I do after this?"

"Well...we have the tour..."

"Past the tour! This is my life!"

All I want is you Part Two-

"Dammit Jamie! Where are you when I need you..."

"I wrote something new...wanna have a listen?"

"You're singing that tonight..."

"Did you ever think it was worse knowing where they were?"

"What? You said one! You said there was only ONE! Oh my God..."

"Give me the drugs!"

"What do you mean he's in trouble..."

"No, because I love your daughter...a lot...I'm not going to leave her...not ever..."

"I...think we should move in together..."

"I have the address...I'm going..."

hee hee. tee hee.  
You know how I am.  
you figure out over 80 of this...past the obvious...and I'll tell you.  
Let the messages COME!  
lol.


	14. 18 Part Four

18 Part Four

by Jena Rink

I don't own instant star.

Apologies for the Delay.

But there's lots of fluff! Woo! I'll work on the next part now.

Better late than never eh?

SORRY!

Gah. I'm in post premier euphoria. I'm trying to integrate a lot of the promo stuff into the story. Yep yep.

"This is the longest car ride of my life..."I complained tiredly.

"Jude we've been on the road for twenty minutes..."he told me,"You've gotta enjoy it..." he motioned to the scenery with a free hand, and I rolled my eyes.

"I'd much rather stare at you.."I said honestly, turning on my ipod and watching the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy. He snatched it from me a second later, and I glanced at him in outrage.

"I'm going to get way too bored if we don't talk..."he said, and I sighed.

"Fine...talk...when and how did you lose your virginity..."he choked, and swerved a little, and I laughed.

"We might as well get to know more about each other..."I told him honestly, and he sighed.

"Jude I was 14 years old...do we really have to rehash the past?" he complained, and my eyes widened.

"14! Damn Quincy, you started out young..."I said under my breath, and he rolled his eyes.

"When was your first kiss?" he challenged, and I sighed.

"It was Jamie...I was reading some teen magazine..and it had this kissing technique...so I sorta just grabbed him and kissed him..."I admitted, and Tommy cracked up,"He had braces..it was weird...I was 12..."

"Braces..ouch...metal mouth..."Tommy said, laughing softly, and I shook my head.

"You?"

"I was ten...she lived down the street...her name was Abigail...I kissed her during recess and she ran away..." I burst into hysterics, and he frowned,"it wasn't funny!" he protested.

"She ran away?" I said between pelts of laughter, bent over.

"Maybe we shouldn't have started him off with Jim Bean..."Speid commented, as Jamie sang drunkenly to a Journey song, waltzing around the rehearsal space. He'd been drunk for a couple of hours now, and there was really nothing else going on. Every one was out of town or at Gmajor, and frankly, Jamie had needed to drown his sorrows.

"This was your idea of fun, right?" Karma asked him honestly, stopping in the doorway and looking Speid over. He glanced up in surprise.

"Hey...Karma..."he said, clearly uncomfortable, and she shrugged.

"Darius sent these over...covers for your single?" she held them up, and he grabbed them from her, their hands brushing.

"You wanna stay?" Wally asked her suddenly, and she sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Why not..."she said under her breath, and turned off her cell phone, closing the door behind her.

"Kwest, this is crazy! Why can't I open my eyes!" Sadie complained, as he led her down another set of stairs.

"Cuz it'll spoil the surprise..."he said, like it was completely obvious, and Sadie made a face.

"When did we start talking in rhymes?" she countered, and he laughed softly, taking the blindfold off of her eyes.

"Oh my God..."she breathed, staring around the skating rink, which was completely empty but covered in white lights.

"Merry Christmas..." he offered, handing her a pair of skates and sitting down to put his on.

"Kwest...wow..."she breathed, and sat down next to him, putting on her skates.

"Do you even know how to skate?" she asked him, and he made a face.

"My mom made me take lessons..." he finally admitted, and Sadie's face split into a wide smile.

"Wait a minute...figure skating lessons?" Sadie asked between giggles.

"I was ten...long story...Tommy got the boy band and lame best friend me was taking figure skating lessons...I actually won some stuff...he never lets me live it down..." she finally stopped laughing, and took his hand in hers.

"So you can teach me?" Sadie asked hopefully, and he nodded, pulling her out onto the ice.

"I can try..."Kwest remarked, skating alongside her.

"What do you think Tommy and Jude are doing?" she asked him finally, and he made a face.

"Each other..."he shot back, and she burst out laughing, enter twining their fingers.

"I haven't kissed you in five hours and twenty minutes..."I told him, and leant forwards, capturing his lips again as the elevator dinged, both of us stumbling out into the largest living room I had ever seen, complete with a roaring fireplace, modern furniture, and a large rug, which I immediately tackled him onto.

"Jude..."he laughed, and met his eyes, seeing a spark there I'd never seen before.

"Hi..."I said quietly, and laid my head on his chest, hugging him tightly against me.

"What's up with you? Not that I don't enjoy the cuddling..."he said, stroking my hair, and I leant up, staring at him.

"We've never been alone like this...no one can catch us...no one can mess this up...did you really think I'd waste a second of it?" I told him, leaning up and kissing him soundly on the mouth.

"Frisky..."he said in between kisses, and I pulled away to stare down at him.

"I love you..."I whispered, and he smiled.

"I love you too..."he breathed, both of us jumping apart at the knock on the door.

"Truth is I really like rock...but r and b is more...something my voice can perform..."Karma said, her voice slurred, and took another shot.

"She's a champ..."Jamie said softly, a hand on his head,"And I'm not...I think I'm gonna be sick..."he ran off towards the bathroom, and Kyle made a face, following him.

"Can you play guitar?" Speid asked her, and she shrugged.

"A little...nothing fantastic..."her eyes lit up,"Speid, you could teach me!"

"Speid could teach you a lot of things.."Wally commented, laughing softly.

"Dude, for real?" Speid asked him, and he shrugged, walking back towards the stairs.

"You're different than I thought you were..."Speid muttered, and Karma shrugged.

"Appearances can be deceiving, dude..."she responded, and Speid smiled.

"Yeah, they can..."he whispered, leaning in and catching her lips in a soft kiss, which she returned, leaning in closer to him.

"That was nice..."he said as an afterthought, and she nodded, leaning in and kissing him again, her hands at the hem of his tee-shirt.

"Karma...are you sure you..."she nodded, her eyes sparkling, and pulled his tee-shirt over his head when he raised his arms.

"We should go somewhere a little more...private..."Speid said in between kisses, and she nodded, getting up and following him up the stairs to the loft, both of them holding hands and stumbling a little.

"Mr. Quincy? Ms. Harrison?" I opened the door, a small smile on my face, and stared at the bellboy.

"The Fairmont would like to welcome the two of you..."he said, holding out a fruit basket, and I sighed, grabbing it.

"Thanks...Peter..."I said, reading his nameplate, and he smiled at me widely, accepting the tip I handed him. I closed the door behind me, leaning against it.

"What was that?" Tommy called from the bedroom, and I appeared, holding up the basket, a wry smile on my face.

"Fruit basket..."I said, and he laughed softly, sighing when I set it down on the end table, laying next to him on the bed.

"What do you want to do?"he asked me suddenly, turning to face me, our gazes locking.

"I don't know...what do you wanna do?" I questioned, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear nervously.

"Kiss you..."he mumbled, our lips inches apart, and I grinned, leaning forwards, our noses touching.

"You could do more than kiss me..."I suggested, raising an eyebrow.

A few hours later, I woke up, light from one of the street lamps drifting into the room, and stared over at him, sprawled out next to me, a soft smile on his face. This was so surreal. Like some sort of dream or something. And if it was a dream I never wanted to wake up.

I rolled over, sliding out of the bed silently, and turned on the bathtub, closing the bathroom door so I wouldn't wake Tommy up and sinking into the warmth of the bubbles a few minutes later, a soft sigh escaping my lips.

I jumped a second later when the phone started to ring, and picked it up, a small smile on my face.

"Hello?" I questioned, and heard crying on the other end, my brow furrowed.

"Patsy?" I asked her, sitting up, leaning over the edge of the tub and listening to her cry.

"I didn't have anyone else to call..."she said, and I glanced at the door.

"What's going on with you?" I was so not prepared for this. At all.

"I'm still pregnant..."she muttered softly, and my eyes shot open.

"Wh-What?"I stuttered, nearly dropping the phone into the water.

"You can't tell Jamie...he doesn't care..."she pleaded, and I closed my eyes tightly.

"Jamie's a wreck because he does care..."I told her softly, and she choked back a sob.

"Don't you think he would have come after me if he fucking cared?" she asked me softly, almost broken.

"Liam told him not to..."I interjected quietly, tapping my fingers on the side of the tub,"He told Jamie you didn't want to see him..."I told her, as Tommy opened the door.

"You okay?" he asked me, and I nodded.

"Look...Darius approved the proposal that Speid gave...we'll be there in a few weeks...the boys and me, I mean...and Tommy...in Vancouver...can you hold out till then?

Maybe call your parents?"

"I'm not calling my parents...they didn't get me pre-pregnancy and they sure as hell aren't going to get me now..."Patsy said, and I frowned.

"Maybe...you should tell him?" I suggested, and she scoffed.

"Maybe I should take my electric guitar and shove it up your..."I interrupted her.

"Okay...that's fine..just...I'll call you tomorrow?"I said, distracted by the way Tommy was staring at me.

"Yeah, blondie...have fun..."she hung up, and I sighed tiredly, sinking completely beneath the water before coming back up for air.

"Is there room for two in there?" Tommy asked wryly, only in his boxers, and I nodded, grabbing his hand lightly, his fingers running across my palm.

"Commere..."I whispered, our eyes locking, and he grinned, shedding his clothes and sliding in after I'd drained the water a little.

"Mmmmm..."I moaned quietly, when he started rubbing my shoulders.

"Is Patsy okay?"he asked me a second later, his chin resting on my shoulder.

"She's still pregnant..."I said quietly, and he tensed.

"That's why she left?" he asked me, and I turned sideways to face him, the water sloshing beneath us.

"Yeah...I really don't know what to do...Jamie's my best friend...I can't just not tell him...but at the same time..."

"Patsy's your friend too..."Tommy supplied wistfully, and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"How is it that you so inadvertently get me?" I breathed, gazing at him adoringly.

"I just do..."he responded softly, and I grinned.

"What do I wanna do now?" I asked him softly, tilting my head to the side, and he smiled.

"Less talking...more kissing..."he told me softly, his hands coming up to rest on top of mine, pulling me flush up against him.

"You read my mind..."I started, and breathed in deeply when he pulled me into a kiss.

"We'd better get out before we're prunes..."I commented an hour later, and he smiled.

"There's a dress for you in the closet...I'm taking you out..."he told me, dropping a kiss on my shoulder before disappearing into the other end of the suite.

"Tommy...wow..."I whispered, staring at the black and cream colored lace dress, with matching heels,"How in the world did you-"

"Portia helped..."he said from the other room, and I grinned, slipping the dress on and applying my makeup, and coming out twenty minutes later to see Tommy in his familiar lavender shirt and black pants.

"I love that shirt..."I said softly, coming up behind him and hugging him, my arms around his waist.

"I love you..."he said back, turning around to face me, a small smile on his face.

"You...look..."

"I know..." I said, smiling brightly, and let him put my coat over my shoulders, grabbing his hand loosely as we made our way down to the lobby.

"Where are we going?" I asked him softly, and he grinned.

"If I told you, I'd have to kill you..."he said, and my eyes widened when I saw the horse drawn carriage in front of us.

"Is that for us?" I asked him, and he nodded, opening the door for me.

"Watch your step..."he said softly, his hand on the small of my back as I stepped in.

"Tommy this is wonderful..."I breathed, leaning in and kissing him softly as we started to move.

I pulled away when the need for oxygen was too much, and Tommy stared at me, panting softly.

"You can't get too out of breath, Harrison..."

"Where are we going?" I asked him again, pouting.

"Dancing..."he told me.

"Like at a club?"

"No...better..."he said, as we pulled up to a restaurant where the lights were off.

"Tommy they're closed..."

"Not for us they aren't..."he said, smiling lightly, and helped me out of the carriage.

"Tommy this is gorgeous..."I said, in awe of the white lights all over the room, and the soft music playing.

"So are you..."he murmured, and kissed the top of my head softly.

It was as if everything was perfect in that very moment. I had him, alone, with no one to stop the happiness that was coursing through my veins. It made it all the much harder to go home for Christmas.

"Tommy do we have to?" I whined, as we pulled up at my dad's, tapping my fingers nervously on the dash. He put his hand over mine, and squeezed it softly.

"Everything is going to be fine!" he told me, and I nodded.

"Okay...let's do it..."got out of the car, and made my way to the front of the house, Tommy alongside me.

"Aren't you going to ask me if I'm nervous?" he suddenly said, and I laughed softly.

"It's Sadie, Kwest, My Dad, Yvette, Jamie, and Nana...you don't have anything to be worried about..."I assured him, and we rang the doorbell.

"JUDE!" Sadie hugged me tightly, and I glanced at Tommy, my eyes wide.

"Hi, Sadie..."I said, pulling away to breathe, and noticing every one else in the room, grinning at them.

"Hey guys...Merry Christmas..."I said, waving slightly, and felt Tommy come up behind me, his arms around my waist.

"Not so bad?" I asked him, and he shrugged.

"Not so bad..."he responded softly, and squeezed my waist softly, going over to talk to my dad about vinyls.

This would be an okay Christmas after all. But there was one thing missing, whether or not I wanted to admit it.

"Jude...phone..."Sadie said, once everyone had left, and we were laying in a post Turkey euphoria on her bed.

"Who is it?" I asked tiredly.

"It's mom...just...talk to her?" she asked, and I nodded, watching her leave the room to go hang out with the guys downstairs. They'd been drinking something..scotch I think...for the past couple of hours, and Jamie had already gone home for the night with Nana. Which left me upstairs, alone, and talking to Mom.

"Hi honey..."she sounded tired.

"Hi..."I said back, my voice almost emotionless.

"Jude...I'm gonna get better...I'm trying..."

"I know..."I said back, my voice in the same tone.

"Jude please...this is hard for me..."

"You hit me...you do realize that? You embarrassed me in front of my boyfriend...my friends...dad..." I could name off the list for days.

"And I'm working on getting better every day..I'm doing it for you..."

"Don't do this for me...do it for yourself..."I told her softly, tears pricking the back of my eyes.

"Jude...I love you..."she said softly, and I started crying.

"I know..mom..."I breathed, sniffling, and glanced up when I saw a tissue in front of my face, my eyes meeting Jamie's.

"I'll call you again next week, okay?" she asked hopefully.

"Okay..."I finally agreed, full on crying at this point.

"Mom?" I asked her softly, and she sighed.

"Yes honey..."she responded.

"I know you don't think I like you very much right now..."I started,"But I love you for doing this... Merry Christmas..."I managed, before hanging up the phone and crying into Jamie's arms.

"You alright?" he asked me nervously a few minutes later, and I glanced at him strangely.

"Yeah...are you?" I asked him back, cocking my head to the side.

"Jude...what's going on with Patsy?" he asked me, and I saw Tommy in the doorway.

"She needs to tell you herself, James...it's really not my place..."I said quietly, hating what I was doing.

"Jude...you're my best friend...can you please just tell me?"

"How's Kat?" I asked him, and he sighed.

"I broke it off with her..."

"Patsy needs to know that, okay? You need to find some way to tell her that you care...because she doesn't think you care at all..."

"Of course I care!" he said back,"She shut me out...I had no idea of knowing what was going on..."

"I know..she messed up too..."

"I love her okay?" my head snapped up, and Tommy's eyes widened from the doorway,"That's right...I love her...and I messed up and I need to fix it!" he said, tears in his eyes, and I hugged him tightly.

"We'll find a way to fix it..."I told him softly.

"Why, she's not coming back..."

"I'm going to play a concert in Vancouver with SME...I'll talk to her..."I said, and he nodded.

"Just...give her this...okay?" he said, grabbing something out of his pocket and handing it to me.

"A first Aid kit?" I asked him skeptically.

"She'll know what it's for Jude..."he told me softly, and I nodded, hugging him.

"I'll see you back at work...okay? You should go check on Nana..."he nodded.

"Night you two..."he said, slipping out of the room, his head down.

"Your dad has really good taste in music..."Tommy offered lamely, and I laughed, patting the bed next to me.

He sat down, and I rested my head on his shoulder.

"I talked to my mom..."I said softly, and he wrapped his arm around me.

"And?" he questioned.

"She's okay...she's doing better...a lot better..."I whispered, and kissed him lightly on the mouth,"By the way, Mr. Quincy...where's my Christmas present? Because I've got yours right here..." I pulled out a piece of paper, and he read over it, his eyes lighting up.

"Jude..."he said, his eyes wide, and I smiled.

"You like it?" I questioned, and he stared at me in disbelief.

"Like it? I love it...Jude this is...just...wow..."he breathed.

"I was so nervous you wouldn't like it..."

"Jude it's a recording studio in the apartment..how could I not..."I sighed.

"It should be installed by the time we move back in...I thought it would be easier...with Addie and all.."I told him softly, and he paused.

"Wait a minute..." I handed him a key.

"I want you to live with me...both of you...Sadie's friends a decorator...she wants to put Addie's bedroom where the study is right now..."I said quietly, and he kissed me on the forehead.

"You're amazing..."he whispered into my hair.

"You make me feel...amazing..."I told him, and he smiled tenderly.

"I feel like a horrible boyfriend..."he said gently, and I smiled.

"Why?"

"Because all I got you was this..."he pulled out a small box, and handed it to me, glancing to the side nervously.

"It matches the ring..."I breathed, glancing down at the small ruby pendant, hanging from a delicate chain, and the matching earrings,"Tommy, this must have cost..."

"You're worth every penny..."he whispered quietly, stroking my cheek with his thumb.

"Well I'm not for sale..."I joked, leaning up and kissing the underside of his chin.

"That's cause I've already got you..."he breathed, and kissed me gently.

"Gross...off the bed..."Sadie said from the doorway, and we broke apart sheepishly.

"Sorry, Sades.."I whispered, and glanced up at him.

"Tom, you ready to go?" I questioned, and he nodded.

"Yeah...let's go..."he breathed, leaning up and kissing me on the cheek, getting up and pulling me to my feet.

"See you at work, Sadie...I hope you liked the purses and makeup and stuff..."he said, clearly uncomfortable and a little embarrassed.

"I did...thanks Tommy..."she said, sharing a grin with me.

When we got back to the apartment I was exhausted, and Tommy was carrying me.

"Mmmm put me down..."I groaned, and he set me on my feet once we got to the bedroom.

"I wanna see the studio..."he told me softly, and kissed me on the cheek, grabbing my hand and pulling me further into the apartment.

"Jude..this is...wow..."he said, running his hands over the controls, and I smiled.

"I thought you'd like it..."I whispered, and kissed him on the cheek.

"You know what I've always fantasized about?" he asked me suddenly, and I woke up a little, staring at him.

"What?" his eyes darted towards the soundboard, and I laughed quietly.

"You wanna christen the studio?" I asked him skeptically, and he nodded.

"That's exactly what I wanna do..."he said huskily, and crashed his lips against mine.

So much for actually getting sleep on my vacation. For once, I was fine with it.


	15. Last Four Episode Teasers!

1Previews for

Nowhere to Run

Watch Yourself

Sympathy for the Devil-1/2

Sympathy for the Devil 2/2

All I want is you- 1/ 2

All I want is you- 2/2

I'm just doing this because I love you guys! A lot!

I wrote the last two episodes pretty much in their entirety.

Watch Yourself and Nowhere to Run are about halfway done.

But here's some things with no episode description...

On the rest of my season of fake Instant Star-

There's a saying about the calm before the storm. You don't realize you were in the calm until the storm hits. And then you're caught underneath it's pull and you can't escape.

"Something's don't have to be said, you can just feel them..."

"Talk about the irony..."

Why did I put down the gun?

"I lived on a bus with those guys for three months last year, they're like brothers.."

"Doesn't that make it more exciting?"

"I like it better where it's warm..."

No, he couldn't.

"What suddenly made you so happy?"

"Explain why you came with me, need to confess some sins?"

Just because I wasn't good enough for him, didn't mean I couldn't make him jealous by looking fantastic.

"I should be asking you these questions..."

"You wanna know what the best revenge is? Revenge"

"Nobody's gonna get it"

"Don't try and think...it hurts..."

"He thinks you're cute..."

"Funnily enough you seem to be very good at judging people..."

"I think I just threw up in my mouth..."

"Don't touch me..."

I picked up the contract, stared straight into Liam's eyes, and started ripping it into tiny pieces, my eyes meeting his in a challenge.

"Hurt me."

"You don't wanna do that, blondie..."

I could barely move I was shaking so hard. I just sat in the corner, my eyes closed tightly, between the drums and the couch, sobs wracking my body. I could hear them struggling, and then I heard the bang of a cymbal, and someone falling to the ground.

"You don't have to fire me. I quit."

"Doesn't exist without you with me...I don't exist without you with me..."

"So now we're having separation anxiety?"

They say you can't feel it when it happens. That shock numbs everything.

"Oh God...Tommy...TOM!"

"Not now girl. Everything's too muddled..."

"They were holding hands"

"I never needed anything in my life...as much as I needed you, and that scared the shit outta me..."

"No I think you just terminated your contract with Gmajor. Get out."

"Something's don't have to be said or seen, because you can just feel them...you just have to believe..."

There are things that I believe...that I could change the world with my music, and that I could live forever...believing we'll survive will make us survive. Without him, my life doesn't make sense.

Nothing, makes sense.

_Walk me down your broken line_

_All you have to do is cry_


	16. Nowhere To Run all parts

1Oh God, Guys I am so sorry!

I'm posting it all at once...as opposed to three parts!

Nowhere to Run-

Jena Rink

May 4, 2007

I don't own Instant Star!

Eek!

Sometimes it feels good to come home again. Be it that I'm in the studio with Tommy at 6:45, it's not so bad that I have to get up before the sun does. Things are going to be different this year. New outlook, better music. All of it. Things were finally looking up.

"Oooh, studio sweet studio..." I whispered, leaning back in Tommy's chair and staring up at him, a wry smile on my face, despite my tiredness.

"It's early..."he yawned, and I shook my head, crossing my legs and leaning back the chair, staring at the ceiling, fighting back yawns of my own.

"The sooner we finish the sooner we get off work..."I offered, raising an eyebrow, and he laughed quietly.

"You ready to get in there, rockstar?"he questioned, pulling on my hands lightly, and I rolled my eyes.

"You just want me outta your chair, Quincy..."I said softly, and his eyes glinted with mischief.

"Maybe I just want you..."he whispered back, and I blushed, gasping when he pulled me up, both of us flush against each other. We were about to kiss when Sadie poked her head in the door.

Why in the world does my sister have to walk in on EVERYTHING?

"Um, lovebirds...Darius and Liam just got here..." Tommy shot away from me like lightning, and opened his wallet.And suddenly, things take a turn for the not so normal? It feels like every time I let him in he just pushes me away further?

"You wanna go get us coffee while I warm up the board?" he managed, avoiding my eyes, and I stared at him strangely. What in the world was going on with him?

"Um...okay?" I grabbed the money, and left him alone in the studio, running into Mason as I walked out the sliding doors.

"Mase I missed you..."I gave him a long hug, and he looked me up and down.  
"You doing the coffee thing?" I nodded, distracted, and let him take my hand as he steered me out of Gmajor and down the busy street.

"So did you sleep with Quincy before or after you broke up with Hunter?" he questioned softly, and I looked at him in alarm.

"What?" I asked him, my hand immediately flying to the ruby necklace Tommy had bought me, which I'd been wearing constantly.

"Is that a ruby?" he asked me, shocked, and I nodded slowly.

"Tommy got it for me..."I mentioned, and he shook his head. I paled. What if everyone knew? He was already uncomfortable enough with me as it was at the moment.

"It's only obvious to some of us...you're fine..."he assured me, and I leant against him as we walked into Starbucks, waiting until we got towards the front of the line.

"I wish I'd had a few more days, you know?" I asked him tiredly, after ordering my coffee, and glanced up, my expression unreadable, when I heard a familiar voice.

"Kat?" I questioned, and she smiled widely. That's when I noticed Jamie with her. He looked uncomfortable. Probably because I knew he was having Coffee with Kat. 

"Hey..."she said, and got up, hugging me tightly,"Jamie and I were just catching up..."she explained, and I nodded dumbly, surprised when Mason came up with the coffee. The entire time, my eyes were focused on Jamie's, trying to figure out what the hell he was thinking.

"Oh, well...I'd love to stay but I'd really like to get back to the studio..."I explained,"Tommy's warming up the board..."

"I'm sure he is..."Mason said under his breath, and I shot him a look, glancing back at Jamie and Kat.

"Jamie...I'll see you at work...Kat...I'll call you?" I offered, and she nodded.  
"That'd be good...Jude..."she said, and I noticed their hands together, feeling sick to my stomach. Then again, Jamie didn't even know. I couldn't tell him, and I couldn't be that angry with him. It was something Patsy had to tell him herself.

"What is going on with you?" Mason asked me, as we walked back to Gmajor, and I shrugged, wanting to spare him the details, right before I ran smack into someone, my coffee going all over the both of us. Oops.

Well, so much for a normal day back at work.

"Oh My God I am so sorry..."I apologized, and the girl winced.

"It's okay...it's not every day you have a celebrity spill coffee all over you..."she said conversationally, and stuck out a hand,"Emily...Emily Jenkins..."

"Jude Harrison..."I answered back, shaking her hand, perplexed that she wasn't angry.

"Do you need another shirt?" Mason interjected, and I sighed, turning to face him.

"She's a sample size..."he pointed out, and I snorted.

"Only you would know that..."I remarked, and turned back to her. She'd been watching our exchange interestingly.

"Emily...we've got some shirts in your size at GMajor...and we were on our way back...you want..."she shrugged.

"I don't mind missing anymore class than I already have..."She commented, pulling her long strawberry blonde hair back off her face and following us towards GMajor.

"So you're in high school?" she nodded.

"Lakehurst..."she said, making a face, and I laughed.

"Jude, Darius wants to see you in his...what did you do to this poor girl?" Portia questioned, and Emily glanced over at me, almost petrified as Portia dragged her off to Wardrobe. 

"Maybe I should go with her?" Mason suggested, and I pulled him back.

"Yeah and see her shirtless?" he made a face.

"She doesn't know you don't swing that way, Mase...I'll go...can you let Darius know that I-"I got yanked towards the office by Speid, and rolled my eyes, removing his hand from my arm.'  
"What's the big deal?" I asked him, annoyed.

"We've been waiting for you to talk to Darius about the concert schedule..."he said, and I glanced over at him, annoyed."Darius...can we PLEASE have this meeting after luch? I just spilt coffee all over this girl...and she's changing but I'd rather not have me look like a complete-"

"Fine..."Darius sighed,"I'll go over the details with Vincent..."Speid made a face,"And he can fill you in later...is T mixing?" I nodded.

"I'll need a sample of that song by the end of the day..."I nodded, already developing a headache ,and walked back out into the lobby, where Emily was staring at Kyle, who was trying to flirt with her but failing miserably.  
"Hey...sorry about that..."I told her, and she shrugged.

"It's fine...Kyle here was just showing me around the studio..."she responded, and Kyle turned bright crimson.

"Kyle...we have to record backups!" Speid called, and I rolled my eyes.

"Listen..."I told Emily,"We're having a little get together tonight...at our rehearsal space..."I jotted down directions and my cell number, and she stared at me, perplexed, as Kyle got dragged off by the guys,"You should come...Kyle likes you..."

"You think so?" she questioned, her eyes lighting up, and I sighed.

"I lived with them for months on a stinky tour bus...they're like my brothers..."I assured her, and she nodded, a faint blush on her cheeks.

"Well it was nice to meet you...I'll call you tonight when I head over..."she shook my hand, and I watched her walk out.

"Nicely done, Ms. Harrison..."Tommy said, and I turned around to stare at him.

"Hey..."

"Come on Sweet Charity...let's go blow off some steam..."he said suggestively, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the door.

"Foosball?" I questioned, and he nodded, a grin lighting up my face.

"We should be working..."I said, watching him do a dance as he scored on me again.

"Those are losing words..."he remarked, sharing a smile with me.  
"You're not going to make me lose my game face..."I told him, as he started to undress me with his eyes, his gaze scalding.  
"Tommy..."I whined, and he managed a grin before I scored the winning point.  
"Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Who's your daddy?" I told him, dancing around the room like an idiot, and I squeaked when he picked me up.  
"Tommy! Put me down!"I squealed, and he set me down on the couch, our noses touching.  
"What do I get in return?" he asked me huskily, and I moaned.

"later...you've gotta go mix the single...Darius said he wanted a copy of it by the end of the day..."I said regretfully, and leant up, kissing him softly.

"Mmm...Love you..."he mumbled, and I grinned.

"Sorry, didn't catch that..."I breathed.  
"I love you..."he responded softly, and kissed my nose,"We should head back...and then later tonight I'll come to the party...he nuzzled my nose with his, and I stared up at him in adoration.

"You've still got coffee all over you.."he remarked,"Now I smell like it..."

"Maybe we should change?" I suggested, and he snorted, walking to the closet and finding me a shirt, tossing it to me.

"You're no fun..."I said, pouting.

"You're the one that said we have to get back to work..."he reminded me, and I nodded tiredly.

"Oh, fine..."I sighed softly, reveling in the feeling of his hand in mine as we walked down to my car. Everything would be better tonight when we could blow off some steam. 

"Hi baby!"I launched myself into his arms, and Tommy laughed softly.

"You get a little over-exuberant with the Jack Daniels?" he questioned, and I giggled, hanging off of his neck.

"Just a bit?" I questioned, laughing softly, our noses touching.

"Just a little?" he held up his fingers, and I grabbed his hands, leaning towards him, our noses brushing against each other now.  
"A lot..."I said seductively, and he gulped.

"Jude...baby..."

"Mmm..I like it when you call me baby Quincy...did D keep you late at the studio again?" I said softly, trailing my fingers up his arms,"Because we could go back to the apartment and I could keep you up all night..."I leant forwards, my breath tickling his ear,"On the soundboard..."I added in a seductive whisper, watching his face shift from shock to amusement.  
"You're very persuasive when you're drunk..."he said back, undressing me with his eyes, and I laughed quietly.  
"At midnight...k?" I told him, pulling him into the party.

"Hey guys! Quincy's here!"I said joyously, and they all turned to stare at him.

"You wanna help Jamie out?" I asked him,"He's blaming me for Patsy leaving...and I can't...look at him without wanting to kick his ass..."I added, and Tommy bit back a laugh.

"I'll do it...you have fun babe..."he said gently, his hand skimming my back, and I nodded, watching him walk off. Emily came up to me a second later.

"You've got it bad..."she told me, and I glanced up at her in alarm.  
"Oh, Quincy...nah...he's my best friend..."I tried to brush it off, and she shook her head, glancing over at him, where he was consoling Jamie, who was cradling a bottle of vodka in the corner.

"You've got him whipped then, Jude..."she remarked, and I shrugged.

"I have my ways..."I told her, and we burst out laughing.

"This may sound weird...but I'm glad you spilled coffee all over me..."Emily commented, and I laughed, handing her a soda from the fridge.

"Me too, Em..."I said, pulling out shot glasses and filling them with vodka, handing her one.

"Don't you have work in the morning?" she asked, and I shook my head.

"We're going to Vancouver...Jamie's ex is doing a benefit for alcohol awareness..."I told her, and she nodded.

"Oh, the life and times of Jude Harrison..."she said dramatically, downing the shot, and I followed with mine.  
"Let's play a game..."Speid announced, and I glanced at him, intrigued, when he held up a twelve pack of beer.

"What game?" I asked him skeptically, as we all sat in a circle, Jamie included.  
"Kings..."he explained the rules, and wrote them out on a sheet of paper, Kyle passing out the beer.

1-Me  
2-You  
3-Waterfall4-Whores  
5-I've Never  
6-Dicks7-Heaven  
8-Questions  
9-Two10-Categories  
Jacks-Rule  
Queen-ThumbmasterKing- Kings  
Ace- Truth or Dare

Tommy looked slightly annoyed, but I pouted, and he rolled his eyes, scooting in next to me.

"Just one game..."I told him, stroking his arm lightly, and he consented. 

An hour later, we were all drunk.

"Okay...Fives...I've never..." Kat read, furrowing her eyebrow as she thought of something to say.

"I've never run down the hallways of Carson Hill stark naked..."she giggled, and the boys of SME sighed, putting one finger down. I laughed softly, as Speid cleared his throat.  
"I've never made out with a roadie..."he said, raising an eyebrow in my direction, and I rolled my eyes, putting down a finger.

"A roadie...hmmmm..."Jamie said interestingly, and I closed my eyes in embarrassment.

"I was really drunk...and he was British..."

"She kept pulling a 'Love Actually' and making him say things...'Oohh...Dave...say bottle! Oohhh you're so sexy!' " Speid mocked, laughing his ass off, and I glared at him.

"I've never slept in the same Ninja Turtle Pajamas for more than five nights in a row!" I shot back, and he shut up, his face pink, putting down a finger.

"Speid, you're losing..."I told him, and he shrugged.

"I've never had sex at the the rehearsal space..."he said, putting down another finger for himself and smiling at me wickedly. I wasn't going to lie. So I did the same. I was amazed when most of the group did, even Jamie. Emily,Kat, and Tommy were the only ones who didn't. And Tommy was glaring at me. He already knew what happened. And I wasn't even going to ask why Karma had had sex at the rehearsal space.

"Alrighty...Kyle, you next..." I sighed, staring down at my beer.

"I've never woken up Stark Naked in the middle of Strawberry Fields Memorial..."Kyle said conversationally, and I was shocked when Quincy put a finger down.

"Stark naked?" I asked him, giggling, and he shook his head.  
"Don't even ask, girl..."he said, pausing for a moment, "Hmm...I've never been obsessed with a cheesy caveman themed dining establishment..."he said, and Speid frowned, putting down another finger.  
"Oops...Speiderman...you loose...take a drink..."Tommy said in response, raising an eyebrow, and I leant against him, my buzz still alive and well.  
"Alright...Truth or Dare!" Wally said a second later, and I groaned.

"Emily...truth or dare..."he told her, and she thought for a moment, her eyes sparkling.  
"Dare..."she said, an eyebrow raised.

"I dare you to make out with Kyle for...two minutes..."he said, a grin lighting up his face, and she glanced at me in alarm.

"Wally, do you really think..."Kyle cleared his throat.

"We'll do it...but not in front of you guys..."he grabbed Emily's hand, pulling her outside, and we frowned.  
"Might as well get on with the game while Kyle and Emily get their groove on..."Speid commented, drawing the King and pouring more beer into the large glass in the middle of the table. 

"Sorry about them.."Kyle said, as soon as the door closed,"They can be more than a little retarded at times...you don't really have to kiss me if you don't..."Emily cut him off, pressing her lips against his, and he stood stiff for a moment, shocked, before responding and pulling her closer.

"I wanted to kiss you...just not in front of your drunk friends..."she said, blushing slightly, and Kyle nodded.  
"Why don't we just stay out here and chill then?" he suggested, and she nodded, sitting down next to him and leaning against his shoulder. 

"Let's just call it a night?" Kat suggested tiredly, her head against Jamie's shoulder.

"Want me to take you home, tiny?" he asked her, and she nodded, glancing up at him.

"Thanks Jamie..."she breathed, and I nuzzled further into Tommy, yawning.  
"We should go too babe.."I told him softly, and he nodded, helping me up.

"Night guys..."I remarked, yawning, and Jamie frowned.  
"Good luck in Vancouver..."he told me, and I glanced at Kat for a moment.

"Okay then..."I said softly, ignoring him, and grabbed Tommy's hand, letting him pull me towards the door and out of it, leading me down the hallway.  
"When's our plane leave?" I asked him, as he practically pushed me towards the elevator.

"Seven..."he said, yawning slightly.

"Ugh...let's just go to bed..."I remarked lightly, leaning down and pulling off my boots and jeans, laying back and staring up at him.

"You really made out with a roadie?" he asked tiredly, and I laughed.

"You really woke up in Strawberry Fields Memorial butt naked?" I said in response, and he shook his head.

"Goodnight Girl...I love you..."he whispered, laying behind me and pulling me close, kissing the back of my head.

"Goodnight..."I mumbled back, turning over and burrowing into his chest.

"Let's go, guys..."I moaned, boarding Darius' private jet, not even aware of how Starbucks had found it's way into my hands.

"Mmmm...latte..."I groaned, taking a long sip, and slid into a seat next to Speid, laying my head on his shoulder.

"Hi.."I said, moaning, and took the Tylenol he gave me.

"Thanks Speid..."I breathed, leaning further into him.

Tommy was across from us, and I shared a soft, sleepy smile with him before going back to sleep.

It was going to be a long couple of days. That was for sure. 

When we got to Vancouver, the press was waiting, and I put on sunglasses, clutching onto Wally and Speid to stay upright. I was exhausted. We waved at

the press, and slild into the limo, and I immedietly closed my eyes.

"Jude...Dude! We're here..."I snapped awake, and glanced over at Speid, rubbing my eyes tiredly.

"Hi..."I groaned, and sat up, stepping out of the car.

"Damn, this is nice...this is where he put Patsy up?" I asked them, and Tommy caught my eye.

"She's at the studio...just claim guest rooms or something..." I ended up at the end of a long hallway, throwing my suitcase into a random room and setting off in search of Tommy and his own room.

"Why don't you get some rest?" Tommy suggested, as I yawned loudly, leaning against the doorframe of his room and and watching him unpack, my hand over my mouth.

"Why don't I just stay in here?" I asked, raising an eyebrow and kicking the door closed, smiling coyly at him.

"Jude...don't..."Tommy said dismissively, and I rolled my eyes,"Someone could see us..."

I don't know why I was so annoyed with him, but this only made it worse.

"I'll see you at dinner then..."I told him tersely, and walked out of the room, slamming the door and walking down the hallway, my mind a jumbled mess.

What had been his problem lately? Once I unpacked, I grabbed my coat and ventured out into the backyard, sinking down onto a bench that had been cleared of snow, leaning back and staring up at the sky, my thoughts running away with me. I pulled out my journal, and thought for a moment before starting to write.

You only want me when you want me

Sometimes I'm not sure if you really do

When all I wanna say is

Do you really want me too?

Walking this fine line between love and hate

Living our dreams but is this all a mistake?

Is it too late to know you?

If I knew what you wanted

If I knew what you needed

I'd give it to you just to throw it away

Give you questions no answers

Would I even stay

If I knew

You only want me when I'm right there

Could you try and open and not just run away scared?

Pull farther away stretch the rope till it's taught

Push me as far as I'll go I dare you

Just see if I'll be here when you're down and low

Then you'll pursue me around, chase me till I break down

This game it might kill me I

f we keep dancing around

Sometimes I'm convinced that you want me to drown

If I knew what you wanted

If I knew what you needed

I'd give it to you just to throw it away

Give you questions no answers

Would I even stay

If I knew

Go ahead hurt me

You don't even deserve me

I'm so damn close to being sick of your lies

Your empty promises your false goodbyes

Speeches you don't mean, your crushing me unseen

I'm drowning I'm so meek, your heart I just can't reach

And I'm sick of trying

This feeling is dying

If I knew what you wanted

If I knew what you needed

I'd give it to you just to throw it away

Give you questions no answers

Would I even stay?

If I knew

Let's just get this over with

If only I knew

What was inside your head

If you thought of me too

I'll cut my losses plot my own demise

And yet you'll follow me

Cuz you can't see

How you've been hurting

What you're doing to me If you knew

"Whatcha writing?" my head snapped up to stare at Tommy, who was gazing down at me, looking very uncomfortable.

"New song..."I muttered, closing my journal quickly, and he put his hand on top of mine.

"Jude..."

"Shouldn't we be getting ready for dinner?" I asked him, and he sighed.

"I'm sorry..."he said sincerely, his eyes boring into mine. "It's okay..."I lied, as he sat down next to me. He was shivering. His cheeks were pink.

"Were you looking for me?" I asked him, a little amused, and he sighed.

"It's cold..."he said defensively, and I snorted. "I like it...it's peaceful, ya know?" I said, glancing over at him.

"I like it better where it's warm..."he said, lifting me onto his lap, our eyes locked.

"Really?" I questioned softly, and he kissed me gently, holding me closer to him. We pulled away for breath a few minutes later.

"Mmm...almost dinner time.."I told him, standing up and offering him a hand, pulling him up to stand next to me.

"You still need a nap?" he asked, and I shook my head. He lifted my chin, and I stared up at him.

"Jude..."he said quietly, and I closed my eyes tiredly. "I love you..."he whispered, and kissed my forehead.

"I love you too.."I finally said in response, fighting back a smile.

"Pats?" I stuttered, when she burst into my room, her stomach more than visible. It was huge. She was huge.

"Harrison..."she awknowelged, as I silently gestured to her stomach, my eyes wide.

"Jesus..."I mumbled, and she laughed.

"No one's suggested that...might be a good name for the baby...Jesus Sewer...I like it..."she said wryly.

"How are you?" I questioned, and she shrugged.

"I'm surviving..."she said in response, and raised her eyebrow in question.

"Where's the lover boy?" she asked, and I sighed.

"We sorta haven't...told anyone yet..."I told her, a little embarrassed.

"Because you don't want people to know?" I shook my head.

"It's mostly him..."I said in response, and she made a face.

"Aw, I see..."she paused,"It's dinner time...we got Chinese..."she turned towards the door, and glanced back at me.

"Maybe you should ask him about it..."she said knowingly, and walked back out into the hallway, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

"Mmm...fried rice..."Speid said, stuffing his face, and I rolled my eyes.

"You're such a pig..."I reminded him, sitting down between him and Wally, momentarily forgetting about Quincy.

"What are you doing right now?" Tommy asked me, leaning in the doorway, watching me write, a mischevious smile on his face.

"I don't know, depends on what you have in mind, Quincy..."I said wryly, closing my journal and standing up when he offered his hand,"You going to sweep me off my feet?" I asked him, and he glanced away from me.

"Something like that..."he responded, raising an eyebrow, and pulled through the house and out to a waiting car, opening the door for me. I was surprised when he wasn't driving.

"Where are we-"he cut me off, his eyes twinkling. "It's a surprise..."he said, his breath warm against my cheek, and I pouted.

"Tommy..."I whined, when he put a blindfold over my eyes. "You'll like this...I promise..."he said, walking me forwards and into a building.

"Wait...lemme guess! Scrunchies...a bedazzler...headbands...leg warmers..."I said, smiling despite myself,"A subscription to O?" I joked, and he untied the blindfold, sitting me down.

"Just keep your eyes closed..." I nodded, my leg tapping in anticipation.

"Okay..."I breathed, surprised when I heard the sound of the piano. Tommy was playing. And we were in a large concert hall, the stage lit by white candles.

"Have you got love to burn..."my heart started to beat faster than I thought possible, and I stared at him in wonder,"Kisses for days..."he leant towards me, still playing,"Don't you wanna grab onto something real, and never let it get away..."he paused,"And if it comes true I'll only have love to burn for you..." I was speechless.

"You wrote me a song?" I asked, and he glanced down, embarrassed. I lifted his chin,"I love it..."I told him, and he smiled, leaning in to kiss me gently.

"I was thinking that we could record it for your album...and when it comes out...we could tell everyone about us..."Tommy said, and a faint blush crept up onto my cheeks.

"You're serious?" I questioned.

"As a heart attack..."He said jokingly, his eyes sincere.

"This is amazing.."I said glancing around me,"How..."

"We used to train here..."Tommy told me,"For Boyz Attack..I pulled a couple of strings..."

"Well what do you say to an encore..."I said, doing my best boyband dance move, laughing softly.

"haha..."he said, and got up, turning to face me. "I was adrift on an ocean all alone.."he said, and I got up, walking towards him, trying to keep for laughing hysterically.

"You came, and rescued me, when I was far from home..." I spun in front of him, and he caught my arms. "Rush of love around my heart..."

"Just as I fell apart..."we sang in harmony, and I burst into giggles, wiping tears from my eyes.

"Priceless.."I choked out, clutching at my stomach.

"You know, that used to make girls cry...not cackle..."he said, grinning.

"I don't cackle! Do I cackle?" I asked, mortified.

"Or maybe, you're just not like other girls..."he taunted, and pulled me back against him, our eyes locked.

"Thank you for this..."I told him softly, and he nodded, resting his chin ontop of my head.

"I thought you might need it..."he whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "You know I love you, right?" he asked me, and I nodded.

"You know I love you, right?" I repeated back, and he pulled me closer.

"Commere..."he led me over to a pile of cushions and a small table, sitting me down.

"Pancakes..."I said, my face liting up.

"Dig in...we both know you're a bottomless pit..."Tommy commented, and I whacked him on the arm.

"Am not..."

"Are too..."

"Am not..."

"Jude, don't talk with your mouth full.."he joked, taking a seat next to me and starting into his own pancakes. Everything seemed perfect. But that usually means that things are bound to fall apart.

"So how's the baby?" Speid asked, and nearly choked on his drink when Patsy responded.

"Babies.."she said wryly,"God must love me..."she added sarcastically.

"How many?" Speid managed.

"Three..."Patsy responded simply, and Speid made a face.

"Ouch..."he muttered, and glanced at the door for a minute, thinking.

"I know what you're thinking and the answer is a big fat no.."she said, a dangerous edge to her voice.

"Patsy, he deserves to know..."

"Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I wont kick your scrawny Ninja Turtle Pajama wearing ass all the way back to Toronto.."she warned him, and he sighed.

"Okay...I guess...it's really up to you.."he said finally, and she nodded. "I wrote a song..."She told him suddenly, and he leant forwards.

"Is it hazardous for the kiddos?"he questioned, and she hit him over the head.

"It's...acoustic...just listen to it.."she said, annoyed.

Somewhere there's a sea that has no other side

Somewhere there's an airplane lost beyond the sky

So fly up among the clouds

Live your life where you are now

"You think she'll tell him?" I asked Tommy, glancing up at him. I was laying across the cushions, my head in his lap.

"I think when she comes back with a kid it'll be kind of obvious..."he muttered, and I closed my eyes for a minute.

"How's Addie?" I asked, and he smiled.

"She's great...she asked about you on the phone yesterday.."Tommy said, his face lighting up, playing with my hair.

I rolled over to face the audience, and glanced out at the empty seats, exhausted.

"You okay?" he asked, running his fingers across the small of my back, and I nodded, not facing him.

"It's getting late.."he told me, and I rolled back over.

"Can I stay with you?" I asked him suddenly, and he frowned. Of course he wouldn't hear me out.

"Jude it's too risky..."he started, and I glanced down.

"Okay then..."I said, getting up and grabbing my coat,"We should get back.."I added as an afterthought.

"Jude..."he started, and I shook my head, walking towards the door.

The car ride was silent the entire way back, and when we got to the house I didn't offer him a goodnight, getting to my room and changing quickly. I couldn't sleep alone anymore. I'd been having nightmares since Chris had kidnaped me. So after lying in bed, terrified of having another dream for about an hour, I got up, and went in search of Speid's room. I knocked tentatively, and his head shot up.

"Speid?" I questioned, and he frowned.

"Dude, are you okay? Come in..."I glanced away from him, but stepped into the room, closing the door behind me. "I uh..." "Spit it out, Goldielocks..."Speid joked, and I glared at him.

"I can't sleep alone.."I muttered, angry I'd admitted it.

"Well shouldn't Lord Squinty Frow-"I cut him off with a look, and he fell silent.

"He doesn't get it..."I whispered, tears pooling in my eyes, and let Speid hug me.

"I've got you.."he said lightly,"You can stay dude...it's fine.."he sat down, and I joined him, my head resting on his shoulder.

In the Darkness Round the Sun

Theres light behind your eyes

When you've lost the will to run

You can feel it start to shine

When the rain falls down so hard

And you don't know where to stop

Drowning in the Sun

"Emily's not answering her cell.."Kyle noticed, leaning back into the headboard.

"Maybe that's because she gave you the wrong number...stalkerina..."Wally commented, and Kyle hit him with a pillow.

"Dude, for real?" he asked him, leaning back.

"She's nice..."Kyle defended.

"Not to mention she is seriously.." Kyle hit him again. "Ouch! Dude!"

In a dark room, Emily started at her cell phone silently, listening to someone cry in the next room. She winced when she heard a slap, and glanced over at the window for the millionth time that night. If she ran away, she didn't have anywhere to go. But regardless of that, she grabbed her duffel bag and got out onto the fire escape, climbing down slowly, shivering from the cold. Anywhere was better than where she'd been.

"Why can't you sleep alone?" Speid asked, and I shrugged.

"The pictures...Chris...I don't know when it started...but I have these dreams...they seem so real..."I laid my head back against his chest, glancing up at him.

"You're a great friend.."I said sleepily, and he smiled.

"I know, Jude..."he whispered, as I fell asleep, curled up next to him.

Tommy paused outside of Jude's door, frowning. He felt bad for turning her away. But when he opened the door to apologize, she wasn't even there. His eyes hardened a little as he set off down the hall. Kyle and Wally were still awake, Patsy was dead asleep, and that left only one room. He tried not to clench his fists while he watched them sleep, Speid's arm draped protectively around Jude's waist. He turned and closed the door softly, leaning against it. If she was going to find comfort in another's arms then he could too.

Somewhere someone thinks they've found their perfect love

And you think you've found the answer to all of this

But hold on, sometimes we miss

I'll be your perfect kiss

"Jamie, are you going...or..."Sadie trailed off, Kwest by her side, their hands clasped together.

"No, I'm fine..."he said glumly, staring at the one picture they had together, running his thumb over it lightly.

"Kwest is making pasta, you could.."Kwest stepped on her toe, and she glared at him for a moment,"nevermind.."she added under her breath. "Just don't forget to-"he cut her off.

"Set the alarm...I know Sadie..."Jamie supplied.

"We'll see you in the morning, okay?" he didn't respond.

"I'm worried about him..."Sadie shivered as she climbed into the car.

"Well she's only on sabactical Sadie, she has to come back eventually..."Kwest pointed out, as they pulled up to his house.

"Jude and T?" Darius asked skeptically.

"You don't think that maybe they are just a little too close...more close than just artist and producer?" Liam questioned, leaning back in his chair.

"They have chemistry, sure...but it's in their music...she's 18, man...Tommy wouldn't...and unless you have actual proof this conversation is over...I'll see you in the morning.."Darius said, and Liam nodded, leaving the office.

"I'll find the proof myself then..."he said to himself, leaving the front doors of GMajor.

The pictures were newly printed. Jude and Tommy at their apartment, in Montreal, at her parent's for Christmas. Numerous glossy images reflected light into the pupils of the man examining the photos, his gaze critical.

"This is exactly what I needed..."he handed the man a check,"And exactly what I expected..."

"Miss Harrison comes home..." "Oh Sunday, oh I know..trust me, I know everything.."the man responded.

"What exactly are you going to do?"

"That's not your concern..."he responded simply, and walked to the door, envelope in hand, a smile o his face. Everything was finally falling into place. And all he had to do was wait.

In the Darkness Round the Sun

There's light behind your eyes

When you've lost the will to run

You can feel it start to shine

When the rain falls down so hard

And you don't know where to stop

Drowning in the sun Drowning in the sun

Muaha. Haha. Haha. Hope you liked it?

I groaned, and rolled over, glancing out at the snow all over the grounds, plus the snow still falling. Speid was snoring next to me, and I rolled my eyes, sliding off the bed and padding towards the doorway, opening and closing the door quickly behind me. I thought I was home free, until Patsy startled me.

"Where'd you sleep last night, blondie?" my head shot up, and I stared at her, a hand over my chest.

"Pats, you scared me half to death!" I murmured, glancing around the still dark hallway worriedly.

"It's six am...I'm an early riser...I was hungry..."she said, leaning against the wall,"Portia's flight got in last night...she's waiting for you downstairs with wardrobe stuff for some photoshoot?"

"Darius didn't say I was..."she shrugged.

"She sent me to find you..."she said, waving her arms in a casual matter towards the stairs, and I stifled a yawn, turning the corner and making my way downstairs.

"Took you long enough..."Portia remarked, and I noticed Tommy sitting at the counter, staring out at the snow.

"Sorry...Patsy just found me..."I said in explanation, and Tommy made a noise in the back of his throat. I stared over at him in confusion.

"Well the two of you have to get down to the photoshoot..."

"For what, exactly?" I questioned, and she made a face.

"Solid...Darius wants both of you on the cover...he's doing an article on the faces of popular music..."I poured myself a cup of coffee, and glanced over at Tommy.

"Did Patsy get Speiderman? Karma's already in makeup there...and he also wants..."

"No she didn't mention it...I'll go get him..."I said, chugging down the coffee.

"I'll bet you will..."Tommy muttered under his breath, and I turned to stare at him before going upstairs.

An hour later we were all in makeup, sitting across four chairs.

"Keep your head straight Miss Harrison..."the hairstylist scolded, and I made a noise of protest as Speid bit back a laugh.

"I'm glad my hair's so cooperative..."he said, and I rolled my eyes.

"Shove it..."I muttered to him, before taking another sip of coffee, my eyes straying to Tommy, who was looking at us begrudgingly.

What was his problem?

"Alright...here's your outfit for the first shoot..."I stared at the boxing outfit, my eyes wide, and turned to Karma.

"Was this your idea or are they just trying to be funny?" I asked wryly, holding it up, and she rolled her eyes.

"Let's just get this over with..."she remarked, glancing over at Speid, a strange tint to her cheeks. Was she blushing?

"Do you like him?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow, and her eyes went wide.

"Speedy?" she asked lightly, and I snorted.

"Oh he must hate that pet name..."I muttered, as they set us up in various positions.

"Like he ever gave you a pet name..."

"If you can count Dude..."I said under my breath, slightly annoyed.

"Are you jealous?" she countered,"If I remember correctly you got the main prize..."she added under her breath.

"Who says Quincy and I are even dating?" I questioned softly, watching him flirt with some unsuspecting makeup assistant. She was stuttering over her words, and I rolled my eyes.

"Screw this..."I muttered.

"You know I don't buy your act..."she said under her breath, and I turned to face her, raising an eyebrow.

"Excuse me?" I questioned, and she leaned in closer.

"Tommy may buy your whole cute innocent virginal crap...but everyone else still thinks you're a whore..."I she said, and walked away before I could say anything else, running a hand through my hair.

"Where are you off to?"I asked Tommy, as he walked out the doors, and he didn't turn around.

"Look, I'm sorry about last night..."

"Sure you are...I have to get to the venue to run sound..."he said, slightly annoyed, and I threw my hands up.

"God Tommy, would it kill you to listen to me for one second?" I asked him, and he turned around.

"You're a big girl Jude...you can certainly handle whatever you need to..."he said, slightly annoyed,"See you tonight..."he added gruffly, and walked out of the alleyway, leaving me alone.

I groaned, and rolled over, glancing out at the snow all over the grounds,  
plus the snow still falling. Speid was snoring next to me, and I rolled my  
eyes, sliding off the bed and padding towards the doorway, opening and  
closing the door quickly behind me. I thought I was home free, until Patsy  
startled me.

"Where'd you sleep last night, blondie?" my head shot up, and I stared at   
her, a hand over my chest.

"Pats, you scared me half to death " I murmured, glancing around the still  
dark hallway worriedly.

"It's six am...I'm an early riser...I was hungry..."she said, leaning  
against the wall,"Portia's flight got in last night...she's waiting for you  
downstairs with wardrobe stuff for some photoshoot?"

"Darius didn't say I was..."she shrugged.

"She sent me to find you..."she said, waving her arms in a casual matter  
towards the stairs, and I stifled a yawn, turning the corner and making my way downstairs.

"Took you long enough..."Portia remarked, and I noticed Tommy sitting at  
the counter, staring out at the snow.

"Sorry...Patsy just found me..."I said in explanation, and Tommy made a  
noise in the back of his throat. I stared over at him in confusion.

"Well the two of you have to get down to the photoshoot..."I interupted Portia, confused. 

"For what, exactly?" I questioned, and she made a face.

"Solid...Darius wants both of you on the cover...he's doing an article on  
the faces of popular music..."I poured myself a cup of coffee, and glanced  
over at Tommy.

"Did Patsy get Speiderman? Karma's already in makeup there...and he also   
wants..." I cut her off again, trying to look at Tommy's face. 

"No she didn't mention it...I'll go get him..."I said, chugging down the  
coffee.

"I'll bet you will..."Tommy muttered under his breath, and I turned to  
stare at him before going upstairs.

"You know what I was thinking?" Sadie's head snapped up, and she smiled softly at Kwest before glancing back down. She'd been bored all day before he showed up. It had seemed to always be that way lately.

"What were you thinking?" she questioned back, her eyes sparkling, glancing around and not seeing anyone watching. 

"I was thinking, we could have a romantic night tonight...candles...music...dinner..."a smile lit up her face, and she nodded.

"I get off at seven..."she said, and he kissed her hand before leaving her alone at the desk, Liam glancing on from his office. He had to do something about this. And he did. Right when she was leaving.

"Miss Harrison..I'm going to need you to stay a little late tonight...I trust that's not a problem..."he said brusquely, and Sadie swallowed, putting her coat back down and turning to face Liam. All she had to do was stand up to him. It couldn't be that hard, she was practically taller than him. 

"I actually already have-"she started, her voice wavering, and he cut her off.  
"Well then you'll need to change your plans, now wont you?" Liam questioned, and Sadie managed a nod before glancing down at her desk worriedly. He was up to something. He'd heard that entire conversation. And she couldn't hold him off much longer.

An hour later we were all in makeup, sitting across four chairs. I absolutely hated being made up. It was my least favorite part of photo shoots, not to mention the tension in the room that you could cut with a knife.

"Keep your head straight Miss Harrison..."the hairstylist scolded, and I  
made a noise of protest as Speid bit back a laugh.

"I'm glad my hair's so cooperative..."he said, and I rolled my eyes.

"Shove it..."I muttered to him, before taking another sip of coffee, my  
eyes straying to Tommy, who was looking at us begrudgingly.

What was his problem?

"Alright...here's your outfit for the first shoot..."I stared at the boxing  
outfit, my eyes wide, and turned to Karma.  
"Was this your idea or are they just trying to be funny?" I asked wryly,  
holding it up, and she rolled her eyes.

"Let's just get this over with..."she remarked, glancing over at Speid, a  
strange tint to her cheeks. Was she blushing?

"Do you like him?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow, and her eyes went  
wide.

"Speedy?" she asked lightly, and I snorted.

"Oh he must hate that pet name..."I muttered, as they set us up in various  
positions.

"Like he ever gave you a pet name..."she shot back.

"If you can count Dude..."I said under my breath, slightly annoyed.

"Are you jealous?" she countered,"If I remember correctly you got the main  
prize..."she added under her breath.

"Who says Quincy and I are even dating?" I questioned softly, watching him   
flirt with some unsuspecting makeup assistant. She was stuttering over her  
words, and I rolled my eyes.  
"Screw this..."I muttered.

"You know I don't buy your act..."she said under her breath, and I turned  
to face her, raising an eyebrow.

"Excuse me?" I questioned, and she leaned in closer.

"Tommy may buy your whole cute innocent virginal crap...but everyone else  
still thinks you're a whore..."I she said, and walked away before I could  
say anything else, running a hand through my hair. I was pissed. I needed a boyfriend that would listen to me and not blow me off, which Tommy had been doing all morning.

"Where are you off to?"I asked Tommy, as he walked out the doors, and he  
didn't turn around.

"Look, I'm sorry about last night..." I started softly, and he stopped walking.

"Sure you are...I have to get to the venue to run sound..."he said,  
slightly annoyed, and I threw my hands up.

"God Tommy, would it kill you to listen to me for one second?" I asked him,  
and he turned around finally, his eyes scaring me. They were cold.  
"You're a big girl Jude...you can certainly handle whatever you need  
to..."he said, slightly annoyed,"See you tonight..."he added gruffly, and  
walked out of the alleyway, leaving me alone, confused, and a little angry. 

"Ouch, Portia..."I mumbled, glancing over at her as she stuck another needle into my dress, trying to make it fit. I had other things on my mind, obviously, and had been squirming as she tried to fit me into the dress that seemed to be growing and growing as each day went by.

"It's not my fault your weight bounces around like a frog on steroids, Jude..."she reminded me, and I sighed, closing my eyes tiredly as she did her work on my dress, which had progressively gotten baggier since I'd been fitted for it.

"Sorry..."I whispered quietly, holding my breath when Tommy walked into the room, avoiding my eyes and grabbing his tux off the rack, leaving without a word.

"What's his deal?" Karma questioned again, waltzing into the room, and I made a face, glancing over at Portia, begging her to get Karma out of the room.

"You're asking us like we know the answer..."Portia responded coldly, and I smiled softly, wincing when she poked me again.

"Well you usually do..."she shot back, a hand on her hip.  
"Well this time we don't, okay?" I said, a little harsher than I intended, and winced at my words. Well if that wasn't obvious, I don't know what else could be.

"Whoa there, just because I called you a-" I clenched my fists, and glanced down at Portia.

"Can you send me to hair and makeup and finish this later? Please?" I asked her, and Karma rolled her eyes.

"Run along now, Harrison-Quincy..."she said, flinging her hand, and Portia stared at me strangely.

"We have to talk later..."she told me honestly, and I made a face.

"Sure..."I said tiredly, running a hand through my hair, and walking into the makeup room, actually willing to let someone else do all the work.

"Well look at you..."Speid gushed, faking a fan and a girly accent,"I could just fawn over you all the darned day..."

"Vincent...could you can it?" I said, and he frowned.

"Hated first name usage?" He asked, and his eyes lit up when Karma walked in the room. I didn't fail to notice. I glanced at him questionably, and his face turned a little red.

"Speidy, wanna help me with my shoes?" Karma questioned, and I walked back towards wardrobe, grinning. She had him whipped.

"Lapdog..."I coughed near the door, sniggering, and bumped into Tommy as I walked back into wardrobe, falling backwards. He caught me, and I glanced up at him.

"Can we talk?" I asked, and he set me upright, shrugging.

"I don't know what there is to talk about..."he said, avoiding my eyes. He was obviously mad about something.

"Tommy-" I reached out a hand to touch his arm, and someone had to interrupt the moment.

"Jude...we need you in hair..."I glanced back at him as the stylist dragged me off. He looked flustered. What exactly had I done?

"You look great..."Wally assured me, and I sighed, glancing ahead of me.

"But I'd rather...no offense..."he nodded.

"I get it, Harrison..."he said, offering his arm,"I'm a fun date...Jamie's nanna always said I was a good dancer..."I snorted, rolling my eyes, and followed him out into the gala, putting on what Darius had refered to as the game face, saying hello to everyone and making note of every name possible.

I was exhausted by the time we got to dinner, and sank down in between Wally and Kyle, intent on digging into whatever gourmet monstrosity they'd cooked up for us, when I caught site of Tommy. With a model. A blonde, leggy, much cuter than me, model.

"Asshole.."I mumbled under my breath, and Karma shot me a look, taking a dainty bite of her salad and wiping her lips with her napkin.

"Watch the lips of fury, Judith..."Patsy said, and noticed Tommy, her eyes widening.

"Oh, I see..."she muttered, and I raised an eyebrow, downing my glass of champagne in one gulp.

"If he wants to tango, I can tango..."I muttered, and Wally frowned.

"What role am I gonna play in this, Harrison, because squinty frown's my producer too..."he said, and I shrugged.

"At this rate he's not going to be producing anything of mine much longer..."I told him honestly, tapping my fingers on the table. I was pissed.

"Jude, you're on in ten..."When they moved to get up, I stopped them, and Speid frowned.

"I got this...okay?" he nodded, and I sighed, grabbing my acoustic.

"Why aren't they going up there with you?" Portia asked, and I glanced over at her.

"Don't worry, I have a song..."I assured her.

"It's not in the order that you-"

"Oh, I'm so scared..."I muttered, not batting an eyelash,"All's fair in love and war, Portia..."I added under my breath, and grabbed my guitar, sitting on an empty stool on stage.

"I know it says we were going to play Stay, but I've got something new...and I want you guys to be the first to hear it. It's about being sick of walked all over..."I chanced a glance at the crowd, and saw the rage in Tommy's eyes,"And I thought it would fit in with the theme tonight..."I poised my fingers over the strings, and met his eyes as I sang.

I'm at the ready  
You're so damn petty  
Never again will I fall  
for your games  
You've gotten so smallIt's a dirty shame  
Your lines are the same  
I've heard them all

"You're always working late.."Kwest commented, as they sat in front of the fireplace.

"It's Liam..."Sadie said timidly,"He has a...a thing for me..."Kwest made a noise in the back of his throat, and glanced at the window, obviously annoyed.

"And..."he prompted, and she burst out laughing. He stared at her incredulously. 

"Oh you seriously think I'd go for him and his kinky James Bond fantasies?" she said, taking a sip of wine, and was startled when he kissed her.

"I know you wouldn't..."Kwest said softly,"That's why I love you..."her eyes widened.

"Oh wow...oops...shouldn't have said that yet..."he muttered, and she shook her head.

"No...I...I love you too..."she said quietly, meeting his eyes, a soft smile on her lips. She'd been waiting for Kwest to say it for weeks.

"Sadie..."he said, and she raised her eyebrows.

"I do...I do Kwest...I love you..."Sadie finally said softly, and he managed a smile, leaning in to kiss her. And while they got even closer, something else was getting closer and closer to falling apart.

Cocking the trigger  
I'm pulling it taught  
I'm ready to watch this all fall apart  
After all it's what you caused  
It's what I'm used to, It's all that you do  
After all

"Wait to go blondie..."Patsy muttered from her spot by Kyle, and made her way towards the bar, where Tommy was currently residing. She had a job to do.

"Can I have a soda water, straight..."she said, and Tommy glanced at her strangely before taking a shot of tequila, wincing at the taste as it burned his throat.

"Any reason you're over here?" he asked, and she shrugged, leaning back and staring up at Jude.

"Maybe, just maybe...you should listen to her...I think she's trying to tell you something..."

"I can't win with Jude...that's becoming increasingly apparent..."he said, his speech slow, and Patsy rolled her eyes.   
"You always use the big words when you're drunk, Little Tommy Q?"

"Damn straight..."he said, his eyes on her, throwing another one back.

"Sure you can bang that leggy model, but when you realize she's got an IQ of -234, what are you going to do then? Come crawling back? Because I think she's sick of it..."Patsy said under her breath, and leant towards him, gaging his reaction. 

"How did you become the sudden expert on relationships?" Tommy asked, his speech slightly slurred, and Patsy fanned herself off at his breath. He stunk of alcohol.

"Use the model to get you up to bed...and then make her leave...and then talk to Jude in the morning..."Patsy prompted, and Tommy made a face.

"After the song..."he responded tiredly, slamming back another shot.

"Sure, Casanova..."she responded wryly, and left him alone at the bar, hoping he'd do the right thing and not screw Jude over like Jamie had hurt her.

I'm staring at the stars  
Walking on lost boulevards  
Never again will I dream  
Of your schemes  
You've lost your last yard  
And now it's too hard  
I've seen it all  
I've built up a wall

"Hey...Kyle...It's Emily..."she said, glancing around her tiredly,"When you get back, could you call me? I'm sorry I didn't pick up...I just...some stuff came up...just...call me...okay? When you get this? I'll um...talk to you later..."she whispered, hanging up the phone, and staring around the rehearsal space, glad the locks sucked.

Cocking the trigger  
I'm pulling it taught  
I'm ready to watch this all fall apart  
After all it's what you caused  
It's what I'm used to, It's all that you do  
After all

Tell me you're different  
Something's lost  
Something's gained  
The give and takeAin't what you made it out to be  
I'd rather count my losses and flee  
Then stick around to see

I met his eyes as he whispered something in the model's ear, and her eyes lit up. She grabbed his hand, leading him towards the door, and I swallowed, watching them leave, before I finished the song, tears in my eyes. When I walked into my dressing room, Karma was waiting.

Cocking the trigger  
I'm pulling it taught  
I'm ready to watch this all fall apart  
After all it's what you caused  
It's what I'm used to, It's all that you do  
After all

"Well that was certainly a verbal lashing if I ever saw one...he fled like a wounded puppy...kudos for you..."Karma said, and I glanced up at her, tears falling down my face.

"You think that was easy for me?" I found myself saying, and she made a face, motioning to the flask on the tabletop. I took a swig, not even caring what was in it.

"It actually didn't look like it..."she supplied, and turned towards the mirror, scrutinizing her makeup. She was up next.

"I know we don't get along..."she started, and I stared at her incredulously,"But Speid is one of your good friends...and I figure I should be in everyone's good graces, don't you?" I made a face.

"Karma..." I said, hardly able to believe her.

"Sorry, I called you a whore...and Vinnie didn't put me up to this..."she added, as an afterthought, picking at her nails. God she was vain.

"Blondie, you just kicked his pretty boy ass all the way back to the hotel-" Patsy noticed the tears in my eyes, and sighed.

"Harrison, you've gotta calm down..."she told me calmly, and I threw my hands up. 

"I have to go after him..." I told her, and she shook her head.

"He just drank half the bar...I really don't think that's such a good..."Karma started, and I shook my head.

"No, I'm going..."I said, holding up the keycard, and Patsy made a face.

"She's heading for the quicksand..."Karma commented.  
"No shit..."Patsy muttered, staring after me. 

My breath had caught in my throat as I stared at him in shock, tears rapidly filling my eyes. How could he do this? How could he possibly do this after last night? After everything he'd said. After everything we'd been through.

"Jude..."he said, almost annoyed that he'd gotten caught. He was drunk. Plastered.

"So sorry to interrupt..."I seethed, wiping a tear off my cheek angrily,"I wanted to talk, but apparently your mouth is otherwise occupied...so you just go back to your whore..."the girl made a noise of indignation.

"So you're telling me Little Tommy Q from Boyz Attack with his super hot parachute pants wasn't going to be just another tally on your score card that will be brought up during cocktail parties with your girlfriends to sound cool?" I said, a hand on my hip, and she opened her mouth dumbly.

"Thought so..."I whispered, my voice shaking,"He's not worth the effort...don't waste your time..."I murmered, and turned towards the door.

"You going to go find Speid?" he called out, following me out of the room and into the deserted hallway at the hotel, and I froze.

"I can't sleep alone..."I muttered, and he scoffed.

"And why is that Princess?"he slurred, anger present in his eyes. 

"Because I got blackmailed and kidnapped! And now I'm getting phone calls with no one on the other end!"I burst out, and I heard his breath catch in his throat.

"Jude...I didn't..." now he was drunk AND apologizing. Like he'd remember in the morning.

"Yeah...you didn't know...you didn't ask, and this just proves that you certainly didn't give a shit!" I whispered, tears streaming down my cheeks.

"I love..."he started, and I put a hand up.

"No you don't..."I yelled back, and pushed him when he came towards me.

"Get away from me!" I cried, a hand over my mouth, staring at him.

"Jude..."he whispered softly, and I glanced over at the door.

"I'm going back to the house...to pack..."I mumbled, and walked towards the door.  
"Jude you have to let me-" I cut him off, my anger getting the best of me.

"Maybe it's time you watched me walk away..."I whispered lightly, and left the doors of the hotel, the cold air hitting my face.

"And you'll come back soon?" I asked Patsy, giving her a long hug, and she nodded.

"Can't stay away for too long...the album's almost done...gotta face the music, right?" she said, looking a little queasy, and I gave her a small smile.

"Thank you..."I muttered, and she shrugged.

"Shit happens..."

"You know you're gonna have to stop cursing when you..."I motioned to the babies, and she made a face..."

"Don't fucking remind me...I'll be home before you know it..."she said, slapping my shoulder towards the plane, and I sighed, following Portia, intent on getting some sleep on the way back. It was funny how quickly everything could go to shit. I sat next to Portia on the way back, my legs tucked under me and a cup of Chamomile in my hands, trying to keep calm.

"It sucks, doesn't it?" she questioned, and I nodded tiredly, to exhausted to argue.

"Yeah..."I muttered, not even looking at Tommy.

"Are you going to let him try to explain..."I cut her off.

"I fired him..."I said quietly, and her eyes widened.

"Whoa...that's heavy..."she said under her breath, and I shrugged.

"I can't make music with him. Not anymore...Not like I used to...ya know?" she nodded, her eyes sincere, and for once I believed her.

"Trust me honey, I know..."she said quietly, and I leant my head on her shoulder as we landed.

I spent two days wallowing before Darius boomed that I had to be in the studio again. And when I showed up, it was to chaos. Pure, and utter, chaos.

"Oh my God..."Sadie muttered, staring at Patsy.

"Nothing to see here..."Kyle said unsucessfully, and pulled Patsy off to studio C. To my surprise, Jamie didn't follow her. He was staring at me.

"Thanks for letting me know..."he spat, and I breathed in deeply as he stomped off towards his office, slamming the door behind him. And now, everyone was officially preoccupied with other things.

"I need to talk to you..."I jumped when Tommy pulled me into a storage closet, my hands on my hips, and glared at him in the soft light when he pulled the cord to it.

"What?" I spat, tapping my foot impatiently.

"Jude...I'm sorry...I was drunk...upset..."I started counting off excuses on my fingers, and when he finished, I stared up at him.

"What, no guilt gift?" I asked, my eyes cold.

"That was low...Jude...you know I..."

"I don't know..."I muttered, throwing my hands up.

"God you're such a child I'm trying to apologize!" he said, and my eyes hardened further.

"And heaven forbid you get caught with the child in the storage closet..."I said, tears pooling in my eyes.

"Jude-" I cut him off.

"No...you know what I would have said to you a week ago?" I said quietly, and he sighed.

"No..."I he admitted softly.

"What do you know?"

"That I know we make quite the pair..." I whispered, tears falling down my cheeks, and he reached out a hand to stop one. I slapped it away.

"Jude..." he said softly, his gaze tender. 

"Because my heart seems to stop when I'm around you...okay? And I get all tingly, and my hearts beating so fast...and I can't hide this for much longer, Tommy...I wanna be with you...really...be with you...no secrets..."I finished,"But since you think I'm a kid and all...I guess I'd better just have the day off..." his face was crestfallen, but I knew he couldn't follow me.

When I got outside, I leant against the wall, sucking in deep breaths, and glanced up at the sky. Everything sucked. At least things could only get better. Boy, was I wrong.  
I jumped when I heard his voice, and turned to face him, confused.

"Jude...hey..."he said uncomfortably, and I shook my head.

"Hunter...you're back..."I said, a small smile on my face. Something was off with him though,"Are you okay? You look kind of stressed..."he took a step towards me, and I frowned.

"You have a fight with Tommy?" he asked, a strange glint to his eyes, and I nodded.

"Yeah..."I muttered.

"Figures..."he spat, cornering me, and I stared up at him, actually scared.

"You're scaring me..."I breathed, my voice shaking, and he smiled sardonically. I'd never seen him smile like that before.

"What it comes down to...is revenge..."he said, backing me into the wall, and I flinched.

"You're saying you did all of this to get to him?"I asked him, my voice soft,"All of this?"

"Oh, poor little Jude Harrison, she always gets what she wants! Well guess what, rockstar...you're the only weakness I can see...besides Addie, and that's kidnapping..."he said, pulling out a gun, and my eyes widened. I hadn't done well with guns since the whole Chris incident. 

"Stealing me is also kidnapping!"I said softly, and he rolled his eyes.

"I can get things from you I would never get from a four year old...now do exactly as I say...or your boyfriend's dead before you can lift a finger to stop me..." I swallowed thickly, and let him grab me, wincing at his touch.

I knew he wouldn't notice right away. Tommy was too stubborn to notice. I got in a black van with Hunter, my upper limp trembling, and my eyes widened when he held up a syringe.

"Say goodnight..."he muttered, and injected it into me before I could stop him. Before I knew it my eyes were closed, and I was all but dead to the world. And no one had any idea.

Oh snap.  
Did you like it?  
I hope so.  
It's kinda rough.  
But I thought you all deserved something, right?  
Oh yeah, and here's some juicy tidbits from the last few episodes, eh?

Thirty five pages of fun! Woo woo!


	17. Watch Yourself

1IS:3  
Watch Yourself

May 30, 2007

Jena Rink

WARNING- This contains mature subject matter, including drugs, rape, and the like. Reader discretion is advised.

I'm really proud of these next two episodes as a whole. I've been working on them for about two months...probably more actually. So please enjoy.  
I don't own instant star.

I closed my eyes tightly, listening to the news channel from the next room, from the sounds of it Vanessa, whom I'd met during one of my MTV appearances when I first started out at Gmajor.

"And it's number one again for Jude Harrison's album "The Learning Curve".your fans love you, and we pray you're alright...It's been eight days ...and the authorities have no leads on her sudden disappearance.."I coughed harshly, trying to hold back my tears, and stared up at him as he entered the room, a scowl on his face.

I think he was mad that Tommy wasn't doing something. He hadn't hit me, he'd actually fed me, and he hadn't drugged me, yet. But he was getting angrier. At this point I just wanted him to get over with whatever he was going to do with me. I was trying to break him before I broke myself.

He hadn't even called Tommy. Nothing. They were probably freaking out because they had no clue where I was, seeing as Hunter had finished his album in New York and no one even KNEW he'd come back to Toronto. I had been the first person to see him. He reminded me of that daily.

No matter how psychologically messed up I'd get from all of this...if I ever got free again, and I was starting to think I wasn't...I'd never give him the information to hurt any of my friends. I'd rather he hurt me instead. And he was doing a good job of it by prolonging the inevitable. The only thing he'd done so far is try to taunt me to the point of insanity.

"Eight days and no leads...that's a long time..I bet they think your dead...I bet he's moving on..."he taunted, and I fired back a retort before I'd really thought about it.

"What the hell is in this for you?" I asked him hoarsely, and he didn't respond, as usual. He left. And here I was, alone again, staring at the television, which was now playing some crap about Britney Spears and her new baby, her divorce from Kfed and the aftermath. It was a welcome distraction.

Two hours later, in the middle of some girl who was dying her poodles for her sixteenth birthday party, he entered, a strange look on his face. It scared me. Because as much as I'd been waiting for him to do the inevitable, I didn't want him to hurt me. I'd lost my virginity to him. I'd screwed him over, sure, and I was sorry. But he was lost in his blind rage to Tommy. And for what? I had no idea. I still had no idea. He'd go completely silent every time I questioned it. 

"I was thinking the other day...you know what would really get to him?" I frowned, my mind working in overdrive. He was actually going to kill me this time. All this threatening and he was gonna do it. I closed my eyes tightly before responding, watching my words. Because now I was terrified.

"What?" I asked quietly, and he pulled out a camera and a gun, my eyes wide.

"Don't do this...please..."I whispered, my voice cracking, and he shot off the gun at the ceiling, making me cry out. I wasn't even sure what he was going to do. But I knew from previous experience that gunshots hurt. And could possibly be deadly if Liam and Darius weren't here to save me this time. No one was here to save me. It was just me and him. And whatever pending torture he had devised.

"Just do as I say and it'll all be over soon..."he said quietly, reaching out to caress my cheek softly. I closed my eyes in disgust, wincing. He was filming it. The bastard was actually filming it. He set up the camera, and untied me, but at this point I was too weak to protest. I just had to build up my strength, and let him do what he was going to do,"If I do this...Quincy won't want you anymore...no one will want you anymore...you're nothing..."he said softly, his breath chilling me to the core. There was nothing I could do. I just had to wait. I protested weakly as he picked me up and carried me to the bed, because as much as I was telling myself I just had to let him do it, just had to let him do whatever he was going to do to me, I couldn't help but take his words to heart.

What if this broke me? What if Quincy didn't want me anymore. What if no one wanted me? Quincy already didn't want me. I was worthless. We'd already had this fight. Seconds before I disappeared. Seconds before I ended up unconscious and in the back of Hunter's car. And 8 days and seven hours before he decided the best way to break Quincy was to rape me. He held me down on the bed, and I felt something inside of me dying. Some shred of innocence and childhood I'd managed to maintain during the last year, despite everything that had happened to me.

"Don't fight it..you liked this before..."he said quietly, and I started crying. He hit me, and I closed my eyes tightly as he unbuttoned my shirt, sliding it off my shoulders. I moved to cover myself. I couldn't hold in the crying, as many times as he hurt me, or hit me, or told me to shut up. I felt dirty, disgusting, used, hurt, broken.

I was saying a silent prayer in my head the whole time. It was almost over now, it had to be, I didn't know how much longer I could last. I'm sure everyone was a wreck. I just needed to get out of this alive. More than anything I just needed to get out of this alive. I was sobbing softly by the time he'd taken off all my clothes, and he hit me again.

"Shut up, bitch..."he breathed, and I cried out softly.  
"Hunter, please don't do this..."I whispered, and he grabbed my chin roughly, staring down at me, forcing me to stare into his eyes. I closed mine tightly, and he kneed me in the stomach, forcing me to double forward until we were inches apart.  
"Open your eyes..."he told me, almost screaming, and I obliged, shaking violently. He had to hold me still. I'd never be the same after this. It was as if I was outside my body, staring in on the ruining of self.

"He stole my sister, and I'm killing the woman he loves from the inside out...It's poetic justice..."I squinted, trying to figure out what he was saying. Everything was a haze now. A dim haze I couldn't escape from, not even if I wanted to. And then it all clicked into place.

"Addie?" I breathed, it was all making sense now.

"My sister..."he answered, squeezing me so tightly I thought I would burst.

The worst part is that he was so familiar. My body still responded to him, as much as I didn't want it to. It made me feel sick, like I wanted to vomit. I wanted to curl up in a ball and die. I'd never felt this way before in my life. I hated myself for how I was reacting.

"You're enjoying this aren't you?" he said, roughly grabbing my chin and forcing him to kiss me, actually doing it. I burst into tears. I could taste my tears as it was happening. Tasting the solid breaking down of everything about me from the inside out.

"Hunter, please...just stop...I'll do anything you want..."I whispered softly, and he ignored me, continuing on as I fell into ruin. I just wanted to die. But some part of me still remained, the girl that had won the contest at sixteen and had been forced to grow up so damned fast. And she was telling me to fight. So I waited.

"Tell me more about you and Tommy..."I whispered, my breath shaky, and he hit me again. My whole face would be black and blue at this point, but there was a method to my madness. I had to get him to crack. I was amazed I was capable of making him do anything at this point.

"He was always so damned talented..."Hunter seethed afterward, pacing the room. I'd done the trick. He was lost in his rage to Tommy. I just had to get out of here. Quickly. I winced when I stood up and grabbed the gun, walking up behind him. He was crazy. No wonder he'd never gotten custody of Addie. It was freezing in the room, and I shivered slightly, the metal cool against my fingertips. I couldn't shoot him. I wouldn't do it. But I could knock him out. That I could accomplish.

"Hey...Hunter..."I breathed, and he turned, his eyes wide when I knocked him out with the butt of the gun. I lost it at that point, and rummaged around the room, desperate to find my clothes and leave, no matter where I ended up. Anything was better than this room, where I was confined to my own madness, and had been for days.

I grabbed my shirt, buttoning it quickly, my jeans, which were torn at the seams anyways, and a pair of his shoes, which were too big, and turned towards the camera, my eyes wide. I grabbed it, his cellphone, and made my way towards his door quickly, walking out into the hallway and trying to find a way out. And then I felt cool metal pressed against the back of my neck. Damnit. I'd put down the gun. Why did I put down the gun? I was frantic, my breath shaky, and I could almost feel the sneer on his face. "You're not going anywhere..."he whispered, and I took a chance. I turned the corner as he shot the gun, feeling a slight pain as it grazed my arm, and burst through the front door, realizing I wasn't wearing shoes, my feet hitting the cool grass, wet from sprinklers or an earlier rain. I breathed in deeply, felt a slight pain in my ribs, and kept on running. He was following me.   
"Dammit..."I whispered, and went out the back door, hopping a fence and hearing gun shots behind me. I was crying freely at this point. Borderline hysterical even. And I opened his phone, dialing the first number that came to mind as I rounded the corner onto another residential street, to out of it to speak hardly. He'd drugged me, I knew that. I recognized the feeling after Chris. But I was running on pure adrenaline at this point. It rang three times before someone picked up.

It was early in the morning, and he was sitting there, obsessively listening to one of her songs, the headphones over his ears and his eyes closed. Where the hell was she? She'd vanished without a trace. And it wasn't like she left. Something was wrong.

"I have to find her..."he said suddenly, and Kwest made a face.

"Tommy, we don't know where she went...where the hell are you gonna look?" he asked bluntly, and Tommy threw his hands up.

"Everywhere...something's wrong...I can feel it..."he told Kwest softly.

"Darius'll..don't you think you need-"

"I love her, man...I love her...and if you try and get in the way of that by telling Darius..."Tommy warned.

"He can help you " Kwest burst out, and Tommy put his head in his hands.

"Do you really think that matters at this point? He...she's been...I don't..."he broke down, and Kwest sighed.

"It's been eight days...there's been no call...and I don't..." the familiar tunes of 'White Lines' played out on his phone, and they both turned to stare at it.

"Hello?" Tommy asked quietly.

"Tommy..."I whispered softly, my voice trembling. I was hiding behind a fence, my breath shaky. I'd ducked behind it as the phone rang, holding the earpiece tight to my ear.

"I can hardly hear you..."he responded, and I almost lost it, my voice gaining a high pitched edge. The phone was fuzzy.  
"Tommy please...I don't know where I am..."I whispered, and I could hear him tense over the phone. He'd worked it out.

"Oh my God..."he whispered, and I started crying softly, glancing around me."Tommy..."I breathed, and he swallowed. He was close to tears himself. His voice had changed in quality. I recognized it,"Tommy I'm so sorry..."  
"I'll find you, okay?" he told me, and I sighed.

"He's chasing me..."I whispered, hearing the footsteps, and crying out as a gun shot flew past me. I had to start running again. I got up, and took off.

"Jude...where..."the phone cut out, and I fought back tears, feeling a sudden pain in my ankle and crying out. I had to keep going. I just had to keep going.

I was still running. I'd hung up the phone at some point, and I couldn't stop...I could see him, and I ran to the first house to which I saw lights on at, running up to the door and banging on it harshly, still hysterical. I had to get in. I just had to.

Someone opened the door, and I glanced up, confused. She looked sort of familiar. I'd never seen her before in my life, but something.

"Oh My god..."she said softly, and I fought hard to say words at all.

"Please...I..."

"Shhh...you're hurt...do you need me to call an..."I cut her off, my eyes frantic. I must have looked crazed or something because she understood.

"He's coming..."I got out, and she put an arm around my shoulder, drawing me in the door.

"Shhhh... you're safe..."she said to me, rubbing my back gently, and locked the door behind her. I slid down the door, and jumped when he banged on it.

"JUDE " I could hear him yelling on the other side of the door, and I squeaked, burying my head in my hands,"I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE "

"You're Jude Harrison..."she realized, and I nodded frantically, tears streaming down my face. I was surprised when she hugged me, rubbing my back gently and letting me cry, despite the fact that I smelled disgusting, hadn't slept in days, and had blood streaming down my arm.

"We've gotta get away from the door..."I whispered, and she nodded, helping me up.  
We'd moved to the couch at some point, I was too out of it to care anymore, and she had my ankle elevated, as it was swollen. I'd sprained it when I slipped on the grass.  
The blinds were closed, thank God, as it was late, and she held me as I cried. He must have realized he wasn't going to get anywhere and left. It was around two in the morning, and I knew he'd come back.

"You've gotta call the cops...he...he..."I couldn't even say it, and she frowned.She got up, and I freaked out further. I couldn't, and wouldn't be alone right now. Her eyes were so damn familiar. Caring even. Compassionate. She glanced at the doorway, and I tensed.  
"I'll go get my husband..." My eyes widened, and I tugged at her shirt. I felt so weak. She glanced down, and I took a deep breath before speaking.  
"Please don't leave me down here..."I begged her, probably incoherently, and she nodded.

"Can you stand okay?" she asked, and I accepted the hand she gave me, following her upstairs, leaning on her weight. I was a twig anyways so it didn't matter.

"Peter...honey...you need to call the police..."she said, and her husband turned, his eyes wide.

"You're Jude Harrison..."he realized, and I closed my eyes tightly, leaning against the doorframe.

Who was I anymore? Especially after this. I'd forgotten about Tommy and Kwest. That phone call, how hysterical I sounded. If they even realized it was me. If they even knew. I was numb. Dulled down and numb and I didn't want Tommy to ever see me like this. Not ever. He wouldn't want to see me anymore. Who would? No one. I was sick.

I'd managed to calm down a little in the last two hours. They were older, obviously well off, and I glanced at them before limping out into the hallway. They'd made me a cup of hot chocolate, and offered a shower, which I refused. Hunter was going to jail. And I knew what I needed to get him there. The tape I had, and physical evidence. So despite the fact that I felt dirty, and used, and like a ruin of a person, I wasn't going to take a shower until the cops came. And they'd advised me not to leave the house. I was in fresh clothes, and mine were sitting in a garbage bag. The cotton felt harsh against my legs, the tee shirt scratchy against my chest, which was littered with bruises. I felt torn apart. Like I could never be put back together again.

"Do you have a daughter?" I asked them quietly, trying to make conversation. I was desperate for distraction at this point. Any kind of distraction.

They both tensed. I'd hit a sore subject. Oh Good Job, Jude. I was totally losing it.

The woman glanced out the window, a pained expression on her face, before responding. She'd obviously loved her daughter very much. I was wearing her clothes. Or what had been her clothes. She'd taken me in her room, which was nice, full of instruments, ribbons from music competitions. If I had ever met this girl we were probably friends. I sighed.  
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't of..."she put a hand up, and I closed my mouth quickly.

"We did...she ran away when she was fifteen..."the woman responded,"She was into music...like you..."she pointed to a picture, and my eyes widened, staring at someone I knew very well.

"Oh my God..."I whispered, a hand over my mouth.

"What? You know her? You know Patty?"the woman asked, her eyes wide.

Well talk about more shock then I could handle. Patsy. Their daughter was Patsy? There she was, with light brown hair, leaning over a piano, a large smile on her face. She couldn't have been more than twelve. So this is what she meant when I asked her about her parents and the baby. How was I supposed to tell them? I took a deep breath before answering her.

"She's...my friend discovered her...she works at Gmajor...she's recording an album...or...she was...It's been too long since I was..."I whispered, my fingers trailing over the picture she handed me.

"Is she okay?" Peter asked, obviously concerned, and I sighed.

"She's...Patsy...now...she's sort of dating my best friend...for about a year now..."I told them, and they nodded, their eyes full of hope,"After all of this...she'll probably come to the hospital she's one of my best..."their phone rang, and they picked it up.

My eyes went glassy as she talked with the cops. Everybody was gonna know. Jude Harrison, rape victim. That was a great addition to alcoholic, dating a pedophile, and overall slut. I felt like nothing. She put her hand on my shoulder, and I glanced up, our eyes meeting. 

"They're outside...they don't have him but they say its safe..."I nodded shakily, and got to my feet, hobbling to the door on the ankle wrap.

"Here, Jude...let me help you..."Peter said, and I glanced up at him in gratitude as he helped me down the steps. They were so nice. I couldn't help but wonder what had spurred Patsy to take off so abruptly. So quickly. One of the EMT's motioned to us, and I nodded, glancing around me to make sure he wasn't there.

"Miss Harrison, have a seat on this stretcher..."an EMT said to me, and I nodded tiredly, not wanting to go through this but knowing I had to. He took my pulse, my blood pressure, everything, and I hardly noticed I'd started feeling faint. I was so lost in my thoughts that when my vision blurred I leant forwards, my hands on my thighs, breathing a bit more heavily than before. My ribs were killing me.

"Miss Harrison?" my vision swam into focus, and I blinked rapidly.

"I..."I could hardly form words anymore. I was rapidly becoming a shell, emotionally and physically. "Is there anyone we need to call..." My mind jumped to the ten second connection I'd had with Tommy before Hunter's battery died. He would be worried. Everyone was probably sick with worry. But they wouldn't be when they learned what had happened. They had no right to care anymore. I was nothing. "Tom...Tom Quincy..."I whispered, my vision fading, and they handed me a pen and paper. I wrote down his number tiredly, and passed out before I could call him myself.

"The phone cut out What am I supposed to think, Jamie?" Tommy roared, throwing a drumstick across studio C. 

"She'll call again...she has to call again..."he said quietly, and his phone started to ring.  
"Hello?" he asked quickly, and his mouth fell open for a moment.

"Yeah...this is Tommy...why-"his face turned ashen, and Jamie got up, moving for the door, Tommy following.  
"What room?" he asked, his voice shaking.

"I'll be there soon...is she..."he trailed off, grabbing his keys off of his desk and walking through Gmajor quickly.

"Thanks..."he hung up, and Jamie grabbed his shoulder.

"Wha-"

"She's at Mercy...she's not breathing and she's in shock...come on..."Jamie followed him out the door, setting the alarms and locking it behind them.

When I woke up again, I was warm. I was in a bed I think, and someone was shining a bright light in my eyes. I blinked quickly, and moaned at the light in my face. There was something stuck down my throat, and I fought the urge to gag.

"Ms. Harrison? Can you hear me?"I started coughing, and opened my eyes, realizing I had a breathing tube down my throat, my eyes wide. It felt funny. It hurt. My whole body hurt, specifically my upper right arm and my left ankle. And my ribs were on fire.

"You went into shock...you weren't breathing on your own and we had to..."I started crying silently, staring at the ceiling. I was still in shock. I could hardly move let alone think.  
"We'll get it removed soon, miss..."the nurse said quietly, grabbing my hand, and I nodded finally, sharing a look of gratitude with her.

"The couple that found you is outside waiting for your friends and family...they were worried about you...can I let them know you're alright?" I nodded, and watched her leave, my eyes tired. Everyone was coming? I just wanted to be alone now. There were two uniformed cops at my door, and I glanced down at my hands. Until they found Hunter I couldn't be alone. 

Two hours later I was staring straight ahead of me as they took the rape kit, my eyes wide. And an hour after that I was telling the story to the police, my voice hoarse, as quiet as possible. I could see everyone in the waiting room, but I'd told the doctor not to tell them anything about what went on. And now that I was 18, he had to obey that rule.

He was the first one here. Every one else was sleeping. Kwest had gone home to get Sadie, and he was sitting with Patsy's parents. And I knew they'd let him come to see me. I just wasn't ready to see him.

And then he was standing in the doorway. I remembered the fight we'd had before he left. He'd called me a kid. I was pissed. He wouldn't admit our relationship to anyone that mattered. He looked awful.

"Hey, girl..."I didn't say anything, turning over to face the window and refusing to look at him, tears glistening in my eyes. He was next to me in an instant, his eyes desperate. Desperate to know I was okay. I wasn't okay. I was so damned far from okay.

"Jude...please..."he whispered softly, walking up and reaching out to grab my hand.I yanked it away rapidly, and winced, uttering a soft cry. His eyes softened. Mine, in rebuttal, hardened, and he frowned, confused.

"Don't touch me..."I whispered softly, my voice shaking, and he sat down next to me, hesitant to do anything. He was entranced by my face, which I'd seen when they gave me a shower, purple and black with bruises.

"I was so worried about you...when I saw your car out there in the parking lot that night...I haven't been sleeping...eating...anything...please...just tell me you're okay..."he said softly, and I cleared my throat, trying to think of what to say. We weren't together. We'd broken up because he wouldn't admit to us.

"Why? It's not like we're anything important enough to admit to...so why should I tell you anything at all?" I said softly, playing with the blanket, and he glanced at the door. They'd obviously only given him a few minutes to get through to me."Jude..I..."I hated it when he said that. 

"Get out..."I said quietly, glancing down at my hands. I wanted him to stay here, and hold me, and tell me he loved me and was sorry for what he said, and that we could face anything together. But he'd run. The second he knew, he'd run. I was tainted. I wasn't worth his time anymore.

"I love you..."he whispered softly, and pressed a soft kiss into my forehead, despite my protests, and left me alone with my tears.  
Alone.

How was I supposed to tell him what had happened to me? Tell anyone. I was sure there was enough drama going on outside without me the rape victim. I faced the wall, and heard voices in the hallway. Everyone else was getting to the hospital. And only then did I curl myself into a ball and let me cry.

"Spied just...hands off...I'm fine..."Patsy said, annoyed, and froze in the doorway to the waiting room, turning around, her eyes wide.

"Just kidding...I have a craving for pickles...let's go to the store.."she said, quickly, grabbing Speid's hand and pulling him towards the door.

"Whoa Nelly, I'm sure the cafeteria has them..."Speid told her, and she swallowed.  
"My parents are in there..."she hissed between clenched teeth, making a motion with her hands.

"You weren't immaculately conceived? No way " Speid joked, and she rolled her eyes.

"I'm serious..."she responded, and he frowned,"When did humor become your defense mechanism?" she added, and he frowned.

"I don't know what's wrong with me..."he muttered, and she sighed.

"Back to my parents being in the waiting room?" she asked, a little freaked.

"Wait, they found Jude...Jamie told me..."Speid said, and Patsy frowned.

"My parents found her?" she asked, unsure, and glanced back in the room.

"Maybe they wont recognize you?" Speid asked helpfully, steering her back around towards the room.

"Fine..."she muttered, and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath,"Blondie, this is for you.."she muttered, and pushed the door open. Her parents didn't see her at first, and she was thankful. Until Jamie had to make a scene.

"What in the world are you doing up this early?" Jamie asked her, and she scoffed.

"Not like you care, Jamers.."she said honestly, and waddled to a chair, sinking into it, trying to ignore him.

"I do care " Jamie said indignantly.

"And I care about Jude..."she said back, just as stoically. She could feel her parents eyes on her.

"Hey mom...daddy..."she said, and Jamie's eyes widened.

"Wh-what?" he stuttered, his face turning white.

"Oh my God..."Sadie mumbled, staring between Patsy and her parents.

"Yeah...uh..."Patsy glanced around her,"It's a shame I can't drink while I'm pregnant cuz I could sure use a shot of Jack right now..."she said colloquially, and glanced at the door,"Can I..." Sadie made a face, and Patsy ignored it, going in the door and closing it.

"Tommy, go away.."I said hoarsely, and was surprised at the voice.

"I'm not Tommy...less squinty frowny..more beached whale like..."she responded wryly, and sat down in the chair next to the bed.

"What exactly happened to you?" she asked me, straight on, and I blanched.  
"Patsy..."she glanced back at the door, and back up at me.

"He hit you.."she realized, and I glanced away.

"He did more than hit me..."I murmured, for some reason feeling like she was the only person I could tell.  
"I know what it's like..."she said quietly,"I ran away when I was sixteen because my best friend's older brother..."she trailed off, and I glanced at her.

"I don't want you to end up like I am...you don't deserve it...you deserve happiness..."she said, and I stared at her in shock.

"Patsy.."

"My parents are nice, aren't they?" she continued, and I nodded.

"They saved my life..."I mumbled quietly, and she swallowed.

"They wouldn't have gotten it...they were out of town...I went to a party...one thing led to another...and I got drugged..."she paused,"And instead of me telling them...I closed up...to everyone...I got more distant, started doing drugs...and I left..."she said quietly, tears forming in her eyes,"I met Iggy...and he gave me a place to stay...helped me get a job cleaning at the Chain..."

"You were..."

"Fifteen..."she supplied softly, playing with the bracelets on her wrist. 

"Pats..."I breathed, trying to sit up.

"Just don't close off, okay?" she asked quietly, and I nodded, and she wiped the tears from her eyes for a moment.

There was a knock on the door, and I glanced at her parents.

"They don't know what they did wrong..."I whispered, and she stopped as she walked to the door.

"I'll come back...okay?" she questioned, glancing over at her parents.

"Okay..."I said in assurance, watching her walk towards her parents, surprised. She proved me wrong every day.

"So what's up?" Patsy asked them both, clearly uncomfortable, holding onto her mug of hot chocolate like it was a lifeline.

"You're pregnant.."

"I'm not a kid anymore, dad..."she told him softly, staring down at the liquid.

"Who-"  
"The guy in the waiting room...Jamie..."she said softly.

"Are you sure?" her mother asked, and Patsy stared at her incredulously.

"I'd been dating him for over a year, mom " she said defensively.

"So you dated..." she supplied,"And now you're broken up?" she added.

"I'm not doing this with you..."she said, and got up.

"Why did you leave?" Peter asked suddenly, and she paused.

"You wouldn't get it..."she responded softly, and practically ran from the cafeteria, intent on getting to the studio to record. To record anything. 

"Good Morning Ms. Harrison..."I winced, and opened my eyes, turning to face the cheery eyed nurse, all blonde hair and smiles. She stuck a tray under my nose, and I frowned, staring at the familiar J Shaped pancakes I'd become accustomed too when I was living with Tommy.

"He insisted..."she said, and I lost it, closing my eyes tightly to block out the tears.

"Tell him thanks..."I breathed, biting my lip, and she nodded.

"He only left to get you breakfast..."she said softly,"He's been sitting out there for the last couple of hours..."

"Did he..."I whispered, and our heads snapped up when I saw Sadie at the door.

"Jude?" she asked, her voice shaky, and instantly felt her arms around my shoulders tentatively.

"Hi...Sades..."I whispered, and she started crying.

"I was so worried about you...we all were..."she told me honestly, and I nodded tiredly,"I'm so glad you're okay..."she added under her breath, and I sighed, catching her gaze.

"Dad's here too...Mom had to work but she was here last night...do you want..."I nodded, and she squeezed my hand softly.

"I'll be back, okay?" she told me, and I watched her leave silently, my mind somewhere else.

"Daddy..."I whispered, my eyes wide, and he kissed me on the forehead.

"Hi..."he said, taking the other chair, and both of them stared at me, willing me to say something.

"Miss Harrison, good to see you're up and moving..."the doctor said, pausing in the doorway, and I nodded.   
"Thanks doctor..."I responded, flashing him a small smile. It was easier to smile then to let what happened affect me.

And during the day I had about fifteen visitors, ending with Speid and Wally and Kyle. I was exhausted. I could sleep for hours, and then I heard him come in.

"Hi..."he said brokenly, and I glanced up, seeing the tears in his eyes.

"You've been here all day haven't you?" I asked him, and he shrugged.

"Darius let me..."he said, brushing it off, and I sighed, running a hand through my hair.

"Thanks for the pancakes, Tommy..."I offered softly, and he sighed.

"Jude...I..."

"Why don't we just...let it go?" I asked him softly, staring at my blanket.

"You're saying..."

"I'm saying that I don't need a relationship...least of all with you..."I said quietly, almost inaudibly. God this was hard.

"You don't mean that..."he countered, and I sighed.

"Tommy you don't know me as well as you think you do...this is the last thing I need..."I told him quietly, my hands shaking.

"You're shaking Jude, you're lying..."he said, and reached for my hand. I yanked it back.

"Don't you touch me...ever again.."I managed, tears in my eyes.

"What are you afraid of?" he finally said, his voice raised.

"You " I yelled back, and Sadie glanced in the door, her eyes wide. God it was so damn easy to blame him for this. I stared back down at the sheets, and he glared at me incredulously.

"Do you really think I'd be here if I didn't care?" he asked finally, and I glanced up, my face meeting his.

"No, I don't...but sometimes caring isn't enough anymore, Quincy..."I whispered, and took my necklace and ring off the table, handing it to him.

"What...those were gifts, Jude..."

"I don't want them..."I muttered, not looking at him.  
"Fine.."I glanced up, surprised, as he grabbed them from me, turning on a heel and leaving the room.

"Tommy-"Sadie started, and he stopped.

"She made how she feels perfectly clear..."he muttered under his breath, and I sighed, tears streaming down my face.

"What is the matter with you?" Sadie asked, closing the door behind her, and I shook my head.

"Nothing..."I seethed, and she shook her head.

"I don't understand how when he finally wants you..."I cut her off.

"I don't want anyone...okay?" I told her, and she shook her head.

"You love him, Jude..."she pressed. 

"You don't know that..."I responded in monotone.

"Fine...you don't love him..."Sadie said finally, and left me alone again, save for the guards at my door. 

"So I'm guessing that didn't go too well..."Patsy commented wryly, when Tommy slammed into the studio, kicking his chair across the room.

"She won't talk..."he muttered angrily.

"She will..."Patsy said evasively,"She's with my parents...you know...they found her..."she added under her breath, and Tommy's eyes widened,"She talked to them..."

"That couple outside her door? They're your parents?" he questioned, incredulous, and she nodded tiredly, massaging her temples as he played back the mix of her song.

"Oh yeah...they're my parents...talk about irony..."she said softly, glancing at the door.

"Patsy?" she glanced up, her eyes meeting Jamie's, who had appeared in the doorway, glancing between her and Tommy. He turned off the equipment, and got up.

"Should I let you two talk?"he asked, and Patsy nodded.

"I'll see you later..."he told both of them, and left them alone.

"We both messed up..."he admitted quietly, and she glanced down at her stomach.  
"I should have told you...I'm not one to say I'm sorry often...so you should just listen..."she told him, when he turned away from her,"Because we both screwed this up..."

"And both of us can fix it, right?" Jamie asked, and she frowned.

"I don't know yet..."she mumbled.

"I like your hair..."Jamie said quietly, and she frowned, glancing down at her shoes for a moment before looking up, shocked.

"What, not a good compliment?" he asked her, and she shook her head.

"Jamers..."she pointed down, and he looked at his shoes.

"Oh my God..wha-.what is that..."he said wildly, and she grabbed his arms.

"Do I have to be the calm one here? My water just broke " Patsy told him, and his eyes widened.

"Wh-What?" he stuttered, his face pale. He looked like he was going to faint.

"The baby is coming...go start your car..."she told him, and he all but ran towards the door. She rolled her eyes.

"Jamie Go " she pushed him towards the door, waddling behind him

I'd been jotting down lyrics in my journal for weeks before the incident. And when I got back to Gmajor it was just sitting there, evasively, on the counter of Studio A.

"You have anything?" Kwest asked. Tommy wasn't at work. He hadn't come back since I'd kicked him out. I felt horrible. But I also felt like if I let him in he'd realize what had happened and not want me anymore. 

"Something..."I breathed, and closed my eyes.

My thoughts jumbled  
I've closed the book  
You try to find me  
Can't get past a short look  
My demons haunt me  
A story unsaid  
How long will it take  
Till I break and I'm dead

"She's in Studio A, Tom...just let her sing..."Darius said, when Tommy opened his mouth, staring into the studio, tears in his eyes.

"Why, so Hunter can kidnap her again?" he asked blatantly, and Darius sighed.

"She's okay...and he's long gone.."Darius assured him, patting him on the shoulder, leaving him to stare at her as she poured her heart out. 

"Um...her water broke?" Jamie said, his voice shaking, and almost pushed her towards the doctor.

"Call my parents..."she said suddenly, and he stared at her as if she had two heads.

"But I thought..."she cut him off.

"Just do it, Jamie " she snarled, and he nodded tiredly, walking outside to dial on his cellphone.

It won't let me  
Everybody's out to get me  
Tell me that the lines aren't what they seem  
Oh that the heavens scream all that I dream  
Oh will it ever let go  
Oh no no  
It's a breakdown

"Jude..."I ignored him, following Sadie to the car and getting inside, slamming it before he had the chance to talk to me.

"Are you sure you..."I shot Sadie a look, and she glanced at me worriedly before starting the car and pulling away, heading towards our dads.

I shivered when we got to the house, letting myself in the bathroom and locking the door, intent on turning on the shower and trying to relax. And then I saw the razor again, sitting ominously in the drawer next to my brush.

It felt good. Like I deserved it. I hurt everyone around me. And pretty soon they'd know. As much as I wanted to keep the secret.  
All the vampires are out on the look  
Do they see me?  
How long will it take?  
To chase the monster  
That's still in my head  
It's on the sea  
And it needs to be fed  
I have the witness  
To what has been done  
It sort of had meAnd I think it has won

"Hey..."Kyle said tiredly, and Emily glanced up from her schoolwork, walking over and hugging him.

"Long day?" she asked, and he nodded, kissing her softly before sitting down next to her on the couch, her legs across his lap.

"Need any help?" he asked finally, and she nodded, pointing out the problem.

"It's a good think I have such a math nerd for a boyfriend..."she ate her words when he glanced up at her.

"Uh...sorry..."she muttered, and he grabbed her hand.

"About the math nerd thing or the boyfriend thing?" he questioned, and leant forwards, kissing her again.

"So...we're...official?" he asked her, his eyes searching hers.

"I like the sound of that..."she muttered, and leant her head on his shoulder as he explained the math problem.

It wont let me  
Everybody's out to get me  
Tell me that the lines aren't what they seem  
Oh that the heavens scream all that I dream  
Oh will it ever let go  
Oh no no  
it's a breakdown

"No dad...she's asleep..." Sadie said, glancing over at him, and they both looked up when the doorbell rang.

"Hi..."Tommy said quietly, holding up a bag,"I thought I'd bring some of her stuff over..."Sadie nodded, and grabbed it.

"She'll come back from this, Tommy...she's strong..."Sadie said, and hugged him against her.

"I hope so..."he got out softly, and turned to the stairs, dropping the bag and turning towards the door.

"I'll see you at work tomorrow..."he said, and left, closing the door behind him and glancing up at my window, his gaze pained. He didn't see me looking back in the dark. Hunter's words kept echoing my head.

I'll shut you out  
It's all that it takes  
To prevent you  
To seeing the mess life can make  
It won't let meEverybody's out to get me  
Tell me the lines aren't what they seem  
Oh that the heavens scream all that I dream  
Oh will it ever let go  
Oh no no  
it's a breakdown


	18. Sympathy for the Devil

1Sympathy for the Devil-  
Jena Rink  
I don't own Instant Star  
Get ready for the heavy stuff...

Enjoy, and please leave me wonderful reviews...man alive... I live for those!

Disclaimer- I don't own Don't you Dare...or anything previously used in an episode...I just own the plot and the songs I sometimes write for this story.  
Enjoy We're almost done   
WARNING- this contains mature subject matter, including mention of rape, curse words and the like. Be forewarned.

"Welcome to Fashion Week, where your favorite music stars are strutting it up on the runway " I absorbed the atmosphere around me, swallowing everything that was weighing me down and focusing on looking drop dead gorgeous. Just because I wasn't enough for him, didn't mean I could make him jealous by looking fantastic. The bruises has healed, I was brand spakin' new, and ready to take on anything. Tommy's eyes were boring into me as I made my way down the runway, and I paused at the end, smiling at everyone around me. I couldn't help but feel like someone else was staring just at me too. But I couldn't pinpoint it,"And in three days Jude Harrison will once again grace this stage for a live performance that will be featured on her new album " I chanced a glance in Tommy's direction, and he shrank under my gaze. Typical ex-boyfriend behavior.

"Jude Jude Over here " I smiled, posing, and heard Tommy's voice to the side of me.

"Jude Look out " And then I was covered in blood. I glanced down, my eyes wide, and back up at Tommy, who was already halfway out of his chair.

"Fur is death Fur is murder "

"I'm not-" I glanced down, really taking in the fact that I was covered in blood,"Oh God...its real..."I whispered to myself, and turned, walking quickly down the runway.

"Are you okay?" I shot one of the assistants a dirty look, and went behind a screen, pulling off the blood covered clothes, accepting the washcloth they gave me, wet with warm water, and started to attempt to wash myself off.

It was too quiet, and I sighed when I heard shuffling on the other side of the screen.

"Jude, they caught the guy...he's getting arreste-Oh God..."Tommy said, frozen, staring at my almost naked form, and I screamed.

"Tommy Get out " I told him frantically, and his eyes scanned my body.

"Uhm..."  
"Quincy God! Stop staring " I covered my front, and he blinked.

"Right...sorry...Darius has a car waiting for you...out back...so you don't have to face the press..." he said from behind the curtain, and I sighed, rubbing my temples before grabbing the new clothes my assistant had laid out for me and slipping them on tiredly, donning sunglasses and walking towards the back exit.

"Well, that sure was a ton of fun..."Sadie commented wryly, and I snorted, glancing down at my shoes.

"You get a shower?"she asked, and I sighed.

"Like five of them...thanks...I can still feel it on me..."I made a face, and Sadie started laughing.

"It's not funny " I said, annoyed.

"The press is making a blood bath out of it..."Speid commented, and I closed my eyes tightly.

"Could you not, Vince?" I asked him, and he glanced at me in surprise.

"Hi Debbie Downer...how are you doing today?" he asked back bitingly, as Karma walked into the room.

"Speid can I steal you for a minute?"she asked, tilting her head to the side, sharing a smile with him.

"You can steal me away whenever you want..."I made a face as they glanced at each other, leaning over and giving each other a chaste kiss.

"I think I just threw up in my mouth..."I told Sadie, as Tommy came in the room.

"What in the hell are you doing to yourself?" I glanced up at him, my gaze curious.

"Are we just going to stare at each other all day?" he added, and I glanced at Sadie. 

"I'll just go see what Kwest is doing..."she said, and left us alone in the room.

"Are you just gonna sit there like a statue, Jude? Are you going to tell me ANYTHING about this?" he asked me, and I stayed tight lipped, letting him yell at me, he held up a piece of paper, and I read it, going over the STD test they'd conducted, the pregnancy test they'd done a few days later, and the results. I was seeing red, but I just glared at him. 

"Are you ever going to talk again?" he asked me finally,"You're a wreck What is this, Jude, huh? An STD test? A pregnancy test? What the hell happened? And what the hell are you doing to yourself?"  
"Funnily enough you seem to be very good at judging people..." I bit out, and he glanced at me in surprise,"And opening people's mail...that's great..."I added under my breath.  
"Princess Harrison opens her mouth?" he said back, and I shook my head.

"So I'm on Sadie's level now?" I asked him, my hands on my hips.

"I think you've sunk below it..."he said back, and I got up, closing the door to the studio and spinning around to face him.

"You don't know the first thing about why I got those tests " I burst out, and he shook his head.

"I'm pretty sure I can do the math..."he said back.

"If we're talking about doing the math, Tommy, anything I would have caught I would have caught from you " I burst out, and his eyes blazed fire.

"What do you know...you're just a kid..."he said before he could stop himself, and I did something I'd regret. I slapped him.

"Jude I didn't mean..." I stared at him in shock, my hands shaking lightly.

"Of course you did..."I said venomously.

"Tell me what happened..."he said harshly, and I winced.

"Let go of my arms right now..."I said back, my voice as cold as ice.

"And I can't even touch you...don't you realize we want to help you?"he asked me, dropping his arms.

"Hurt me..."I said in response, and he frowned.

"What?" he asked.

"Go ahead...hurt me some more Tommy...it's all your fucking good at..."I whispered, my voice harsh, and pushed past Liam, who was standing in the doorway, staring at us.

"Jude..."he called, and I put a hand up, walking out of the building and sliding down the wall of the alley, crying softly.

"Hey..." Jamie said quietly, leaning against the wall.

"What do you want, Jamie?" I asked him, turning to stare at him.

"I'm worried about you...we all are..."he said softly, and I shook my head.

"Nobody's gonna get it..."I said thickly, and he sighed.  
"I think Tommy might..."he said finally, and I glanced at my phone, picking it up and dialing his number, wincing when he ignored the call.

"He's ignoring my calls..." I told Jamie, pulling out my keys and walking towards my car.

"Where are you off to?" he asked me, concerned.

"The space...I need to blow off some steam..."I told him quietly.

"I'll tell Tommy to come find you then..."I nodded, and hugged Jamie tightly.

"Thank you..."I said in a small whisper, and called Tommy again as I got in the car. He didn't pick up, and I sighed as tears blurred edge of my vision.

I opened the door to the rehearsal space tiredly, intent on getting my guitar and singing out my frustrations with the current situation. I opened the door tiredly, and didn't even expect what was about to happen.

"Tom...I...I did something stupid...I...please just come and talk to me...we need to talk about it.."

I screamed when I felt arms around my waist, and tried to bite down on Hunter's hand when he covered my mouth. Oh God. I hope Tommy follows me. Please follow me. Please. It was a mantra I repeated in my mind. He grabbed the phone and shut it, letting it fall to the ground. I was in deep now.

"Don't say...anything..."he said harshly, and I felt tears start to well in my eyes.

"Why are you doing this?" I bit out, and he smiled when I struggled against him.

"This is nostalgic isn't it? Your first time..."he said, his hand moving higher on my stomach.

"Stop..."I protested, and he kissed the side of my neck.

"Baby, I like it when you fight..."he said, biting my ear softly, and I broke out crying.

"Jude Are you in there?" Tommy said, and burst in the door, his eyes taking in the scene, his eyes wide with shock.

"Get the hell away from her..."he bit out, and I closed my eyes tightly as Hunter traced circles on my bare arm, his eyes meeting Tommy's in a challenge. I struggled weakly, and Hunter put one of his hands on my neck, bending my face back to stare at him.

"You don't wanna do that Blondie..."he said, and forced me to kiss him, right in front of Tommy. I closed my eyes in repulsion, and held my lips together tightly when he pulled away.

Tommy took a step towards us, and he tightened his grip.  
"You take another step and I swear to God I'll kill her..." his voice was menacing as I struggled against him, staring at Tommy, my eyes bloodshot from crying.  
"Tommy..."I whispered softly, the tremor in my voice audible. He stared at me in shock for a moment, his eyes going back and forth between Hunter and me. He was speechless.

"Jude it's gonna be okay..."he said quietly, taking a cautious step towards us, and Hunter tightened his grip on my shoulders, making me wince.

I whimpered in response, and Hunter grinned, his breath tickling my ear.  
"Oh, listen to her...she cried alot...at night...while I had her...I think she was crying about you..."I closed my eyes tightly, wishing I could wake up somewhere else, instead of in this warped reality.

"Hunter stop...please..."I begged him, and he smiled manically.  
"You've said that before haven't you blondie..."he said back, and I winced, my eyes meeting the fury in Tommy's.

"Jude..."he said, reality beginning to sink in, his eyes soft.

"Tommy-"Hunter roughly yanked my hair, and I cried out.

"Did I tell you you could talk?" he said harshly, and I shook my head silently, tears streaming down my face.

"N-no..."I stuttered, and he kissed the top of my head,"Good girl...now stay quiet.."

"She's a person...she's not..."

"You think he'd think of you as a person if he knew?" Hunter asked me, spinning me around to face him. I shook my head wildly.

"Hunter-" he slapped me across the face, and Tommy looked stricken.

"Stop doing this " I told him through my tears,"What's it going to accomplish if he doesn't even know " he pulled me up against him, our eyes locked, as Tommy looked on.

"What do you mean?" he asked, and Hunter spun me back around.

"I'm not gonna tell him why...but I'll tell him something else..."he said, his voice dangerously low.

"Hunter-" he cut me off, his fingers digging into my forearms.

"You wanna tell him, or should I?"he challenged, and I closed my eyes tightly.  
"No..."I breathed softly,"No Hunter please don-"

"I fucked her..." I closed my eyes tightly, struggling even more, afraid to look at Tommy's face,"And she wanted it..." I was shaking wildly, and I could see the devastation in his eyes.  
"I didn't want ANY of it " I protested through my sobs, and he put his arms around my waist.

"You did before...what was it that Tommy called you? I remember you telling me...oh yeah...a whore...and that's what you are..."Hunter said, and I felt bile rising in my throat.

"Tommy I'm so sorry..."I sobbed softly, not even fighting to get away anymore.  
"This problem is between us, Hunter...please let her go..."he said, his voice shaking as well.

"You wanna know what the best revenge is? Revenge..."Hunter said, and pulled out a knife. I had to get out of his arms. I started struggling wildly, almost kicking to get away from him, and he pushed me aside, suddenly running at Tommy with the knife. My breath caught in my throat, watching them struggle.

I could barely move I was shaking so hard. I just sat in the corner, my eyes closed tightly, between the drums and the couch, sobs wracking my body. I could hear them struggling, and then I heard the bang of a cymbal, and someone falling to the ground.

"Jude?" my head shot up what felt like minutes later, and I stared at Tommy, who was staggering over to me, a gash on his arm. Hunter was lying motionless on the ground.

I was up in an instant, flying across the room towards Tommy, hugging him against me.

"Thank God..."I breathed, folded in his arms.

"He's not going to hurt you again, okay?" Tommy told me softly, and I tensed, tears flooding my eyes.

"Tommy..."I got out, and he hugged me tighter, rubbing my back.

"You're okay...I promise you...you're going to be okay..."he soothed, and I nodded. 

"Your arm..."I whispered, and he shook his head.

"I called the cops...it's okay..." he told me, and I had a thought, my eyes narrowed.

"Is he..." I made a motion, not even willing to look at Hunter, and Tommy stiffened.

"Unconscious...he's unconscious...don't worry..."Tommy assured me softly, stroking my hair and letting me cry.

It seemed like we sat there for about an hour before the cops showed up, with Tommy supporting me, rubbing my shoulders gently as I curled up next to him on the couch, my head on his chest.  
"You're still bleeding.."I whispered through cracked lips.

"I'll be alright..."he breathed, his arms wrapping tighter around me, if even possible.

"Are you sure?"  
"I should be asking you these questions..."he said softly, stroking my cheek with his thumb,"You're gonna bruise..."

I shrugged silently, burrowing closer to him, our eyes locking.  
"Mr. Quincy..." we both glanced up when the door opened.

"We're going to need to take a statement from both of you..."the officer told us, and Tommy grabbed my hand tightly, squeezing it.  
"Ms. Harrison, you're going to have to come with us..."I stared at Tommy in a panic, and he frowned.

"I don't want to leave her alone..."he told the officer, and I glanced at him, tears in my eyes.

"Fine...come on...both of you..."the officer said, as they put Hunter in handcuffs. I shivered slightly, and Tommy slid an arm around my shoulders, holding me close to him.

Four hours later I was waiting for Tommy to come out of questioning, my head resting in my hands. It had certainly been an interesting few weeks. And now he knew. How could he even look at me?

"Hey..."he said softly, kneeling down in front of me, his arm in a sling and wrapped up.

"Hi..."I whispered, still staring at my lap. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't do it. He was going to have to force me. Because I felt awful. Hunter was being locked away, for good it seemed. And thank God it was three so the media wouldn't catch wind of this until morning.

"I'm so sorry Jude this is all my fault..."he said, resting his free hand on my chin and lifting it softly.I glanced to the side, tears filling my eyes.

"How can you even look at me?"I asked, my voice shaking.

"None of this was your fault..."he breathed, and I sighed, glancing towards the entrance to the police department, my gaze pained.

"How can you ever forgive me for doing this?"I said, my voice breaking, and he shook his head.

"Because you didn't do anything wrong, girl..."he assured me,"You've gotta get that through your head..."

"Okay..." I said in response, trying to lace our fingers together. He pulled away, and I shook my head, disbelief creeping in. He was doing it again? Again. After everything that had just happened?

"Jude..."he said hesitantly.

"You're unbelievable..."I told him honestly, my heart breaking even as I said it, and his face looked crestfallen.  
"Jude I don't know what to do..."he said pleadingly.

"I'll see you at work in the morning I'm going to my parents..."I said quietly,"My dad's on his way, ok?"

"Jude..."he begged, and I got up.  
"Thanks for um...saving me..."I said dismissively, and left him alone in the hallway, staring after me as I walked up to meet my dad.  
"Thank God..." he said, pulling me into a hug as I started crying, leading me outside, his eyes focused on Tommy, glaring.

"You want some food? Coffee?" I shook my head to both, resting my head on my arms on the kitchen island, staring at Sadie, a weird look on my face.

"Jude you have to eat..." she said, her voice tired.

"How can he just ignore his feelings? How can he not tell Darius? How could he have done that? How can he not care?" I said in a rush, almost feeling better that it was out of my system.

"He cares...I think you need to tell him how you feel..."Sadie said, and I made a noise of protest.

"A song? There's only a few left on the album..."I breathed, and she nodded.

"Explain to me why we're in a church again..." Tommy said, and I shot him an annoyed look.

"Explain why you came with me? Need to confess some sins?" I shot back.

"I'm your producer..."

"I can record the song on my own...Quincy..."I breathed,"I used to come here when I was little with Sadie...I like the acoustics...I needed a break..."

"We're back to Quincy?"he said, and I didn't respond, settting down the equipment.  
"You're never going to admit your feelings..."I said quietly.

"Jude...you know I..."

"Yeah, but this whole sneaking around thing...the thing we've been doing for the past three months...isn't going to fly...but what do I know? I'm just a kid..."I spat, and he shook his head.

"You don't get it..."he started.

"Oh, really? Enlighten me " I said back,"Tell me why "  
"There's things I can't let go of My past..."

"I know you care..."I breathed, leaning into him,"You save a look just for me..."

"Jude...I..."we were so close, our noses almost touching, and he shot away from me,"I can't..."

"What??? " I said softly, and he got up.

"This...can't happen No " he told me, throwing up his hands, and I fought back tears.

"Newsflash Quincy, it already has "I said back, and swung back, punching him.

"Ouch..."I said finally afterwords, massaging my hand.

"You never punch with your thumb..."he suggested softly, and I stared at him menancingly.

"Thanks..."he reached forwards, and I took a step back..

"Let me see..."

"Don't touch me..."I seethed, and he winced.

"I'm just trying to help you " he told me ,and I shook my head.

"You wanna help me? Stop hurting me You remember when you told me you had to take care of what lasts? Well you're just throwing it away " I told him softly, and he frowned.

"I need some air..."he managed, not looking at me, and walked out the back door.

I set up the equipment, my mind focused elsewhere. And then I was sitting in front of the organ, in the empty chapel, with only the song and me.

Dark Cloud Moving  
Just one Fall Away  
Would Wash Away  
Would Wash Away the Pain

I closed my eyes as I played the familiar chords, lost in the music.

I could say that I don't care  
But the truth is I'd follow you anywhere  
I've been waiting such a long long time  
Don't you dare change your mind

What did this say for the last couple of months? I'd let myself fall even deeper in love with Tommy, only to be burnt again. He couldn't do this. He had to know how I felt. He was outside, presumably in the graveyard, while I stared ahead of me at the back of the church.

I could say that I don't care  
But the truth is I'd follow you anywhere  
I've been waiting such a long long time  
Don't you dare change your mind

If he didn't love me then at least I'd put the feelings away. Out there for the entire world to see.  
Don't wander around looking for someone to replace me  
Don't wander round wasting the rest of your life  
Don't wander round looking for someone else to save you  
And don't you make the same mistake twice

I didn't hear him come in until he was next to me, checking over the computer. And before I knew it I was singing the song directly to him, staring at him as much as he avoided it. I could feel the tension permeating the room.

"I could say that I don't care..." I sang softly, "But the truth is I'd follow you anywhere...I've been waiting such a long long time..."Tommy chanced a glance in my direction, and I abruptly looked down,"Don't you dare change...your mind..." I finished the last chord, and cut off the organ.

He started packing up, and I let him do it myself, staring ahead of me as he finished closing the last bag and grabbed my hand, pulling me up to face him. I stared at him in confusion.

"You're a piece of work, Harrison..."he whispered lightly, his hands resting lightly on my arms.

"I get it..."I mumbled, glancing down, and he shook his head.

"You don't know how many times I just wanted to ask you to come away with me...there were things I was afraid to tell you...things you didn't know..."he muttered, lifting my chin, and I stared at him tiredly.

"I know I love you..."I offered softly, leaning forwards on the balls of my feet, trying to see his reaction.

"See...there's my look..."I mumbled, and he pulled me into a kiss, his hands on my waist.

I moaned quietly, and he deepened the kiss, pulling me practically off the  
ground as we exchanged kisses. It seemed like It'd been forever when someone  
cleared their throat.

"Are you here for the wedding.."I let go of Tommy, sinking back down to the  
ground, and glanced at him from under my lashes.

"I'm so glad you rehired me..."he muttered against my lips, and I smiled.

"me too.."I breathed ,and our lips met again in a soft kiss, our foreheadstouching as we nuzzled each others noses softly.

I don't know what made Tommy change his mind, and I dont care.  
Because the truth is, I'd follow him anywhere. 

We walked out of the church hand in hand, my head on his shoulder, and for the  
first time since Hunter had kidnapped me, since everything happened, I felt  
okay. Like things would actually be okay. For once.


	19. All I want is You 1 of 2

1All I want is You  
Part one of what? muahahhaa. Haha. Ha. Ha.  
Jena Rink  
May 30, 2007  
I don't own instant star. We're in it for the long haul now...this is the last episode of the season..  
Well it's an hour...So there's more than one part.Which reminds me...the ends a cliffhanger. A big one. And so is this.Undiscovered is the ONLY one besides me who has seen this.  
So you enjoy.I've so enjoyed writing this for you guys.And if you have any crazy plot lines you'd like me to cook up in the next season...I've already written about half an episode...and some story ideas.But I'm always welcome to new ideas. And I NEED ideas...as creative as I am...I still need help sometimes Meep And every place in New York I describe, minus the hotel room...I have been to.(well I've been to the BATHROOM at the Plaza...does that count? Lol)

When I finished the performance, he was waiting for me by the side of the stage, a small smile on his face.

"So? Better? No blood this time?" he asked me, tilting his head to the side and giving me that look that was completely reserved for me. 

"Yeah..."I whispered, and grabbed his hand, pulling me towards my dressing room, closing the door behind us and attacking his lips, pushing him against the door.

"Mmmm...hi..."he breathed, pulling away to stare down at me.

"Hi..."I responded softly, reaching up and tracing his cheekbone lightly with my finger, staring at him adoringly. Every thing was perfect. We were almost done with the album.

"What are you staring at?" he asked me softly, leaning forwards and kissing my forehead. 

"You..."I said honestly, and he shook his head, leaning down and capturing my lips again, leading me over to the couch and sitting me down.

"Well...you...what are you doing tonight?" he asked, and I shrugged.

"I was gonna go out with this guy...handsome...debonaire... great kisser..."I said, naming qualities off my fingers.

"Oh I see...well if you were...you should be ready at six...I'll pick you up..."he said, his eyes sparkling.

"What are we celebrating?" I asked him, my brow furrowed.

"Something's don't have to be said...you can just feel them..."he replied evasively, and kissed me again.

"I can feel something..."I said, and he rolled his eyes, pulling away.

"I was being serious, girl..." he said softly."Oh...the twenty-five year old in you..."I said seductively, trailing my hand down the front of his tee-shirt. 

"Jude we're backstage at a fashion show..."he said breathlessly.  
"Doesn't that make it more exciting?" I whispered, kissing the edge of his ear before I pulled away,"I know, Quincy...wanna take me home?"

"Always..."he said in response, pulling me to my feet, sharing a smile with me before we entered back into the chaos of the fashion show, neither one of us noticing Liam standing by the door.

There's a saying...about the calm before the storm. And you don't realize you're in the calm until the storm hits. And then you're caught underneath it's pull and you can't escape.

"Morning..."Speid said, ducking into the studio where Karma was furiously studying her music. If there was one thing you could say about her it was that she gave it her all.

"Hey..."Karma said in response, leaning up and kissing him gently, pulling away to stare up at him.

"I missed you last night..."he muttered, and she sighed.

"It's the rush to get the album out...I've been here with Kwest practically every hour of the day...I swear I'll make it up to you..."she leant into him on the couch, yawning tiredly, and he kissed the side of her head.

"I can't take all this..." Jamie said hurriedly, walking back and forth through the waiting room, and I glanced at him strangely.

"You're making me dizzy..."I told him, and he sat down abruptly, tapping his fingers on the tabletop.

"Jamie...seriously?"I asked him, a lopsided grin on my face, and he frowned.

"What suddenly made you so happy?"he asked me, and I shrugged.

"That reminds me...I gotta be home at 5:30...you call me if she goes into labor, okay?" he nodded, and I hugged him tightly.

"You going on a date?"

"Something like that..."I responded, and hugged him tightly, leaving him alone in the waiting room.

The doorbell rang at 6, and I fixed my hair in the mirror nervously, walking down the stairs and seeing Tommy in the doorway, a bouquet of roses in his hand.  
"Tommy..." I said, a small smile on my face, and came down the stairs, leaning up and kissing him softly.

"We're going to go on the perfect date..."he told me softly, squeezing my hand.

"Perfect?" I breathed, taking the flowers from him and taking them to the kitchen, cutting of the ends and placing them in a vase.

"Absolutely..."he responded, grabbing my hand in his and pulling me towards his Porsche, opening the door for me.

"Thank you..."I said quietly, glancing over at him.

"Your welcome..."he whispered in my ear, and I grinned sheepishly, buckling my seatbelt as he slid in the other seat, starting the car and pulling out of the neighborhood, driving towards downtown.

"Where are we going?" I questioned, and a wry smile flashed across his face, still driving.

"Tommy..."I whined, as we pulled up at what looked like an empty abandoned lot. It was huge. And then I saw the plane.

"Wha-" he grabbed my hand, and tugged me gently to the plane, opening the door for me.

"Where...my parents.."

"They know where we're going...and I told Darius you needed a vacation..."he wrapped his arms around me from behind.

"You know...if we'd never broken up...it'd be our six month anniversary..."he whispered softly in my ear, and tears sprung to my eyes.

"You remembered?" I mumbled, and he made a face.

"I didn't mean to make you cry..."he said, clearly uncomfortable, and I laughed through my tears, glancing up at him.

"I love you..."I muttered quietly, and leant up, kissing him gently, before going up the steps and into the plane.

"Wow...Tommy...this is..."I motioned around me, sitting down in one of the side seats and staring ahead of me, a grin lighting up my face.

"Wait till you see where where we're going..."he said evasively, handing me a glass of champange. I raised an eyebrow at him as he sipped at his own, his other arm holding me close.  
When I saw the New York City skyline, I nearly flipped. I was already a little tipsy from the champange, seeing as I hardly ever drank, and gazed at Tommy adoringly.

"This is Oceania..."he said, after a long cab ride, showing me the small building. I stared at him strangely, and he shook his head, smiling.

"It's my cousin's restaurant...and he's agreed to close the top floor for us...now come on..."I nodded, following him up the narrow staircase and past the bar to a room which had been cleared of all tables but one, flowers covering the room and soft candle light making it glow.

"Wow..."I whispered, and sat down in the chair Tommy had pulled out for me, staring around me in wonder. It was like magic. I was so nervous and I had no idea.

Four courses later, I was progressively more drunk, and couldn't stop giggling.

"You alright over there?" Tommy questioned, and I nodded stupidly, staring at him, grinning widely.

"I'm fine..."I whispered, taking a bite of the sorbet they'd brought out and closing my eyes, savoring the taste of the chocolate and coconut, groaning softly.

"Tom, this is amazing.."I breathed, and he helped me up, holding my hand tightly in his.

"You're amazing..."he told me softly, and I blushed, staring down.

"Wanna go for a walk?" he said a second later, wrapping his coat around my shoulders as we made our way out into the city.

"I love you..."I told him again, and he laughed.

"I love you too girl...but you're a little drunk..."he said matter of factly, cupping my chin.

"I think I could sing it...I'm in love with you...I am so in love with you..."I giggled, unable to stop the words flowing out of my mouth.

"I could scream it..."I added, and he laughed again, turning to kiss me softly, cupping my face in his hands.

"So could I..."he said in my ear, pulling away to kiss my forehead. I yawned as we walked towards Central park, hand in and hand, and turned to face him, resting my arms on his shoulders.

"Where are we?" he cut me off with another kiss, and lifted me up, carrying me bridal style in revolving doors and to an elevator. Neither one of us noticed the camera bulbs flashing.

My eyes were closed, and I opened them when the doors dinged, closing behind us.

"You didn't have to carry me.."I yawned, feeling suddenly tired, and he kissed my forehead.  
"You're exhausted..."he told me, and I nodded tiredly, my head lolling against his chest.

"Let's get you out of these clothes.."he said softly, sliding his coat back off my shoulders and working on my shoe buckles gently, his hands touching my skin gently.  
"It's okay..."I told him softly, and he glanced up at me from the floor, as I was sitting on the edge of the bed.

"You can take off your own shoes?" he asked me stupidly, and I shook my head, pulling him up to my level gently.

"You can take off everything...I trust you..."I whispered, leaning forwards and brushing my lips against his gently.

"Jude...we don't have..."I shook my head.

"I want to..."I breathed, unbuttoning his own shirt slowly, our eyes locked.

"Are you-" I cut him off with a kiss, and pulled away, staring up at him.

"I want you..."I told him softly, my eyes sincere, and he nodded, kissing my forehead.

"If you want me to stop..."I nodded shakily, crying out softly when he kissed my neck, his grip on my shoulders soft yet demanding as he kissed me.

"You okay?" he questioned me worriedly, and I glanced at him through half lidded eyes.

"I'm fine baby...trust me..."I whispered through my pants, and he smiled softly, leaning up to unzip my dress, our eyes locking.

I wrapped my legs around his waist, and kissed him softly, reaching for his belt buckle, caught up in the moment. He lifted his hips and I slid his pants down his legs, reaching down to take off my underwear, our eyes locked.

"You're so beautiful..."he breathed, and I fought back tears, staring up at him.

"You think so?" I asked him, and he noticed the tears, kissing them away.

"Shhhhh..."he breathed gently,"You're the most wonderful girl in the world..."he assured me, and I grabbed him lightly, pulling him towards my opening, although I was still crying.

"Why?" I asked him softly.

"I love it when you smile..."he moved slowly, and my breath hitched in my throat, staring at him headily,"I love it when you laugh...you have the voice of an angel...you're gorgeous inside and out...and that is why you are beautiful..."he finished, still thrusting slowly, and tears formed at the corner of my eyes again.  
"I want to spend the rest of my life with you..."he let it slip, and I stared at him in astonishment.

"Tommy-"I breathed, and he shrugged, his eyes more truthful then I'd ever seen them.

"You make me a better man..."he said in response, and I clung to him tighter as we neared our release, thrusting against him.

"God, I love you..."he murmured against me, holding me against his chest as we caught our breath. 

"I love you..."I breathed against his chest, tracing patterns on it lightly with my fingertip, staring up at him.

"We should get some sleep..."he said against me, and I grinned, nodding.

"Okay..."I whispered, and rolled over to face the window, staring out at Central Park.

Before long I was sleeping, and I woke up to a light in my face.

"Hey..."I whispered, and he smiled.

"Hi..."he whispered, and motioned to the pancakes that were sitting by the bed. 

"Oh...you're the best..."I whispered, reaching up to grab a plate, completely aware I was naked in front of him. I felt different. I didn't know why. Almost more adult.

When I'd finished, he motioned to the bathroom door.

"Why don't you go take a bath? I've got a couple of errands to run...strictly business stuff..."he said, pecking me on the cheek, and I nodded happily, watching him leave the room. I'd failed to notice he was dressed until he left me on the bed.

I shrugged, and made my way into the bathroom, slightly sore, and drew a bath, staring around me at the marble fixtures. I was so happy I think I could have actually floated and left the ground.  
When he came back, he had a couple of large bags, and I frowned, raising an eyebrow.

"Gifts?" I asked him, and he shrugged, smirking.

"Later, girl...You save some of that hot water for me?" he asked, and I nodded, draining the bath and starting a new one.

"I'm gonna take a nap..."I told him, and he glanced at the bags.

"Don't you dare look those are for your graduation.."he warned, and I nodded, annoyed, pouting slightly. He kissed me gently, before discarding his shirt and pants.

"Then I'll just sit with you.."I told him, leaning against the edge of the tub and grabbing his hand in mine as he laid back, groaning softly.

"Feels nice?" I asked him softly, and he nodded, staring at me.

"You've got bedroom eyes going on Quincy...I'm still sore from last night..."a small smile lit up his face, and he closed his eyes, leaning his head back on the edge of the tub.  
"You know me all too well..."he whispered softly, and kissed me. Before I knew it, I was in the tub with him, water sloshing over the sides.

"Mmmm..."I said quietly, kissing Tommy and reaching for the drain with my other hand.

When we got out again, we were prunes, and I giggled softly, staring at my fingers.

"Hi there..."he said softly, and kissed my bare shoulder.

"We don't want to get dirty all over again Quincy...we just got clean..."I said softly, our eyes locking.

"I don't mind being dirty..."he said in response, and I whacked his arm, grabbing a sundress and slipping it over my head, shaking out my curly brown hair from a towell.

"You're so beautiful..."he muttered, and I fought back a smile, turning to stare over at him as he dressed.

"You have the best butt I have ever seen.."I told him, and he froze mid dressing.

"Jude..."he said, cracking up, and I shook my head, glancing out at Central Park, my hand against the window.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked, slipping his arms around my waist.

"I love you, so much.."I whispered quietly, lacing our hands together, leaning my head on his shoulder.

"I don't want to go back..."he said into my hair, and I smiled softly,"I want to stay here, with you...in this suite...forever..."he kissed the side of my head, and turned me around to face him, grabbing my hands.

"You wanna go to a candy store don't you?" he questioned, and I shrugged, raising an eyebrow.

"Can we go to Toys R Us?" I questioned, giggling softly, and he made a face.

"On the Ferris Wheel?" he asked, and I nodded, grinning.

"Oh, fine...come on..."he grabbed my hand, pulling me towards the door, and I tried to reach for my purse. He stopped me, and I noticed a small black box at the top of his shopping bag before he pulled me towards the door. What was that for?

"The day is on me Harrison..."he said, and managed to grab my sunglasses.

"Is that so Quincy?" I asked, and kissed him on the side of the mouth as we got in the elevator.

"It's so..."he confirmed, holding onto my hand tightly.  
"Will you take me shopping?" I said, and he rolled his eyes, putting on his sunglasses as we walked out into the sunlight.

"Fine.."he muttered, a small smile on his face.

When we walked into Toys R Us, I dragged him downstairs, despite the faces he was making, which increased when we got into a Candy Land Themed Car.

"Quincy...stop being so squnity frowny..."I pouted, and leant back. My feet in his lap, a content expression on my face.

"Your feet hurt?" I nodded, pouting softly, and he took off one of my shoes, massaging my foot lightly as the Ferris Wheel went along.

"That feels nice..."I said quietly, and he stared straight at me, I smiled back widely until we touched down again.

"Thanks..."I whispered, when he opened the door for me, and he nodded, staring at the attendant, who was gazing at both of us, a goofy look on her face.

Two hours later, we were laden down with shopping bags, and it was hot. Really hot. I wiped sweat off my forehead, and made a face, my eyes catching sight of a Gelato Shop down the street. Tommy followed my gaze.

"Oh my God can we get Gelato?" I squeaked, and Tommy consented, pulling us into the shop.

"What do you want?" he asked me, and I glanced at the counter.

"Coffee..."I said, grinning up at him, and he rolled his eyes.

"Figures..."he muttered, and ordered both of us coffee, grabbing my hand again as we walked down the streets of New York, enjoying ourselves.

"My arms hurt..."he complained, and I laughed quietly.

"Wanna take a cab, Mr. Wimpy?" I asked, and he laughed.

"Mr. Wimpy?"

"I can carry more bags than you "I told him, and shrieked when he tickled me mercilessly.

"Say Uncle " he said, our faces close, and I looked around me, afraid someone would see. Tommy didn't seem to notice.

"When's our plane leave?" I questioned, and he grinned.  
"Tomorrow morning...we've still got another night..."he told me, unable to stop from tugging me closer and sliding an arm over my shoulder, kissing my temple.

"What about the paparazzi..."I whispered, and he shook his head.

"I think I saw them last night...and I don't care..."he told me,"I'll kiss you in the middle of the street if you want me to..."my face flushed, and I turned to stare at him.

"Tommy-"I breathed, and he pulled me into a soft kiss, pulling away to stare down at me.  
"Well we were going to have to face the music soon enough...weren't we?" he asked, and I shrugged, kissing him again.

"If I can kiss you all the time now...what's the point of stopping..."I whispered, a wry smile on my face, and he shook his head, leaning in for another kiss.

"Your unsatiable..."he breathed, panting softly, and I laughed quietly.

"Well you're irresistible Quincy.."I said with a small smile, our eyes locked.

We knew we were in the calm before the storm now. The question was whether there would be a storm at all.

"What in the WORLD were you two thinking?" Darius thundered, and I winced, Tommy's hand in mine tightly.He'd been yelling for so long I'd started to tune him out. Jamie had ushered both of us into the office before darting back off to the hospital. And now it was two hours later.

"I was thinking that I'm in love with her..."responded Tommy just as strongly, and Darius made a face.

"Oh really..."

"D- I love him too.."I whispered quietly, staring straight at him.

"I find that very hard to believe...he's your senior by many years..."Liam said snidely, and I closed my eyes tightly. Tommy was rubbing his thumb over my palm, and I leant into him, tucking my legs underneath me as we sat on Darius' couch.

"We've been living together since her birthday..."Tommy said finally, and I shot him a look of panic. If Darius could have killed us both by now, he would have.

"Tommy..."I breathed, and he shook his head.

"It's not illegal, Jude..they need to know..."he said, and squeezed my hand softly, sharing a look with me.

"You know Gmajor's policy on this...not to mention that if you would have told us right after Jude's birthday, we could have done some damage control...Liam...you talk to Jude...I'll talk to Tommy..."I grasped at his hand, my eyes red from crying and my nose pink.

"Alone?" I stuttered.

"Yes Ms. Harrison, alone...I take it you can still understand the english language..."

"Darius...can't I just talk to you after Tommy?" I questioned, a little paranoid.

"You go with Liam...I'll deal with you later..."he whispered.

"You'll be okay...we're gonna be okay.."he told me softly, and kissed my forehead.

"I love you..."he mouthed, and I nodded tiredly, ignoring the stares as Liam dragged me to his office.

"I don't think you know the implications of what you and Mr. Quincy have done, Ms. Harrison...it's obvious the two of you can't work together anymore..."my head shot up.

"What?"

"How do we know you're not screwing on the soundboard...backstage at fashion shows, maybe?" He asked, a glint in his eye, and my eyes widened.

"You-"

"I'm quite sure given the right witnesses...that we quite a case to send Mr. Quincy packing...don't you?" he said, and I stared at him in astonishment. He was truly evil.

"I'll terminate my contract..."I threatened, and he laughed softly.

"We own you..."he told me, and I shook my head. I'd lost it at that point.

"I love him, Liam God Is that so hard for you to grasp?" I questioned, tears flowing down my cheeks.

"I'll make sure you never sign anywhere else..."he shot back, and my gaze narrowed.

"Just because Sadie didn't want you..."I sneered, and winced when he slapped me.

"Ms. Harrison, you stay or he goes, it's that simple..."he snarled.

"I...I don't know.."I whispered finally, and Tommy cleared his throat from the doorway.

"Funnily enough I said that you'd probably quit as well..it's good to know where your loyalties lie..."he said under his breath, and turned from the room, walking towards the exit.   
"Tommy..."I whispered softly, and Liam held up my contract.

"Miss Harrison, it's your decision..." he said, and I grabbed the contract from him.

"You've got your answer..."I whispered, ripping it into shreds. I didn't notice Darius in the doorway.

"You're never going to sing again..."Liam commented, and I paused, staring at Darius.

"Not for either of you...obviously..."I whispered, and Darius turned to follow me.

"Jude...what did Liam say to you..."he asked me harshly, and I shook my head, turning my head so he could see the slap mark, tears blurring my eyes.

"He didn't have to say much, D..."I said honestly, and his eyes widened.

"Jude..."I cut him off.

"Save it...your Vice President hit me, and you fired my boyfriend..." I seethed, aware the entire lobby was staring at us.

"I gave Tommy the option of leaving or staying...and he said that if he left you'd follow..."Darius explained calmly, holding his hands out to stop me from leaving. I just shook my head.

"Well it looks like you lost both of us in less than ten minutes...I'm not renewing anything with you people...Tommy and I...that's more real than anything I could have sang, any record I could have made, any more I could have sold myself for you..."I whispered, my voice shaking, and ran after Tommy, ignoring Sadie when she got up to follow me.

"Jude..."she called, and I shook my head.

"Jude Damnit...wait " she yelled, and I walked across the street, following Tommy. If I could just catch him this time I could tell him. I could tell him everything. Anything. Just so he wouldn't leave.

"Tom Tommy please " he picked up the pace, and I stopped, staring after him, a hand over my mouth, tears blurring my vision and making their way down my cheek, which was still stinging.  
I barely felt Sadie hug me.

"It's gonna be okay..."she breathed, and I shook my head.

"Damnit Sadie NOTHING is going to be okay " I burst out, and she stared at me, her eyes narrowed.

"It's not like you were going to spend the rest of your lives together, Jude...he's good at walking away..."Sadie soothed, and I froze.

Oh God. What if this was it? What if I was alone for the rest of my life.  
"Jude?" I thought about the box, and I lost it, incoherently babbling as I sobbed.

"He said it...in New York Sadie...he said it...he said he wanted to spend the rest of my life with me...and there was a black box in his luggage and I didn't think it was...Oh God..."I breathed, hyperventilating, and sliding down the wall in front of a small store, my head in my hands.

"Sadie what if I lost him?" I sobbed softly, and she helped me up.

"Let's get you home..." Home was with Tommy. Who hated me. And I deserved it.

"I can't go home...he's at home..."I whispered, and she sighed.

"To Dad's...okay?" I nodded, and let her steer me towards her Beatle.

"I'm gonna go quit...okay?" I glanced at her in shock.

"Sades...Kwest'll..."she cut me off, her gaze hard.  
"It's okay..."she told me, and marched in the door, straight to Liam's office.

"Ms. Harrison, if you're hear to argue about.."Sadie slapped him and stepped back, totally aware that everyone was staring.

"I quit..."she seethed, and turned on her heel, walking out of the office quickly.

I just had to get to him. Before he did something stupid. I couldn't stop thinking about it all the way home. 

"She didn't know...Kwest..."Tommy said softly, and Kwest frowned.

"You're being too hard on her..."he responded.

" I told her I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and she doesn't KNOW?" he burst out. 

"She's already eaten her weight in Ben and Jerry's...I can't take this crap...just quit doing the dance and propose to her already "Kwest said, annoyed, and Sadie nodded vigorously from the doorway, a small smile on her face.

"She doesn't care enough..."Tommy persisted,"She's too young..."

"You're lucky she GAVE you another chance You didn't even listen to her explanation" Kwest said tiredly.

"What's there to explain?" he asked.

"Liam slapped her..."Tommy sucked in a breath.  
"What? I'm going to kill..."

"Darius fired him..."Kwest said quietly, and Tommy closed his eyes,"And you obviously still care..."

"I can't do this...Kwest...it's too complicated..."

"You belong together...you're like peanut butter and jelly...smores...rainbows and rainstorms...santa and Christmas...hot chocolate and whipped cre-"

"Stop with the metaphors, Kevin..."Tommy said, annoyed, rubbing the bridge of his nose,"I love her...I just don't know if she loves me..."Kwest choked back a laugh.

"What's so funny?" he asked, and Kwest shook his head.

"Jude's loved you since that day you took her to the pier...man...you're an idiot..."he said, annoyed.

"So what do I do?" he asked. 

"Thanks for covering..."Sadie whispered.

The voice from behind Tommy scared him, and he jumped, turning around.

"You listen?"I whispered, my face splotchy, a small bruise over my cheekbone.

"Kwest, you're a liar..."he breathed, and I glanced at the door for a minute.

"Tommy please..."I begged softly, and he closed his phone, staring at me.

Oh hahaha. You guys must be SO mad at me. For ending the first part here?  
Yeah, I'm pretty much the evilist person You'll ever meet. Muaha.  
And the rest is WRITTEN. That's the funny part. I just wanted to be an ass.  
Lol.

But regardless...  
I hope you enjoy.  
Will he forgive her?  
Hmmmmm?


	20. All I want is you part 2 of 2

1All I Want is YouPart Two of Two  
Jena Rink  
Yeah...enjoy...there's a long note at the end!  
It's done! Yays!

"Mr. Andrews...Ms. Stewart is ready for you..."he glanced at Patsy's  
parents in trepidation, and got up quickly, walking towards the room, where he  
heard yelling.

"I swear to God if you don't get Jamie in here RIGHT now!" he walked in  
quickly, and stared at her in shock.

"Come on, Patsy, you need to push..."he told her, grabbing her hand, and  
she made a face.

"You try pushing a beach ball out of that..."she pointed downwards, and  
Jamie made a face,"And then you can tell me what the hell to do" she  
roared, but regardless, held onto his hand tightly, their eyes locked.

"Don't be so hostile!" Jamie chanced a glance down, and his eyes widened.

"There's a head..."he said, his eyes wide, and he doctor smiled.

"One more big push...Patsy..."she made a face, and practically broke  
Jamie's hand off.

"Now there should be more time before the second baby...you relax for a  
bit..."the doctor told them, and Jamie felt the color drain from his face.

"Babies? babies?" he asked her, and Patsy shrugged in response,  
surprised when Jamie keeled over and fainted.

"Are you kidding me?" Patsy asked herself, as the nurses tried to wake him  
up," I'm the one in labor here!" she reminded them.

"Tommy please..."I begged softly, and he closed his phone, staring at me. He looked like crap. But I knew that I did too. I'd basically given up on my appearance since he'd left me there, sobbing on the street outside of Gmajor, oddly familiar given what had happened last year.

"I could murder Liam for hitting you..."he whispered, walking up to me and running his hands over the bruise lightly. I flinched, and glanced down. He lifted my chin, and I stared at him, my lip trembling.  
"I'm sorry..."I whispered,"I um..." he cut me off, shaking his head.

"You know you should stay there..."he breathed, and I shook my head in response, a small smile on my face at the irony of this.

"I ripped up my new contract into tiny little pieces..."I told him softly, and he fought back a smile.

"You were never one to not make a scene..."he breathed, and I managed a soft smile. I had to take a deep breath before saying what I was about to say to him.

"Tommy...I..."I bit my lip,"I wanna spend the rest of my life with you too..."his head snapped up,"Whatever happens...it's you and me...okay?" I asked, and he put a finger up, walking from the room. I stared after him in confusion.

"As long as we're spending the rest of our lives together..."I jumped, holding a hand to my chest, which had started to beat rapidly when I realized he had gone to get the ring. Oh God. Oh my god. My palms started sweating, and I rubbed them against my sweats nervously.

"You've always got to ruin the romantic surprises..."he commented, and I shook my head.

"Oh My God..."I breathed, staring down at him.

"You were right...it's you...and it's me...and I'm not going to waste my life trying to replicate something that feels this right..."he whispered,"The only question is...will you?" he opened the box, and my eyes went wide. I thought I was going to faint.

"Will I wh-what?" I stuttered, already knowing what he was going to ask, feeling like I was going fall over.

"Judith Harrison...I want you to marry me..and I wanna live in a big house...and have lots of kids...and a dog...and you...forever..."he said, and I started crying, nodding my head frantically as tears rolled down my cheeks.

"Tommy..."I breathed, and bent down to his level, holding out my hand as he slipped on the ring. It was perfect. He was perfect. This, was perfect.

"I was going to wait until after graduation..."he said, pulling me up as he sat up, leading me over to turn on the stereo,"And I know you're only 18...but I figure if I wanna spend the rest of my life with you I'd better start now, right?"

"Let's keep it a secret for a while? I feel more special knowing that we're the only ones that know.."I said, and he nodded, kissing the side of my jaw lightly, grabbing my hands in his.  
"For some reason so do I..."I murmured, and he switched on the stereo, glancing over at me lovingly as a soft beat filled the room. He held out his hand, and I grabbed it, amazed when he started swaying to the music.  
"Wha-?" I asked him, and he put a finger to my lips.

"Now isn't the time for talking babe...it's the time for dancing..."he whispered into my hair.

"Okay.."I said finally, resting my head against his chest, my arms around his neck.

Been up all night  
Staring at you  
Wondering what's on your mind  
I've been this way with so many before  
But it feels like the first time

I held close to him as the song played, realizing the meaning of the words.

"You still planned the song...you're perfect.."I whispered into his face.

You want the sunrise  
Go back to bed  
I wanna make you laugh

"Shhhh..."he told me, pulling me against him,"And you're the perfect one...I am the luckiest..."he kissed over the ring, and I giggled quietly, even though I was still crying,"Man, in the world..."he added, peppering kisses across the back of my hand, our eyes locked.

Nothing could be more perfect than this moment. Nothing could take me down.

Mess up my bed with me  
Kick off the covers and waited

Every word you say  
I think I should write down  
Don't want to forget come daylight

I wondered why I'd never seen this side of Tommy before now. And then I realized, as he spun me around the living room, a soft smile on his face. He'd opened himself up to me. Totally and completely.

Happy to lay here  
Just happy to be here  
I'm happy to know you

Play me a song  
Your newest onePlease leave your taste on my tongue\

I wanted it to. The house, the kids, the dog. And him. Forever. I wanted it all.And now I was going to get it.

Paperweight on my back  
Cover me like a blanket  
mess up my bed with me  
Kick off the covers and waited  
Every word you say  
I think I should write down  
Don't wanna forget come daylight

And no need to worry that's wasting time  
And no need to wonder what's left on my mind  
It's you  
It's you  
It's you

Every word you say  
I think I should write down  
Don't wanna forget come daylight

I give up  
I let you in  
You win I'm not counting

You may go back to sleep again  
Wonder what you'll dream of now

"Look at my ring...it's so pretty.."I told Tommy, an uncontrollable grin on my face.

"I know..I bought it..."he said back conversationally, and I bit back a laugh, staring at his face.

"We're free..."he whispered, and I giggled softly, leaning in and pecking him on the cheek.

"I love you..."I muttered back happily, and the phone rang.

"Ugh...ignore the phone..."I moaned, and he laughed.

"It's D-"he said quietly, staring at it, and I picked it up.

"Darius...sorry...we'd talk...but we're sort of busy..." I said.

"Your contract doesn't expire until the end of the week, Jude...you still have to go to your release party...you can bring Tommy..."Darius said, and I rolled my eyes.

"Seven on Thursday? And then we're done..."I told him, and paused.

"Jude, babe, come back to bed..."he breathed, tugging on my hand.

"Jude, you think we could re-negotiate-"I cut Darius off, sighing quietly.

"Can we talk about this then?"I asked him quietly, as Tommy kissed across my shoulder.

"Sure, Jude..."Darius responded, sounding tired,"I'll see you on Thursday..."he hung up, and I sighed, placing my phone on the table and leaning back into him.

"What was that all about?"he asked, playing with a strand of my hair.

"Record release party...yay..."I said quietly, and he shrugged.

"Did Darius say..."

"He told me to bring you...as a date..." I muttered, and he laughed under his breath.

"Like that's ever gonna happ-"I cut him off, straddling him, and kissing the side of his ear, grinning lopsidedly.

"What're you-"I rolled my eyes.

"Quincy, just shut up and feel..."I responded, tracing his lips with my finger, and he nodded, leaning up to kiss me again, his hands reaching around to the waistband of my sweats, lowering them slowly, our eyes locked.

"I love you..."he mumbled into my hair afterwords, and I smiled tiredly, letting out a soft yawn.

"I love you too..."I said, barely hiding my yawn, and he laughed quietly, massaging my shoulders.

"See you in the morning superstar...the big graduation day..."he mumbled, and I managed a sly response.

"The start of something new...it feels so right, being here with you..."I muttered cheesily, and he smirked, kissing the side of my neck.

"Stupid disney channel musicals..."he responded, and kissed my forehead.

The next morning Tommy had to drop me off early to get ready for graduation at  
my parents, where Sadie had, of course, planned everything. . I looked amazing,  
in a dark blue dress that Portia had picked out, my hair in lose curls. And then  
it struck me that I'd never have Porta pick out my clothes again, as much as  
it annoyed me sometimes. I'd never see Kwest making huge sandwiches in  
hospitality, I'd never share cups of coffee with Mason and Speid in studio C,and that nothing would be the same after this.

But amidst all the panic, I realized something. Things never would havehappened without Tommy. New things would happen. Exciting ones. This was the  
start of a new chapter of my life. One I wanted so badly to make the most of.

I was pacing in the hallway by the entrance of Carson when Tommy walked in,  
glancing around for me.

"Girl, are you..."I shook my head, and pulled him into a harsh kiss, my hat getting in the way.

"Damn Cap..."I muttered, and he laughed, taking it off and kissing me softly, grabbing my left hand and running his thumb over my ring.

"What's gonna happen tomorrow at the party?" he started, and I cut him off.

"I don't care...I need a break...I think we're both in agreement on that..."I leant up on my tip toes, and kissed the outside of his ear, blowing into it. He moaned softly,"Plus baby, we have a wedding to plan..."I whispered, kissing his cheek.

"But your music..."I shook my head.

"You're the reason I have my music, Tommy...you helped me open my soul..."I said softly, and grinned lopsidedly when he pulled out a bouquet of roses, handing them to me.

"They're beautiful, just like my girl..."he said, tilting my head to the side.

"Do I know this girl?" I said jokingly, and he kissed the side of my neck.

"She's beautiful, and smart, and amazingly talented...in bed..."he said, and I rolled my eyes.

"I have a ceremony to get to, prevert..."I muttered, and he shook his head.

"I can't wait to marry you..."he said under his breath, and we walked out of the classroom hand in hand.

"So, you ready to do this Harrison?" he asked me, and I nodded, shifting nervously from foot to foot.

"I met everything I said, girl...you mean the world to me...I'm so proud of you...I'll be watching with your parents, Sadie, and Kwest, okay?" I nodded, and hugged him tightly, watching him walk out the door. How I got blessed with such an amazing fiancé, I may never know.

âⓊœSadie...âⓊ she smacked Kwest on the arm, and continued to watch JudeâⓊ™s  
graduation,âⓊ Sadie I have to ask you something...âⓊ she made a noise of protest  
and turned to face him.

âⓊœItâⓊ™s my baby sisterâⓊ™s graduation Kwest...donâⓊ™t you think youcould...âⓊ  
âⓊœI think we should move in together...âⓊ he said quietly, and quickly, and  
when she gaped like a fish he turned fowards again, watching the ceremony.

âⓊœJude Harrison...âⓊ Man it had been one hell of a four year experience. I  
thought about that as I grabbed my diploma and shook the Principals hand,  
holding it up for the audience to see, a large and goofy grin on my face. I  
couldnâⓊ™t believe it. I was done with high school.

As soon as the ceremony was over, I threw myself into Jamie's arms, hugging  
him tightly.

"How's Patsy?" I asked him, and he smiled.

"Her and the triplets are just fine..,"he told me, and my mouth dropped open.

"Triplets?"I said, astonished, and he smiled.

"Yeah..." he said proudly, and I hugged him tightly again, my  
head on his shoulder.

"A lot can change in four years..."I commented wryly, and he nodded.

"We did it..."Jamie whispered into my hair, and I saw Speid, Wally, and  
Kyle staring at their diplomas in wonderment. It was kind of comical. Like when  
the cave men found fire or something. But I didn't want to upset them, so I  
stayed silent.

"You want a picture of everyone, girl?" Tommy asked me awkwardly, and I  
nodded, handing him the camera and posing goofily with all my friends. My best  
friends. This was a moment I never wanted to forget, and I remembered at that  
instant why I'd chosen to stay at Carson.

"Jude, honey, you look gorgeous..."my mother gushed, and pushed me towards  
Tommy! Let me take a picture of the two of you..."Tommy glanced down at me,  
and I laughed at the expression on his face, leaning into his chest, my arms  
around his neck, my head tilted back, smiling widely at the camera.

"Now one of me and Jamie..."I told her, kissing Tommy on the cheek softly  
before posing with Jamie, our grins wide and goofy, just like when we were kids  
and liked to pretend we were super heros. I felt like I could do anything at  
that moment. Nothing could keep me down.

"You're coming to the barbecue guys, right?"I asked, and they all nodded.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world..."Speid said sarcastically, and I rolled  
my eyes."See you in a few hours.."I stuck my tongue out at him, and moved to follow  
Tommy towards the car.

"See you in five mom.."I called to her, grinning, and she hugged me  
tightly.

"I'm so proud of you..." she whispered in my ear, and I nodded.

"I love you..."I said back, and kissed her cheek, watching her get in her  
sedan before we headed for my dad's house.

"So, barbecue...yum...family members throwing money at someone who clearly  
doesn't need any...and Gmajor employees.."Tommy said, a little  
uncomfortable, and I tilted my head to the side.

"Hey, it's all going to be fine..we don't have to care what they think  
anymore, right?" I told him, trying to take the glass half full perspective,  
and he nodded.

"But no one know-"

"But Liam and Darius..and they weren't invited...no worries..." I told  
him, as we pulled into my driveway, getting out and seeing the balloons up  
everywhere.

"God, someone went crazy with the helium..." he remarked, and I laughed to  
myself.

It was a great party. With plenty of food and all the people I wanted to see.  
But by eleven I was ready to call it a night. It'd been a long day. A very  
long day. And I was ready to start the rest of my life quicker than I expected.

"Mom, I'll see you for lunch on Friday...thank you for all of this...it was  
amazing..both of you..." hugged my parents, and Tommy nodded at them,  
grabbing my hand lightly.

"See you in a few days..."I told them,"Love you!" I called, as we got  
in the car, and he started it.

"So now we're having separation anxiety?" he questioned, as he pulled  
onto another street, and I sighed, facing the window.

"Now it really is just you and me, isn't it?" I asked him softly, staring  
out the window, my breath making small patches of fog on the window as it  
started to rain heavily.  
"For now, yeah..."he said back,"Liam's taking your album to New York to  
be published...you're off contract but we both still get royalties..."I lostmyself in the comforting sounds of his voice, even if he was talking political  
jargon.

"What do you say we get out of here?" he asked me finally, as we sat at a  
red light, and I frowned.

"What?" I asked, my eyes lighting up.

"There's nothing stopping us now...I think we need another vacation.."he  
prompted, and I raised an eyebrow.

"Where?" I asked him, confused, and he smiled.

"Anywhere..."he told me, turning to face me for a moment, and my eyes  
widened when I saw a car coming straight towards the side of his car when we  
started to move, a look of horror on my face.

"What's.." I cut him off, my voice strangled.

They say you can't feel it when it happens. That shock numbs everything. The  
shock that things might actually be over. But the truth is the shock doesn't  
even begin to sink in. It comes to fast. Like a boulder rolling down a hill at  
you that you can't dodge because you didn't see it coming. Like an  
avalanche. The inevitable. Something you can't stop.

"Tommy look out!" I knew we were being run off the road. I wasn't an  
idiot. He glanced over at me in shock, and reached across the seat, grabbing my  
hand fiercely and we braced ourselves for what we knew was coming.

"Jude..I Love-" the impact cut him off, as the sound to crunching metal  
filled my ears and I winced, closing my eyes quickly, wishing this were a dream.  
Something I'd done a lot lately.

I felt the top of the car crumble against us, and all I could feel was his hand  
in mine, squeezing my hand tightly as we closed both our eyes, afraid of the  
inevitable pain. I felt my leg crunch under the pressure, and I cried out,  
Tommy's hand still holding mine tightly. The car lurched to a stop, and we  
both surged forwards, Tommy's head banging against the steering wheel. My  
entire body felt numb, and got even colder when I heard his soft moan, his head  
lolling fowards, his fingers going limp in mine. No, he couldn't. He  
couldn't leave me like this. Not after the last year.

"Damnit...Quincy.."I tried to move, and cried out at the pain in my leg,  
which was bent at an odd angle. Everything ached, like I'd run a marathon, and  
I could feel my seatbelt cutting into my collarbone. Why wasn't he responding?He wouldn't be dead. He just couldn't. I took a deep breath, and cried out  
at the pain from my lungs, sucking in harshly again, tears stinging my eyes.This was bad. This was really, really bad. And I was pinned, my hand only able  
to move a couple of inches. I could smell gas and blood in the air, and I  
squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block everything out. It didn't work. And  
then I lost it.

"Tommy.." I whispered frantically, beginning to hyperventilate, and received  
no response, feeling something wet on my face. I tasted it, and winced in  
disgust. My blood.

"Oh God...Tommy...wake up...please...Tom..." I begged  
softly, and heard sirens in the distance, reaching for his hand as I succumbed  
to the pain in my head, my vision fading to blackness, and then light.  
Everything was so white. I was at peace. The last year seemed to fade away into  
nothingness. Everything faded. Hunter, Patsy, Jamie, Speid, Karma, My mom,  
everything. Until I felt floaty. Free even. Relaxed. But off at the same time.

So we're alone again  
I wish it were over  
we seem to never end  
only get closer  
to the point where I can take no more

I felt so safe. So protected. I was so warm, a direct contrast from the harsher  
nighttime air that had been coming through Toronto lately. All my worries  
started to slip, and then I felt a hand against mine, squeezing it gently.

"Girl...open your eyes.."Tommy prompted softly, and I frowned, glancing up  
at him, staring around me at the room, my eyes squinted. It was light. Airy.  
Snow was falling outside the windows, and I shook my head. Something wasn't  
right. Something was wrong. Very, very wrong. But what was it? I searched my  
head for memories, and it came up blank. I felt so warm, so calmed. But there  
was a spark of insecurity. Coming from somewhere. I wasn't sure. But I was in  
a bed, staring up at his kind eyes, and I felt it all melt away. As he always  
managed to do somehow.

"Tommy?"I questioned, and he grabbed my hands, pulling me up to my feet,  
his hands skimming my shoulders, and I started shaking, taking in the contents  
of the room. Fireplace, large bed, and tons of windows. Much too bright for me.  
I winced, and he ran his thumbs across my eyelids lightly.

"What's going on?" I asked him, and he shook his head, not responding as I  
started to cry.

"Shhh..."he whispered, stroking my hair, my head tucked under his  
chin,"Just relax, girl...don't stress..."he whispered into my hair.  
"Tommy what...what's going...?" I asked him, and he shook his head, a  
strange look in his eyes.  
"Not now girl...everything's too muddled..."he explained, shaking his  
head, and I frowned, confused.

"Why are we here?" I questioned again, desperate for answers.  
"I'm not sure..."he whispered quietly, stroking the side of my face with  
his thumb, gazing down at me tenderly. He was almost too calm.

"Tommy something...ah..."I put a hand to my head, and shook it slightly.

"Don't try and think...it hurts..." he told me, and helped me sit down by  
the window seat, both of us gazing out at the snow.

"Its pretty out there..." I breathed, and he shook his head.

"I like it better when it's warm.."he offered, and I leant against him,  
his hand coming up to play with my disheveled hair, his fingers massaging my  
scalp lightly. And slowly, my worries began to fade away. What was I so scared  
of?

"I know..." I mumbled, content to stay here forever. Wherever here  
was. I couldn't think about anything that was bothering me. If I had stopped  
to think I would have realized I couldn't think. Almost at all.

The clouds in your eyes  
Down your face they pour  
Won't you be the new one born to shine  
Take the blue ones every time  
Walk me down your broken line  
All you have to do is cry  
Yes all you have to do is cry

"Is there a pulse?"There was a rush as they were both put into the  
helicopter, the remnants of Tommy's small sports car smashed forwards against  
the barrier. He was on one of the stretchers, his face pale, a large gash across his forehead.

She was on the other, her brown hair splayed around her face, which was devoid  
of all color and slightly blue from the cold, her lips lacking their usual glow.

"Yes...faintly..."one of them said, beginning to fasten her neck brace in.

"What about the male?"the EMT sighed.  
"Faintly..."he said in confirmation, and glanced out at the storm.

"They were holding hands..."the other one said quietly, grabbing each one  
of there hands and placing them together.  
"Let's just concentrate on getting them to the hospital in one  
piece.." they closed the door to the helicopter, taking off from the scene of  
the accident.

Hush my baby now  
Your talking is just noise  
And it won't lay me down amongst your toys  
In a room where I can take no more

"You look beautiful..."Jamie said quietly, staring at her, and Patsy smiled  
tiredly, holding out them for him to hold, both of them yawning, tiny fists  
curling and captivating Jamie's worn eyes.

"Are you sure I-"he looked flustered, and Patsy rolled her eyes, handing  
the girl to him, their fingers brushing, and then the boy.

"They'll know you...Jamie..."Patsy managed quietly, as her parents looked  
on from the doorway, small smiles on their faces.

"I am so sorry..."he whispered lightly, after holding two of them, one to an arm,  
playing with their tiny fingers, which curled around his, their large green eyes  
staring up at him in wonderment.

"Somehow I know that now.."she whispered, exhausted, and he glanced over  
at her, a hopeful soft smile on his face.

"So we're okay"he asked quietly, and she glanced down, shaking her head.

"I don't know yet..."she finally said, and he nodded, kissing each of his  
kids on the forehead, noticing the way they already looked at him.

"I'm your daddy..."he whispered, tears starting to pour down his cheeks,  
and Patsy closed her eyes tightly, willing herself not to cry. Because Patsy  
never cried.

"God...we made this.."he realized quietly, tears filling his eyes.

"Jamie..."he cut her off.

"You never call me Jamie..."he cut in, and she took a deep breath.

"I never stopped..." she whispered lightly, and he glanced over at her.  
"I've never heard you talk like this before..."he murmured.

"Maybe there comes a time when you just need to..."she offered lightly, as  
Peter and Janet took each one of their grandchildren in their arms.  
"God they are so beautiful..."Peter whispered, and Jamie glanced at Patsy  
when she grabbed his hand.

"We'll take them to the nursery..."Janet offered, and Patsy nodded  
silently.

"Thanks...mom..."she said quietly, and Janet's eyes shone with tears.

"I've never needed anything in my life..."Patsy remarked softly,"As  
much as I needed you...and that scared the shit out of me..." she admitted, and  
he squeezed her hand.

"I'm here...I'm not going anywhere...not ever..."he said quietly, and  
she motioned to the chair.

"Stay..."she breathed, and he sank down, laying his head on the edge of her  
bed, their hands still held.

"What are we going to name them?" he asked her, and she glanced over at  
him.

"Aiden, Mackenzie...and Emma.."she said in response, and he nodded.

"I like it..."he whispered, almost as tired as she was, and they drifted  
off to sleep together, their hands clasped tightly.

The clouds in your eyes  
Down your face they pour  
Won't you be the new one born to shine  
I'll take the blue ones every time  
Walk me down your broken line  
All you have to do is cry

Photographs and brightly colored paper  
Are the masks you wear in this caper  
That is our life  
We walk right into strife  
And a tear from your eye brings me home

"It's so quite..."I said, in the reverberating silence of the room.

"The calm before the storm?" Tommy questioned softly,"What's..."

"Something's not right, Tommy..."I whispered, our hands still clasped tightly as if we were each other's life lines.  
"I can't figure out what..."he offered, shrugging his shoulders lightly, and I snuggled further against him in response. Our hearts were beating at the same rate. It was too slow. I tried to figure out how we'd gotten here, and I came up with a muddle of memories. Nothing made sense.  
"Tommy?" I questioned, and he moaned in response, playing with my hair again.

"Do you love me?" I asked tenatively, desperate for the answer. For something to hold onto.

"Something's don't have to be said...you can just feel them...you have to believe..."he whispered, running a hand over my ring.

I was comforted by the gesture, and felt even more compelled to fall back into the depths of slumber. Because I could feel this all slipping away.

The clouds in your eyes  
Down your face they pour  
Won't you be the new one born to shine  
I'll take the blue ones every time  
Walk me down your broken line  
All you have to do is cry

Jamie got up tiredly, and squeezed her hand before moving to the doorway. He  
needed an aspirin if he was going to sit in that chair all night. What he  
didn't expect to see what a familiar host of faces in the waiting room.

"Guys? What are you doing here?" he asked, noticing the way Sadie's head was nestled against Kwest's shoulder, how Karma was crying into Speid's chest, how Wally was staring off into space, and how Emily and Kyle were leaning on each other for support, their gazes hollow. Darius just shook his head, and Portia choked back a sob. It was Stuart who finally told him, his expression pained.

Jamie's face fell into a grimace, and he glanced at the door to the ICU, his heart visibly breaking.

"Oh God, Jude..."he whispered quietly, shock setting in, and slid down the wall, a hand over his mouth, succumbing to the numbness of realizing what could happen.

Someone was saying something to me. I didn't know if it was Tommy. I didn't know who it was. It was unfamiliar, and bright, and I didn't like it. I felt a shock go through me, and I gasped for breath, crying out softly at my unfamiliar surroundings. Every limb in my body felt like it was on fire. I just wanted to sleep.

"Ms. Harrison, can you hear me?" I moaned, hearing more fuzzy voices.

"Her pressure is dropping..."someone else said, and I groaned again, squinting. I just wanted to sleep. To be back with Quincy.

"Tommy..."I moaned quietly, and got no response.  
The lull of the beeping machine next to me was more than enough to draw me back into slumber.

"We're losing her..."I heard, a bit softer than before, and closed my eyes in exhaustion, falling back into nothingness. Because Tommy wasn't there with me anymore. It was too quiet.

If you had the chance to fix what you'd messed up, would you? It's amazing  
how give and take life really is. Winning, losing, loving, hurting, happiness,  
sadness, ebb, and flow. It's all there.

My life, has been all of these things. What would you have done if you would  
have known? If anyone would have known? Would the captain of the Titanic hit the  
iceberg head on and still made it to New York? Would I have been where I am  
right now? You can't change fate.

But there are things I believe. When I was little that if I ate the last cookie and my mom didn't see me do it that she'd blame Sadie, that Tommy would eventually love me, no matter what we'd  
been through, that I could change the world with my music, and that I could live  
forever. Sometimes you get proven wrong. But laying here, I know everyone  
believes we'll survive. And that them believing we'll survive will make us  
survive. Both of us. Because without him, my life doesn't make sense. Nothing  
makes sense.

Walk me down your broken line  
All you have to do is cry

Well you guys, it's been one hell of a ride.  
I really need a break from this, and I can't thank you enough for all the wonderful reviews, words of support, and everything associated with it.

IS4 is in the works.

And I'm retarded for not posting this sooner. its been done for ages and ages.


End file.
